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(Cracked)   Five totally true national stereotypes. Fark got a Florida tag for a reason   (cracked.com) divider line 150
    More: Florida, French Resistance, British Army, military spending, nukes, potheads, Roman Empire, IQ tests, WWI  
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45679 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2010 at 12:19 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-02-05 11:05:37 AM  
I don't know... you can get some funny results using these stereotypes and google trends.
 
2010-02-05 11:06:32 AM  
Wow, I forgot Poland.
 
2010-02-05 11:39:32 AM  
Now who wants to read an article correcting the collective ignorance of the Western world?

No one, that's who you cheese-eating, tooth-decayed, brain-dead alky hung-like-a-gnat submitter.
 
2010-02-05 12:20:31 PM  
list in thread please?
 
2010-02-05 12:22:32 PM  
Fark got a many tags, fark got
 
2010-02-05 12:23:54 PM  
Poland sent its less intelligent people to the US. Or at least that's what the Pole I dated told me.
 
2010-02-05 12:24:16 PM  
Where is "Americans are fat?" Oh wait...
 
2010-02-05 12:25:23 PM  
Jamaicans are fast

adamsalamon.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-02-05 12:25:58 PM  
Maybe per capita the Russians don't drink that much more than Americans, but severe alcoholism, especially among men, is related to their drop in national life expectancy.
 
2010-02-05 12:29:47 PM  
I've read about 6 books about the French during World War 2, and there is nothing wrong with the French people, but the aristocracy were in fact a bunch of out-of-touch, collaborationist surrender monkeys
 
2010-02-05 12:30:29 PM  
I want that machine gun-shaped bottle of liquor so badly. Especially if it works like a squirt gun.
 
2010-02-05 12:31:04 PM  
5. France are surrender monkeys - throughout history they've fought a lot of wars and won most
4. Polish people are idiots - They are smart, despite living in Poland
3. British have bad teeth - They have healthy teeth, but if said teeth are straight and white, belong to a homosexual
2. Russians are all alcoholics - Some of them are when it's cold, and their Badfinger tape has been chewed up.
1. Japanese have small penises - Apparently they look small compared with tentacles.
 
2010-02-05 12:31:53 PM  
Hey japan, if you trimmed down the bushes to expose the trees...this stereotype would probably die faster then my woody when I accidentally watch some of your porn :P Industrial film covered in pixels and fur...not my thing.

Oh and...
media.giantbomb.com
 
2010-02-05 12:32:18 PM  
The 5 Most Statistically Full of shiat National Stereotypes
By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz Feb 05, 2010 122,073 views
article image

Stereotypes exist for a reason: They help us form opinions about people without all the hassle of getting to know them. Why waste time talking to, say, a Frenchman, when everybody knows they are a bunch of baguette-gobbling, beret-wearing cowards? Russians? Furious, bear-fighting drunkards. Dutch? A nation of burn-out potheads. Canadians? Like Americans, but polite. There! We just saved you years of pointless interaction with foreigners.

...or did we?
#5.
The French are Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys

Where We've Seen It:

The image of the "cowardly Frenchman" has appeared in virtually every media possible, from movies to children's shows and video games, right down to the personal sentiments of Captain America (and he wouldn't lie to you; dishonesty makes Captain America vomit in rage).

Why it's All Bullshiat:

Ask Rudyard Kipling, who once famously said about the French: "Their business is war, and they do their business." And boy howdy, a quick glance at France's history shows business is booming:

Since 387 BC, France has fought 168 major wars against such badasses as the Roman Empire, the British Army and the Turkish forces. Their track record isn't too shabby, either: They've won 109, lost 49 and drawn (or as close as you can "draw" a war) 10 times. Professional boxers have been crowned world champions on shiattier records than that.

And while it is true that France surrendered to Germany relatively early in WWII, that was only because they hadn't picked themselves up after WWI yet. And WWI (despite being an entire "I" lower) wasn't exactly an anemic playground chickenfight--the French suffered about 5.7 million casualties (the war killed or wounded an incredible 37 million people worldwide).

So yes, the next time around they let the Germans take over officially, but they never actually stopped fighting: the French resistance was one of the most enduring symbols of Nazi opposition in Europe. The resistance was the originator of the archetypal trench coat wearing merchants of bloody death you see in countless action movies and video games today. They blew up bridges, staged daring night raids, slit German throats while generally looking fantastic (if a little ennui-stricken) while doing it.

