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(ABC)   Raising the bar when it comes to tackiness, company launching talking headstones   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 94
    More: Stupid  
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7380 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2010 at 3:07 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-03-15 12:48:56 AM
 
2010-03-15 01:42:57 AM
Blarg. I still have a hard time with the glow-in-the-dark crosses and angels at a local cemetery. They have now added these things that turn around to shine different colors of light after dark.
 
2010-03-15 02:51:53 AM
I want one of those monuments like Bender had the slaves build in Futurama.
 
2010-03-15 03:04:28 AM
I hate pictures on tombstones. I don't mean engravings of flowers or butterflys. I mean an actual picture of the person. That shiat creeps me out.
 
2010-03-15 03:08:41 AM
"Braaaaaaaains..."
 
2010-03-15 03:12:44 AM
Oooh, oooh, can I get mine on a motion sensor that plays the Left 4 Dead "Incoming Horde" music?

/wahhh-WAHH-Waaahhhhhhh!
 
2010-03-15 03:13:51 AM
Mine would say "no matter how you shake and dance, the last few drops always fall in your pants."
 
2010-03-15 03:16:31 AM
"Get off my Forest Lawn."
 
2010-03-15 03:16:41 AM
Indolent: I want one of those monuments like Bender had the slaves build in Futurama.

blogmeisterusa.mu.nu
 
2010-03-15 03:17:32 AM
download.lardlad.com

/Simpsons did it

download.lardlad.com

//now with picture-in-picture
 
2010-03-15 03:22:46 AM
OHH GOD THE FIRE IT BURRNNS HELP MEEEEAAAIIIIIARRRGHHH!!!!
 
2010-03-15 03:22:57 AM
i want my headstone to biatch about dying from not having health insurance then have a couple dead republicans buried next to me rebuking me and calling me a comuniss.
 
2010-03-15 03:26:34 AM
"Bring me back when technology catches up."
 
2010-03-15 03:28:23 AM
a boom of thunder then...."Rise from the grave!"
 
2010-03-15 03:29:04 AM
"Shub-Niggurath! Ia! Ia!"
 
2010-03-15 03:29:23 AM
YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!

Yeah, I'd live all those years just to troll the living.
 
2010-03-15 03:29:25 AM
Britney Spear's Speculum: amateurs

would a live feed of my decaying corpse still be considered tacky?
 
2010-03-15 03:31:48 AM
Britney Spear's Speculum: amateurs

I want that showing a live feed from inside the coffin.
 
2010-03-15 03:34:12 AM
Ugh. Next thing you know they'll put writing all over 'em.
 
2010-03-15 03:34:58 AM
When they're near a mobile phone equipped with compatible technology, the information in the microchip is beamed right on to the cell phone screen. Objecs says the tags, which can be affixed to headstones, can last for up to 3,200 years

... but the technology will be obsolete in 10.
 
2010-03-15 03:36:25 AM
Eh, that's not too bad. I was expecting it to be like one of those creepy carnival stands that talks.
 
2010-03-15 03:37:28 AM
images.artistdirect.com
 
2010-03-15 03:37:38 AM
"Hi. I'm not available right now, but if you leave a message after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!" *beeeeep*
 
2010-03-15 03:39:26 AM
Thanks crab66 & Vangor.
 
2010-03-15 03:42:10 AM
www.firefly.withoutshadow.com

It's been done.
/they killed WASH!
//oh yeah, spoilers or something.
 
2010-03-15 03:42:22 AM
I'm not sure if this even touches the Russian Mafia Tombstones
 
2010-03-15 03:42:54 AM
A few others:

"You got a perrty mouth"

"A little tip: Start praying to Odin, he's quite real"

"Apparently God is french, black, gay, and likes beer and bacon"

"Huh... So Richard Dawkins was right all along"

"This is not the tombstone you are looking for"
 
2010-03-15 03:43:14 AM
thisdaydreamer: Blarg. I still have a hard time with the glow-in-the-dark crosses and angels at a local cemetery. They have now added these things that turn around to shine different colors of light after dark.

Ugh. I hate those. When you drive by a cemetery at night they look like goddamn blue-white wills o'the wisp.
 
2010-03-15 03:44:34 AM
"I'm coming to get you, Barbara."
 
2010-03-15 03:47:31 AM
Enigmamf: I'm not sure if this even touches the Russian Mafia Tombstones

man...they were really proud of their cars.
 
2010-03-15 03:48:34 AM
www.otodc.govt.nz

Hi! Billy Mays here!
 
2010-03-15 03:54:19 AM
Ender's: Hi! Billy Mays here!

Heh. I wonder if companies would buy ad-space on tombstones.
 
2010-03-15 03:58:08 AM
Throw in solar power and a proximity detector.
"Help, I've been buried alive. Get me out."
"Get off my lawn you punk"
"I see dead people."
"Don't stare down at me like that, you are already dead and don't even know it!"
 
2010-03-15 04:02:17 AM
yagottabefarkinkiddinme: When I die, I want no grave or tombstone for me, my body cremated and my ashes spread in a place I desire. The only record of my existence I desire is to be remembered by family and friends. My spirit free... not buried in a dead place with dead people rotting away.

