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(Kansas City)   At least 13 Filipinos nail themselves to crosses today. Good times, good times   (kansascity.com) divider line 112
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115 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2003 at 8:51 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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OBB
2003-04-18 02:19:14 PM
Woah woah woah.... how do you nail YOURSELF to a cross?
 
2003-04-18 02:28:24 PM
American missionary Cecil Sullivan of Illinois said the practice was against Christian principles and "is a proof that you can be very sincere but be sincerely wrong."

How very astute of him. Now all he needs is to realize the universal applicability of that sentiment.
 
2003-04-18 02:30:09 PM
Yah know, I'd like to fly there just to tickle their feet.

Because I'm curious...if you are in excruciating pain and have just had holes painfully nailed through your feet, are you still ticklish?

I'd also like to take my friend Eduardo, who has a foot fetish.
 
2003-04-18 02:39:57 PM
Crucifixion? First line on the left, one cross each.
 
2003-04-18 02:53:41 PM
One crucifixion was more than enough, thanks.
 
2003-04-18 03:23:32 PM
Someone seemed to have forgotten the fact that Jesus DIED by being crucified.
 
2003-04-18 05:30:04 PM
Good times, eh?

 
2003-04-18 05:41:38 PM
American missionary Cecil Sullivan of Illinois said the practice was against Christian principles and "is a proof that you can be very sincere but be sincerely wrong."

Ten bucks he's not Catholic, and therefore gets to SHUT THE FARK UP.

I'm not saying Catholics encourage this practice. If the Filipinos want to discipline themselves in this way and are 100% consenting to what happens, then more power to them. They are trying to strengthen themselves and atone for their sins.
 
Kat [TotalFark]
2003-04-18 06:55:19 PM
Always look on the bright side of life (whistles) Always look on the light side of life (whistles)

EVERYBODY TOGETHER NOW!
 
2003-04-18 08:53:47 PM
Yay?!
 
2003-04-18 08:54:28 PM
Must be a real biatch to get that last nail in...
 
2003-04-18 08:54:44 PM
I once nailed a guy with a right cross...

/nuthin
 
2003-04-18 08:54:45 PM
Great headline.
 
2003-04-18 08:55:37 PM
Do you think if another Messiah came along and was eventually executed in Texas that his followers would wear little, gold electric chairs on their necklaces?
 
2003-04-18 08:56:01 PM
this kinda makes Jesus' big sacrifice seem kindy wimpy, doesn't it?
 
2003-04-18 08:56:16 PM
So Jesus walks into an inn and hands the keep three nails.

"Can you put me up for the night?"

/going to hell
 
2003-04-18 08:56:28 PM
Those whacky Filipinos..
 
2003-04-18 08:56:39 PM
BloodyL; Your right, people who willingly do things that are mind boggingly stupid should never have to put up with someone telling them to have some farking sense.

I'm going to shoot a frog out of a potato gun. Anyone want to come with me?
 
2003-04-18 08:56:51 PM
Peter: Jesus, what are you doing up there on the cross?
Jesus: Oh, just hanging around.

/rim shot
 
2003-04-18 08:57:16 PM
Why do all the girls chase Jesus?

Because he's hung like this! (*hold arms wide*)
 
2003-04-18 08:57:44 PM
you're
 
2003-04-18 08:57:57 PM
I can see your house from here.


(I'd ask for a window seat)
 
2003-04-18 08:58:24 PM
############################## ####### ##### ####### ####### ##### #######


Peterson husband arrested. Cause he killed his wife and kid and threw them in the ocean.



News con at 9:00 EST11111!!!!!!



##########33 3 3 3 3 # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
 
2003-04-18 09:00:46 PM
"The men stripped to their waists, cut their bare backs with broken bottles attached to a piece of wood and then beat themselves with woven bamboo whips."

Woah! Down fellars! Not the bamboo whips! ***imagines the scenario in action****


DUMBASSES!!! They could be making a mint in professional Wrestling with this gimmick!
 
2003-04-18 09:01:12 PM
I forget which comedian to credit this to but if I were Jesus returning to Earth, crosses would be the last thing I'd wanna see.
 
