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(The Smoking Gun) Interesting Michael Jackson's autopsy results are out. He had recently had a root canal, he tattooed his eyebrows and lips, he was balding, and he had "unremarkable" testes and scrotum. Wait, what?   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 119
More: Interesting, eyebrows, Michael Jackson, Turner Sports  
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10449 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 09 Feb 2010 at 9:33 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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SharkTrager
2010-02-09 10:51:05 PM
Intelligent_Donkey: Doesn't "Homicide" imply intent? Or is it just a blanket term? It seemed to me that whoever was providing medical care for Jackson was merely incompetent, not malicious.

Nope. Murder implies intent. Homicide covers a wider variety of death, such as negligent homicide.
 
pkticker
2010-02-09 10:58:19 PM
Tophersky: Intelligent_Donkey: Doesn't "Homicide" imply intent? Or is it just a blanket term? It seemed to me that whoever was providing medical care for Jackson was merely incompetent, not malicious.

...or WAS he

I think it just means "one human kills another." It doesn't have anything to do with intent or lack thereof.

/I am not a lawyer... but I watched one on TV.
 
WFern
2010-02-09 11:09:03 PM
orbitalfreak: So, what's that gonna be like in a few years, chatting with kids or grandkids. "Yeah, son, these hands once held the balls of the King of Pop."

Of course, a few years back, it could have been the child saying "Yeah, dad, these hands once held the balls of the King of Pop."

My favorite question Bill Maher has ever asked a guest (Barack Obama's physician prior to his election): "When you were giving him a physical, did you ever think 'These hands are cupping the balls of the future President of the United States'?"

I'm paraphrasing from memory, but that question and the doc's reaction had me laughing like an idiot.
 
WFern
2010-02-09 11:14:19 PM
Also...

...The body weighs 136 pounds...

That shocked me. I know he was a relatively small guy, but that's scarily thin for a grown man.
 
All-The-Funny-Names-Are-Taken
2010-02-09 11:18:57 PM
albo: and the anus?

...was fine until the oil hit it.


/oldie
//goodie
///too lazy to look up the original thread.
 
itazurakko
2010-02-09 11:38:26 PM
All-The-Funny-Names-Are-Taken: ...was fine until the oil hit it.

LOL.

Just recently discovered that thread myself...
 
Knara
2010-02-09 11:44:28 PM
WFern: I'm paraphrasing from memory, but that question and the doc's reaction had me laughing like an idiot.

and the reaction was?
 
Bhasayate
2010-02-09 11:44:52 PM
SpeckledJim: EsteeFlwrPot: Isn't it creepy to think that one day, there will be one of these reports made for every one of us. One day we're going to be the ones that are dead, cold, naked, cut up with our intestines laid out on a table being tested on. I'm depressed now.

Only if your death was somehow suspicious, otherwise it's not worth the effort - you just died of whatever you had or you were old.

not me, i'm gonna dispose of my body, by jumping into flames, or perhaps the water. no one will find me hahhaa
 
douchebag/hater
2010-02-09 11:49:29 PM
Nice thread.

And I'm not even that bothered that I laughed.

Out loud.

Like ten times.
 
Hugo Zorilla
2010-02-09 11:50:20 PM
misterblint: My wife died in September of cardiopulmonary arrest, caused by a pulmonary embolism, caused by cervical cancer. When she went into arrest, the medical staff worked on her for 24 minutes before they pronounced her dead. I was present and it seemed like an an eternity. I also knew that she was gone after about 10 minutes. I can't imagine them keeping it up for 4 1/2 hours.

Usually on 'FARK', a smartass comment or rude comment is called for under these conditions.
But for you, misterblint, I have but one word.
And I believe I speak for most of us with this one word.
And this one word is...

Condolences.
 
poot_rootbeer
2010-02-09 11:51:34 PM
His scrotum was so unremarkable BECAUSE it was MADE OUT OF Anna Nicole's anus after her autopsy was completed.
 
gimmeasammich
2010-02-09 11:56:49 PM
misterblint:
My wife died in September of cardiopulmonary arrest, caused by a pulmonary embolism, caused by cervical cancer. When she went into arrest, the medical staff worked on her for 24 minutes before they pronounced her dead. I was present and it seemed like an an eternity. I also knew that she was gone after about 10 minutes. I can't imagine them keeping it up for 4 1/2 hours.

Sorry for your loss. Once someone close to you goes, any time after seems too darn long in my opinion.

