If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Why lost productivity due to March Madness is a load of crap, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/7 - 3/13 
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-15 1:34:08 PM (28 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

•       •       •

4365 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2010 at 1:37 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



It's still a month too early to start sending out the legions of reporters to do a breathless live feed in front of long lines at the Post Office as people file their taxes, but that doesn't mean that you won't see press releases on "little-known tax loopholes" stories that are often thinly disguised advertisements for tax preparation companies.

For the next two weeks, other sports will continue to exist, and there are a lot of important things happening, but 90% of what you'll be hearing about will be related to March Madness. The annual story about the NCAA men's basketball tournament lowering worker productivity by x% should be out today, or tomorrow at the very latest (update: never mind, it's already out).

It's total crap, and here's why: every single office worker in America has already figured out the sliding scale of their workplace. On one end is how much work to do in order to be promoted, and on the other end is how little work they need to do not to get fired. Anybody with half a brain knows how to slack off while looking busy. So yeah, people will be paying attention to the tournament, but no, it's not replacing working. It's replacing the slacking off doing other crap that people were doing while looking busy but not working.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-03-07 to Sat 2010-03-13:

img1.fark.net  Bigfoot spotted in Maine, solid brown everywhere else    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Psycho killer...signs himself...out of the ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hospital, then he...runs runs runs runs, runs runs runs away    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Large Hadron Collider misses again. This is not a repeat from 2011    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Semi overturns and spills 45,000 pounds of batteries. Driver not charged    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Teen shoots himself in the testicles. Bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  7.2 magnitude earthquake stirs Chile    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Thieves steal beloved hamster from school for children with autism. Students describe hamster as 18.375 cm long, weighs 197.901 grams, eats 10.34 grams of sunflower seeds per day, and has 15,728 hairs on its body    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Female reporter says she doesn't feel like a woman when she's abroad    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Math Teacher sentenced to [-C+π²+πlog(9/4),(-2+2e+8e²)/e] months ∈ (the prison population) for corruption of individual x where age(x) is less than 17  

img1.fark.net  One in ten British children believe that the Queen invented the telephone. The remaining 90% think that she will, she will, rock you    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Australia may lower the blood alcohol limit for motorists to .02, meaning they'd returned to the good old days when 98% of the residents were prisoners    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Hall of Famer Merlin Olsen passes away at 69. If only there were some way to send condolences to the funeral    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Johnny Weir says Stars on Ice doesn't want him in the show because he's too gay. So apparently Stars on Ice is going with an all-female cast this year    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tiger and Elin show the world that a deep, abiding love of sponsorship money conquers all    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Yellowstone Park's Druid wolf pack is gone. Nobody knows who they were, or...what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock...of Yellowstonehenge    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Cisco just invented a new router that can download the entire Library of Congress in one second, every movie ever made in four minutes, all the porn on the internet in 69 years    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Women with good genes have more sexual partners than those without, possibly because their butts look so damned good in them    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Chuck Norris would be 70 today if time wasn't afraid of him    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Mario Lopez and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. Lopez says when he finds the guy responsible he's going to kick his ass    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman whose picture appeared in "Couples Retreat" sues for humiliation, embarrassment, emotional distress, shame, mortification and injury to her career. Wouldn't that apply to everyone that appeared in that movie?    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  The Clinton family thinking about putting their little one into a Jewish Marriage Ceremony. Bill reminded the last time he put his little one into something Jewish, it didn't turn out so good    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jesus, Crist is getting crucified by Marco Rubio in the Florida Senate Primary *and* by McColum in the Governor Primary. There's little chance of him coming back from the dead THIS time    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Democrats already vying to be Senate majority leader next term to replace Harry Reid, who has combined the excitement of vanilla pudding with the legislative effectiveness of, well, vanilla pudding    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  The Melvins to release new album and go on tour, which is excting news for the dozens of fans still listening to grunge    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Coming this June: Green Day Rock Band. Even on Expert level, you'll only need to use two of the buttons    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ray Charles musical set to open on Broadway this fall. Too bad he didn't live to see it    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Citi plans to foreclose on a house unless the homeowner pays them $0.00. Where will he get that exorbitant amount of money?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Your Shopper loyalty card: a great way to get discounts, special offers, and warnings from the CDC that the food you just bought could make you vomit blood from your eyeballs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  FCC launches its own broadband speed test site so you can see exactly how your ISP is humping you like a horny donkey    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


28 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2010-03-15 01:44:56 PM  
The only thing about March Madness that bothers me is I have to install new systems before the end of the month. Ugh.
 
2010-03-15 01:45:17 PM  
I've always said this would be a better site if we didn't have all these Headlines...and then they expect us to comment!
 
2010-03-15 01:45:46 PM  
This thread can't be threadjacked.
 
2010-03-15 01:49:51 PM  
"Anybody with half a brain knows how to slack off while looking busy."

Do the people that actually work at fark kill time by creating accounting spreadsheets? How else could you screw around?
 
2010-03-15 01:50:56 PM  
Early favorite for next week's top headline: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=5104459
 
2010-03-15 01:51:26 PM  
I find if you have a large office just get some paperwork and walk around like you have somewhere to go and just mumble to yourself. Works all the time, nobody will stop you since you look like you are mad and busy.
 
2010-03-15 01:52:19 PM  
Productivity lost due to Fark is something else entirely.
 
2010-03-15 01:52:56 PM  
FTFB: every single office worker in America has already figured out the sliding scale of their workplace. On one end is how much work to do in order to be promoted, and on the other end is how little work they need to do not to get fired. Anybody with half a brain knows how to slack off while looking busy. So yeah, people will be paying attention to the tournament, but no, it's not replacing working. It's replacing the slacking off doing other crap that people were doing while looking busy but not working.