I always thought some sort of tomb with the urns of the ashes of the ancestors and a picture and life synopsis of each person would be really cool. But that would probably cost quite a bit of money. Even better would to have everyone in the tomb plastinized, but that could get creepy.
 
2010-03-15 04:07:42 AM
I'm going to bury my ex with her arse sticking out of the ground so people have someplace to park a bicycle.
 
2010-03-15 04:29:54 AM

Mine's ready:


Hello! ma baby,
Hello! ma honey,
Hello! ma ragtime gal,
Send me a kiss by wire,
Baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me,
Then you'll be left alone;
oh baby, telephone
and tell me I'm your own

 
2010-03-15 04:53:20 AM
It's more like a texting headstone.
 
2010-03-15 05:31:42 AM
jingks: When they're near a mobile phone equipped with compatible technology, the information in the microchip is beamed right on to the cell phone screen. Objecs says the tags, which can be affixed to headstones, can last for up to 3,200 years

... but the technology will be obsolete in 10.


Has anyone ever told you that you are a hopeless optimistic?
 
2010-03-15 05:32:35 AM
erveek: thisdaydreamer: Blarg. I still have a hard time with the glow-in-the-dark crosses and angels at a local cemetery. They have now added these things that turn around to shine different colors of light after dark.

Ugh. I hate those. When you drive by a cemetery at night they look like goddamn blue-white wills o'the wisp.


Not to mention the amazing level of tackiness.
 
2010-03-15 05:33:38 AM
thisdaydreamer: Has anyone ever told you that you are a hopeless optimistic?

*optimist

English really is my first language, believe it or not.
 
2010-03-15 05:34:19 AM
problem is nobody really cares about your life, what you did, where you went, or whatever the hell it is you want to send from beyond the grave. I have the horrible vision of future grave yards filled with nothing but spinning/talking/blinding solar powered LEDs, glowing crosses, and all kinds of tacky shiat. Can you just imagine what some catholic mexicans could do to trick out a headstone? 5 dollars says there would be some holographic projection of the virgin mother appearing in a taco or something.

Anyone visiting your grave that long after really knew your ass well or cared if they are showing up. They won't need your life store recited by a damn computer, because odds are they already know everything about you.

Props to the cemetery and funeral people, they think of something cheap and easy to run, and then charge out the ass for it because people are afraid of death/being alone/etc.

I dunno about you guys, but when I die, I really don't give a crap what happens. Burn me up and flush me down the toilet for all I care, I'm freaking DEAD. Sell my organs (whatever good ones are left) and go get some hookers and blow.
 
2010-03-15 05:38:32 AM
oh -- and since I don't think it's been mentioned. Would be pretty damn amusing (and easy im sure) to hack the RFID chips to store/playback anything you wanted. Can you imagine rolling up on grandma's grave and hearing how she alone raped 47 circus elephants with a fire truck ladder, and was the creator of AIDS, hot pockets, and that chunk of poo that always comes back up.
 
2010-03-15 05:58:00 AM
I told my GF when we were watching a news snippet about cost of funerals: "Just put me in a bag and throw me into a fissure somewhere when I'm dead. No need to spend money on a dead body"
She: ಠ_ಠ
 
2010-03-15 06:01:45 AM
The egyptians knew how to do it - then again they had an army of slaves, and nobody to answer to. We are talking about them thousands of years later, all without the help of RFID.

If I was a pharaoh though - I really don't think I'd like ending up in the Smithsonian where thousands of people every day are staring at and checking out my mummified wang and oogling my priceless treasures.
 
2010-03-15 06:18:36 AM
Sign me up!
 
2010-03-15 06:24:40 AM
I've told my kids many times, when I die, I want to be frozen in carbonite and hung on the wall.


www.enemyplanet.com

/// now, that's a conversation starter!
 
2010-03-15 06:47:31 AM
SustainedHavoc: Mine's ready:
Hello! ma baby,
Hello! ma honey,
Hello! ma ragtime gal,
Send me a kiss by wire,
Baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me,
Then you'll be left alone;
oh baby, telephone
and tell me I'm your own


img23.imageshack.us
 
2010-03-15 06:59:39 AM
remus: I've told my kids many times, when I die, I want to be frozen in carbonite and hung on the wall.

/// now, that's a conversation starter!


So much this.
 
2010-03-15 07:13:32 AM
gregoropolis: Britney Spear's Speculum: amateurs

would a live feed of my decaying corpse still be considered tacky?


Not at all, and it's been done many times before. One that I know of is a guy buried in Vermont that died in the late 1800's who went low tech with that idea. He installed a viewing window that lets you see the action in the coffin. Link (new window)

Actually, the window was for his benefit in case he was buried alive. I've been there, and you can't see a thing except condensation on the glass. So save yourself a trip, unless you just happen to be in Vermont and have a taste for the macabre.
 
2010-03-15 07:35:01 AM
Whose going to fix it, when it breaks in 200 years? 1000 years? Will they still make the battery that it needs in 50 years? Who will honor the warranty?
 
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