Sorry, but I think she lost her mojo a year and a half ago:

no one likes her stupid milkshake, Nas had the right idea divorce the biatch.

dahmers love zombie: Here's where Kelis lost absolutely 100% of my respect. OK, so by being a hip-hop artist she was already about 98% down, but anyway:

In that dumbass song Milkshake, she proclaims "I can teach you, but I have to charge". Then, about 3 FARKING LINES later, she declares "It can't be taught".

She should change her name to Short Bus.


you parsed rap lyrics and you call her a dumbass?


I keed

Does will.i.am want to get into her pants, or has he already? They could be the new Allman and Woman.

Weren't the BEP #1 for like 6 months last year? Never heard of them, subby?

Isn't Kelis, like, the living definition of a one-hit wonder?

Link (new window)

She's no Erykah Badu.

Kelis?

Wait, what happened to the Macy Gray hairdo?

theurge14: Wait, what happened to the Macy Gray hairdo?

I'd have hit it back then too!

Marla Singer's Laundry: Ah, yes, here he is fresh off the BEP's embarrassing Grammy debacle/performance in which they proved beyond all doubt how worthless they are as live performers, to recommend some one-hit singing vagina. They were simply awful. Awful. Out of tune, graceless, clunky. Looked like it was their first gig.

Yeah, excuse me if I don't take his recommendations very seriously.

Performances aside, their actual material is mindless, poorly-penned drivel with the intellectual weight of a fart-based poem written on a bathroom wall.

They suck all around.

I don't care for this headline. Plenty of people know who these "three things" are. Even if you don't like their music (and I certainly don't), you can't help but have heard about them somewhere. The disconnect isn't them being unknown, it's that they suck.

This article was mainly about blackness, and I am not qualified to evaluate that.

that bossy chick? psssh. i bet she can't even cook.

subby, *cruise control* I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

/I liked kelis when she was ODB's b*tch.

If you don't know who the Black Eyed Peas are you gotta be a massive loser or something. I hate their music but you either have to be really old or really square to have never heard of them. I guess subby never heard of Lady Gaga or Rihanna.

When people post "WHO!?!" in comment threads it's irritating enough. Including it in a headline is profoundly unfunny and disingenuous.

I wish discussions in the music tab were actually about finding and enjoying new music instead of a bunch of willfully ignorant know-nothing dinosaurs lamenting the state of top 40 radio (with the added pretense of the bizarre "WHO?!?" charade that goes on and on and on despite the same pop icons being HILARIOUSLY lampooned day in and day out.)

Jesus Christ, guys. It's infuriating, seriously. It's like the only people who care about keeping up with Ke$ha and the Black Eyed Peas are fourteen year olds and Farkers on the music tab who, for some reason, get their jollies from pointing out that the above-mentioned acts are silly. NO SHIAT. We get it. Move on.

but does she pee while performing onstage, that's the real question...

xnewnoisex: subby, *cruise control* I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

/I liked kelis when she was ODB's b*tch.

Came for this reference, leaving satisfied.

xnewnoisex: subby, *cruise control* I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

/I liked Kelis when she was ODB's b*tch.

"my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"
who gave her a record deal, oh my god!

oh yeah Kelis, this is what i want you to do
get on your knees, face me,
i got a milkshake for you and its tasty
just like your album

/her CD ain't worth it, put your money in your pocket and reverse it
//Missy Elliot makes a bunch of bullshiat

Barbie Dream Hearse: I don't care for this headline. Plenty of people know who these "three things" are. Even if you don't like their music (and I certainly don't), you can't help but have heard about them somewhere. The disconnect isn't them being unknown, it's that they suck.

In the interest of healthy skepticism, let's take a step back and look at the headline and subby in a new way.

So, you're goofing around on the web, and you come across a headline on a site like Yahoo or Rolling Stone that mentions people you don't know. Normally, this happens a million times a day when you're on the internet; you are attracted to the familiar and disregard the rest.

But no, subby would have us believe he decided to submit this article to Fark.com, and add a disclaimer of sorts to the headline about how he doesn't understand it but someone might enjoy it.

Now, clearly this makes no sense, and it didn't happen this way. Subby is instead using farkers' whininess to get faux-convroversial headlines approved. He's figured out a formula that works. He (it is most likely a he) may or may not have an opinion about the people mentioned in the article, but that is irrelevant.

So, on one hand you have to give subby credit for being smart enough to win at the game. But then you have to take points off when considering the prize at stake: a greenlit headline on Fark (truly, who gives a shiat?)

/not subby

danduran: Weren't the BEP #1 for like 6 months last year? Never heard of them, subby?

That's just something the cool kids say to sound hip.

Link (old window)

I would pay money to have all memory of the Black Eyed Peas erased from my brain. I'd drop $500 to erase I Gotta Feeling alone.

"You people need better names"

"You people"?????

Subby is racist.

Arthur Figgis: When people post "WHO!?!" in comment threads it's irritating enough. Including it in a headline is profoundly unfunny and disingenuous.

I wish discussions in the music tab were actually about finding and enjoying new music instead of a bunch of willfully ignorant know-nothing dinosaurs lamenting the state of top 40 radio (with the added pretense of the bizarre "WHO?!?" charade that goes on and on and on despite the same pop icons being HILARIOUSLY lampooned day in and day out.)

Jesus Christ, guys. It's infuriating, seriously. It's like the only people who care about keeping up with Ke$ha and the Black Eyed Peas are fourteen year olds and Farkers on the music tab who, for some reason, get their jollies from pointing out that the above-mentioned acts are silly. NO SHIAT. We get it. Move on.

Blame the godamned mods for greenlighting these farking troll headlines instead of letting good stories roll through.

I'm rushing to find something about the Red Bull Music Academy right now. If it doesn't go through, Music tab is dead in my mind.

DEAD!

the Black Eyed Peas have been around since 1995, subby. glad you came out from under the rock though.

Here's a glossary for those who are confused:

Kelis: a one-hit wonder from 2004.

will.i.am: a member of the Black Eyed Peas.

Black Eyed Peas: a musical act consisting of will.i.am, that girl from Kids Incorporated, and two other guys that nobody has ever heard of, even the other members of the group. Your parents probably profess to like them, just like they say they like Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga, in a last-ditch effort to convince themselves that they're still young and hip.

hockeyfarker: the Black Eyed Peas have been around since 1995, subby. glad you came out from under the rock though.

They were supposed to become the next Tribe Called Quest. Then Fergie came along, and the rest is infamy.

As much as I still hate Greg Kot, I'd like to send him a case of beer for his vicious review of the BEPs' recent Chicago concert.

I... SEE.... KAHLESS!

/stupid filter tossing png's....

poot_rootbeer: Kelis: a one-hit wonder from 2004.

You might be showing your own age a bit here. Kelis is far from being a one-hit wonder. I'm not a fan, but can name four of her songs that've been thrashed on the TV and radio.