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(ABC News)   Studies show that shoveling snow increases your risk of heart attack. So do your heart a favor and stay inside all winter eating pork rinds and Funyuns on the couch   ( abcnews.go.com) divider line
    More: Obvious  
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1245 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2010 at 4:34 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2010-02-12 02:22:49 PM  
We got almost a foot of snow here and I went out to dig out my car on the street. The snow plows did their thing and there's a three foot wall on my driver's side. I did the only sensible thing and said fark this and went back inside. I figure the snow should melt by April.
 
2010-02-12 03:47:20 PM  
Colorado melts the snow for me. Thanks, Colorado!

/Water? In my high desert summer? Yeah, probably not
 
2010-02-12 04:33:16 PM  
i had 90 something cubic feet of snow behind my car because of the plows. I was shoveling for an hour before a guy in a bobcat took pity on me and came by and plowed the rest of me. YAY!
 
2010-02-12 04:35:57 PM  
Anyone been able to find the Wasabi Funyuns anywhere? Those were good.
 
2010-02-12 04:37:23 PM  
Reason #1 to live in the South.

/There's 99 reasons to not live in the South.
 
2010-02-12 04:39:09 PM  
One more snowstorm this year, and I'm restarting my attempt at converting my super soaker into a flamethrower.
 
2010-02-12 04:39:40 PM  
"Hello, I'm Mr. Plow. Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers and the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow?"

/Call Mr. Plow,
//That's my name.
///That name again is Mr. Plow.
 
2010-02-12 04:40:04 PM  
Thus, a snowblower should be deductable as a health care expense.

/Stupid audit.
 
2010-02-12 04:40:14 PM  
Glad is hasn't gotten that bad around here. It's just dropped a couple of inches here and there. I only spent about 20 minutes digging out the other day.
 
2010-02-12 04:40:42 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


"Friiiiied Funyun riiiiings....."

/hot
 
2010-02-12 04:44:42 PM  

oi_piss_me_off


i had 90 something cubic feet of snow behind my car because of the plows. I was shoveling for an hour before a guy in a bobcat took pity on me and came by and plowed the rest of me. YAY!


o_O
 
2010-02-12 04:45:56 PM  
Studies show that shoveling snow increases your risk of heart attack. So do your heart a favor and stay inside all winter eating pork rinds and Funyuns on the couch

Done!
 
2010-02-12 04:45:57 PM  

Fireproof: "Hello, I'm Mr. Plow. Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers and the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow?"


Mr. Plow only makes digging your car out worse
 
2010-02-12 04:46:59 PM  

Englebert Slaptyback: o_O


After that, he didn't really care about the snow...
 
2010-02-12 04:48:42 PM  
I take this philosophy to heart. Statistically, heart attacks tend to occur during strenuous activity and periods of exertion. I keep myself at an even keel all the time, and it's served me well so far. When I was twenty seven my boss fired me from my plush job as a well-paid but, honestly, pretty useless office job. I was married, my wife was used to the dough I was bringing home, and the economy was already going to the drink. Of course I'm always thinking Heart Healthy, so how did I respond?

Even keel, baby.

Stuff started going wrong, bad news bears all around. I lost my house, had to convince my wife to move into a one-bedroom apartment with me. She was already hating me at this point, and I'd been steadily gaining weight since I met her due to my no-strenuous-activity Heart Healthy policy, and I thought she might be cheating on me. Didn't bother me, I just calmly told her I was off to my Assistant Manager job at the Winn-Dixie one day, but stopped around the corner. Followed her to some black dude's house. I'm Heart Healthy, of course, so how did I respond?

Even keel, baby.

Anyways I told her I knew about a month later. It didn't bother me that much, nothing does. I play it cool, keep the ol' ticker tickin'. She was making dinner, a Hungry Man and a can of green beans, and I just told her. Straight out the blue, just casually. It threw her way off, but I don't know why. She knows that's how I roll. She accused me of snooping around, got all defensive. I was like, "Look, babe, I don't really even care. I'm down to make this work." Of course, as they say, women don't want you to take it easy. She served me with the papers while I was on my lunch break from the Winn-Dixie, left them on my front seat of my car. I found 'em after a customer'd just chewed me out, saying I was worthless. Was on my way out the door to sit in the car and give her a call. Pow, right in the kisser. Of course I was thinking of the ticker, and how'd I respond?

Even keel, baby.

Finished out my shift, even keel all the way. Even fired a teenager for not showing up for the 4th time, straight talked all the way through it. No emotion, that's how I roll. The heart's all I got now, so I gotta keep it goin'. Anyways, even keel's what it's all about. It's kept me alive this long, and any philosophy that leads to as content of a lifestyle as I have can't be wrong.

Even keel, baby. Keep the heart beatin'.
 
2010-02-12 04:51:05 PM  
i82.photobucket.comView Full Size


/Not Impressed
 
2010-02-12 05:03:32 PM  
The did not mention Jerking off did they?
 
2010-02-12 05:04:19 PM  
And shoveling snow off of a roof increases your chances of breaking your leg.
On the upside, as of today I can walk with a cane. A really cool pip cane with a brass eagle head on top.
 
2010-02-12 05:08:28 PM  
Or you could, you know, not eat a ton of cholesterol and get regular exercise...

/I hear riding a bike greatly increases your chance of bicycle accidents
 
2010-02-12 05:08:55 PM  
No, shoveling snow if you are not in good shape increases your chances for a heart attack.

If your fat ass hasn't done anything remotely physical in several years, then perhaps trying to move mountains of one of the most dense substances on earth is a bad idea.
 
