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(Mainichi Daily News)   Tellers stunned when would-be bank robber passes out on bench from hunger   (mdn.mainichi.co.jp) divider line 52
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30 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2003 at 12:49 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-04-15 11:43:14 PM  
Why didn't he eat a stray dog?
 
2003-04-15 11:59:44 PM  
or a stray whale.

remember, no matter how hard up you are, you can always commit a crime & get a roof over your head with three square meals a day.
 
2003-04-16 12:41:08 AM  
In this economy, starvation is going to be the next diet fad.
 
2003-04-16 12:51:36 AM  
is Mainichi a joke paper like the onion? i swear, there's no way any country on earth is as screwed up as Japan *seems to be every time i read an article on that site.

*not intended to start a flame war or anything
 
2003-04-16 12:52:37 AM  
He reportedly slammed a kitchen knife he was holding onto the counter, apparently to show he was a bank robber.

Or a chef.

But seriously, if this guy was that hungry, why didn't he steal some bread? It is legal as long as one doesn't put anything on it, like jelly for instance.
 
2003-04-16 12:53:01 AM  
this needs a sad tag.
 
2003-04-16 12:58:30 AM  
Thanks TwinBrotherjuilus..
I read it and just got a wave of 'sad' from it...

MagnetBox
The English version takes most of it's stuff from the local rags that are akin to "The Sun" "Star" and "The National Enquirer"
 
2003-04-16 12:58:47 AM  


Yes indeed.
 
2003-04-16 01:00:18 AM  
I hate "would-be".

That and "has-been".
 
2003-04-16 01:02:12 AM  
Dem wacky Nips
 
2003-04-16 01:02:34 AM  
How about "so-called"?
 
2003-04-16 01:05:28 AM  
Thats tolerable at best.
 
2003-04-16 01:08:39 AM  
i hate "never-was"

too many people call me that, i don't get it!
 
2003-04-16 01:12:31 AM  
But what was Penn's reaction?
 
2003-04-16 01:14:08 AM  
he fired a gun into the guy's head and cut off his hand

also stole 3 people's watches from the audience
 
2003-04-16 01:16:13 AM  
He should be on a breakfast cereal commercial:
"I wasn't able to rob banks without fainting until I started eating Wheaties - The breakfast of Champions!"
And they could put him on the cover of the box with his knife.
 
2003-04-16 01:18:38 AM  
If he had stolen bread, it would have just broken down into glucose, sending him into even more striven hunger pains.

What the man needed was a balanced intake of protein and starch.
 
2003-04-16 01:19:23 AM  
"But seriously, if this guy was that hungry, why didn't he steal some bread? It is legal as long as one doesn't put anything on it, like jelly for instance."

Um... where is stealing bread legal, and why would it be illegal if you put something on it when you ate it?
 
2003-04-16 01:19:36 AM  
Sir Spanksalot
Spell much?
Or is your terrible supposed to be in line with the whole Japanese theme?
 
2003-04-16 01:20:52 AM  
err.. terrible spelling
 
2003-04-16 01:21:30 AM  
"Would-be robber feints from hunger in bank lobby"

Crafty of him. It's a good thing he didn't faint, otherwise he'd be SOL.
 
2003-04-16 01:22:45 AM  
I think Kurt vonnegut had something to say about the breakfast of champions.
 
2003-04-16 01:29:43 AM  
Bo0o0o0oring..
 
2003-04-16 01:29:57 AM  
Sswift, it's a quote from Simpsons.
 
2003-04-16 01:30:29 AM  
how the hell is it legal to steal bread if you dont put anything on it?
 
2003-04-16 01:32:48 AM  
Lisa: So even if a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that would be stealing?
Rev.: No. Well, it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example.
Lisa: I see.
 
2003-04-16 01:33:17 AM  
how the hell is it legal to steal bread if you dont put anything on it?

It's a farking Simpsons Refrence:

Lisa: So it would be wrong for a starving man to steal bread to feed his family?

Lovejoy: Well, that's a tough one. It would be fine as long as he ate the bread plain, and didn't put anything on it, like Jelly, for instance.
 
2003-04-16 01:33:38 AM  
I am Jack's complete lack of text formatting.
 
2003-04-16 01:37:54 AM  
Let them eat cake.
 
