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(IndyStar)   Amish buggy drag race ends in crash. New two-horsepower horses hard to control   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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140 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2003 at 3:33 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

67 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-04-15 10:27:34 PM  
Stupid joke....

What goes Clop clop, bang bang, clop clop?

Amish drive-by.
2003-04-16 12:06:16 AM  
Maybe they were using Bridgestone-Firestone horseshoes.
2003-04-16 03:08:40 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-16 03:36:14 AM  
This is just wrong.
2003-04-16 03:37:02 AM  
each horse had the power of 2 horses?
2003-04-16 03:38:08 AM  
2003-04-16 03:41:57 AM  
They need rubber baby buggy bumpers.
2003-04-16 03:42:38 AM  
"What art thou rebelling against, Jonathan?

What dost thou have?"

I grew in Amish country. The kids were rugged and always ready for a thrill. Saturday nights they'd take their buggies up to the cliffs and have chicky races. They'd whip the horses toward the cliffs' edge, and last one to yell "whoa" was a big chicky. Of course, nobody had any lights, and it was night, so we never did know who won, but the contestants were honorable, and there was no cheating.

Sometimes there'd be a troubled kid, like Plato. He'd just lock himself in the community butter-churning room, and we'd hear plenty of churning in there, sometimes for more than an hour, but when he opened the door, there would be no butter.

He told his mother that he couldn't get the hang of churnin', but, well, the rest of us, we knew what he was raising, and it wasn't a barn.
2003-04-16 03:45:29 AM  
Very well done, Tomasso
2003-04-16 03:46:38 AM  
These guys just have no horse sense.

(Sorry, it had to be done.)
2003-04-16 03:47:41 AM  
Well Tomasso, the cream always did rise to the top.
2003-04-16 03:54:01 AM  
"What art thou rebelling against, Jonathan?

What dost thou have?"

i'll be laughing about that one for awhile.
2003-04-16 04:02:09 AM  
2 Fast, 2 Amish.

"Yo, Jebidaiah, you rollin dubs on dat ride?"
"Fo shizzle, my dawg"

Due out end of December starring Liam Neeson and Abe Vigoda.
2003-04-16 04:10:45 AM  
Who spiked the horses' feed with equipoise?
2003-04-16 04:11:32 AM  
Any truth to the rumor that one of the buggies was equipped with a giant, useless rear spoiler and a great big ugly red "R" sticker?
2003-04-16 04:16:49 AM  
is it the amish that let their kids go off at 18 to drink, smoke, fark, party, whatever, and then decide if they want to come back (which they usually do)? i think it is, but my freind tells me it the mormons. mormons? wtf?
2003-04-16 04:17:58 AM  
The trouble began when Plato started producing butter along with his churning. It was a strange kind of butter, not as yellow as most kinds, and it had an unusual consistency when it melted...
2003-04-16 04:27:33 AM  
Young_Fart :
Well Tomasso, the cream always did rise to the top.

So does the scum...

2003-04-16 04:41:53 AM  
Whenever I passed amish chicks on the road, I'd always flash my man boobs at them. They got really upset. I took it personal untill I was told amish people are really religious.
2003-04-16 04:50:38 AM  
My friend wanted to try and convince an Amish girl from the nearby community to be his prom date...

He never tried though. I think it would be interesting seeing an Amish girl in a black dress at prom.
2003-04-16 05:23:48 AM  
Does anyone remember that comedy skit where some guy snuck onto a show and pretended to be amish and he talked about raising a whorehouse?

I cant remember where i saw it, but it was funny as hell.
2003-04-16 05:43:51 AM  
you aren't a farker until you have went through the public hazing.
2003-04-16 05:51:58 AM  
Ghall, that was the dumbest thing I have ever seen someone type. You must be a moron. Are you some leftist hippy? Jebus on toast. You make me want to puke.

/tries to make Ghall feel welcome

2003-04-16 06:27:35 AM  
GIS for "amish drag race" only brings up one thing.
[image from too old to be available]
Do the amish do drag racing differently than us non amish?
2003-04-16 06:37:27 AM  
Sadly, this is the second time I've heard of this happening...
2003-04-16 07:26:28 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-16 07:41:16 AM  
He was arrested for DUI while driving a buggy!!!!

2003-04-16 08:21:41 AM  

It was on SNL, right about the time of the movie 'Witness'. Back when SNL was really funny.
2003-04-16 08:26:36 AM  
That does it. I'll write my congressman. We need seat-belt legislation for horse buggies.
2003-04-16 08:32:10 AM  
Sounds more like "road rage" to me... You know that other buggy cut the dad off and he just flew off the handle with the whole family in the buggy and decided to teach that young driver a little something about driving buggys. If the dad wouldn't have been in such a rage he would have seen the other guy braking and wouldn't have rear ended him.
2003-04-16 08:33:07 AM  
is it the amish that let their kids go off at 18 to drink, smoke, fark, party, whatever, and then decide if they want to come back (which they usually do)?