And not a damn thing's changed since then: France is the most underestimated military force in the world, with the third highest military spending on the planet and an estimated 300 nuclear warheads at their disposal. So basically... we might want to knock off the "coward" talk now, lest we find the impeccably-styled death squads smoking their thin cigarettes on our doorstep.
#4.
Polish People are Idiots

Where We've Seen It:

Countless variations of the "dumb Polack" joke expose the Poles' inability to change a light bulb in a hilarious fashion; the ease with which you can remove one from a tree; and their many tragic screen-door related underwater transport disasters.

Why it's All Bullshiat:

IQ tests aren't perfect, but if independent IQ studies repeatedly determine that a country has one of the highest average intelligence quotients in Europe, and if you average a bunch of different national IQ tests together and that country does better than your own, it might be time to scale back all the submarine screen door jokes. Yes, Poland handed America its ass in the IQ department, and if Europe was a high school, Poland would be the resident nerd (which might explain why Germany and Russia made such a habit of taking their lunch money).

But if Poland is so smart, where are all their contributions to humanity--like a better mouse trap, a cure for cancer or maybe a better mousetrap that gives mice cancer? What did they ever do for the scientific community?

Well, in 1543, Nicolaus Copernicus formulated a comprehensive theory that the Sun, not our planet, is in the center of the universe, thus starting the scientific revolution (and giving Earth a self-esteem complex). In the 19th century, they had piano virtuoso Frederic Chopin. Finally, the 20th century saw Marie Curie (a pioneer in the field of radioactivity and the first person in history honored with two Nobel Prizes) born in Poland's capitol of Warsaw.

If that's not enough, without the Poles we probably couldn't have ended WWII when we did: The three smarty-pants mathematicians who broke the Enigma code--a cipher used to code Nazi messages with an estimated 500 trillion combinations--all hailed from Poland. If it wasn't for them, WWII could've easily dragged on for years longer, thereby costing countless lives, ruining even more countries and causing everybody in your precious Call of Duty games to don bell-bottoms.

#3.
The British Have Horrible Teeth

Where We've Seen It:

The Brits get slapped with the horrible mouth-hygiene joke on any number of TV shows: from The Simpsons, to South Park; Family Guy to Austin Powers. The stereotype would have us believe that most Brits, upon being confronted by a toothbrush, respond with polite puzzlement at first, quickly lapsing into mindless panic followed by murderous rage.

Why it's All Bullshiat:

We hate to ruin anybody's joke material (especially if you're desperate enough to be hanging onto that cutting edge "British teeth" material) but recent studies suggest that we should retire the bad teeth as Britain's national stereotype of choice (we can probably replace it with much funnier jokes about their oppressive Orwellian state anyway. Your life is not your own; that shiat's hilarious!)

A study performed by OECD, an international economic organization, on the state of dental hygiene in developed countries has concluded that the British have the very best teeth in the entire world, with an average of just 0.6 of a tooth decaying per citizen. Not just "not the worst"--the absolute farking best! That's like routinely mocking the feminine lisp of a guy-pal and finding out he's boned every single girl you know, including your mother (especially your mother). But sadly, because national stereotypes are apparently a zero sum, it turns out Poland has the worst teeth, with an average of almost four rotted teeth per ingenious Polack.

So why does this admittedly lame stereotype even exist? Well, because the idea of "good" teeth differs slightly between the UK and the U.S.--most Brits simply don't find slightly crooked or off-white teeth all that unappealing. They probably fancy you a bit of a poof, actually, wasting perfectly good dosh on teeth whitening 'stead of a warm pint and a hot pigeon pasty. For all you non-British: We think they just called you a pussy, but we can't be sure (we half-suspect they make up good bit of their adorable-sounding slang on the spot).

#2.
Russians Are Rampaging Alcoholics

Where We've Seen It:

If you asked someone what the first thing that pops into their head when they hear the word "Russia" is, they'd probably answer "drunken ape-men." The giant, hairy, inebriated Ruski has became such a part of the cultural consciousness that we even started giving certain drinks the name "(...) Russian" simply because they contain vodka. If you don't think that's offensive, try adding the word "Mexican" to everything that contains tequila next time you're in a burrito joint. Somewhere between the "Mexican Sunrise" and the "Mexi-rita," you'll find yourself waking up in a bathtub full of ice with a kidney missing.