2010-02-12 05:09:58 PM  
Acute Angina? Oh, I thought you said...
 
2010-02-12 05:12:13 PM  
correlation =/= causation
 
2010-02-12 05:16:27 PM  
Shoveling snow doesn't kill people, a sick heart that is over strained does. You may make it through by not shovelling for a few years, but then one thanksgiving you'll eat too much turkey, have a little too much alcohol and BAM! Gravy induced heart attack.

shiat happens, just be careful, and you'll live till you die.
 
2010-02-12 05:25:06 PM  
On a related note- I'm reading this while fighting food poisoning contracted from eating a cupcake I found in the garage.
While there's no snow here, it is challenging squatting on the pot while puking into a trash can simultaneously.
 
2010-02-12 05:27:37 PM  

eddyatwork: We got almost a foot of snow here and I went out to dig out my car on the street. The snow plows did their thing and there's a three foot wall on my driver's side. I did the only sensible thing and said fark this and went back inside. I figure the snow should melt by April.


A snowplow is a useful device for converting 2 inches of snow on the road into 3 feet of snow at the end of your driveway.
 
2010-02-12 05:29:48 PM  

RogerDodger: On a related note- I'm reading this while fighting food poisoning contracted from eating a cupcake I found in the garage.
While there's no snow here, it is challenging squatting on the pot while puking into a trash can simultaneously.


Good god, man, did noone tell you about not eating food you "find" places unless you're a crow, raven or buzzard?
 
2010-02-12 05:33:33 PM  

RogerDodger


On a related note- I'm reading this while fighting food poisoning contracted from eating a cupcake I found in the garage.


Holy somethingorother, that's hilarious.
 
2010-02-12 05:43:10 PM  

tricycleracer: Reason #1 to live in the South.

/There's 99 reasons to not live in the South.


"I got 99 reasons to move but the snow ain't one"?
 
2010-02-12 05:44:10 PM  
I bet studies would show that if you are a lazy ass 364 days out of the year and on that one day, you decide you can move all this tonnage of snow with just you and your trusty snow shovel that you bought down at 7-11, you are probably at an increased risk for heart attack. Even IF your 4-year-old brings her plastic Barbie shovel to help.


/had the heart attack
//now use it as an excuse NOT to shovel
///Colorado solar shovel helps
 
2010-02-12 05:47:09 PM  
Funyuns are, well ...... horrifying on some level

I used to buy a bag and hide it in the house. Then I'd wait for my girlfriend to get very stoned. Then I'd say, "hey look what I have..." and crack out the Funyuns.

And she'd curse me.

But then she'd eat the whole bag.

(I did this with those terrible foam circus peanuts too.)

We're not together any more.
 
2010-02-12 05:55:00 PM  
Just got home from work, we had to shovel our warehouse roof. Nothing like spending 8 hours on top of a winding,icy,slanted metal roof. We are to go back in at 6am .......I effning hate winter in PA. Think I'll have a cold one or two.
 
2010-02-12 06:03:50 PM  
If a mildly exhaustive shoveling makes your heart stop, then you deserve to die.
 
2010-02-12 06:10:08 PM  
It's rice cakes and hummus for us in my home. We also use a handheld plow.

I used the shovel to dig out my car, since our garage only has room for one car. Maybe it's time for one of the houses on my block left empty by foreclosure to be torn down to build a neighborhood parking garage. Thank gawd my neighborhood doesn't follow the Chicagoland custom of "dibs".
 
2010-02-12 06:13:45 PM  
One of my favorite Onion headlines:

Funyuns Still Outselling Responsibilityuns
 
2010-02-12 06:32:25 PM  
I pulled my back shovelling last week, and the doctor put me off work for a week. I'm only 27, and fairly good shape.

I live in New Brunswick, Canada, where we get a whole lot of snow. I'm strongly considering a snow blower now.
 
2010-02-12 06:40:12 PM  
This study brought to you by the Snow Blower Association of America.
 
2010-02-12 06:44:04 PM  
45, Wisconsin. My early tough-guy "I am strong Midwestern stock and I can shovel anything Father Winter can toss my way" melted away about age 40.

/Big-ass snowblower.
//Help a buncha neighbors with their plowed-in driveways
///So that makes up for the carbon footprint, right?
 
2010-02-12 07:33:03 PM  
"Snowblower" - okay, I was a dumb biatch. Thanks for the help, boys.
 
2010-02-12 07:41:38 PM  
"Snowblower" - of course. Thank you, boys, for jogging my memory.
 
2010-02-12 07:42:07 PM  
it's also a good form of exercise if your not a moron and pretend your running a marathon whilst shoveling.

/this is not a headline
/also, try not to lift said shovel full of snow
 
2010-02-13 07:34:46 AM  

w00ty: it's also a good form of exercise if your not a moron and pretend your running a marathon whilst shoveling.

/this is not a headline
/also, try not to lift said shovel full of snow


Thank you.

Been shoveling New England snow for a long, long time. The secret is to take your time, stop and rest, and enjoy the after-the-storm pristine vistas.
 
2010-02-13 08:56:49 AM  

jtown: This study brought to you by the Snow Blower Association of America.


A snowblower has paid for itself whether it is ever used or not.
 
2010-02-13 02:41:17 PM  
Since I just paid $700 to get the ice dams steamed off my roof, I am getting a real kick out of

Now hard to see out der winders what wit da piles o ice.

Can I turn in(or is it get) some of those carbon credit things? Or do I just burn something to keep warm?
 
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