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(Salon) Sick The CIA recommended the use of Ensure Plus for the liquid diet so that detainees wouldn't die from inhaling their own vomit during torture. Seriously   (salon.com) divider line 306
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13132 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Mar 2010 at 1:29 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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torch [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 10:29:30 AM
So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?
 
doglover [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 10:41:18 AM
torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.
 
SnakeLee [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 10:57:04 AM
doglover: torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.

I really want to respond to this but I think it's probably a troll and I was already trolled pretty bad today
 
coco ebert [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 10:57:25 AM
torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because America Does Not Torture™!
 
vygramul [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 11:11:33 AM
SnakeLee: doglover: torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.

I really want to respond to this but I think it's probably a troll and I was already trolled pretty bad today

I know just how you feel, except for the being trolled bad today.
 
veedeevadeevoodee [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 11:20:42 AM
so that detainees wouldn't die from inhaling their own vomit during torture

67.18.219.83
 
Eddie Adams from Torrance [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 11:22:29 AM
You can't dust for vomit.
 
Pocket Ninja [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 11:44:12 AM
Right about now, at the Ensure Plus headquarters, there's a meeting taking place in which some upper-level executives and a hired gun consultant or two are discussing very solemnly whether or not this information is best ignored or addressed with indignation. And one of them is about to lean back in his chair, fold his hands behind his head, gaze thoughtfully up at the ceiling, sigh deeply, and proclaim: "What if were to just own this? You know, turn it to our advantage?" And in the long, pregnant silence that ensues, a new ad campaign is born. It's magic moments like these that keep you going.
 
Hobodeluxe [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 11:57:23 AM
well that was mighty nice of the CIA. they didn't have to do that for the detainees.
 
SnakeLee [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 12:20:36 PM
Pocket Ninja: Right about now, at the Ensure Plus headquarters, there's a meeting taking place in which some upper-level executives and a hired gun consultant or two are discussing very solemnly whether or not this information is best ignored or addressed with indignation. And one of them is about to lean back in his chair, fold his hands behind his head, gaze thoughtfully up at the ceiling, sigh deeply, and proclaim: "What if were to just own this? You know, turn it to our advantage?" And in the long, pregnant silence that ensues, a new ad campaign is born. It's magic moments like these that keep you going.

farm5.static.flickr.com

/not really quick and dirty, more like medium and dirty
 
I_C_Weener [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 12:21:45 PM
Eddie Adams from Torrance: You can't dust for vomit.

I was going to say something about torture being bad and all...but you, um, threw my train of thought.

At least we aren't dealing with spontaneous combustion.
 
Diogenes [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:28:52 PM
doglover: torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.

Argumentum ad antiquitatem. 10 yard fallacy penalty.
 
moothemagiccow
2010-03-09 01:31:05 PM
That stuff tastes worse than vomit
 
trueaustinite
2010-03-09 01:32:16 PM
Home of the brave.
 
moothemagiccow
2010-03-09 01:32:27 PM
Pocket Ninja: Right about now, at the Ensure Plus headquarters, there's a meeting taking place in which some upper-level executives and a hired gun consultant or two are discussing very solemnly whether or not this information is best ignored or addressed with indignation. And one of them is about to lean back in his chair, fold his hands behind his head, gaze thoughtfully up at the ceiling, sigh deeply, and proclaim: "What if were to just own this? You know, turn it to our advantage?" And in the long, pregnant silence that ensues, a new ad campaign is born. It's magic moments like these that keep you going.

Why would they need a gun consultant?
 
Dynascape [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:32:45 PM
Well, that article was uplifting.
 
TheSignPost [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:33:44 PM
Torture does work. This is just what happens when Torture meets the unstoppable force that is Health and Safety.


You'll never change the fact that torture works. Sometimes people will say anything, though, just to make it stop.

So, you know, you gotta be careful.
 
invictus2
2010-03-09 01:34:40 PM
I guess one can use it for the torturer on the go.
 
somedude210 [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:34:51 PM
this will be included in "the men who stare at goats: part 2"?
 
006andahalf
2010-03-09 01:34:52 PM
It's not cruel and unusual punishment (and thus not banned) if we're just interrogating them.
 
zepplinrules
2010-03-09 01:34:56 PM
salon.com? really?

This site also has a "Booze: the secret to staying slim" article on it.
 
erewhon
2010-03-09 01:35:00 PM
Pfft. Amateurs. The trick is to keep them NPO for 12 hours prior to waterboarding. Of COURSE you're gonna puke. If you don't want them inhaling the chunky bits, just don't give them any food for 8-12 hours.

The low blood sugar adds to the stress and reduces their resistance, too. So it's a win-win situation.
 
give me doughnuts [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:35:23 PM
doglover: torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.

How else were we going to find out if all those women really were witches?

TORTURE!TM Protecting you from the minions of Satan for over 600 years!
 
TheNewJesus
2010-03-09 01:36:18 PM
Torture works eh?
Remember that when it's your kid...

I'd like to see Dick Cheney try some of his own medicine...
 
trueaustinite
2010-03-09 01:36:24 PM
erewhon: Pfft. Amateurs. The trick is to keep them NPO for 12 hours prior to waterboarding. Of COURSE you're gonna puke. If you don't want them inhaling the chunky bits, just don't give them any food for 8-12 hours.

The low blood sugar adds to the stress and reduces their resistance, too. So it's a win-win situation.

You sound really tough.
 