/mind you for some people that time can't come soon enough!
//one ticket please
 
Digitalstrange
2010-02-09 11:58:29 PM
EsteeFlwrPot:

Isn't it creepy to think that one day, there will be one of these reports made for every one of us. One day we're going to be the ones that are dead, cold, naked, cut up with our intestines laid out on a table being tested on. I'm depressed now.

Not if you go down in flames......

Remember you come into this world naked screaming and covered in blood and vaginal fluid. If you do things right you can go out the same way.
 
redbucket
2010-02-09 11:59:00 PM
What the hell! Why would you report on a root canal and not a farkING MISSING NOSE!

Any medicalfarkers out there want to explain?
 
SpeckledJim
2010-02-09 11:59:07 PM
Bhasayate: SpeckledJim: EsteeFlwrPot: Isn't it creepy to think that one day, there will be one of these reports made for every one of us. One day we're going to be the ones that are dead, cold, naked, cut up with our intestines laid out on a table being tested on. I'm depressed now.

Only if your death was somehow suspicious, otherwise it's not worth the effort - you just died of whatever you had or you were old.

not me, i'm gonna dispose of my body, by jumping into flames, or perhaps the water. no one will find me hahhaa

pics or it won't happen.
 
itazurakko
2010-02-10 12:00:31 AM
redbucket: What the hell! Why would you report on a root canal and not a farkING MISSING NOSE!

Any medicalfarkers out there want to explain?

Was the missing nose ever officially confirmed, or was it only tabloid rumor?

/seriously curious
//morbidly curious
 
gimmeasammich
2010-02-10 12:01:47 AM
BTW, can anyone explain why the corpse is smiling on those autopsy reports (page 20)?

Srsly, would YOU be happy once they made that Y incision?
 
Dwight_Yeast
2010-02-10 12:04:50 AM
itazurakko: Also what's up with all the puncture wounds? Lots of drug injections, I assume...

Yup. But that's nothing. When they did Howard Hughes' autopsy, they found that both of his arms were full of broken-off needles. He'd been injecting himself for years and made a real mess of it

cryinoutloud: His NOSE. Tell us about his NOSE. Or lack of one.

He'd had a nose job or nose jobs and he had a bandage on the tip, but otherwise, it sounds like it was fine. More misdirection on Jackson's part, it seems.
 
EsteeFlwrPot
2010-02-10 12:07:17 AM
Digitalstrange: Remember you come into this world naked screaming and covered in blood and vaginal fluid. If you do things right you can go out the same way.

This is my new facebook status. Thank you!

/unremarkable scrotum is a good band name
 
sweetcakes
2010-02-10 12:12:20 AM
Hugo Zorilla: misterblint: My wife died in September of cardiopulmonary arrest, caused by a pulmonary embolism, caused by cervical cancer. When she went into arrest, the medical staff worked on her for 24 minutes before they pronounced her dead. I was present and it seemed like an an eternity. I also knew that she was gone after about 10 minutes. I can't imagine them keeping it up for 4 1/2 hours.

Usually on 'FARK', a smartass comment or rude comment is called for under these conditions.
But for you, misterblint, I have but one word.
And I believe I speak for most of us with this one word.
And this one word is...

Condolences.

This.
That is the most heart-wrenching experience I can imagine.
 
katerbug72 [TotalFark]
2010-02-10 12:14:07 AM
I, for one, find the pyramids quite remarkable.
 
Dwight_Yeast
2010-02-10 12:17:17 AM
SpeckledJim: An adult brain at room temperature starts to die after about 4-5 minutes with no oxygen. There are plenty of tests to determine it too - various reflexes. Takes longer if the whole system was chilled (e.g. drowning in cold water) but that didn't apply here.

Actually, it's turning out that that's not true. There's a doctor here in Philly having really good luck bringing back people who've been "dead" longer than that.

Interesting article here (new window)
 
dictyboy
2010-02-10 12:19:52 AM
Brick-House: Enough with the anus, what about this?

You know, that would make an outstanding animated GIF.
 
jake3988
2010-02-10 12:20:09 AM
Um... a 'condom catheter'?! WTF is a condom catheter?

and, thank god, he had uncimcumcized male genitalia. Good to know.
 
GungFu
2010-02-10 12:22:56 AM
gimmeasammich: BTW, can anyone explain why the corpse is smiling on those autopsy reports (page 20)?