2003-04-16 01:41:16 AM  
MagnetBox
is Mainichi a joke paper like the onion? i swear, there's no way any country on earth is as screwed up as Japan *seems to be every time i read an article on that site.

*not intended to start a flame war or anything

The English version of the Mainichi Shinbun paper is all real. It's simply the English version of the website.
HOWEVER
The Mainichi Wai Wai section is all fake stories, much like the National Enquirer. It's a joke section with stories entertaining (I guess) to read. The Wai Wai Section is where Fark usually gets all of its stories about Japan's Sexual Uniqueness...
 
2003-04-16 01:42:49 AM  
I'd feel even more sorry if he hadn't lost his money gambling...
 
2003-04-16 02:04:04 AM  
Iscariot
Good point. I was thinking the wai-wai when I said that.
 
2003-04-16 02:08:33 AM  
Oh my!
Iscariot
After looking at your bio I just have to ask,
Are you the the person that used to get into huge flaming battles on the "life in Japan" (sorry, I was never a regular and I forget the proper name) newsgroup?
 
2003-04-16 02:12:32 AM  
This is a genuine case of human suffering. He was so hungry and helpless that he had to try rob a bank for his hunger. I feel sorry for this individual. Maybe Fark should set up a donation fund or somethin
 
2003-04-16 02:21:48 AM  
04-16-03 01:18:38 AM Nostrafarkus

If he had stolen bread, it would have just broken down into glucose, sending him into even more striven hunger pains.

What the man needed was a balanced intake of protein and starch.




Nerd alert!
 
2003-04-16 02:25:23 AM  
Ku_No_Ichi
I have never partook in Newsgroups so it's most likely it's not me who you refer to.
 
2003-04-16 03:04:29 AM  
I guess they can't sell plasma over there...
 
2003-04-16 03:14:45 AM  
Perhaps Teller's stunned, but Penn was laughing his fool head off and stole the guy's shoes.
 
2003-04-16 03:33:22 AM  
Dont knock selling plasma... 60$ a week towards beer.... Or Glucose I suppose.
I love being a starving college student...
::pops another can of High Life::
Barley and Hops are food right?
 
2003-04-16 04:01:59 AM  
$60 bucks a week selling plasma? That's like 20 jars of peanut butter a week. Or 60 cans of generic canned pasta with meatballs.

Here's a question... how cheap do you think you could eat for a week? Pretend you've spent the last month with nothing but water and you're prepared to rob a bank to get something to eat. (Ramen is not a meal. It is not filling and has enough salt to make a flat.)
 
2003-04-16 04:20:28 AM  
easy. peanut butter, sprouts, and rice.

you may need to add more fat to round it out, and if you wanna splurge, meat. good ole meat.
 
2003-04-16 06:48:12 AM  
I'd give him something to eat.


Oh Gawd.


/Runs in shame
 
2003-04-16 09:43:13 AM  
Nerds?!? On Fark???? I won't believe it!
 
2003-04-16 09:50:28 AM  
Ah. A simpson's reference. Well it wasn't a very funny one. :-)
 
2003-04-16 10:00:35 AM  
that's pretty sad when you can't even get food to eat, there are homeless shelters all over the place here in Austin, TX

Japan is starting to look like a third world country, prolly next on the "axis of evil"
 
2003-04-16 10:54:40 AM  
If he had stolen bread, it would have just broken down into glucose, sending him into even more striven hunger pains.

What the man needed was a balanced intake of protein and starch.


I'm living proof u can live off merely beer and bread.
 
2003-04-16 10:58:23 AM  
Selling plasma once a week? I guess they pull out your blood, filter out all the blood matter, and put them back in? I mean, people aren't supposed to donate blood more than once a month or something.
 
2003-04-16 11:57:19 AM  
I donate twice a week. They take out the blood, filter out the plasma, put the blood back in without plasma. 35$ for an hour of my time. You regenerate that plasma in 48 hours, so its not screwing me up too bad..
 
2003-04-16 12:14:44 PM  
i spend about $30-$40 a month on groceries.. please.. just get a job you lazy farker
 
2003-04-16 12:41:37 PM  
How does this crap get posted while the Golden Feces article gets rejected?
 
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