Why it's All Bullshiat:

No one's saying that the Russians don't enjoy their spirits a little too much, too often and far too violently from time to time--but every country in the world has their share of alcoholics. So exactly how much booze does the average Russian drink to earn their place as the world's Bukowski?

About 2.77 gallons per capita, in a given year. Compare that to the USA's 2.42 and it's really not all that much more. In fact, it puts them at number 23 on the list of countries ranked by alcohol consumption.


Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

So why do we all assume Russia's national pastime is taking body shots off of their fur-matted women and arm wrestling bears? It's because Russians have been drinking vodka excessively for a good portion of history, so in the past, it was just safer to assume they were superhumanly blitzed at all times. But modern Russia is, well... modern. The people there (just like the rest of us) probably do have problems they'd like to drink away and yes, they probably do want to punch those arrogant bears right in their smug faces, but they also have jobs to go to in the morning--in office environments which tend to frown upon showing up to work hammered and engaging in a six-hour headlock standoff with the lady from Human Resources.
#1.
Japanese Men Have Small Penises

Where We've Seen It:

Seeing as how the Internet is roughly 40 percent dicks, 59 percent places dicks fit into and one percent people writing about dicks in hilarious list-format, you're probably intimately familiar with the notion that Japanese people have micro-wangs so small they'd struggle to pleasure a Smurf (and definitely not Smurfette. Only girl in the entire village? Hot dog down a hallway situation, that).

Why it's All Bullshiat:

According to various data--gathered by people who, regardless of their compensation are clearly not being paid enough--the average size of Japanese wood is in the range of 5.1- to 5.35-inches. Is that a lot? Well, if top American wangologists are to be believed, your typical USDA approved hot beef injector is somewhere between 5 to 6 inches. Obviously certain well-endowed individuals will inflate the overall data (And we do apologize for it. It's more of a curse, really--people recoil when we unzip, they scream, they run, there's usually a hostage situation) but as far as science is concerned, Japanese and Western penises aren't different enough to be noticeable.

So hey, sorry about that, Japan: Maybe our penises can get together, grab a few drinks and bury that hatchet once and for all. I know ours has been meaning to talk to yours about that terrifying pornography.
 
2010-02-05 12:32:28 PM  
1. The French are cheese-eating surrender monkeys
2. Polish people are idiots
3. The British have horrible teeth
4. Russians are rampaging alcoholics
5. Japanese men have small penises
 
2010-02-05 12:32:36 PM  
It is true that all Puerto Ricans are lazy and steal hubcaps.


/just kidding
//Puerto Rican
///Puerto Rican women are very very hot
////not me, though.
/slashies!
 
2010-02-05 12:33:12 PM  
Fabric_Man: 1. The French are cheese-eating surrender monkeys
2. Polish people are idiots
3. The British have horrible teeth
4. Russians are rampaging alcoholics
5. Japanese men have small penises


Ugh. Too late.
 
2010-02-05 12:33:15 PM  
Hi again.

The Russian stereotype came from the Russian peasantry who constantly drank and made their own version of moonshine. In fact a whole rebellion took place during the early 30s because the Soviet procurements left nothing for alcohol. And nobody gave a shiat if you worked in the kolkhoz drunk.fark you cracked.
 
2010-02-05 12:34:16 PM  
beerrun: Wow, I forgot Poland.

nice
 
2010-02-05 12:36:07 PM  
Maybe the Japanese don't have small penises, but I recently read that one of the big problems with birth control and HIV infection in India is that "standard" condoms don't fit most Indian men (60%). The condoms fall off.

Not exactly on topic, but interesting and related.. if a little sad.
 
2010-02-05 12:37:18 PM  
All Canadians have some type of retractable claws.
 
2010-02-05 12:37:29 PM  
Hannibal222: Hi again.

The Russian stereotype came from the Russian peasantry who constantly drank and made their own version of moonshine. In fact a whole rebellion took place during the early 30s because the Soviet procurements left nothing for alcohol. And nobody gave a shiat if you worked in the kolkhoz drunk.fark you cracked.