Bf+
2010-03-09 01:36:29 PM
doglover: torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

Because torture works. 10000 years is a long ass time. If torture didn't work, we'd have stop doing it to each other by now.


Troll, or not, his statement is 100% true.
Torture does work exceedingly well-- To coerce false confessions.
It is also one of the least effective tools at providing truthful information.
 
Al_Ed [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:36:49 PM
Ensure: It doesn't add years to your life, it adds life to your years...perhaps weeks...whatever.
 
kindms
2010-03-09 01:36:50 PM
surbrook.devermore.net

"In order to best inform future medical judgments and recommendations, it is important that every application of the waterboard be thoroughly documented: how long each application (and the entire procedure) lasted, how much water was used in the process (realizing that much splashes off), how exactly the water was applied, if a seal was achieved, if the naso- or oropharynx was filled, what sort of volume was expelled, how long was the break between applications, and how the subject looked between each treatment."
 
schattenteufel [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:36:56 PM
That's why I give it to my meemaw.
 
006andahalf
2010-03-09 01:37:19 PM
upload.wikimedia.org

This guy approves of their shenanigans. At least until he ended up on the receiving end.
 
punkhippie
2010-03-09 01:37:22 PM
Every person responsible for this needs to hang.

Or at least spend the rest of their lives in a nice PMITA prison. I could live with that.
 
Tequila Monster
2010-03-09 01:37:24 PM
The CIA should just make them marry my ex wife. I can't think of any worse torture.
 
sdtangler
2010-03-09 01:37:29 PM
My name is Jack Bauer and I approve of this message.
i679.photobucket.com
 
Diogenes [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:38:07 PM
give me doughnuts: "When we torture people, they tell us what we want to hear 100% of the time. Can't argue with those results!"
 
The Angry Hand of God
2010-03-09 01:38:51 PM
General Pershing Approves!
www.africancrisis.org
 
guerrillero de fark
2010-03-09 01:38:58 PM
wtf? for the liquid diet? was this submitted by meow said the dog?
 
tothekor
2010-03-09 01:39:03 PM
Pocket Ninja: Right about now, at the Ensure Plus headquarters, there's a meeting taking place in which some upper-level executives and a hired gun consultant or two are discussing very solemnly whether or not this information is best ignored or addressed with indignation. And one of them is about to lean back in his chair, fold his hands behind his head, gaze thoughtfully up at the ceiling, sigh deeply, and proclaim: "What if were to just own this? You know, turn it to our advantage?" And in the long, pregnant silence that ensues, a new ad campaign is born. It's magic moments like these that keep you going.

WOW! I was just in this meeting. You got it down to a tee! How did you know that? It's like you're psychic or somthing! Quick! What are tomorrow's lottery numbers?
 
006andahalf
2010-03-09 01:39:06 PM
Torture is also good for remembering the offensive line of the 1967 Green Bay Packers.
 
Headso
2010-03-09 01:39:06 PM
Institutionalizing it and making the torture so scientific makes it seem even worse.
 
wage0048
2010-03-09 01:39:21 PM
torch: So where are the doctors who wrote up these guidelines, and why are they not living naked in a leper colony right now?

The doctors who provided this advice have not done anything wrong. At least, not more than the person who suggested putting filters in cigarettes, or giving clean needles to junkies rather than having them reuse dirty ones.

The torture was going to happen with or without medical guidance, so the people who provided said guidance were not causing any harm at all.
 
TheyCallThisWork
2010-03-09 01:40:22 PM
Headso: Institutionalizing it and making the torture so scientific makes it seem even worse.

Seriously, man. It goes from BTK-level to Mengele-level.
 
wraithmare
2010-03-09 01:40:27 PM
But let a Japanese soldier do this to one of our guys and we kill their ass.
 
Sardonic_Padre
2010-03-09 01:41:05 PM
Which begs the question: Why hasn't the previous administration been brought up on charges?
 
vernonFL [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:41:26 PM
The Angry Hand of God: General Pershing Approves!

Incorrect internet rumor is incorrect.
 
Harry Freakstorm
2010-03-09 01:41:48 PM
Three out of four terrorists recommend Ensure dietary supplement before and after each session. The fourth terrorist was then water boarded until he, too agreed.

Four out of Four Terrorists agree - Ensure gives you the vitamin and minerals necessary to remember the information your inquisitors want.
 
BummerDuck
2010-03-09 01:42:19 PM
Is it digested that fast? or what? I've tossed up milk, so...not sure I see the upside to Ensure

/Would have thought an IV would be better
//Suppose that is to expensive tho
///Plus, they could get an infection I suppose "I could get an infection!" -true lies
 
meunke
2010-03-09 01:42:22 PM
I'm sure Glen Beck has a good explanation for all this... something involving Obama, socialism and the Shriners.
 
ObscureBacon
2010-03-09 01:42:25 PM
this is what they tell you. think of the things they don't tell you.
 
vernonFL [TotalFark]
2010-03-09 01:42:35 PM
Sardonic_Padre: Which begs the question: Why hasn't the previous administration been brought up on charges?

I don't know. There seems to me to be more than enough evidence for a grand jury.
 
l0wk3y
2010-03-09 01:43:06 PM
Bf+: doglover:
Torture does work exceedingly well-- To coerce false confessions.
It is also one of the least effective tools at providing truthful information.

That's not quite right. Torture is effective for confirming what you already know or suspect from other sources. It's not so good at learning new things since you don't know the questions to ask.
 
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