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(The Smoking Gun)   Step 1: Steal underpants. Step 3: Make profit. Step 2 must be "get busted"   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

23473 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2003 at 6:29 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

171 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-04-23 10:45:52 AM  
Talk about a fetish that got out of hand. I feel a little sorry for him... we all have our demons.
2003-04-23 10:50:36 AM  
In other news, is there a Smoking Gun link that WON'T make Fark Lite? Ever?
2003-04-23 10:59:55 AM  
Time to go to work,
Work all day,
We need underpants hey!
We won't stop until we have underpants!
Yum tum yummy tum tay!
Time to go to work,
Work all night,
Search for underpants yay!
We won't stop until we have underpants!
Yum tum yummy tum tay!
2003-04-23 11:22:21 AM  
Page 5 of the document:

"Sgt. Swartz did locate the files containing pornographic images, however, he was unable to open or locate the files"

2003-04-23 11:24:18 AM  
Man, that guy doesn't look like he'd ever get a date. They sure he's not 16?

Fetishes are fetishes, sadly, he got caught.
2003-04-23 11:27:42 AM  
This is precisely why I don't wear panties, from fear of guys who look like that stealing them.

2003-04-23 11:28:41 AM  
Uhhh...I'm not so sure those girls should take their underwear back. I think they may be, ummm...slightly "used".
2003-04-23 11:39:16 AM  
Darkrose - I've been trying to figure out the exact words to that song for ages. Thanks.
2003-04-23 11:50:28 AM  
This kid is way to young looking....No wonder he had to steal the thongs...Wasn't going to see any in any other way!
2003-04-23 11:59:27 AM  
Candypants is trying to give boys hard-ons. Well I'm too savvy to fall for your ploy, lady, I...

Never mind.
2003-04-23 12:16:51 PM  
Demons? Demons? Almost 900 pairs of thongs equates to a serious imbalance. Probably not long before he steps it up a notch and attacks a woman.
2003-04-23 12:22:00 PM  
Please join me in the banning of the word "crib" for house or home. It's old and busted.
2003-04-23 12:29:10 PM  
I agree with Earthrhino....

heh, imagnie what it's going to be like when he gets out of college and goes for a job interview. "Hey, you look awfully familiar." Poor fellah.
2003-04-23 01:10:37 PM  
Sexuality is where most people, if they are screwed up, are screwed up. And that dude be all screwed up and shiat.
2003-04-23 01:50:13 PM  
The written statement on page 11 looks like Homer's drunken letter to Marge from a Simpson's episode.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-23 04:12:27 PM  
Yeah Weaps I noticed that too. His spelling and grammar's pretty embarassing for a college student as well. Then again I guess he spent all his time swiping bloomers instead of going to class.
2003-04-23 06:31:48 PM  
Speaking of Homer Simpson....


2003-04-23 06:33:07 PM  
Amen Canypants!
2003-04-23 06:35:20 PM  

I'm getting a headache just thinking about pronouncing this.
2003-04-23 06:36:33 PM  
I think he's pretty cute. Looks kinda geeky.

He can't be too bright if he thinks people will buy this whole prank excuse though.
2003-04-23 06:36:59 PM  
2003-04-23 06:40:16 PM  
Fantastic South Park reference. Kudos to the headline submitter person.
2003-04-23 06:41:47 PM  
Little moron should have exercised his fifth amendment right. He might have had time to go home and burn all the evidence.
2003-04-23 06:42:05 PM  
im giving 10 to 1 odds that the guy is a farker
2003-04-23 06:42:24 PM  
I like wearing all my stolen panties at once, and dancing around my living room with my blow up doll, putting on lipstick, watching hardcore one legged asian midget porn, gently stroking my shotgun, and thinking of all the people who have wronged me.
2003-04-23 06:42:30 PM  
"30 panties or so" Yeah, right.
2003-04-23 06:42:43 PM  
Ah, the many colorful people that reside in my state. Awesome.
2003-04-23 06:43:16 PM  
You can see the latent evil dripping from his lips; his eyes a portal into a blazing furnace of roiling Geinism....

Oh wait. Shoot. I gotta clean my glasses. Never mind.
2003-04-23 06:43:30 PM  
hahahahaha, the guy sooooooo looks like a farker. I wonder if there is a ThongGuyWI?
2003-04-23 06:44:00 PM  
Hmm. CandyPants is British and Wears no Panties.

Not sure what to make of that.

Lesbian Jesus
2003-04-23 06:45:19 PM  
I agree, we all have our demons.
2003-04-23 06:45:32 PM  
That looks just a little too much like my neighbor
2003-04-23 06:45:50 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-23 06:46:14 PM  
What an idiot. If you want some sexy college co-ed underwear, you don't break into a house. You raid the dorm laundry rooms, DUH.
My collection grows every weekend.
2003-04-23 06:46:16 PM  
Why don't you close the door and shut the curtains
'cos you're not going anywhere.
He's coming up the stairs and in a moment he'll want to see your underwear.
2003-04-23 06:46:56 PM  
$10 Bucks says this guy transfers schools
2003-04-23 06:47:03 PM  
panties, sweet, sweet panties
2003-04-23 06:47:40 PM  
What that kid's roommate has to listen to every night:

AGGGGGHHHHH THE GNOMES THE GNOMES I can't take it!!! Must get underpants!!! OOOHHHHH THE GNOMES!!!
2003-04-23 06:47:55 PM  
Call me a naysayer, but I don't believe you. Update your bio picture and prove it!
2003-04-23 06:48:34 PM  
"even a Pokemon lunch pail"

Gotta catch 'em all!
2003-04-23 06:48:46 PM  
854?? Time for this guy to admit that he's got issues.

I'm sure he'll try and cop a plea on the basis that "a videogame made me do it" --

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-23 06:49:48 PM  
note to self:

remove the personalized license plate BEFORE you park in front of the house you intend to burglarize.
2003-04-23 06:49:56 PM  
When officers later executed a search warrant at the suspect's home, they discovered a whopping 854 pairs of thong underwear, which investigators found stuffed everywhere--in shoe boxes, a briefcase, and even a Pokemon lunch pail.

Hi. My name is Anthony, and I'm a panty-holic.
2003-04-23 06:50:20 PM  
I bet 99% of people on this thread look like this.
2003-04-23 06:50:28 PM  
Blackbird, that reference always makes me Happy =p
2003-04-23 06:51:07 PM  
Am I the only sad geek in this thread who didn't think of MST3K?

342 pr Cotton Boxers (no duplicates)
78 pr Silk Boxers
702 pr High-cut briefs
55 pr Low-cut briefs
7 ea Banana warmers
1 pr "Home of the Whopper" brief
1 pr Vintage Joe Namath netted slingshot brief (prototype)
2003-04-23 06:51:31 PM  
Did anyone else get wood while reading the email from one of the victims describing the stolen underwear (link 8)?
A chick with underwear like that must be hot.
2003-04-23 06:52:06 PM  
'a pokemon lunch pail'

now that is scary...
2003-04-23 06:52:49 PM  
Cool headline.
2003-04-23 06:52:54 PM  
i want to marry the girl who sent the police this email.

Hi Investigator Mason,
Here is what I can remember was taken;
(they are all women's thong-style underwear size XS or S)
Red with a butterfly on the front
White satin with ties on sides
black with clear waiststrap
black sheer with a pink bow
nude color with black lace
black sheer with purple and pink design
White with peach and pink flowers
black sheer with a snowflake on the back
Black sheer with bright pink flowers
White with white lace detail
black with metal clasp in back
black with clear waist strap
red with black ties on the sides
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