I'm Polish and we make our own moonshine here =D
 
2010-02-05 12:38:51 PM  
Quasar:

You're a douchebag. There is no need to post the ENTIRE article in the thread!
 
2010-02-05 12:39:18 PM  
All Canadians are kind and wouldn't hurt a fly...

www.shnock.com
 
2010-02-05 12:40:03 PM  
cdn-www.cracked.com
/full of win
 
2010-02-05 12:40:09 PM  
Quasar: The 5 Most Statistically Full of shiat National Stereotypes
By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz Feb 05, 2010 122,073 views
article image


Yeah, Polish author wants us to know the Polish are not dumb.

/Unless I'm missing something and it's fake names like The Onion. In which case, my bad
 
2010-02-05 12:40:12 PM  
Of course they had to debunk the surrendering stereotype; it's not like they could debunk the stereotype that says that the French are RUDE motherfarkers.
 
2010-02-05 12:40:38 PM  
gopher321 2010-02-05 11:39:32 AM

Now who wants to read an article correcting the collective ignorance of the Western world?




Thanks for adding your own stereotype.



/If I say people in the US are stupid, it proves I'm one of the smart ones, right?
 
2010-02-05 12:40:43 PM  
BumpInTheNight: Hey japan, if you trimmed down the bushes to expose the trees...this stereotype would probably die faster then my woody when I accidentally watch some of your porn :P Industrial film covered in pixels and fur...not my thing.

Uh...can you...maybe there's a different way...what is going on here?
 
2010-02-05 12:43:44 PM  
Stereotypes from article:
#5 - French are cowards.
#4 - Polish are dumb.
#3 - British/English have horribly decayed teeth.
#2 - Russians are drunk all the time.
#1 - Japanese have tiny wieners.

Counter-arguments:

-French are actually pretty good at war. Just not against Germany.
-Copernicus was a Pole, and some of them helped the Manhattan Project
-Brits just don't care for straightened teeth, but take care of their crooked choppers.
-Russians used to be massive drunks, but since communism fell there they all got jobs now they've toned it down from 9 to about 6.
-Some weird group with too much time and money measured dongs and said the Japanese average is about the global average.

Dunno why they focused on the Japanese there. A more interesting pick would be Peuro Ricans being lazy (they ain't), English being polite tourists (some of the rudest tourists I've met were English, though the French as always take the cake on that one), or Hungarians not being world-conquering megalomaniacs (we're just biding our time, you fools).

/Soon.
//DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM
 
2010-02-05 12:44:07 PM  
theorellior: Maybe per capita the Russians don't drink that much more than Americans, but severe alcoholism, especially among men, is related to their drop in national life expectancy.

Apparently the people at cracked don't do research. They say Russians consume "About 2.77 gallons per capita, in a given year. Compare that to the USA's 2.42".

However, last I checked 18 liters is 4.76 gallons, not 2.77.
Source

In fact, alcohol is responsible for 3/4s of male deaths between 15 and 54, and half of female deaths between 15 and 54. Myth my ass, they have a public health crisis.
source
 
2010-02-05 12:44:34 PM  
imprimere: Quasar:

You're a douchebag. There is no need to post the ENTIRE article in the thread!


It doesn't take up that much space, retard.

Get over it
 
2010-02-05 12:47:15 PM  
i like boobies

/all asian men have small penises
/no rly
 
2010-02-05 12:47:49 PM  
USCLaw2010: /full of win

I'm holding out for the Maker's Mark bazooka.
 
2010-02-05 12:49:18 PM  
IWillRuleTheWorld: USCLaw2010: /full of win

I'm holding out for the Maker's Mark bazooka.


I would expect the Maker's Mark black powder rifle.
 
2010-02-05 12:51:35 PM  
Torrentius: All Canadians have some type of retractable claws.

This, actually, is true. We just don't like to talk about it.
 
F42
2010-02-05 12:51:40 PM  
The japs: It's about GIRTH, not length.
 
2010-02-05 12:52:15 PM  
BumpInTheNight: Hey japan, if you trimmed down the bushes to expose the trees...this stereotype would probably die faster then my woody when I accidentally watch some of your porn :P Industrial film covered in pixels and fur...not my thing.

Oh and...


I think they have special censorship laws, it would at least explain why they all apparently have a black Cthulu growing out of their snatches.
 
