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(My Fox DC)   Apparently you are old enough to know better but are just being a jerk about it   (myfoxdc.com) divider line 103
    More: PSA, myths  
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16766 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2010 at 1:34 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-02-02 11:04:36 AM  
You've had the nagging sensation for a while. Had it as you sit there on the couch that your fiance picked out from Haverty's, brown suede that matches the curtains and those modern art paintings that look to you like a loose scatter of toothpicks viewed through sea glass but are inexplicably titled "From My Heart" and "Bosom." You weigh the PS3 controller in your hand as you wait for the Netflix menu to open. It was smart, buying the PS3. A sensible move. You get Blu-Ray movies and you get games, and you get the media center, too, although honestly that's a feature you never use. You wish you did. You know you should. There are starving children in the world who have probably never even heard of a media center, and for you to just ignore the one you have...

You pop open your Sam Adams. A winter lager. You don't know what you are going to watch. Your queue has grown so long. You add movies to it faster than you can watch them.

And that's when it occurs to you. The thought is like a crashing wave, one that sucks the air from your lungs and leaves your legs buckled and weak. You may never actually get through your queue. You may die first. In fact, you will die first. You know this. You will die before you even get halfway down to the movie you've most recently added, some old Jeff Bridges boxing flick called Fat City that you'd never heard of before. But, hey, Jeff Bridges. And now you may never see it at all.

And is this it? Is this mortality? Is your life truly measured against an ever-growing Netflix queue? If that's true, then you are merely Sisyphus reborn. Your entire life a testament to the unfinished. The unachievable. This brown couch...is this the couch you will always have? You have never owned a beanbag chair, though you have dreamed of one since childhood. Your PS3, so sensible, so smart...but will you never have an XBox? Will you never play Halo online? And your fiance, her cute bangs and cute laugh and cute perky chest--will there never be another? There are other girls to date. Girls with tramp stamps, girls with breasts like pendulums, girls who would do things to you that you can't even vocalize. There are more, so many more, and you will never have them all. You will die first.

This is what you realize. This is the nagging feeling you've had. You switch off the controller and you sag back into that brown couch, stare up at the paintings and take a long drink. You close your eyes, and you weep. Long, wracking sobs that rend your chest. You weep for the world, and for for what you will never be.
 
2010-02-02 11:18:36 AM  
My head is like lettuce,
Go on, dig your thumbs in.
 
2010-02-02 11:36:00 AM  
You can't pin my actions on me!

Reminds me of my favorite movie/tagline combo...

They Made Me A Criminal

"I am a fugitive! I am hunted by the mob! I am wanted by the cops! I am forgotten by decent women!"
 
2010-02-02 11:43:06 AM  
"Prior to mid-life, people are building families, paying mortgages, developing careers at a time when there is much more uncertainty than usual."

Oh great now you tell me this?
 
2010-02-02 11:56:05 AM  
Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.
 
2010-02-02 12:18:28 PM  
I'm just having problems with a message at the local bird and bee.
 
2010-02-02 01:38:32 PM  
Is there a scientific explanation for cougars?
 
2010-02-02 01:40:08 PM  
I think you can have an identity crisis at near any age where you get lost in a cycle of thoughts about choices you've made and opportunities lost. You can panic and throw away everything good in your life to a misguided search for something better.
 
2010-02-02 01:40:21 PM  
EvilEgg: Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.

So do men also trade in their 40 year old wives for two 20 year olds because they can finally afford them?
 
2010-02-02 01:41:08 PM  
Pocket Ninja: You close your eyes, and you weep. Long, wracking sobs that rend your chest. You weep for the world, and for for what you will never be.

Monsuer, what is your nom de plume?
 
2010-02-02 01:41:45 PM  
Suck ingenuity down through the family tree.
 
Ehh
2010-02-02 01:41:59 PM  
So do men also trade in their 40 year old wives for two 20 year olds because they can finally afford them?

Yes.
 
2010-02-02 01:43:11 PM  
EvilEgg: Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.

Came to say EXACTLY this! Thanks!
 
2010-02-02 01:43:34 PM  
I take it the headline is supposed to explain why people get married?
 
