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(Scientific American)   Limp fish or strong pump, your handshake says a lot about you. Here comes the science   (scientificamerican.com) divider line 44
    More: Interesting  
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5551 clicks; posted to Geek » on 18 Feb 2010 at 6:24 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2010-02-18 05:30:56 PM  
I entreaty anyone planning on developing their hand-crushing skills: apply the squeeze as far back on the hand as possible. Nobody likes the knuckle crusher.
 
2010-02-18 05:31:22 PM  
Limp is annoying, but the other extreme of inflicting mild joint damage to my hand is equally so. A subset of the population seems to think that "firm" means "break it."

Moist is my least favorite. No matter what the tension.
 
2010-02-18 06:27:22 PM  
squeegee_boy: Limp is annoying, but the other extreme of inflicting mild joint damage to my hand is equally so. A subset of the population seems to think that "firm" means "break it."

Moist is my least favorite. No matter what the tension.


Well put. *shakes hand*
 
2010-02-18 06:28:36 PM  
I was promised science, and I saw none in the link. I demand a refund.
 
2010-02-18 06:30:40 PM  
I hate when the other grips before my hand is fully extended into the handshake. They end up gripping my fingers like I'm a lady. fark that, I like to shove my hand forward hard, let the nooks of our thumbs collide with painful force, and only then do I grasp and shake. Trained myself to maintain eye contact (establishes control by sometimes forcing the other to assume the weaker position of looking down to meet you where you are). One or two shakes on first meeting. Sometimes an extended handshake among friends, especially if the greeting is a very short anecdote or joke ("Boy, the last time I saw you, you were knee high to a duck! Look how you've grown!").
 
2010-02-18 06:44:37 PM  
*Insert picture of Charlie Sheen and Cary Elwes shaking hands furiously from Hot Shots here*
 
2010-02-18 06:45:10 PM  
Jness: I hate when the other grips before my hand is fully extended into the handshake. They end up gripping my fingers like I'm a lady. fark that, I like to shove my hand forward hard, let the nooks of our thumbs collide with painful force, and only then do I grasp and shake. Trained myself to maintain eye contact (establishes control by sometimes forcing the other to assume the weaker position of looking down to meet you where you are). One or two shakes on first meeting. Sometimes an extended handshake among friends, especially if the greeting is a very short anecdote or joke ("Boy, the last time I saw you, you were knee high to a duck! Look how you've grown!").

Yep. The other person violated protocol. If that happens to you, the proper response is to ask for an immediate "do-over" lest you be labeled a "limp fish."
 
2010-02-18 06:48:30 PM  
Jness: I hate when the other grips before my hand is fully extended into the handshake. They end up gripping my fingers like I'm a lady. fark that, I like to shove my hand forward hard, let the nooks of our thumbs collide with painful force, and only then do I grasp and shake. Trained myself to maintain eye contact (establishes control by sometimes forcing the other to assume the weaker position of looking down to meet you where you are). One or two shakes on first meeting. Sometimes an extended handshake among friends, especially if the greeting is a very short anecdote or joke ("Boy, the last time I saw you, you were knee high to a duck! Look how you've grown!").

Those "short shakes" are a pain. I found I agreed with the part about women with firm handshakes. I hadn't really thought about until I read the article. To me it seems to express "I'm cool. I expect to be treated like everyone else. Don't worry about my feminine sensibilities." At least that's the type of personalities of the ladies I've met with non-feminine shakes.
 
2010-02-18 06:59:26 PM  
What's all this "strong pump of your limp fish" business???
 
2010-02-18 07:01:12 PM  
I hate those jerks that insist on crushing the hand; what I do is twist the wrist then so my hand is on top, sort of a subliminal expression of dominance over the crushing grip.
 
2010-02-18 07:04:44 PM  
Why has nobody complained about the article being font size -10? I'm complaining about the article font size being -10.
 
2010-02-18 07:19:37 PM  
Yes. A strong handshake by a man indicates you have a small penis, and feel the need to dominate the relationship immediately before your shortcomings are discovered. Or you are an asshole. Think helping your mom out of the car, not saving Shaq from falling off a cliff.

A nice firm handshake from a pretty lady increases the odds I'll immediately fall in love with her. Although, I generally tend not to shake her hand as much as grasp it and slightly turn it up, as if I were going to bend over and kiss it. It sounds pretty sexist, but most girls don't seem to take it that way. The ladies love me.

Only one of those statements was a lie. Guess which one and win a prize.
 
2010-02-18 07:24:17 PM  
TopoGigo: Yes. A strong handshake by a man indicates you have a small penis, and feel the need to dominate the relationship immediately before your shortcomings are discovered. Or you are an asshole. Think helping your mom out of the car, not saving Shaq from falling off a cliff.

