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(New York Daily News)   Thieves steal beloved hamster from school for children with autism. Students describe hamster as 18.375 cm long, weighs 197.901 grams, eats 10.34 grams of sunflower seeds per day, and has 15,728 hairs on its body   (nydailynews.com) divider line 95
    More: Sad, autism, eating, Xbox, wealthiest people, Staten Island, thefts, NYPD, hairs  
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3459 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2010 at 5:39 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



95 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-03-11 02:19:42 PM  
Richard Gere wanted for questioning

/also, subby +1
 
2010-03-11 02:21:09 PM  
Hamster pattern baldness?
 
2010-03-11 02:21:45 PM  
A 7.234252 inch hamster?
 
2010-03-11 02:21:49 PM  
Well done, Subs. Well done indeed.
 
Pud
2010-03-11 02:32:05 PM  
"A half dozen rubber duckies were filched - and so was Skippy the Sock Puppet".

For some reason, that made me snicker

/Do I need help?
 
2010-03-11 02:34:32 PM  
Pud: "A half dozen rubber duckies were filched - and so was Skippy the Sock Puppet".

For some reason, that made me snicker

/Do I need help?


My sock puppet is named Crispy for a good reason. But why do the kids have one?
 
2010-03-11 02:34:46 PM  
This headline is packed with awesomeness.

+1
 
2010-03-11 02:37:35 PM  
The Autism prevents me from having an emotional response to the witty headline.
 
2010-03-11 02:40:28 PM  
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

THIS. That would be one huge ass hamster.
 
2010-03-11 02:44:32 PM  
Hamster last seen headed east at 314 mph.
 
2010-03-11 02:52:16 PM  
Did they shave it?
 
2010-03-11 02:53:36 PM  
Those kids are lucky they didn't catch the Hanta virus from the animal, since they obviously weren't vaccinated.
 
2010-03-11 02:57:00 PM  
ricewater_stool: THIS. That would be one huge ass hamster.

Nobody said they learn the metric system.
 
2010-03-11 03:05:56 PM  
You know what's great about already knowing you're going to hell? You can laugh at stuff like this without feeling guilty.
 
2010-03-11 03:38:52 PM  
jehovahs witness protection: My sock puppet is named Crispy for a good reason. But why do the kids have one?

Bwahaha! Also, ew.
 
2010-03-11 04:41:14 PM  
I don't even want to think about why anyone would want a used hamster.
 
2010-03-11 05:40:14 PM  
not all autistic people are savants.
 
2010-03-11 05:40:54 PM  
Hurr hurrr hurr, it's a 'tard pet, so it must be 'tard, too! Hardy harr harr.

/Need caffeine
//Cranky mood
 
2010-03-11 05:41:58 PM  
Hm, staging a break-in/theft seems like an effective, albeit elaborate way to cover up the truth that the hamster just died.
 
2010-03-11 05:42:06 PM  
I'm an excellent driver

/+1 subby
 
2010-03-11 05:42:10 PM  
...and is an excellent driver

/excellent driver
//10 minutes to Judge Wapner
 
2010-03-11 05:42:18 PM  
SomeoneDumb: I don't even want to think about why anyone would want a used hamster.

Kleptomaniac?.
 
2010-03-11 05:43:14 PM  
Sir Simon Milligan: not all autistic people are savants.

Only two of them would have to be to make the headline possible
 
2010-03-11 05:44:18 PM  
i676.photobucket.com
 
2010-03-11 05:45:19 PM  
SomeoneDumb: I don't even want to think about why anyone would want a used hamster.

It can count cards.
 
2010-03-11 05:45:55 PM  
mcneillr.files.wordpress.com

Lemmiwinks!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!1
 
2010-03-11 05:47:36 PM  
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

My daughter's (late) hamster could easily reach that length if she was crawling through one of her skinnier habitat tubes.

/RIP Ruby
 
2010-03-11 05:47:46 PM  
Sir Simon Milligan
not all autistic people are savants.

^This. Subby's headline is not +1.


/Father of autistic child
 
2010-03-11 05:48:06 PM  

GAT_00


You know what's great about already knowing you're going to hell? You can laugh at stuff like this without feeling guilty.


Not believing in hell has the same effect. :-)
 
2010-03-11 05:48:44 PM  
Seriously, that made me chuckle snort out loud....best headline of the day.
 
2010-03-11 05:49:33 PM  
...and subby knows nothing about autism.