It is indeed. It's called Rumspringa. I saw an excellent documentary about it: Devil's Playground .
2003-04-16 08:36:33 AM  
Token Kingpin gag follows...

Roy: Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Roy: Yeah, well he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a hint what it is. It's round, has three holes, and you put your fingers into it.
Ishmael: You leave Rebecca out of this!

Sorry. Got nothin'
2003-04-16 08:43:44 AM  
While the northeastern Indiana area has a large Amish community, state Trooper Bob Brophy said he did not know of any other recent problems with drag-racing buggies

Because of budget cutbacks, the State Troopers are on bicycles, which place them at a real disadvantage when the Amish go wild. Hey! There a video waiting to be made... Amish Spring Break Girls go Wild!

There's an entire county of Amish in Ohio - Holmes County, I think. They love tourists. Stop at a restaurant and apple pie is $2.50. But Amish apple pie... $4.50. The difference? $2.00.
2003-04-16 08:46:54 AM  
check out this Amish rock band's website:

[image from too old to be available]

2003-04-16 09:03:02 AM  
Pugsley: Ignorance or trollery? The Amish can't be an "offshoot" of Nazis or hippies because the Amish predate both by a couple of centuries.
2003-04-16 09:12:55 AM  
Mods must not have liked my submission of this yesterday. At also had this image with the story and a link to another Amish buggy racing accident last fall where they arrested one guy for animal cruelty because one of the horses in the accident died.
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-16 09:18:42 AM  
Pretty soon we'll start seeing "V-Tec Equipped" stickers on Amish buggies, right?
2003-04-16 09:25:31 AM  
Pugsleythegreat: Actually the no photography thing is one of the ten commandments: something about thou shalt not try to recreate things that God's already made.

That being said the Amish are indeed scary mofo's. The major Amish communities are richer than you can imagine (all that money from selling organic food at sky-high prices, plus the tourist industry... and they don't spend money on fancy houses or cars, just more land and stock).

A lot of them are also having to let electricity into their houses because their children have so many diseases from inbreeding that they frequently need 24-7 medical care.
2003-04-16 09:33:24 AM  
This was farking hilarious. One of the funniest things I've seen on FARK lately. Man I needed a good laugh today... Please sir can I have another??
2003-04-16 09:59:06 AM  
I can agree the amish are indeed some strange folks. Years ago, when I was in college, I worked for a construction delivery service that often delivered to houses being built by amish construction crews. At the time I had dreds about half-way down back. No matter what language people speak you can always tell if you are being made fun of, even if they are speaking Pennsylvania Dutch. The one or two amish guys would invariably try to get me to speak to them in private always asking if I had any "good smoke". Trust me, you have not lived until you have passed a left-handed smoke with a bunch of guys that look like a cross between gimli of LOTR and ZZTop.
2003-04-16 10:00:42 AM  
I heard about this story on my way into work. Some radio station kept saying "Sabbath, Sabbath, Sabbath....come see Jebiadiah in his super-buggy" "Yeah, dude...those 20 inch hoofs on that Clydesdale??" etc. Laughed my ass off--and people were staring at me. Better there than at work where my boss can catch me ;)
2003-04-16 10:02:19 AM  
Xkenny13: now you've done it.

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitave as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise
2003-04-16 10:11:31 AM  
Neat! This was the subject of my very first fark photoshop! way back in the day... I signed up just so I could participate in the S.A vs fark photoshop war.
[image from too old to be available]
The Amish hold a special place in my heart because always, no matter how tough times get, you can make fun of the amish and it will be funny.
2003-04-16 10:13:50 AM  
Lordargent you beat me to it!

Heh...I live near Amish Country...Holmes County, to the south, has the largest Amish population. They don't bother anyone.

I worked with this one girl who knew this Amish kid who wanted a car stereo installed into his buggy...I'm serious!
2003-04-16 10:26:05 AM  
I went to college just outside of Lancaster, PA where the Amish are common. It seemed that whenever you needed to get somewhere quick, there was some little black buggy hoggin' up the lane and traffic was too thick to pass. You'd end up spending 20 minutes behind some dude in a buggy at a race of 15 mph.

It really sucked this one time as the horse took a dump on the road and it got all over my tires... I found a car was right quick.
2003-04-16 10:26:58 AM  
err, that's car "wash." Fingers not waiting for directions from brain...
2003-04-16 10:29:44 AM  
Tomasso, you made my morning. I'll be giggling all the way through that boring ass meeting. Thanks!
2003-04-16 10:40:52 AM  
Alexandra I worked with this one girl who knew this Amish kid who wanted a car stereo installed into his buggy...I'm serious!

did it look like this?

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-16 10:44:43 AM  
That's it... Now we need a helmet law for buggies. Imagine making the amish wear syrofoam on their heads.
2003-04-16 10:46:32 AM  
Sitting on a friend's porch on Friday night in Ohio, in Amish country. Suddenly the sounds of Metallica are heard as one buggy rides by....

...enter nightclop clop clop...exit lightclop clop clop

Hill. Air. E. Us.
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