A nice firm handshake from a pretty lady increases the odds I'll immediately fall in love with her. Although, I generally tend not to shake her hand as much as grasp it and slightly turn it up, as if I were going to bend over and kiss it. It sounds pretty sexist, but most girls don't seem to take it that way. The ladies love me.

Only one of those statements was a lie. Guess which one and win a prize.


LIAR! Nobody would save Shaq from falling off a cliff!

/shakes a woman's lady's hand the same way.
 
2010-02-18 07:45:20 PM  
Wow. thats too many words...can anyone write me up a nice summary?
 
2010-02-18 07:53:01 PM  
That's bullshiat. It's a ridiculous social construct, to judge a man by his handshake. Proof? The man he judged so harshly, obviously, despite his weak handshake, was a man in a position of high power, esteem, or whatever. Clearly the handshake is not a reliable judge of the worth of an individual. It was invented to exclude a portion of the population just for the fark of it ... Like different types of forks, or the opera. Boring as fark. Only reason it exists is so rich powerful people can do something no one else in their right mind would do, just so they can exclude those who do not.fark you old timers with your stupid obsessions with stupid social interactions. Our generation doesn't even freakin shake hands, and you know why? It's stupid.
 
2010-02-18 07:54:26 PM  
 
2010-02-18 08:01:01 PM  
I am always paranoid about crushing people during handshakes. I have gigantic dinner plate sized hands, compounded by rock climbing, weight lifting, bass playing, etc... just a pretty strong grip in general, so my default pressure is probably too much for a handshake. Sometimes I really wonder whether I squeezed too hard and it'll bother me for the rest of the day.


/totally just a jerk that is overcompensating for a dinky wang
//not really
///about the jerk part
 
2010-02-18 08:03:35 PM  
I always use the bro' fist rather than the handshake. Who's got time to shake hands? I gotta be at the gym in 26 minutes.

/unemployed
 
2010-02-18 08:04:25 PM  
TopoGigo: ...Although, I generally tend not to shake her hand as much as grasp it and slightly turn it up, as if I were going to bend over and kiss it. It sounds pretty sexist, but most girls don't seem to take it that way. The ladies love me....

I LOVE having my hand kissed. And I have a firm handshake with eye contact.

/confusingly butch?
 
2010-02-18 08:08:47 PM  
FTFA: "Other cultural greeting displays similarly involve a demonstration of helplessness. In perhaps the ultimate display of a submissive offering-and one I think we should consider adopting ourselves-it is customary among some Papuan tribes to touch the tip of the other man's penis in greeting. "

cue the You Know How I Know Your Gay picture

/also the whole insemination at puberty thing
//Papua New Guinea, it's a knockoff mini-Africa
 
2010-02-18 08:09:07 PM  
squeegee_boy: Limp is annoying, but the other extreme of inflicting mild joint damage to my hand is equally so. A subset of the population seems to think that "firm" means "break it."

Moist is my least favorite. No matter what the tension.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net
Sorry, dude.
 
2010-02-18 09:35:37 PM  
Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.
 
2010-02-18 09:42:29 PM  
jsmi: TopoGigo: ...Although, I generally tend not to shake her hand as much as grasp it and slightly turn it up, as if I were going to bend over and kiss it. It sounds pretty sexist, but most girls don't seem to take it that way. The ladies love me....

I LOVE having my hand kissed. And I have a firm handshake with eye contact.

/confusingly butch?


I don't think it's butch. It says "I'm not a c*nt who will expect special favors due to my inflated idea of how pretty I am."

I'm not good with eye contact, though. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with it, I just naturally don't do it. If I'm staring someone in the eyes, it's usually because I have to force myself to pay attention to what they're saying.
 
2010-02-18 09:44:51 PM  
And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie and the firm handshake.
A sudden look in the eye, an easy smile.

/works every time
 
2010-02-18 09:45:43 PM  
TopoGigo: I'm not good with eye contact, though. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with it, I just naturally don't do it. If I'm staring someone in the eyes, it's usually because I have to force myself to pay attention to what they're saying.

Yeah, I find myself looking at the hand of the person I'm shaking, like somehow if I'm not watching the way I shake hands, I'll do it wrong. I gotta admit, I prefer the Korean school of bowing... handshakes are possible, but not required, and if you're foreign, even a generous head-nod usually suffices.

Eye contact always makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, unless I have established that I trust the person I'm looking at, mostly because when I look at faces, male and female, I know my eyes flick around a lot kind of studying their face out of boredom, curiosity, and bad habit.
 
2010-02-18 09:47:17 PM  
squeegee_boy: Limp is annoying, but the other extreme of inflicting mild joint damage to my hand is equally so. A subset of the population seems to think that "firm" means "break it."

Moist is my least favorite. No matter what the tension.


sorry
 
2010-02-18 09:50:52 PM  
It says 'I don't want to be touching your hand because you're probably farking filthy.'
 
2010-02-18 10:03:06 PM  
So people are afraid to maintain eye contact without being nervous? I knew I was more of a man than you!
 
