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(CNN)   The government has your baby's DNA. That's all citizens, move along now   (edition.cnn.com) divider line 140
    More: Scary  
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16528 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Feb 2010 at 2:05 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-02-05 11:41:13 PM  
moviesmedia.ign.com
Disapproves
 
2010-02-06 12:05:02 AM  
why do I not think this is going to end well?
 
2010-02-06 02:07:58 AM  
Citizenship is a privilege not a right, get this straight and be happier today!
 
2010-02-06 02:08:48 AM  
Meh...the sheer amount of data that DNA has in it, unless the government wants to hire like. A lot more people, and I mean a lot, and has the funding for it they won't be able to do too much with this DNA
 
2010-02-06 02:09:07 AM  
What 2000 page bill did they slide this into unnoticed?
 
2010-02-06 02:09:26 AM  
So after a few years will we get to hear the "Oops! We integrated the babies list with the adult criminals list!" story?

Assuming the government in the US is still presuming innocence, of course.
 
2010-02-06 02:10:03 AM  
OddPanda: Assuming the government in the US is still presuming innocence, of course.

Nah, the Patriot Act took care of that one.
 
2010-02-06 02:10:22 AM  
This must be a conspiracy by whatever those nurses are called that come to your house with a tub of water for you to give birth in order to increase their business. Seriously, those nurses are whackos, but f this.
 
2010-02-06 02:11:22 AM  
"That's all citizens, move along now"

Ok
 
2010-02-06 02:11:49 AM  
Panty Sniffer: This must be a conspiracy by whatever those nurses are called that come to your house with a tub of water for you to give birth in order to increase their business. Seriously, those nurses are whackos, but f this.

lol wut?
 
2010-02-06 02:11:58 AM  
Wow, only 26 years late.
 
cot
2010-02-06 02:14:33 AM  
detfrost1: lol wut?

I think he's talking about a midwife?
 
2010-02-06 02:14:49 AM  
detfrost1: Panty Sniffer: This must be a conspiracy by whatever those nurses are called that come to your house with a tub of water for you to give birth in order to increase their business. Seriously, those nurses are whackos, but f this.

lol wut?


They are called midwives (new window) and often have you give birth underwater. Yeah, it's crazy, but they don't take DNA.
 
2010-02-06 02:15:05 AM  
*shrug* Safety in numbers.

Yes, I know that's not the best attitude to have, but until I hear of HOW they're (or a single disgruntled employee, which is the usual thing) going to abuse it, I'm not concerned.
 
2010-02-06 02:17:44 AM  
Panty Sniffer: detfrost1: Panty Sniffer: This must be a conspiracy by whatever those nurses are called that come to your house with a tub of water for you to give birth in order to increase their business. Seriously, those nurses are whackos, but f this.

lol wut?

They are called midwives (new window) and often have you give birth underwater. Yeah, it's crazy, but they don't take DNA.


You breeders do some weird farking shiat... I know if *I* was going to have something the size of a watermelon shoot out a hole in my body roughly the size of a lemon, I'd want to be completely and totally unconscious for it. Take the DNA gimme the drugs.
 
2010-02-06 02:18:17 AM  
Haha, good one BlippityBleep.

I doubt this is part of the Health Care reform, is it? I mean, they're doing this sample gathering without telling you & then charging your insurance... =\
 
2010-02-06 02:24:48 AM  
So? If you lose that kid, they can CLONE you a brand new one!
 
2010-02-06 02:29:58 AM  
It's like a warranty. If the first one's defective, you can bring it back and they'll clone you a new one. This is why you need to read all those forms at the hospital.

Interesting that my state went from keeping them for a month in 2001 to keeping them for a year and then freezing them anonymously for an additional four years in 2010. I can only assume they're breeding an army of clones somewhere.
 
2010-02-06 02:31:51 AM  
Wittenberg Dropout: Citizenship is a privilege not a right, get this straight and be happier today!

So that "all men are created equal" thing is just bullshat huh?
 
2010-02-06 02:32:42 AM  
They are making clone food for Pedo Bear.

-D
 
2010-02-06 02:33:17 AM  
Newborn babies in the United States are routinely screened for a panel of genetic diseases.


OMG! They're checking for diseases! The horror!
 
2010-02-06 02:34:11 AM  
Oh come on, you whiny teabaggers. The government is doing this for your own good. I bet you hate science, don't you?
 
2010-02-06 02:37:56 AM  
Aidan:

*shrug* Safety in numbers.

Yes, I know that's not the best attitude to have, but until I hear of HOW they're (or a single disgruntled employee, which is the usual thing) going to abuse it, I'm not concerned.


No, that really *isn't* the best attitude to have. Any useful data set ends up getting used for all sorts of things that weren't even imagined when the data was first collected, and they have not really made a case for retaining the data here.

Back in the days of easily-cloned analog cell phones I had a client ask me to create a database to analyze a few megs of call data each month to spot spikes in usage that might indicate someone's phone getting cloned. All good... Then an employee got busted calling phone sex lines, so I had to flag those, then they cracked down on long distance and personal calls etc.

