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(Some Guy)   Police obtained search warrants for the bowel movements of a suspected drug dealer in Weymouth on Monday after he allegedly swallowed 20 bags of heroin and cocaine. Talk about a sh*tty job   ( divider line
    More: Sick, crack cocaine, power outages, drug laws, Weymouth, search warrants, drug dealers, electrical grids, Oak Ridge  
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2566 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2010 at 1:47 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

39 Comments     (+0 »)
2010-02-05 10:39:02 AM  
Drugs are coming out.
2010-02-05 12:51:00 PM  

Cagey B: Drugs are coming out.


I read an article recently about a special toilet for prisons (or more likely, jails) that is able to gather such evidence without anyone getting dirty hands.

Alas I can't find the link, but basically you'd crap into it, and the stuff would be analyzed and any solid evidence bagged, all ready for evidence storage. The idea was to prevent injury or disease in the searchers, nasty work for the searchers, AND provide a clean chain of evidence since no one touches the stuff until it's in the bag.

Handy for when your kid eats jewelry too, I suppose...
2010-02-05 01:31:17 PM  
Man, what is in this Sh*t, man?
Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.
What's Labrador?
I had it on the table and the little motherf*cker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?
You mean we're smokin' dog sh*t, man?

/First thing that came to mind
2010-02-05 01:48:31 PM  
I bet they go home pooped.
2010-02-05 01:48:36 PM  
(kicking in stall door with weapons drawn)

Freeze motherfecker!

Drop it! (plop)
2010-02-05 01:49:49 PM
Just get a pro to do it
2010-02-05 01:50:47 PM  
Eat the shiat, man. Eat the shiat.
2010-02-05 01:51:05 PM  
Let's be honest with ourselves. If the police just went through his poop without a warrant we'd be up in arms over a gross violation of privacy.
2010-02-05 01:52:54 PM  
2010-02-05 01:53:41 PM  
Was he freaking out, man?
2010-02-05 01:54:40 PM  
Code 2!

Code 2!
2010-02-05 01:54:47 PM  
Has a better way to search the suspect:
2010-02-05 01:55:02 PM
2010-02-05 01:56:33 PM  

itazurakko: Cagey B: Drugs are coming out.


I read an article recently about a special toilet for prisons (or more likely, jails) that is able to gather such evidence without anyone getting dirty hands.

Dude, you're talking about my last greenlight Link (new window)

/now I can't even get arrested on fark
2010-02-05 01:58:58 PM  
God do i love the south shore! Home sweet home
2010-02-05 02:01:22 PM  
TV: Alright! I'll just swallow these bags and the pigs will have nothing on me!

Reality: Well, I swallowed the bags, but the pigs locked me in a room, and waited for me to pass them. Then they arrested me..
2010-02-05 02:01:50 PM  
Oldie but a goodie:

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
2010-02-05 02:02:16 PM  
Poopy snow?
2010-02-05 02:03:57 PM  

FarkedOver: God do i love the south shore! Home sweet home

2010-02-05 02:06:07 PM  
Mr Poopy Pants
2010-02-05 02:07:15 PM  

jtips: FarkedOver: God do i love the south shore! Home sweet home


2010-02-05 02:11:23 PM  
2010-02-05 02:14:10 PM
2010-02-05 02:14:51 PM  

and: FELA DISAPPORVES! (new window, NSFW)
2010-02-05 02:25:06 PM  
I wonder if he'll rat out his friends.

Making him a stool pigeon.
2010-02-05 02:34:20 PM

"I have illegals in my bottom!"

/hot like waffles
2010-02-05 02:46:10 PM  
I'm too old for this shiat!
2010-02-05 03:31:18 PM  
Paging Mike Rowe...
2010-02-05 03:47:14 PM  
Seriously, why the search warrant? Once it leaves your body, it ain't yours. If you have an organ or limb removed at a hospital, you don't get to bring it home with you. Hell, you don't even own your garbage once it's on the street.

/though I met an old lady once who carried around a huge kidney stone to show everyone
2010-02-05 04:08:53 PM  
With a street value of $30 million, of course. And then there's the drugs they'll find in the stool.
2010-02-05 04:29:44 PM  
2010-02-05 04:57:53 PM  

FarkedOver: jtips: FarkedOver: God do i love the south shore! Home sweet home



Whitman. It's a great place to be from.
2010-02-05 05:01:10 PM  
I would so hate to be the cop who served that warrant...

"Search warrant!"
--what for?
"Your excrement! Hit that toilet and start sh*tting!"
2010-02-05 05:05:30 PM
2010-02-05 05:05:51 PM  
This isn't at all odd. Customs is constantly getting swallowers comming in. X-ray them and then wait for the mother load.
2010-02-05 05:29:09 PM
2010-02-05 06:44:18 PM  
Where I work, we just generally detain them until they have a movement the natural way. The evidence emerges eventually. May be the better part of wisdom to get them out some other way, but currently we only call the ambulance if the person shows signs of illness/injury.
2010-02-06 06:38:32 AM  
Came for picture of Toshiro Mifune, Slim Pickins and Christopher Lee.
Left disappointed.
2010-02-06 08:43:20 AM  
Somebody is going to be in deep shiat after this is over.
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