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(Gawker)   How NOT to apply for a job: seven of the most douche-tastic video resumes you will ever see   (tv.gawker.com) divider line 118
    More: Amusing  
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26400 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2010 at 10:09 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-02-25 09:43:10 AM  
All video resume are pretty terrible.
 
2010-02-25 09:57:49 AM  
You shouldn't even be doing a resume unless you're some type of performance artist. Even then, they'd probably just prefer to see your portfolio and maybe an audition.
 
2010-02-25 10:10:17 AM  
A naked audition?
 
2010-02-25 10:12:22 AM  
DRTFA, but I'd hope Aleskey Vaynor tops the list.
 
2010-02-25 10:13:04 AM  
Leeds: A naked audition?

Only for Cowboys and Newscasters.
 
2010-02-25 10:14:16 AM  
the only good one - ever - link
 
2010-02-25 10:16:25 AM  
Nightsweat: the only good one - ever - link

damn you beat me to it.
 
2010-02-25 10:17:15 AM  
line graphs, bar graphs and pie charts? OMG!
 
2010-02-25 10:17:56 AM  
Mom's precious little snowflake is now all grown up and became the annoying douchebag the neighbors and teachers knew he would be. And Dude, that peach fuzz makes you look like the sandwich never made it to your stupid mouth.
 
2010-02-25 10:18:33 AM  
Ah, Lameface, you beat me to it. But here's Barney's video resume.
 
2010-02-25 10:19:00 AM  
I don't care what you say, I am SO getting that business card.
 
2010-02-25 10:19:12 AM  
bizcardpro.com
 
2010-02-25 10:22:43 AM  
I would hire all of these people and put them in the same office.
 
2010-02-25 10:24:02 AM  
oh my god, i think i cried when Devin's played.
 
2010-02-25 10:25:53 AM  
consumerist.com

Biggest douche on the list.
 
2010-02-25 10:27:09 AM  
Awesome, an opportunity to watch douchebags talk about themselves. Thanks, Fark.com!
 
2010-02-25 10:27:21 AM  
cranched: I would hire all of these people and put them in the same office.

Do it.
 
2010-02-25 10:28:25 AM  
cranched: I would hire all of these people and put them in the same office McDonalds.
 
2010-02-25 10:29:42 AM  
With a video resume, the employer can see immediately what a douchebag you are without having to interview you in person. Great idea!
 
2010-02-25 10:31:33 AM  
mccallcl: Awesome, an opportunity to watch douchebags talk about themselves. Thanks, Fark.com!

Like Jersey Shore?
 
2010-02-25 10:31:44 AM  
these can't be real.
 
2010-02-25 10:31:55 AM  
cranched: I would hire all of these people and put them in the same office.

I would pay to watch that.
 
2010-02-25 10:32:05 AM  
SlothB77: line graphs, bar graphs and pie charts? OMG!

Came to say this.

"Since graduation I have become interested in MS Publisher, Access and Excel"..WTF??? Doesn't that mean he failed to learn any real skills while in college?
 
2010-02-25 10:32:17 AM  
i47.photobucket.com

Does my business card look professional?
 
2010-02-25 10:33:09 AM  
I think the crappy biz card guy needs to get to the gym in 26 minutes.
 
2010-02-25 10:33:54 AM  
Those can't be real. Please tell me they are parody.

If those are real, "Gen Y" is even more f'd than I thought.
 
2010-02-25 10:36:17 AM  
Hey! Mine didn't make it!
 
2010-02-25 10:36:44 AM  
#4 cannot be real. obviously a goof of some sort.
 
2010-02-25 10:37:07 AM  
Wow. Mister douchey with the business card? As someone who used to work in the card-printing industry (and got a huge kick out of that video), let me tell you, those eyesore "cards" only cost him $4 apiece because he pissed off his designer/printer. Embossing, die-cutting and foiling only add a few dollars to the cost of 1000 cards. Total. The oversized nature means he had to pay for flyers instead of business cards, and then to get it on what is probably 16pt stock.. 1000 should've cost him about $800, at absolute most, even with the typical large print markup. That's 80 cents apiece. The rest? Douche taxes. He was probably so proud of the 25 years of thought he put into it (that a real GD could've done in about twenty minutes, if you'd told him you wanted something that douchey and ugly) that he carried on and on, and refused to let the GD talk him down to something less stupid, and finally they realized they were never going to get business from this guy again (because he'd never run out of cards and need more), so they just tacked on a pain and suffering charge, buried in the printing costs, and he didn't bat an eyelash at it, assuming that of course it would cost so much because he's so awesome.

Go them. Really. That guy must've been hell as a client.
 