Because someone was looking at Michael's weiner and no-one is getting arrested?
 
ABQGOD
2010-02-10 12:24:27 AM
If it wasn't for the part about being dead and sliced open, I'd love to read such a detailed report about me.
 
jake3988
2010-02-10 12:26:14 AM
jake3988 2010-02-10 12:20:09 AM Um... a 'condom catheter'?! WTF is a condom catheter? and, thank god, he had uncimcumcized male genitalia. Good to know.
============================================

Oh, and by the way... that SHOULD have read 'and, thank god, he had male genitalia.'

Adding in the uncimcircumcized makes that sentence a little spooky.

But it is notable :)
 
SpeckledJim
2010-02-10 12:27:06 AM
misterblint: My wife died in September of cardiopulmonary arrest, caused by a pulmonary embolism, caused by cervical cancer. When she went into arrest, the medical staff worked on her for 24 minutes before they pronounced her dead. I was present and it seemed like an an eternity. I also knew that she was gone after about 10 minutes. I can't imagine them keeping it up for 4 1/2 hours.

Sorry - and that was quite a long time given standard procedures. 10 at most, OK we're done here.

Because horrible as it is there are other people dying too. I has a sad.
 
platedlizard
2010-02-10 01:04:07 AM
jake3988: Um... a 'condom catheter'?! WTF is a condom catheter?

and, thank god, he had uncimcumcized male genitalia. Good to know.

I imagine it's a catheter that goes over the penis instead of inside.
 
katerbug72 [TotalFark]
2010-02-10 01:06:00 AM
jake3988: jake3988 2010-02-10 12:20:09 AM Um... a 'condom catheter'?! WTF is a condom catheter? and, thank god, he had uncimcumcized male genitalia. Good to know.
============================================

Oh, and by the way... that SHOULD have read 'and, thank god, he had male genitalia.'

Adding in the uncimcircumcized makes that sentence a little spooky.

But it is notable :)

I wish I hadn't googled condom catheter. Something I could have gone my whole life not knowing about would be that Michael Jackson was hooked up to one of those.
 
WrongTrousers
2010-02-10 01:28:50 AM
platedlizard: jake3988: Um... a 'condom catheter'?! WTF is a condom catheter?

and, thank god, he had uncimcumcized male genitalia. Good to know.

I imagine it's a catheter that goes over the penis instead of inside.

Yep. Probably wore it because he'd probably pee himself being wacked on the sedation so long...

... if they can prove anything, that cardiologist is farked. IMHO, there's no way anyone short of an anesthesiologist should have been working with those types of drugs in combination, particularly propofol. It's pretty obvious MJ had a long-term tolerance to benzo's, can't think that it was any sort of restful (not REM) sleep he got under propofol.
 
The_Sponge [TotalFark]
2010-02-10 01:31:23 AM
albo: and the anus?

i22.photobucket.com
 
AllShelleyAllTheTime
2010-02-10 01:38:37 AM
I saw Jackson once. What a remarkable performer.
Such a stupid way to die.
 
Shocktopus
2010-02-10 01:46:09 AM
pubes: Came for the pics of Jackson on the slab with the Y incision and guts and shiat hanging out. Left disappointed.

The internet has really farked you up.
 
Gyrfalcon
2010-02-10 01:46:36 AM
"unremarkable": There was nothing there to remark upon.
 
Atomic Spunk
2010-02-10 02:05:28 AM
Does the Los Angeles Coroners Office still use a typewriter? That font is a typewriter font.
 
we won it five times
2010-02-10 02:31:50 AM
lostinspace1978: Was it pressed permed, with glitter sprinkled on it?

Came for Chappelle, leaving happy.
 
headhurt [TotalFark]
2010-02-10 02:35:42 AM
cretinbob: just read it....they tried resuscitation for 4 1/2 hours!!!!!!
Any patient I've ever presented in asystole to the after two rounds of epi and atropine gets one more round and then gets called. We're talking 30 minutes max from time of dispatch. 4 1/2 to 5 hours is farking retarded, I don't give a shiat who it is. Even after 30 minutes they are done.

I'd be pissed as hell if I had to work a code for 4 1/2 hours. After an hour, I'd just throw my hands up and say Stiffy McStifferson was deader than Lindsey Lohan's career.
 
thefatbasturd
2010-02-10 02:40:14 AM
lostinspace1978: Was it pressed permed, with glitter sprinkled on it?