2010-02-02 01:44:55 PM  
I think "mid-life crisis" refers less to being unhappy/unfulfilled and more to finally breaking with the stuff you've done because it's expected of you and figuring out what you, personally, want to do (and then how to do it). The stabilization/prosperity they're referring to is exactly why people finally have the luxury of doing it.

I mean, I'm pretty sure my father didn't take up bike-racing at 50 because he hated his life, he did it because his last kid was away in college and he had the time to try ditching his old hobbies and see if new ones were any better.
 
2010-02-02 01:46:09 PM  
EvilEgg: Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.

No kidding; almost every guy I know has, since high school or college, had at least one "dream car" that remains out of reach until their 40's. I don't think that I'll ever not want a Lotus Elise, even though that particular dream didn't start until I was well past college.
 
2010-02-02 01:46:58 PM  
Pocket Ninja, if I effing catch you in my living room again I swear I'll ...I'll...Jeebus K Reist in a Rickshaw that Sam Adams tastes delicious....
 
2010-02-02 01:48:26 PM  
factoryconnection: EvilEgg: Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.

No kidding; almost every guy I know has, since high school or college, had at least one "dream car" that remains out of reach until their 40's. I don't think that I'll ever not want a Lotus Elise, even though that particular dream didn't start until I was well past college.


Dude, an Elise is not an expensive car. Just buy one.
 
2010-02-02 01:50:31 PM  
About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.
 
2010-02-02 01:56:14 PM  
What about the quarterlife crisis?
 
2010-02-02 01:56:23 PM  
I always thought of a mid-life crisis as more a product of getting married young and sticking with one career at one company, like the '50s paradigm.
 
2010-02-02 01:56:55 PM  
ZholtayaStrelka:Dude, an Elise is not an expensive car. Just buy one.

This poster is right. It's actually very cheap in terms of basic maintenance, and the insurance is fairly cheap (assuming you don't have a checkered past). If you can do the maintenance yourself, it gets even cheaper.
 
2010-02-02 01:57:30 PM  
Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

They are quite real.

I personally never had a true 'dream car' but I am more than happy with my mustang gt, with several modifications.

By the time people are middle-aged they typically have less financial stress.

As someone who recently became debt free, I resemble that statement.
 
2010-02-02 01:58:42 PM  
I don't even know what I would do with a 'mid-life crisis'. Quit my job and go backpacking in South America or something?

What is a typical mid life crisis anyways?
 
2010-02-02 01:59:29 PM  
Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)
 
2010-02-02 02:00:06 PM  
EvilEgg: Men buy sports cars at forty because they can finally afford them. They've wanted one since they were thirteen, but didn't have the means to get one until forty.

Sir, you have just described my life. Although I drove cheap crappy sports cars in the interim.
 
2010-02-02 02:00:31 PM  
I think my midlife crisis began this morning, when I had to yell at my son for blaring his "grindcore" music at 5:45am.
 
2010-02-02 02:00:54 PM  
Today is my birthday, so I'm getting a kick out of this thread...


Now I'm off to drink a large variety of alcohols without eating properly... buy some drugs from someone I don't know... and hopefully bring home a crazy chick.



/hope my wife doesn't mind
 
2010-02-02 02:02:01 PM  
what about the whole life crisis?
 
2010-02-02 02:02:02 PM  
ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)


*reads profile*

Why hello there...

/How you doin'
 
2010-02-02 02:04:18 PM  
we_hates: I always thought of a mid-life crisis as more a product of getting married young and sticking with one career at one company, like the '50s paradigm.

Since the one company is no longer loyal to employees, there's no reason for an employee to be loyal to one company.

[From the article] By the time people are middle-aged they typically have less financial stress.

That changed when the world economy went belly up.
 
2010-02-02 02:05:06 PM  
ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)


I'd believe you, but I think you're trying to sell me a vibrating, heated anus.
 
2010-02-02 02:05:49 PM  
Tosoto: ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)

*reads profile*

Why hello there...

/How you doin'


I'm doing fine. Reading FARK while working on an erotic story. :)
 
2010-02-02 02:05:54 PM  
Pocket Ninja get out of my head. The midget goat porno dream is about to start and I don't need you in there reminding me how much suckage I have in life right now.