2003-04-18 09:02:53 PM
Mikey-San:

LMAO!

/Save me a seat
 
2003-04-18 09:03:15 PM
Muck1969:

Kinison?
 
2003-04-18 09:03:53 PM
If y'all will excuse me, I have to go to the bar and have a few "Rusty Nails" to celebrate Good Friday and Easter.
 
2003-04-18 09:04:36 PM
It is written:

While wandering through the desert, Jesus came upon an old man who was weeping.
"Why do you weep?", He asked.
"I've lost my only son. I can't find him."
"What does your son look like?", Jesus asked him.
"He has holes in his hands and his feet."
"Father!"
"Pinnochio!"
 
2003-04-18 09:04:44 PM
holy hell, Muck1969, I had just written that same question. Glad i refreshed. I remember he also said something like "that would be like wearing a rifle around your neck to visit Jackie O."
 
2003-04-18 09:05:10 PM
Nothing's more ridiculous that what people do for their silly mythologies.
 
2003-04-18 09:05:22 PM
"Dozens of men, with faces shrouded by scarves, also formed a procession along a dusty road leading to the hill, followed by crowds of children and oglers. The men stripped to their waists, cut their bare backs with broken bottles attached to a piece of wood and then beat themselves with woven bamboo whips."

What happened to the traditional method?

 
2003-04-18 09:05:29 PM
"Jesus sounds like a JERK!"
 
2003-04-18 09:06:16 PM
Muck1969, Loudmouthsoup: Bill Hicks.
 
2003-04-18 09:06:50 PM
Cheer up Brian... you know what they say...

Somethings in life are bad, they can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewin' on life's gristle, don't grumble, make a whistle...
And this'll help things turn our for the best... AND

Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the light side of life.

If life seems jolly rotten, there's sumtin you've forgotten;
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.

When your feelin' in the dumps, don't be silly, chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle, that the key!

And.....

Always look on the bright side of life!
 
2003-04-18 09:07:15 PM
Jesus walks into a motel, throws down a handfull of nails and asks the front desk clerk, "can you put me up for the night"?

/goes to hell.
 
2003-04-18 09:07:29 PM
More proof that ALL things can be explained by Monty Python
 
2003-04-18 09:07:52 PM
"Someone seemed to have forgotten the fact that Jesus DIED by being crucified."

Odd. I thought it was the spear in the side that did that.
 
2003-04-18 09:08:03 PM
Damn, someone beat me to it.
 
2003-04-18 09:09:55 PM
No, FatherG. Simple crucifixion is enough to kill somebody. It's been scientifically proven.
 
MCM
2003-04-18 09:10:04 PM
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting...
 
2003-04-18 09:10:09 PM
Man, and I biatch if I get a sliver in my palm...A NAIL!
What kind of farkin' nutter drives a nail through their hand...willingly?

I still say God is a casual observer.
 
2003-04-18 09:11:04 PM
The spear in the side was actually to see if he was dead or not. He was. (I actually looked it up one time while very bored).
 
2003-04-18 09:12:29 PM
I don't know about anyone else, but I collect weird crap from the net. Ran across this one a couple of years back, for a good read on crucifixion...

CrucificationA Physician Analyzes the Crucifixion

Originally published in Arizona Medicine, March 1965,
Arizona Medical Association.
A medical explanation of what Jesus endured on the day He died
By Dr. C. Truman Davis