2010-02-18 10:20:03 PM  
Ironclad2: Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.

That's what my girlfriend tells her hot friends about me when she invites them over to meet me and spend the night.
 
2010-02-18 10:31:50 PM  
Yes, the early squeezers piss me off. Think I might try the 'turn my hand sideways and on top' next time that happens. Good tip.

Girls with man-hands make me giggle.
 
2010-02-18 11:09:03 PM  
Every politician's hand I've shook has was limp except Jimmy Carter's.
Calluses say more about one's character than anything else in a handshake.
 
2010-02-18 11:22:19 PM  
One hand you give a firm handshake, the other one you grab a tit.
 
2010-02-18 11:27:23 PM  
Weak handshake is like squeezing a canned ham.
 
2010-02-18 11:45:57 PM  
Anodos: I gotta admit, I prefer the Korean school of bowing... handshakes are possible, but not required, and if you're foreign, even a generous head-nod usually suffices.

Pretty much. I try not to shake people's hands. When you consider how many people don't wash hands after toilet activities, it makes sense. I usually give a curt bow of the head, and then a handshake if it's expected. The nice thing is you can do the bow from across the room or across a desk, especially good for people you don't feel the need to deal with (like roving office supply salespeople). Overall, people tend to be receptive to the bow, treating the situation a bit more formally.

It may also be because I'm pretty shy at first meeting, and non-contact sets a boundary. Otherwise, people will read my inhibited handshake (rightly) as weakness, and take advantage of it.

/may as well get flamed for the idea
//not big on personal contact with people I don't know
 
2010-02-19 12:02:15 AM  
My handshake tells people I had a RSI injury in my right hand from typing with my wrist resting on a sharp desk edge that took me about a year to heal and my hand isn't as strong as it used to be and I'm subliminally jumpy about anything crushing my hand because it hurt so bad when I couldn't even open or close it for about six months.
 
2010-02-19 12:19:06 AM  
CapStormfield: Yes, the early squeezers piss me off. Think I might try the 'turn my hand sideways and on top' next time that happens. Good tip.

Girls with man-hands make me giggle.


I wasn't sure what to call it, but early squeezers are the worst. They end up shaking my fingers.

Then there are the guys that hold on too long. A couple of pumps is fine, then turn loose. I don't need to hold hands while you tell me something.
 
2010-02-19 12:21:35 AM  
relaxitsjustme: And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie and the firm handshake.
A sudden look in the eye, an easy smile.

/works every time


euclidespaim.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-02-19 12:37:02 AM  
Came for the King of the Hill Reference, leaving disappointed. Episode (pops)
2.bp.blogspot.com
//pic unrelatedish
 
2010-02-19 03:07:52 AM  
When I was in college, some guy came around campaigning for some student government gig. He gave me the firm handshake and looked me in the eye... briefly.

I was recovering from a hand injury. The instinct to take a hand offered for a handshake was faster than the rational thought of "GOOD GOD, YOU DUMBASS, YOU HAVE NERVE DAMAGE!" I was on the floor cradling my arm and swearing from a damned politician handshake.

After that, I'm careful with other people's hands. I don't know who's got arthritis or whatever, and I would rather err on the side of not causing people pain.
 
2010-02-19 03:12:59 AM  
A couple of years ago, I decided to mess with my friends/family by giving extra-weak handshakes. I'm talking negative-strength handshakes here, actually letting my hand give way to even the slightest pressure. The look on their faces was priceless. Some people were so relieved when I revealed it was a joke, it made me realize that people put more stock in handshakes than you'd think.

Every now and then, someone will get me back with it. I love that so many people remembered.
 
2010-02-19 12:14:34 PM  
I hate handshakes, period. If I wanted to touch you, then we'd be friends already. I appreciate those who don't try to shake my hand much more than those who do. I find the firm handshake/eye contact thing to be an indicator of falsehood/used car salesmen.
 
2010-02-19 02:22:12 PM  
jsmi: TopoGigo: ...Although, I generally tend not to shake her hand as much as grasp it and slightly turn it up, as if I were going to bend over and kiss it. It sounds pretty sexist, but most girls don't seem to take it that way. The ladies love me....

I LOVE having my hand kissed. And I have a firm handshake with eye contact.

/confusingly butch?


Not really, unless you expect all that simultaneously.

/lived in JH in '90.....miss it desperately. You lucky devil.
 
2010-02-19 02:24:40 PM  
CapStormfield: Yes, the early squeezers piss me off. Think I might try the 'turn my hand sideways and on top' next time that happens. Good tip.

Girls with man-hands make me giggle.


I see I'm not the only one who watches Rachel Ray for the comedy, then.
 
2010-02-19 05:45:17 PM  
100 Watt Walrus: Ironclad2: Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.

That's what my girlfriend tells her hot friends about me when she invites them over to meet me and spend the night.


God damn, you magnificent bastard.
 
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