//or, in subterms "Autism," presumably named after Dr Aut
 
2010-03-11 05:49:36 PM  
ricewater_stool: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

THIS. That would be one huge ass hamster.


a huge-ass hamster? or a huge ass-hamster?
 
2010-03-11 05:50:02 PM  
Ok, chortle for the headline, but .... theives?



Sorry, that and rouge initiate Grammar Nazi mode for some reason.
 
2010-03-11 05:52:00 PM  
Freeside: ricewater_stool: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

THIS. That would be one huge ass hamster.

a huge-ass hamster? or a huge ass-hamster?


imgs.xkcd.com
 
2010-03-11 05:52:16 PM  
A Few Degrees Cooler: Sir Simon Milligan
not all autistic people are savants.

^This. Subby's headline is not +1.


Definitely not.
 
2010-03-11 05:52:21 PM  
My daughter is autistic *not a savant but i'm getting a kick etc.

/not outraged
//she is awesome.
 
2010-03-11 05:52:52 PM  
ricewater_stool: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

THIS. That would be one huge ass after the hamstergot done with it


FTFY
 
BC
2010-03-11 05:55:48 PM  
merrymortician: My daughter is autistic *not a savant but i'm getting a kick etc.

/not outraged
//she is awesome.


As is my son. Also not a savant.

/also not outraged
 
2010-03-11 05:57:31 PM  

Zafler


Sorry, that and rouge initiate Grammar Nazi mode for some reason.


So... it makes you see red?


:-)
 
2010-03-11 05:57:45 PM  
Nightjars: Freeside: ricewater_stool: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A 7.234252 inch hamster?

THIS. That would be one huge ass hamster.

a huge-ass hamster? or a huge ass-hamster?


True story, you know when you tell someone something they'd say "(blankety-blank) my ass!!!"

My mother used to say that ALL THE TIME and my brother and I would often protest my mother's tyranny by saying "Oh, come ON!" which would prompt her to say

"Oh, come on, MY ASS!"

I truly, truly, wish I was making that up. None of you will believe it, but whatever. I still don't know how the hell she never noticed. Or maybe she was farking with us. Who knows.

/cool story, bro...I know
 
2010-03-11 06:00:35 PM  
BC: merrymortician: My daughter is autistic *not a savant but i'm getting a kick etc.

/not outraged
//she is awesome.

As is my son. Also not a savant.

/also not outraged


couldn't you guys... try to be more outraged? The trolls are working so hard, they'd really appreciate it.
 
2010-03-11 06:02:15 PM  
This is why there should be a Death Penalty.
Ridding the world of some D-bags wouldn't hurt any.
And have the cast of Jersey Shore sit on his lap while we're at it.
 
2010-03-11 06:02:51 PM  
BC: merrymortician: My daughter is autistic *not a savant but i'm getting a kick etc.

/not outraged
//she is awesome.

As is my son. Also not a savant.

/also not outraged




Thirded. Mine is savant and we call him stimmy mcstimmerson when he gets going. Lighten up people. I can guarantee I would never have laughed as much with a normal child.
 
2010-03-11 06:03:46 PM  
unicron702: A Few Degrees Cooler: Sir Simon Milligan
not all autistic people are savants.

^This. Subby's headline is not +1.


Definitely not.


About a hundred.
 
2010-03-11 06:05:52 PM  
japlemon: True story, you know when you tell someone something they'd say "(blankety-blank) my ass!!!"

My mother used to say that ALL THE TIME and my brother and I would often protest my mother's tyranny by saying "Oh, come ON!" which would prompt her to say

"Oh, come on, MY ASS!"

I truly, truly, wish I was making that up. None of you will believe it, but whatever. I still don't know how the hell she never noticed. Or maybe she was farking with us. Who knows.


when i was about 10, a friend and i were playing basketball and he protested that i screwed up his shot.

Him: you screwed me up.
Me: you screwed me up, my ass!

/true story.
 
2010-03-11 06:07:40 PM  
Maybe they should search for the culprit in cal-i-forn-iaaaaaa.

/Obscure?
 
2010-03-11 06:08:32 PM  
Sir Simon Milligan: not all autistic people are savants autistic.
 
2010-03-11 06:08:40 PM  
www.celebrific.com

Wanted for questioning.


/stupid coont.
 
2010-03-11 06:11:05 PM  
Rainman jokes were played out 20 years ago.
 
2010-03-11 06:15:18 PM  
img694.imageshack.us
 
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