2010-02-05 12:54:25 PM  
trappedspirit: BumpInTheNight: Hey japan, if you trimmed down the bushes to expose the trees...this stereotype would probably die faster then my woody when I accidentally watch some of your porn :P Industrial film covered in pixels and fur...not my thing.

Uh...can you...maybe there's a different way...what is going on here?


Let's put it this way, this commercial (new window) would completely fly over the heads of the japanese nation. (if their porn is representative of the general upkeep standards in those regions)

:)
 
2010-02-05 12:55:27 PM  
God Is My Co-Pirate: Torrentius: All Canadians have some type of retractable claws.

This, actually, is true. We just don't like to talk about it.


You are a humble, yet deadly, lot.
 
2010-02-05 12:56:55 PM  
Hannibal222: I've read about 6 books about the French during World War 2, and there is nothing wrong with the French people, but the aristocracy were in fact a bunch of out-of-touch, collaborationist surrender monkeys.

F for way too many reasons to list.
 
2010-02-05 12:57:05 PM  
Hey guys, don't know if anyone posted it yet but here's a quick synopsis.

5. France Surrenders
4. You forgot poland!
3. British teeth
2. Russian Vodka
1. Japs w/ small blurry penii lol
 
2010-02-05 01:00:19 PM  
Soofus: All Canadians are kind and wouldn't hurt a fly...

That's some seriously farked up evil right there. Reading the details of that case gave me nightmares.
 
2010-02-05 01:01:23 PM  
General Vayo
-Russians used to be massive drunks, but since communism fell there they all got jobs now they've toned it down from 9 to about 6.

I met a Russian engineer once who said if you paid your Russian workers in cash on Thursday, they crawled straight into a vodka bottle and didn't come to work on Friday.

I think he emigrated before the fall of Communism, so that anecdote may be a little out of date.
 
2010-02-05 01:02:14 PM  
Barakku: I think they have special censorship laws, it would at least explain why they all apparently have a black Cthulu growing out of their snatches.

Yeah, it's funny how it's perfectly fine to show a girl getting bukkaked by 50 dudes, sodomy with a live octopus, but has long has those dirty penii are blurred out it's A-OK.
 
2010-02-05 01:03:38 PM  
imprimere: Quasar:

You're a douchebag. There is no need to post the ENTIRE article in the thread!


Not sure if serious, but usually that's what people ask for when it comes to things like this that get blocked at work.
 
2010-02-05 01:04:58 PM  
Ed Grubermann: Soofus: All Canadians are kind and wouldn't hurt a fly...

That's some seriously farked up evil right there. Reading the details of that case gave me nightmares.


Aye. As a rule I don't support the death penalty... But this one made me feel like there should be exceptions.
 
2010-02-05 01:06:22 PM  
chu2dogg: Yeah, it's funny how it's perfectly fine to show a girl getting bukkaked by 50 dudes, sodomy with a live octopus, but has long has those dirty penii are blurred out it's A-OK.

It's not that. It's that their penises are naturally blurry and pixelated.

/like Bigfoot
 
2010-02-05 01:07:10 PM  
panda: theorellior: Maybe per capita the Russians don't drink that much more than Americans, but severe alcoholism, especially among men, is related to their drop in national life expectancy.

Apparently the people at cracked don't do research. They say Russians consume "About 2.77 gallons per capita, in a given year. Compare that to the USA's 2.42".

However, last I checked 18 liters is 4.76 gallons, not 2.77.
Source

In fact, alcohol is responsible for 3/4s of male deaths between 15 and 54, and half of female deaths between 15 and 54. Myth my ass, they have a public health crisis.
source


There's a difference between an Imperial pint / gallon and a US pint / gallon (not only in number of fluid ounces, but in how much constitutes a fluid ounce).

But not THIS big a difference. Thanks for the sources.
 
2010-02-05 01:07:51 PM  
Cajnik: Quasar: The 5 Most Statistically Full of shiat National Stereotypes
By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz Feb 05, 2010 122,073 views
article image

Yeah, Polish author wants us to know the Polish are not dumb.

/Unless I'm missing something and it's fake names like The Onion. In which case, my bad


He is making money by writing a two page list that requires no hard sources and managed to get you to comment on it.
 
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