/You can leave the redhead twins, though. They go great with midget goats.
 
2010-02-02 02:07:23 PM  
Pocket Ninja: You weep for the world, and for for what you will never be.

You going to finish that beer?
 
2010-02-02 02:07:32 PM  
ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)


Pics or it didn't happen...
 
2010-02-02 02:08:38 PM  
ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)

*reads profile*

Why hello there...

/How you doin'

I'm doing fine. Reading FARK while working on an erotic story. :)


Bah, I want to start writing myself. But here I am on FARK while thinking I should write something but then end up not writing at all.

/Do you take apprentices? :3
 
2010-02-02 02:08:56 PM  
Wasn't there a study that concluded financially secure people suffer a kind of identity crisis because they have the resources to do whatever they want?

Sail around the world? Start a business? Retire? Go back to school? Get a new SO? etc.

I swear it mentioned this was the reason for a spike in suicide rates for Caucasian white-collar men.

Just asking, because IIRC, maybe THAT was misconstrued as a "mid-life crisis".
 
2010-02-02 02:09:14 PM  
Youth is wasted on the youth. The time in your life when you can enjoy things the most you spend it in school or at a bottom of the barrel job. I can't wait for the baby boomer to finally die off and let me have a crack at their jobs.
 
2010-02-02 02:09:26 PM  
Pocket Ninja

This is what you realize. This is the nagging feeling you've had. It's time to buy the Xbox, "for the kids," and when you have to travel next week on business, you'll take in $300 of lap dances. Your finance won't like it, but even if she found out, it's not like you're gonna make a habit out of it, and you know she'll get over it.You switch off the controller and you sag back into that brown couch, stare up at the paintings and take a long drink. You close your eyes, and you weep. Long, wracking sobs that rend your chest. You weep for the world, and for for what you will never be.and think: "should I get the Roku HD, or put in a Blue-Ray."

FTFY
 
2010-02-02 02:10:06 PM  
I know you are but what am I? (flips the bird)
 
2010-02-02 02:10:13 PM  
I'm just grateful we now have news aggregation sites where can all come along and dump that pent up aggression and self-hatred by making snarky comments about silly news stories, releasing it all in a safe drip-drip-drip instead of letting it all build up until one horrific day when the container bursts...
 
2010-02-02 02:10:32 PM  
From Tacoma this a.m.

Pierce County prosecutors have charged an 84-year-old man after he allegedly pulled a gun during a road rage incident Friday.

John L. Hanly was charged Monday with second-degree assault and failure to remain at the scene of an occupied collision.

Charging documents provide the following information:

Pierce County sheriff's deputies and Washington State Patrol troopers responded to the scene of a hit-and-run crash Friday. Initial reports indicated that the suspect vehicle was being followed by another vehicle.

The victim told troopers that when he exited Interstate 5 onto State Route 512, he slowed for the corner. The victim ended up in front of Hanly.

"The defendant became upset and road (sic) the victim's 'ass' until the defendant could go around the victim," charging documents state.

Hanly tried to pass the victim and clipped the victim's car. The victim told troopers that Hanly got out of his car, approached the victim's vehicle and had a handgun.

Deputies stopped Hanly's vehicle and were holding him at gunpoint. A trooper contacted Hanly, who said, "That jackass over there cut me off and we got into it over there," charging documents state.

Hanly's and the victim's cars both had damage.

The deputies had spotted a gun partially under the front driver's seat. Hanly admitted to having the gun and told the the trooper: "This guy was giving me some (expletive). I (expletive) back with him. I am 84 years old. I am too old for this (expletive)."

After the trooper interviewed the victim, he recontacted Hanly. Hanly said he used to have a concealed weapon permit but it expired. The trooper told Hanly he can't be brandishing a gun.

"Ya I know," Hanly replied, according to charging documents. "I know what you are saying. People get you pissed off."

Troopers took the gun as evidence.


/I fear this
//not my dad but it could be
 
2010-02-02 02:12:24 PM  
If people want to make changes in their life in order to become happier, I support them.

