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(Breitbart.com)   It puts the lotion down its pants   (breitbart.com) divider line 55
    More: Amusing  
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15623 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2010 at 11:53 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-02-04 11:55:05 PM  
wait, that's illegal now?
 
2010-02-04 11:55:19 PM  
That's some fine police work there Lou. (seeing as how it happened in Springfield)
 
2010-02-04 11:56:21 PM  
www.framinghamma.org
 
2010-02-04 11:57:11 PM  
So what's his fark handle?
 
2010-02-04 11:58:04 PM  
I'm surprised he didn't manage to slip out of their grasp.
 
2010-02-04 11:58:26 PM  
Sounds like an invitation to rhyme:


"It put's the lotion down its pants"

Or else it gets de-pantsed again.

/best I got
 
2010-02-04 11:59:04 PM  
He was just trying to get a mexican bath and hide that burrito smell.
 
2010-02-04 11:59:41 PM  
...or else it gets chapped again.
 
2010-02-05 12:02:44 AM  
They never said he stole them.
 
2010-02-05 12:04:57 AM  
Well, that is where the hose is... :p
 
2010-02-05 12:05:23 AM  
was this the suspect?
img43.imageshack.us
 
2010-02-05 12:07:15 AM  
...or else it gets the army ants?
 
2010-02-05 12:09:28 AM  
He just wanted to use the lotion to look white.
 
2010-02-05 12:10:10 AM  
If his pants had been on the ground, it might've been a little easier...
 
2010-02-05 12:11:47 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants or it gets the music by Pete Wentz.
 
2010-02-05 12:13:23 AM  
"It puts the lotion down its pants"

--And gives itself some hose romance?
 
2010-02-05 12:16:09 AM  
Christian Bale: ...or else it gets the army ants?

am intrigued by your methods ... do you have a newsletter ?
vator.tv
 
2010-02-05 12:20:19 AM  
It was unclear if Guadarrama has an attorney. So what? I want to know why this weirdo is stealing 75 bottles of lotion to start with. Articles like this make me so frustrated I could scream.
 
2010-02-05 12:21:56 AM  
towleroad.typepad.comLink

Im sure the robots over at red eye will have something to say about this.

/ill bring the lotion
 
2010-02-05 12:24:24 AM  
Gyrfalcon: It was unclear if Guadarrama has an attorney. So what? I want to know why this weirdo is stealing 75 bottles of lotion to start with. Articles like this make me so frustrated I could scream.

"KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief"

I'd say he couldn't find a rape victim.

/I miss you terribly Uncle Duke.
 
2010-02-05 12:28:43 AM  
Extra Virgin Palm Oil: "It puts the lotion down its pants"

--And gives itself some hose romance?


popularity to the biaches it tries to enhance?
 
2010-02-05 12:30:14 AM  
Unimpressed

pearshapely.files.wordpress.com

Stop!
 
2010-02-05 12:30:29 AM  
Amateur. The lotion must be removed and the empty bottles discarded or recycled, depending on your city's bylaws.
 
2010-02-05 12:42:31 AM  

With that much lotion, he'll be the most loved man in the jail tonight.

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) - Police say a Massachusetts man who stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his pants couldn't slip away from authorities, hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams.

Springfield police say 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama of Framingham was charged with larceny after the incident Wednesday night at Bath and Body Works in the Eastfield Mall.

Police say mall security officers chased Guadarrama, but he had stuffed so many of the eight-ounce lotion containers in his pants that he could barely run. Police say he could not bend over to get in the police cruiser until some of the bottles were removed.

It was unclear if Guadarrama has an attorney. A telephone number for him could not immediately be found Thursday.

He'll get many chances to bend over tonight (with lotion).

// Male Anal Rape in jail is obviously the most fair form of rehabilitation and justice.
// Of course, if the USA would just stop breeding out the morons like litters of rabbits...
 
2010-02-05 12:45:01 AM  
Veteran of the Cola Wars: Gyrfalcon: It was unclear if Guadarrama has an attorney. So what? I want to know why this weirdo is stealing 75 bottles of lotion to start with. Articles like this make me so frustrated I could scream.

"KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of the Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck.
-The Chief"

I'd say he couldn't find a rape victim.