Dr. C. Truman Davis is a graduate of the University of Tennessee College
of Medicine. He is a practicing ophthalmologist, a pastor, and author of a
book about medicine and the Bible.
Several years ago I became interested in the physical aspects of the
passion, or suffering, of Jesus Christ when I read an account of the
crucifixion in Jim Bishop's book, The Day Christ Died. I suddenly realized
that I had taken the crucifixion more or less for granted all these years
- that I had grown callous to its horror by a too-easy familiarity with
the grim details. It finally occurred to me that, as a physician, I did
not even know the actual immediate cause of Christ's death. The gospel
writers do not help much on this point. Since crucifixion and scourging
were so common during their lifetimes, they undoubtedly considered a
detailed description superfluous. For that reason we have only the concise
words of the evangelists: "Pilate, having scourged Jesus, delivered Him to
them to be crucified ... and they crucified Him."
Despite the gospel accounts silence on the details of Christ's
crucifixion, many have looked into this subject in the past. In my
personal study of the event from a medical viewpoint, I am indebted
especially to Dr. Pierre Barbet, a French surgeon who did exhaustive
historical and experimental research and wrote extensively on the topic.
An attempt to examine the infinite psychic and spiritual suffering of the
Incarnate1 God in atonement for the sins of fallen man is beyond the scope
of this article. However, the physiological and anatomical aspects of our
Lord's passion we can examine in some detail. What did the body of Jesus
of Nazareth actually endure during those hours of torture?
Gethsemane
The physical passion of Christ began in Gethsemane. Of the many aspects of
His initial suffering, the one, which is of particular physiological
interest, is the bloody sweat. Interestingly enough, the physician, St.
Luke, is the only evangelist to mention this occurrence. He says, "And
being in an agony, he prayed the longer. And his sweat became as drops of
blood, trickling down upon the ground" (Luke 22:44 KJV).
Every attempt imaginable has been used by modern scholars to explain away
the phenomenon of bloody sweat, apparently under the mistaken impression
that it simply does not occur. A great deal of effort could be saved by
consulting the medical literature. Though very rare, the phenomenon of
hematidrosis, or bloody sweat, is well documented. Under great emotional
stress, tiny capillaries in the sweat glands can break, thus mixing blood
with sweat. This process alone could have produced marked weakness and
possible shock.
Although Jesus' betrayal and arrest are important portions of the passion
story, the next event in the account which is significant from a medical
perspective is His trial before the Sanhedrin and Caiaphas, the High
Priest. Here the first physical trauma was inflicted. A soldier struck
Jesus across the face for remaining silent when questioned by Caiaphas.
The palace guards then blindfolded Him, mockingly taunted Him to identify
them as each passed by, spat on Him, and struck Him in the face.

Before Pilate
In the early morning, battered and bruised, dehydrated, and worn out from
a sleepless night, Jesus was taken across Jerusalem to the Praetorium of
the Fortress Antonia, the seat of government of the Procurator of Judea,
Pontius Pilate. We are familiar with Pilate's action in attempting to
shift responsibility to Herod Antipas, the Tetrarch of Judea. Jesus
apparently suffered no physical mistreatment at the hands of Herod and was
returned to Pilate. It was then, in response to the outcry of the mob,
that Pilate ordered Barabbas released and condemned Jesus to scourging and
crucifixion.
Preparations for Jesus' scourging were carried out at Caesar's orders. The
prisoner was stripped of His clothing and His hands tied to a post above
His head. The Roman legionnaire stepped forward with the flagrum, or
flagellum, in his hand. This was a short whip consisting of several heavy,
leather thongs with two small balls of lead attached near the ends of
each. The heavy whip was brought down with full force again and again
across Jesus' shoulders, back, and legs. At first the weighted thongs cut
through the skin only. Then, as the blows continued, they cut deeper into
the subcutaneous tissues, producing first an oozing of blood from the
capillaries and veins of the skin and finally spurting arterial bleeding
from vessels in the underlying muscles.
The small balls of lead first produced large deep bruises that were broken
open by subsequent blows. Finally, the skin of the back was hanging in
long ribbons, and the entire area was an unrecognizable mass of torn,
bleeding tissue. When it was determined by the centurion in charge that
the prisoner was near death, the beating was finally stopped.