But it really got weird when the union tried to organize the company. That's when I started getting lists of specific numbers that were to be flagged. Now management was using the database as a tool to see who was talking with union reps or even other companies that were union.

Cool story, I know, but it was a pretty good education in database scope creep for me.
 
2010-02-06 02:38:41 AM  
Panty Sniffer: They are called midwives (new window) and often have you give birth underwater. Yeah, it's crazy, but they don't take DNA.

It makes cleaning up the shiat easier when the woman craps herself, which is inevitable during childbirth, unless the poor cow was unable to eat for a few days before the "pushing" began.
 
2010-02-06 02:44:45 AM  
This is not new news.
 
cot
2010-02-06 02:46:21 AM  
It's kind of funny that some people seem to have such a strange attitude towards childbirth - I'm pretty sure some substantial fraction of you were birthed by a human mother.

Having a baby in a tub is supposed to help alleviate some of the pain, for those who don't prefer to take pain killers.

On the DNA front, I have to say it's pretty damn weird that the government takes your kid's DNA, sometimes without telling you, and keeps it on file. It's one thing to knowingly get a test done because you choose to do so, another for them to take it without telling you and keep it on file. I'm definitely in favor of doing the testing, just doesnt seem like it has to be done like this.
 
2010-02-06 02:48:07 AM  
detfrost1: Meh...the sheer amount of data that DNA has in it, unless the government wants to hire like. A lot more people, and I mean a lot, and has the funding for it they won't be able to do too much with this DNA

Hope they have yours on file. Then they can assay and weed out the "Dumbass" gene.
 
2010-02-06 02:50:41 AM  
detfrost1: Meh...the sheer amount of data that DNA has in it, unless the government wants to hire like. A lot more people, and I mean a lot, and has the funding for it they won't be able to do too much with this DNA

About 750MB in the human genome. About as much as a low quality blowjob vid or camcorder rip of transformers 2.
 
2010-02-06 02:56:46 AM  
"Art Caplan, a bioethicist at the University of Pennsylvania, says he understands why states don't first ask permission to screen babies for genetic diseases. "It's paternalistic, but the state has an overriding interest in protecting these babies," he says."

There you go.
The state has an interest! Sorry folks.
Love your state! Don't forget your picture of Mao.
 
2010-02-06 02:56:53 AM  
macsenwledig: Hope they have yours on file. Then they can assay and weed out the "Dumbass" gene.

Whoah. Feeling a little hostile? What exactly did he say that deserves dumbmass status?


This exchange made me laugh....


Panty Sniffer: detfrost1: Panty Sniffer: This must be a conspiracy by whatever those nurses are called that come to your house with a tub of water for you to give birth in order to increase their business. Seriously, those nurses are whackos, but f this.

lol wut?

They are called midwives (new window) and often have you give birth underwater. Yeah, it's crazy, but they don't take DNA.

You breeders do some weird farking shiat...
 
2010-02-06 02:59:01 AM  
www.newsmanateearchive.com

"I'm going to create an army of diseased babies and there is nothing you can do!"


/hot
 
2010-02-06 02:59:36 AM  
Jokes on them. I don't have any babies.
/that I know of.
//don't want kids.
///don't like kids.
 
2010-02-06 03:00:07 AM  
detfrost1: Meh...the sheer amount of data that DNA has in it, unless the government wants to hire like. A lot more people, and I mean a lot, and has the funding for it they won't be able to do too much with this DNA

They're handing it out to people, idiot. You know, companies with a LOT more people and a LOT more money looking to make a LOT more money.

Because of your DNA.

You don't see the problem here?
 
2010-02-06 03:00:24 AM  
I don't have a baby, so take *THAT* Big Brother!

/please don't hurt me!
 
2010-02-06 03:00:33 AM  
States also seem to have an interest in procreation (thus avoiding gay marriage), even if there is over population.

States should be required to destroy either the DNA, or the personal associations once the child reaches a certain age, say 10 or so. Long before they're likely to commit crimes that require DNA matching, long before the kid can have their own children.

Where does the 4th amendment apply? Some believe life begins at conception, where is the DNA test/welfare check?
 
2010-02-06 03:01:38 AM  
OddPanda: So after a few years will we get to hear the "Oops! We integrated the babies list with the adult criminals list!" story?


This. 20 years from now, they find your kids DNA at the scene of the crime, they come right to your house. Busted.
 
2010-02-06 03:06:13 AM  
And after a couple of generations, when certain genetics are proven by science to lead to degenerate behaviors, the sterilizations will begin.
 
2010-02-06 03:10:15 AM  
WeenerGord: OddPanda: So after a few years will we get to hear the "Oops! We integrated the babies list with the adult criminals list!" story?


This. 20 years from now, they find your kids DNA at the scene of the crime, they come right to your house. Busted.


I think I'd be more worried about why the fark my child committed a violent crime than with the cops knowing his DNA was there.

Seriously, if you don;t want to get caught robbing someone or murdering someone, than don't rob or murder people. That easy.