2010-02-25 10:38:14 AM  
godxam: these can't be real.

the fact that it took this long for people to figure this out shows that no one watched past the second vid. The 4th one is completely reidiculous. And the last one is Michael Cera.
 
2010-02-25 10:39:23 AM  
I thought shameless self-promotion was reserved for the actual interview. I guess video resume could be great for weeding out candidates: whoever sends a video resume does not get the job.

Video #3 actually seemed professional and relevant. Who cares about boring? I've never read an exciting resume in my life, and the video resumes that try to be 'exciting' just end up being unbearable.
 
2010-02-25 10:39:54 AM  
godxam: these can't be real.

I've only watched the first one, but yeah, that's my impression. I thought it was funny. There's no way that dude doesn't know he sounds like a douche. He's probably an actor/creative guy slumming it as a temp. (been there, done that!)
 
2010-02-25 10:40:04 AM  
4. You Are Not As Cool As You Think You Are

Everyone who has ever been to Africa says that they've been to Africa. Repeat: Just because you went to Africa does not mean you are special.


This one is OBVIOUSLY a joke one. Even tho he never learned to speak African, I would hire him.
 
2010-02-25 10:40:12 AM  
OK, I can't watch any one of them more than 30 seconds because the tears are ruining my mascara. This is a joke, right? People don't really do this, right? And if they DO do this, WHERE do they do this?
 
2010-02-25 10:41:48 AM  
SlothB77
It even has a watermark.
 
2010-02-25 10:41:54 AM  
static.tvfanatic.com

Michael Spafferty?
 
2010-02-25 10:42:35 AM  
Best video resume ever.
Dwight Honeycutt for School Board (new window)
 
2010-02-25 10:43:10 AM  
mr.fisher: 4. You Are Not As Cool As You Think You Are

Everyone who has ever been to Africa says that they've been to Africa. Repeat: Just because you went to Africa does not mean you are special.

This one is OBVIOUSLY a joke one. Even tho he never learned to speak African, I would hire him.


How can you go wrong with a guy who's made Africa a "first world country"?

/and midwife too!
 
2010-02-25 10:43:33 AM  
Porous Horace: SlothB77
It even has a watermark.


That's "bone" coloring
 
2010-02-25 10:44:41 AM  
When I was twelve years old, my mom planned a picnic

I lost it. Just. Lost. It.
 
2010-02-25 10:46:27 AM  
The All-Powerful Atheismo
No, it's not.

It does have a thickness that is, how do you say? "tasteful" ?


/hey paul!
 
2010-02-25 10:46:35 AM  
Because of Michael Spafferty's efforts in Africa, Africa has become a first world country! He didn't even have to speak African because he's just that damned good!
 
2010-02-25 10:46:45 AM  
Did anyone else notice that the first guy's AOL IM is "blueyez69"?
 
2010-02-25 10:46:55 AM  
What's a "job?"
 
2010-02-25 10:48:14 AM  
The first three are real, the last two not so much.

speedosausagemullet/thevaginamonologues
or
it doesn't fit in a Rolodex because it is doesn't belong in a Rolodex

so much win
 
2010-02-25 10:48:33 AM  
wiredmaverick: Did anyone else notice that the first guy's AOL IM is "blueyez69"?

You would think an IM handle is the kind of thing you leave OFF of a resume, especially when it has '69' at the end of it.
 
2010-02-25 10:49:20 AM  
vinnydoz007: godxam: these can't be real.

the fact that it took this long for people to figure this out shows that no one watched past the second vid. The 4th one is completely reidiculous. And the last one is Michael Cera.


Ok so I watched a couple more. The 4th one is the black guy right? He's actually employable, provided he's not full of baloney wrt his experience.
 
2010-02-25 10:51:52 AM  
25 years to design a business card? Something tells me that guy's not great with deadlines.
 
2010-02-25 10:52:58 AM  
freakdiablo: cranched: I would hire all of these people and put them in the same office.

I would pay to watch that.


Isn't that already on tv? I thought that was "The Office".

/never watch the show
 
2010-02-25 10:55:26 AM  
H31N0US: vinnydoz007: godxam: these can't be real.

the fact that it took this long for people to figure this out shows that no one watched past the second vid. The 4th one is completely reidiculous. And the last one is Michael Cera.

Ok so I watched a couple more. The 4th one is the black guy right? He's actually employable, provided he's not full of baloney wrt his experience.


The 4th vid is the black guy, but the actual #4 on the list is the 'I made Africa a first-world country without speaking African' guy. Perhaps gawker should consider hiring one of these fine fellows to help out with that tricky counting stuff.
 
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