That right there is a big fat THIS. Hell, my last cubicle job involved having a mini-tv at my friend's desk come this time of year.
 
2010-03-15 01:53:05 PM  
The (not)LeBron James/Steroid headline deserves to be here...
 
2010-03-15 01:53:27 PM  
Torrentius: le that actually work at fark kill time by creating accounting spreadsheets? How else could you screw around?

When Drew's not looking, I draft 50-page long range plans that analyze market trends, research customer histories and write memos.

/please don't tell him
 
2010-03-15 01:55:05 PM  
TNel: I find if you have a large office just get some paperwork and walk around like you have somewhere to go and just mumble to yourself. Works all the time, nobody will stop you since you look like you are mad and busy.

How's having Drew as a boss working out for you?
 
2010-03-15 01:55:12 PM  
Theguybehindtheguy: The (not)LeBron James/Steroid headline deserves to be here...

It's a context headline. It's not funny until after you click the link. It'll be in the running for that sub-category this year; I've already flagged it but it's not in this list.
 
2010-03-15 01:58:45 PM  
There goes my Thursday and Friday. :)

imagecache.allposters.com

/hot
 
2010-03-15 02:00:11 PM  
Unfreakable: Torrentius: le that actually work at fark kill time by creating accounting spreadsheets? How else could you screw around?

When Drew's not looking, I draft 50-page long range plans that analyze market trends, research customer histories and write memos.

/please don't tell him


Your secret is safe with me, although I've heard he does occasionally read these threads.
 
2010-03-15 02:11:53 PM  
Can't say it'll get in the way of my work. Probably cause I'm gainfully unemployed. Still I doubt it'll have the effect most reporters think.
 
2010-03-15 02:13:00 PM  
Unfreakable: It's a context headline. It's not funny until after you click the link. It'll be in the running for that sub-category this year; I've already flagged it but it's not in this list.

Hmm. Yeah I knew it wasn't funny without the underlying story, figured that's why it wasn't here. But I didn't know there was a sub-category for that kind of stuff. Cool.
 
2010-03-15 02:20:37 PM  
I figure the time I've wasted on the job doing non-work things is nowhere close to the amount of my time my various employers have wasted having me wait on people to get out of meetings, conference calls, back from lunch, etc., in order for me to do something. I once had to wait until almost 8 PM to wait for a higher-up to get back from dinner with her family. Another time, I waited on someone to get out of a meeting until after 9 PM on a Friday night.

Add to that all the time I've wasted doing things that turned out to be useless because we were given the wrong information about something, or changing something again because the first changes they gave us were incomplete, and yeah, it's just about even on the productive work vs. time wasted by other people equation. And none of the shiat I've mentioned above is anywhere close to being within my control. I can't command people to take a shorter lunch or step out of a meeting to deal with stuff that involves me. I have to wait on them.

I don't take long lunches, I don't call in sick a lot, I don't surf porn on company machines, I don't spend half the day bullshiatting with coworkers, I don't take 15 smoke breaks a day, I don't disappear into the bathroom for 30 min. at a time, I don't drink on the job, I don't come into work late, will frequently be at work until 630-7 PM... compared to most people, I'm a model employee.

So the occasions on which I do non-work stuff are justifiable. My bosses may not agree, so it's a good thing I'm not asking them. I figure if my farking off periods start to affect my job, they'll let me know. 10 years and counting... so far so good.
 
2010-03-15 02:29:53 PM  
theoriginalslash: I don't take long lunches, I don't call in sick a lot, I don't surf porn on company machines, I don't spend half the day bullshiatting with coworkers, I don't take 15 smoke breaks a day, I don't disappear into the bathroom for 30 min. at a time, I don't drink on the job, I don't come into work late, will frequently be at work until 630-7 PM... compared to most people, I'm a model employee.

You need to be less motivated. People know you'll pull up their slack.
 
2010-03-15 03:16:08 PM  
 
2010-03-15 03:26:51 PM  
Theguybehindtheguy: Hmm. Yeah I knew it wasn't funny without the underlying story, figured that's why it wasn't here. But I didn't know there was a sub-category for that kind of stuff. Cool.

It's new this year. I didn't have a way to flag them in years past, but I do now.
 
2010-03-15 03:28:17 PM  
Wow, my second HOTW in a row. Thanks, benevolent modmins.
 
2010-03-15 03:30:57 PM  
PlusCestLaMeme: What, no love for Blast in Lahore takes at least 39 lives, costs extra?

It didn't quite make the cut. I liked it, but perhaps it was too subtle. If you favorite that headline, though, I usually do a nomination thread at the end of the year.
 
2010-03-15 03:42:07 PM  
One in ten British children believe that the Queen invented the telephone. The remaining 90% think that she will, she will, rock you

Huh, missed that headline, might be the Champion.
 
2010-03-15 05:12:53 PM  
I would like to be able to read comments on threads I submitted but were not approved.

And no, I won't pay $5 for it. I already waste half my life here as it is.
 
2010-03-15 06:10:03 PM  
march whatness? is that like spring fever?
 
2010-03-15 06:50:34 PM  
Good headlines, but not enough bodily function humor for them to be HOTY worthy
 
2010-03-15 11:59:04 PM  
Wow. When I first saw that Chile earthquake headline, I totally missed the double meaning. A retroactive bravo to the submitter on that one.
 
2010-03-16 04:46:41 PM  
NCAA, so that's what? Baseball?
 
Displayed 28 of 28 comments



This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


Report