I could understand the fear is that people could plant other people's DNA. But the only people able to do that would need resources, usually from a corporation, and there's no profit in framing customers for murder. Unless the prisons are privatized, but I don't think that will happen.
 
2010-02-06 03:12:05 AM  
WeenerGord: And after a couple of generations, when certain genetics are proven by science to lead to degenerate behaviors, the sterilizations will begin.

Or imprisonment if you don't pay them to treat the disease they discover in your baby. Most of fark is in support of the government on this issue.
 
2010-02-06 03:12:31 AM  
LaserShark: I think I'd be more worried about why the fark my child committed a violent crime


That's easy, it's because you were a bad parent
 
2010-02-06 03:16:53 AM  
I'm just curious: what could the government really do with DNA? Even if it's found as evidence at a crime site, that doesn't mean that you're a killer and such. This is what the legal system is for, right? Unless we're just in the midst of a conspiracy nut wet dream here and logic makes absolutely no sense.

Wait..that's it, isn't it? Anyway, destroying the samples shouldn't be a big deal. Start up some legislation then.

cot: It's kind of funny that some people seem to have such a strange attitude towards childbirth - I'm pretty sure some substantial fraction of you were birthed by a human mother.

Having a baby in a tub is supposed to help alleviate some of the pain, for those who don't prefer to take pain killers.


And it's all bullshiat.

My sister used to be a reasonable person until she got pregnant with her first kid. She was all mellow about it and got easily angered over our family doctor telling her to visit pediatric offices to make sure there were no complications. Insulted, she decided to have the kid at home and got this idiotic midwife do to a tub birth. The idea was to create this homestyle attitude where she would have the kid upstairs while my parents would cook a meal and be around for the birth. You know, all lighted candles and that shiat.

My sister spent the better part of two days upstairs screaming her head off while trying to push her kid out. The imagined scenario quickly dissolved when my idiot sister failed to realize that the strain of childbirth didn't help her relax enough to push her kid out. But, I'll have to give her credit: she was stupid enough to go through some unbearable pain before she relented and went to the hospital. A few hours later, her son was born, and she was happy. Yet she still goes back to the midwife in order to get advice and such.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of Fark: my sister is a complete asshole. You would think immense pain would change her mind, but apparently ignorance is stronger than pain itself. It must feel good to be so right even when everything else tells you otherwise. Anyway, felt I had to share.
 
2010-02-06 03:18:29 AM  
LaserShark: Unless the prisons are privatized, but I don't think that will happen.

It already has. There many private prisons operating in the United States under contracts from several States and counties. It's apparently fairly profitable.
 
2010-02-06 03:24:51 AM  
Art Caplan, a bioethicist at the University of Pennsylvania, says he understands why states don't first ask permission to screen babies for genetic diseases. "It's paternalistic, but the state has an overriding interest in protecting these babies," he says.

LOL!!1!! DADDY STATE!!!eleventy111!!USA!!!

/ahh, that was cathartic
 
2010-02-06 03:26:04 AM  
LaserShark: But the only people able to do that would need resources, usually from a corporation, and there's no profit in framing customers for murder. Unless the prisons are privatized, but I don't think that will happen.

Too late. (new window)

You don't really think the "War on Drugs" is for our own safety, do you?

/great country we're turning into, fellas!
 
2010-02-06 03:26:48 AM  
I was watching a show called "Thats Impossible a few minutes ago. In the show it was claimed George Bush signed a bill in to law in 2008 that mandates the government take blood samples from every new born child.
 
2010-02-06 03:30:03 AM  
I HAVE A BABY????????? WHY THE F*CK DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME THIS BEFORE NOW????
 
2010-02-06 03:47:50 AM  
LaserShark: Unless the prisons are privatized, but I don't think that will happen

Private prisons? It's not like they're rarer than rocking horse shiat are they?
 
2010-02-06 03:48:35 AM  
In some states, including Minnesota and Texas, the states are required to destroy a baby's DNA sample if a parent requests it.

....And being that this is the same entity that stole your infants genetic material to begin with you can trust them to follow your wishes.
 
2010-02-06 03:49:50 AM  
ThrobblefootSpectre: macsenwledig: Hope they have yours on file. Then they can assay and weed out the "Dumbass" gene.

Whoah. Feeling a little hostile? What exactly did he say that deserves dumbmass status?

Sweeeeet....with both your DNA assays in the can, they're one step closer to cracking that stupidity gene.
 
2010-02-06 03:59:26 AM  
It's simple, the pediatrician answered: Newborn babies in the United States are routinely screened for a panel of genetic diseases. Since the testing is mandated by the government, it's often done without the parents' consent

Good.

thespindrifter: Panty Sniffer: They are called midwives (new window) and often have you give birth underwater. Yeah, it's crazy, but they don't take DNA.

It makes cleaning up the shiat easier when the woman craps herself, which is inevitable during childbirth, unless the poor cow was unable to eat for a few days before the "pushing" began.


So you birth the child into a watery stew of urine, blood and fecal matter? Sounds healthy
 
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