Mockery
The half-fainting Jesus was then untied and allowed to slump to the stone
pavement, wet with his own blood. The Roman soldiers saw a great joke in
this provincial Jew claiming to be a king. They threw a robe across His
shoulders and placed a stick in His hand for a scepter. They still needed
a crown to make their travesty complete. Small flexible branches covered
with long thorns, commonly used for kindling fires in the charcoal
braziers in the courtyard, were plaited into the shape of a crude crown.
The crown was pressed into his scalp and again there was copious bleeding
as the thorns pierced the very vascular tissue. After mocking Him and
striking Him across the face, the soldiers took the stick from His hand
and struck Him across the head, driving the thorns deeper into His scalp.
Finally, they tired of their sadistic sport and tore the robe from His
back. The robe had already become adherent to the clots of blood and serum
in the wounds, and its removal, just as in the careless removal of a
surgical bandage, caused excruciating pain. The wounds again began to
bleed.

Golgotha
In deference to Jewish custom, the Romans apparently returned His
garments. The heavy patibulum of the cross was tied across His shoulders.
The procession of the condemned Christ, two thieves, and the execution
detail of Roman soldiers headed by a centurion began its slow journey
along the route, which we know today as the Via Dolorosa. In spite of
Jesus' efforts to walk erect, the weight of the heavy wooden beam,
together with the shock produced by copious loss of blood, was too much.
He stumbled and fell. The rough wood of the beam gouged into the lacerated
skin and muscles of the shoulders. He tried to rise, but human muscles had
been pushed beyond their endurance. The centurion, anxious to proceed with
the crucifixion, selected a stalwart North African onlooker, Simon of
Cyrene, to carry the cross. Jesus followed, still bleeding and sweating
the cold, clammy sweat of shock. The 650-yard journey from the Fortress
Antonia to Golgotha was finally completed. The prisoner was again stripped
of His clothing except for a loincloth, which was allowed the Jews. The
crucifixion began. Jesus was offered wine mixed with myrrh, a mild
analgesic, pain-reliving mixture. He refused the drink. Simon was ordered
to place the patibulum on the ground, and Jesus was quickly thrown
backward, with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire felt for
the depression at the front of the wrist. He drove a heavy, square
wrought-iron nail through the wrist and deep into the wood. Quickly, he
moved to the other side and repeated the action, being careful not to pull
the arms too tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The
patibulum was then lifted into place at the top of the stipes, and the
titulus reading "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews" was nailed into
place. The left foot was pressed backward against the right foot. With
both feet extended toes down, a nail was driven through the arch of each,
leaving the knees moderately flexed. The victim was now crucified.

On the Cross
As Jesus slowly sagged down with more weight on the nails in the wrists,
excruciating, fiery pain shot along the fingers and up the arms to explode
in the brain. The nails in the wrists were putting pressure on the median
nerve, large nerve trunks, which traverse the mid-wrist and hand. As He
pushed himself upward to avoid this stretching torment, He placed His full
weight on the nail through His feet. Again there was searing agony as the
nail tore through the nerves between the metatarsal bones of this feet. At
this point, another phenomenon occurred. As the arms fatigued, great waves
of cramps swept over the muscles, knotting them in deep relentless,
throbbing pain. With these cramps came the inability to push Himself
upward. Hanging by the arm, the pectoral muscles, the large muscles of the
chest, were paralyzed and the intercostal muscles, the small muscles
between the ribs, were unable to act. Air could be drawn into the lungs,
but could not be exhaled. Jesus fought to raise Himself in order to get
even one short breath. Finally, the carbon dioxide level increased in the
lungs and in the blood stream, and the cramps partially subsided.

