Now that Kathryn Bigelow was the first woman to win an Academy Award for best director, you can expect more followup stories on 1) other women firsts, and 2) other places where women still have yet to break that barrier. Also some followup stories on the state of mind of James Cameron, who will be forced to console himself by wiping away his tears with $100 bills while lying on a bed made of $100 bills in a house constructed of bricks made out of stacks and stacks of crisp $100 bills. There was also history made with the first African-American to win an Oscar for screenwriting, but the odds-on money favorite is still the James Cameron reaction.

With major earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Japan, and Turkey, you can bet that there will continue to be a flood of in-depth articles about devastating potential fault lines around the United States, especially if they're the same fault type as Chile. Although most of them will be stories of regional interest (Ohio will discuss the basement faults common to their region, for instance), you'll also see the same old "San Andreas fault is bound to blow any year now" stories from the last twenty years, updated with new quotes from the current Caltech spokesperson, which always boils down to, "we don't know when, but it's overdue." Random non-causal correlation, though: the biggest California earthquakes of the last hundred years have all come when Republicans have sat in the governor's chair. No idea why.

There may be a bit more discussion of Missing Hot White Chick Syndrome^TM after the media noticed that of two women abducted around the same time, one got all the press while the other one was quickly forgotten. Sorry about that, less-attractive-abductee-girl.

March 14 is Selection Sunday for the NCAA men's basketball tournament, so you can expect three articles to circulate: 1) who got jobbed and missed the tournament, 2) the annual discussion of doubling the tournament size to 128 teams instead of 64 (the word is that the tournament size expanding to 96 teams is all but a done deal), and the inevitable 3) randomly generated figure on lost productivity due to the NCAA tournament. It's been hovering between about $1 billion and $4 billion the last few years. Any early guesses?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-28 to Sat 2010-03-06:

  Marijuana use can up the risk of psychosis, according to some scientists THAT I WANT TO KILL    

  Woman goes into labor during her shotgun wedding. Delivers a beatiful little bb boy    

  Detached penis goes missing, now most likely on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven down on Second Avenue near St Mark's Place    

  Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot dies. He was a living leg end    

  The new Whole Foods nutrition rating system ignores the entirety of human evolution in favor of political considerations. Unlike Twinkies, which are awesome and will eventually grow wild in couch-shaped bushes    

  US and Canada moving to transgenic pork. But you'll know it's fake, since you can tell by the pig cells    

  Actual Headline "New Salmonella Recall Raises Questions About Food Safety", so don't order the salmonella    

  Tour bus crashes south of Phoenix. The dead are expected to rise within the day    

  Woman decapitated by a freak lawnmower accident as she heads off to work    

  Psychotherapist charged with acting like there are a couple well-placed spaces in his title    

  Tractor trailer containing 30,000 pounds of yogurt rolls over on I-91 in Northampton. Culture comes to Western Massachusetts    


Sports:

  Lebron James is going to play with new jersey next season. No, not that New Jersey    

  Brett Favre tells Jay Leno he's undecided about returning next year, because if there's anyone else who knows about manipulating the narrative about returning to an old job it's Jay Leno    

  Indiana Governor raises $6,000 for local youth football by auctioning Saints flag flown in his office..with the stipulation that the money be spent teaching kids how to cover onside kicks    


Geek:

  Nun finds rare flowers that only blossom every three thousand years, growing under her washing machine. Flowers proceed to bloom. Must be divine reward for taking care of her dirty habits    

  Geneticists trace origins of small dogs to the Middle East, proving it's always been a breeding ground for terrierists    

  GOES-P weather satellite scheduled to launch at 6:17 EDT, unless there's a leak in the rocket, which would piss me off    


Showbiz:

  Lady Gaga says that women get a "bad deal" in sex. And he'd know    

  Steven Speilberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford agreed on "a germ of an idea" for the 5th Indiana Jones movie. Which is an improvement of the virus that was the 4th Indiana Jones    

  And the nerds will look up and shout "Please don't try to make a Watchmen sequel," and Hollywood will whisper, "No"    


Politics:

  Doctor says Obama has high cholesterol, finally proving to the Birthers that he is American    

  New York Governor in trouble again after he got free tickets to listen to Game One of the World Series    

  GOP: We don't like your plan. Obama: Let's include some of your ideas. GOP: We don't like our plan    


Music:

  Bon Jovi will visit homeless shelters on their upcoming tour. Never before has a band gone to such great lengths to reach its fanbase    

  Hole releases their new single, "Skinny Little Biatch," because "Fortyish Crack Whore" doesn't lend itself to a good melody    

  Katy Perry says she'd like to be the Alanis Morissette of our time    


Business:

  Proving it can keep pace with the Japanese auto industry, GM recalls 1.3 million cars    

  Anheuser-Busch InBev reports piss-pour sales for fourth quarter    

  Hey Zhou, where you goin' with that yuan in your hand?    
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