/I miss you terribly Uncle Duke.


Makes as much sense as anything.
 
2010-02-05 12:46:50 AM  
mentaluproar: wait, that's illegal now?

Now As always the approved method is pizza grease, fill out forms MoP-184i and MoL-A451 showing understanding of this long-standing party recommendation.

t0.gstatic.com
...Rub the pizza grease on your skin
 
2010-02-05 12:53:14 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants...
to lubricate the necromance
 
2010-02-05 12:57:19 AM  
NSFW pic of suspect (new window)
 
2010-02-05 01:07:43 AM  
It did put the lotion down it's pants.

Good jorb, subby. Now run along and let the big kids play with this.
 
2010-02-05 01:09:08 AM  
No more rhymes now. I mean it!
 
2010-02-05 01:11:24 AM  
kill the umpire: No more rhymes now. I mean it!

With all that lotion he could shine his peanut!

WTF did I just write?
 
2010-02-05 01:15:03 AM  
kill the umpire: No more rhymes now. I mean it!

Say, are you about a size 14?
 
2010-02-05 01:18:22 AM  
UsikFark: kill the umpire: No more rhymes now. I mean it!

Say, are you about a size 14?


Yeah, but given enough lotion, I could probably squeeze into an 8...
 
2010-02-05 01:27:51 AM  
woodenspears.com

???
 
2010-02-05 01:34:29 AM  
kill the umpire: UsikFark: kill the umpire: No more rhymes now. I mean it!

Say, are you about a size 14?

Yeah, but given enough lotion, I could probably squeeze into an 8...


Sex can wait, masturbate
 
2010-02-05 01:57:54 AM  
... And it likes to dance to trance.

?

Am I too late?

//kicks rock
///goes home
 
2010-02-05 02:02:56 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants...
then it buys a private dance...
 
2010-02-05 02:04:13 AM  
StinkyPinky: Sounds like an invitation to rhyme:


"It put's the lotion down its pants"

Or else it gets de-pantsed again.

/best I got


De-pants me once, shame on - shame on you. De-pants me - you can't get de-pantsed again.
 
2010-02-05 02:08:19 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants
But fails returning to its manse
 
2010-02-05 02:57:40 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants
grips the weiner; makes it dance
 
2010-02-05 03:22:51 AM  
Bung_Howdy: It puts the lotion down its pants
grips the weiner; makes it dance


Assume the proper firing stance
And make the suckers jump and dance!
 
2010-02-05 03:49:44 AM  
Police say a Massachusetts man who stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his pants couldn't slip away from authorities, hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams.

Springfield police say 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama of Framingham was charged with larceny after the incident Wednesday night at Bath and Body Works in the Eastfield Mall.

Police say mall security officers chased Guadarrama, but he had stuffed so many of the eight-ounce lotion containers in his pants that he could barely run. Police say he could not bend over to get in the police cruiser until some of the bottles were removed.


I'm sorry, I can't hear what they are saying. Some fine writing there, Lou.
 
2010-02-05 04:29:12 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants or else it gets the trouser ants.
 
2010-02-05 04:39:09 AM  
Sounds like someone had one hell of a mastur-date planned for Valentines Day.
 
2010-02-05 05:42:43 AM  
Pass the lotion:

media.tumblr.com
 
2010-02-05 05:52:56 AM  
Veteran of the Cola Wars: kill the umpire: No more rhymes now. I mean it!

With all that lotion he could shine his peanut!

WTF did I just write?


I don't know, I've been up all night.
 
2010-02-05 08:06:51 AM  
Gyrfalcon: It was unclear if Guadarrama has an attorney. So what? I want to know why this weirdo is stealing 75 bottles of lotion to start with. Articles like this make me so frustrated I could scream.

WIth the big snow headed for the NE, my guess it was going to be a weekend-long fapathon.
 
2010-02-05 08:13:21 AM  
75 bottles of lotion, I think he's been giving himself the hose to much
 
2010-02-05 08:15:33 AM  
Gumpyyy: /ill bring the lotion

I'll bring the licorice thong.
 
2010-02-05 08:43:01 AM  
It puts the lotion down its pants
to rub one out if it gets the chance
 
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