The Last Words
Spasmodically, He was able to push Himself upward to exhale and bring in
life-giving oxygen. It was undoubtedly during these periods that He
uttered the seven short sentences that are recorded. The first - looking
down at the Roman soldiers throwing dice6 for His seamless garment:
"Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do." The second - to
the penitent thief: "Today, thou shalt be with me in Paradise." The third
- looking down at Mary His mother, He said: "Woman, behold your son." Then
turning to the terrified, grief-stricken adolescent John, the beloved
apostle, He said: "Behold your mother." The fourth cry is from the
beginning of (Psalm 22: )"My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" He
suffered hours of limitless pain, cycles of twisting, joint-rending
cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation, and searing pain as tissue was
torn from His lacerated back from His movement up and down against the
rough timbers of the cross. Then another agony began: a deep crushing pain
in the chest as the pericardium, the sac surrounding the heart, slowly
filled with serum and began to compress the heart. The prophecy in (Psalm
22:14) was being fulfilled: "I am poured out like water, and all my bones
are out of joint, my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my
bowels." The end was rapidly approaching. The loss of tissue fluids had
reached a critical level; the compressed heart was struggling to pump
heavy, thick, sluggish blood to the tissues, and the tortured lungs were
making a frantic effort to inhale small gulps of air. The markedly
dehydrated tissues sent their flood of stimuli to the brain. Jesus gasped
His fifth cry: "I thirst." Again we read in the prophetic Psalm: "My
strength is dried up like a potsherd; my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and
thou has brought me into the dust of death" (Psalm 22:15 KJV). A sponge
soaked in posca, the cheap, sour wine that was the staple drink of the
Roman legionnaires, was lifted to Jesus' lips. His body was now in
extremis, and He could feel the chill of death creeping through His
tissues. This realization brought forth His sixth word, possibly little
more than a tortured whisper: "It is finished." His mission of atonement
had been completed. Finally, He could allow His body to die. With one last
surge of strength, He once again pressed His torn feet against the nail,
straightened His legs, took a deeper breath, and uttered His seventh and
last cry: "Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit."

Death
The common method of ending a crucifixion was by crurifracture, the
breaking of the bones of the leg. This prevented the victim from pushing
himself upward; the tension could not be relieved from the muscles of the
chest, and rapid suffocation occurred. The legs of the two thieves were
broken, but when the soldiers approached Jesus, they saw that this was
unnecessary. Apparently, to make doubly sure of death, the legionnaire
drove his lance between the ribs, upward through the pericardium and into
the heart. (John 19:34) states, "And immediately there came out blood and
water." Thus there was an escape of watery fluid from the sac surrounding
the heart and the blood of the interior of the heart. This is rather
conclusive post-mortem evidence that Jesus died not the usual crucifixion
death by suffocation, but of heart failure due to shock and constriction
of the heart by fluid in the pericardium.
Resurrection
In these events, we have seen a glimpse of the epitome of evil that man
can exhibit toward his fellowman and toward God. This is an ugly sight and
is likely to leave us despondent and depressed. But the crucifixion was
not the end of the story. How grateful we can be that we have a sequel: a
glimpse of the infinite mercy of God toward man-the gift of atonement, the
miracle of the resurrection, and the expectation of Easter morning.
 
2003-04-18 09:12:36 PM
What's sad about this is that if they truly understood the crucifixion, they'd realize that the whole point was that we no longer have to suffer for our sins.
 
2003-04-18 09:14:02 PM
"Someone seemed to have forgotten the fact that Jesus DIED by being crucified."

Odd. I thought it was the spear in the side that did that.


The spear in the side probably sped things up. Most victims of crucifixion take DAYS to die.
 
2003-04-18 09:15:19 PM
I don't understand why people buy the "sacrafice" for our sins nonsense. I mean he was god and he had the "god-magic" to allow him to rise from the dead on Easter.

Big daddy in the sky makes it all better.

The families who have lost loved ones to war have a real sacrafice. They know there's no magic that's going to bring their son or daughter back...

C'mon guys, let's start a good old-fashioned flamewar.
 
2003-04-18 09:15:36 PM
 
2003-04-18 09:15:56 PM
From what I've heard, you can't be properly crucified by being nailed thorugh your hands, it has to be done through your wrist. Otherwise you sort of flop off and get all the other nails ripped out of you. Your hand can't support your weight in that situation. I suppose they could hammer more nails into you, but that defeats the purpose of crucifiction--to die as slowly and painfully as possible. And Jesus being crucified paid for ALL of our sins? Either someone forgot to carry the extra 2,745,168 adding it all up, or we are a lot nicer than we appear.

And Nanookanano, brilliant!
 
2003-04-18 09:16:14 PM
SadDad: That's the article I was referring to. What I don't understand is why all representations today of the crucifixion show Jesus as being nailed in the palm and not the wrist...

More interestingly, most cases of stigmata appear on palms.
 
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