"I couldn't pick my penis out of a line-up and me and my penis are like this, son... LIKE THIS!!!!"

Came for Dave... satisfied...
 
RevMercutio
2010-02-10 03:29:45 AM
WFern: Also...

...The body weighs 136 pounds...

That shocked me. I know he was a relatively small guy, but that's scarily thin for a grown man.

i118.photobucket.com
Disagrees. (his gold medal was at 135 lbs.)
 
Doctor Jan Itor
2010-02-10 06:02:51 AM
1997 wants its balls back.
i.somethingawful.com
cdn3.knowyourmeme.com
 
oizo
2010-02-10 06:20:05 AM
FTA: "Near the left foot of the bed, there was a string of wooden beads and a tube of toothpaste"

i'd say the anus was definitely remarkable...who uses wooden beads and toothpaste now-a-days?
 
rogue49
2010-02-10 06:51:38 AM
Darwin Award.

If you are foolish enough to allow your home doctor inject you with powerful drugs,
then you will more than likely die.

I guess we're seeing a recent re-emergent pattern here,
of celebrities who think the drug instructions don't apply to them.

/when it comes to drugs...caution first, comfort last
//that is, if you care about being alive...
 
Doctor Jan Itor
2010-02-10 07:41:37 AM
oizo: FTA: "Near the left foot of the bed, there was a string of wooden beads and a tube of toothpaste"

i'd say the anus was definitely remarkable...who uses wooden beads and toothpaste now-a-days?

That wasn't toothpaste, and the beads... well, you know.
 
kettlemits
2010-02-10 08:01:57 AM
I feel it should be homicide. As a physician he knows that he was not using Propofol in an appropriate medical setting. They should have thrown the book at this guy.
 
varmitydog
2010-02-10 08:25:57 AM
cretinbob : just read it....they tried resuscitation for 4 1/2 hours!!!!!! Any patient I've ever presented in asystole to the after two rounds of epi and atropine gets one more round and then gets called. We're talking 30 minutes max from time of dispatch. 4 1/2 to 5 hours is farking retarded, I don't give a shiat who it is. Even after 30 minutes they are done.

Can you imagine the outcry by professional black agitators like Sharpton and Jesse Jackson if they quit on old Wacko Jacko before anyone in the house thought they should? Because these guys went on for 4 1/2 hours they are relatively anonymous, if they had quit at 30 minutes they would have had every sordid fact about their lives broadcast for months.
 
ladylaurel18
2010-02-10 08:33:07 AM
5'9" and 136 lbs is actually close to normal. Underweight, but not anorexically so. And if anyone saw the scalp drawings, he wasn't going bald in any significant way, though it sounds like he wore a wig - short and curly is not how he presented his hair.

Oh yeah, and the original kid in the trial said he was circumcised.
 
nostratic
2010-02-10 08:54:04 AM
In autopsy-speak, "unremarkable" means "normal." No surgery, scarring, disease, inflammation, parasites, tattoos, tumors or other abnormalities.

/I saw Unremarkable Scrotum when they toured with Squatting Chihuahau, way before they sold out.
 
JimmySlicings
2010-02-10 09:14:09 AM
daraho.files.wordpress.com
 
cretinbob [TotalFark]
2010-02-10 09:47:49 AM
duckpoopy: cretinbob: just read it....they tried resuscitation for 4 1/2 hours!!!!!!
Any patient I've ever presented in asystole to the after two rounds of epi and atropine gets one more round and then gets called. We're talking 30 minutes max from time of dispatch. 4 1/2 to 5 hours is farking retarded, I don't give a shiat who it is. Even after 30 minutes they are done.

Maybe (probably) you just suck at your job.

It's not my job, it's my hobby.
And what SpeckledJim said. The standard is also to get to ACLS within 6 minutes of the full arrest onset. Looks like it took 20 minutes for them to get on scene. He was DRT, but that doesn't mean you don't try.
People are deluded about their chances of resuscitation in the home or a public place due to sudden cardiac arrest. Their chances are extremely dismal. Check the stats yourself, but roughly 7 of every hundred survive, and 2-3 of them will be Terri Schiavo.
Back to the time factor, for every 10 minutes past the original 6, you chance drop by 10%.
No, I'm good at my hobby. I take it seriously and I have snatched people from the jaws of death, not to sound arrogant about it. But it just wasn't their day and when it's your time, it's your time.
 
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