/hopefully you won't have to wait until you have a mid-life crisis to make those changes
 
2010-02-02 02:12:35 PM  
Pocket Ninja: You've had the nagging sensation for a while. Had it as you sit there on the couch that your fiance picked out from Haverty's, brown suede that matches the curtains and those modern art paintings that look to you like a loose scatter of toothpicks viewed through sea glass but are inexplicably titled "From My Heart" and "Bosom." You weigh the PS3 controller in your hand as you wait for the Netflix menu to open. It was smart, buying the PS3. A sensible move. You get Blu-Ray movies and you get games, and you get the media center, too, although honestly that's a feature you never use. You wish you did. You know you should. There are starving children in the world who have probably never even heard of a media center, and for you to just ignore the one you have...

You pop open your Sam Adams. A winter lager. You don't know what you are going to watch. Your queue has grown so long. You add movies to it faster than you can watch them.

And that's when it occurs to you. The thought is like a crashing wave, one that sucks the air from your lungs and leaves your legs buckled and weak. You may never actually get through your queue. You may die first. In fact, you will die first. You know this. You will die before you even get halfway down to the movie you've most recently added, some old Jeff Bridges boxing flick called Fat City that you'd never heard of before. But, hey, Jeff Bridges. And now you may never see it at all.

And is this it? Is this mortality? Is your life truly measured against an ever-growing Netflix queue? If that's true, then you are merely Sisyphus reborn. Your entire life a testament to the unfinished. The unachievable. This brown couch...is this the couch you will always have? You have never owned a beanbag chair, though you have dreamed of one since childhood. Your PS3, so sensible, so smart...but will you never have an XBox? Will you never play Halo online? And your fiance, her cute bangs and cute laugh and cute perky chest--will there never be another? There are other girls to date. Girls with tramp stamps, girls with breasts like pendulums, girls who would do things to you that you can't even vocalize. There are more, so many more, and you will never have them all. You will die first.

This is what you realize. This is the nagging feeling you've had. You switch off the controller and you sag back into that brown couch, stare up at the paintings and take a long drink. You close your eyes, and you weep. Long, wracking sobs that rend your chest. You weep for the world, and for for what you will never be.


middle age is a pleasant time because you're no longer competing with anyone to acheive the imagined greatness everyone thinks they're destined for as teenagers. the big bright future you wasted your youth creating doesn't exist. youre just you, no matter where, or what age, and will either be ok with it and happy, or not ok, and unhappy.
teenagers are insecure about who they are, so your peers are judgmental a-holes, and so are you. by 40, you know, or should, that happiness isn't having money so you can buy things to show people you have money. actually, people hate you if you have more.

you know who you are. not knowing is what makes teenagers be mean to each other, to feel good by being better than someone else. you're not good unless you did something to earn it. well, if your 40 you've gotten what you wanted and found it's a disappointment. the only thing valuable about a success is that its the end of a struggle. but failure is good too, not getting what you wanted, and still being ok. this is more common, because you never get all you, and just a little reflection shows you that either way, happiness has nothign to do with what others think.
 
2010-02-02 02:12:51 PM  
Okieboy: I know you are but what am I? (flips the bird)

Heh, that was good.
 
2010-02-02 02:14:34 PM  
Yeah, tell that to my uncle. When he reached 30 he freaked out that he hadn't made his first million yet and got a divorce. A couple of years later he married a lady that looks just like his ex-wife with two kids that were the same age difference as the ones he had with his first wife.

Call it what you will, but it does happen to certain people who have deluded themselves into thinking they should be more successful than they are and somehow other people are to blame.
 
2010-02-02 02:17:48 PM  
burgle23: ms_lara_croft: Tosoto: About as much of a myth as the female orgasm.

No, that's very real. I can attest to it. :)

I'd believe you, but I think you're trying to sell me a vibrating, heated anus.


You can get those??? Where, tell me where.
 
2010-02-02 02:18:46 PM  
ms_lara_croft: Is there a scientific explanation for cougars?

When I'm done with my extensive research on the subject I'll publish my findings.
 
2010-02-02 02:19:48 PM  
seamus_garcia: What about the quarterlife crisis?

it's the new midlife crisis. i had one in my 20s too.
 
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