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(Weekly World News)   U.S. cash so contaminated with cocaine, heroin and ecstasy that the latest drug craze has become sniffing paper bills to get cheap high   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
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81 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2003 at 3:22 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

104 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-04-14 10:22:13 AM  
Sort of based on fact - there is a trace ammount of coke in bills - though sadly (?) not nearly enough to get high on. No idea about heroin and ecstasy, but I'm sure there's at least some there.
As always, you can check Snopes for more information.
2003-04-14 10:53:29 AM  
Scratch n' sniff cash -- mmm, mine's minty X!

Collect 'em all!
2003-04-14 11:07:34 AM  
If you soak the dollars in grain alcohol and then you boil (carefully) the solution and roll the residue into bars, you'll end up with cocaine-flavored hash.

Not really. Actually you'll end up with a lot of McDonalds french-fry grease.
2003-04-14 12:27:55 PM  
At least cash is legal. For now.
2003-04-14 01:00:44 PM  
I thought it was all about the Benjamins, Sniff Daddy.
2003-04-14 01:27:28 PM  
The statistic I heard a few years ago is that the average dollar bill contains 4-6 nanograms (one billionth of a gram) of cocaine.

If you had enough cocaine from that to get high from, I don't think you'll have to worry about getting your next fix anyways.
2003-04-14 02:37:18 PM  
Oh sure. Uh huh. Riiiiiiiiiight.
2003-04-14 03:24:44 PM  
I just tried this. I'm not high and I think I've got SARS now.
2003-04-14 03:26:45 PM  
Get out of the thread JerseyTim!!! You're gonna kill us all!!

*panicks and runs out of thread, stampeading several farkers to death*
2003-04-14 03:27:10 PM  
Sounds more like a good way to catch a disease.

JerseyTim: You're not supposed to sniff the ones from the toll collectors on the Turnpike. Nasty stuff!
2003-04-14 03:27:41 PM  
So that's why I get all giddy with a wad of bills at CompUSA. ;)
2003-04-14 03:28:02 PM  
"Shockingly, teens as young as 13 have been caught dead-presidenting at school, typically sniffing $1 and $5 bills."

Hehe, dead-presidenting.
2003-04-14 03:28:24 PM  
Just enough drugs on money to give the cops an excuse to seize it.
2003-04-14 03:28:42 PM  
This is the closest thing to factual reporting I've ever seen from WWN. Is the apocalypse nigh?
2003-04-14 03:28:45 PM  
I only sniff $100 bills because I like more expensive drugs.
2003-04-14 03:28:49 PM  
Anyone have change for a twenty?
2003-04-14 03:29:18 PM  
Have you guys tried the 2$ bills there the shizzznitle blam
2003-04-14 03:29:18 PM  
CandyPants just knocked me down...
2003-04-14 03:29:58 PM  
I hit rock bottom...I was addicted to sniffing bills. Now, all I have is this HUGE pile of cash with no drugs on it. Now what do I do??
2003-04-14 03:30:36 PM  
Best use of the Obvious tag ever
2003-04-14 03:30:53 PM  
NO!! CANDYPANTS!!! LOOK OU mmnnppphhhttthm,m ack ack
2003-04-14 03:31:27 PM  
so does this mean the druggies will have to steal in order to buy money to support their habit?

"I need some bad man...give me a 20 dollar bill"
"That'll be $50"

thats weird.
2003-04-14 03:31:42 PM  
2003-04-14 03:31:45 PM  
Personally, I like to roll 50's and smoke 'em.
2003-04-14 03:33:53 PM  
Oh,shiat,JerseyTim sneezed. We've all got it now.
2003-04-14 03:33:56 PM  
i just put two dimes up my nose and now i feel dizzy, so this might be true........
2003-04-14 03:33:59 PM  
Using a 20 to mainline heroin is hard.

/just saying
2003-04-14 03:34:02 PM  
If have money to sniff, why not use it to buy drugs???
2003-04-14 03:34:16 PM  

Wish this wasn't from the Weakly Wierd News. Then it might actually be true.
2003-04-14 03:34:20 PM  
lemme tell ya. Snorting *E would taste so bad that you would be cured of dead presidenting in a split second...
2003-04-14 03:34:42 PM  
is it me or does that one dude look like Corey Haim.. or however you spell his last name?
2003-04-14 03:36:07 PM  
Glad I met my demise at the feet of Candypants rather than the nostril butter of Jersey Tim.
2003-04-14 03:37:29 PM  

S'bitter, but it is not terrible. just bad.

It's the stupid "WE"RE OUT OF MILK!?!?! AUUuuuuggghhhhhH!!!! Anguish" that cured me of the E.
2003-04-14 03:37:40 PM  
i heard if you put a tab of acid on your eye you start tripping your nuts off instantly. or go blind. one or the other....
2003-04-14 03:38:07 PM  
We had a very similar technique for getting a buzz at that age, but we called it "hyperventilating."
2003-04-14 03:39:26 PM  
Dead presidenting sounds really bad. Now LOOTING sounds like a much better name for this!
2003-04-14 03:39:47 PM  
Saddam bragged that he "wipes his ass with US currency"
You sure you still want to snort it?
2003-04-14 03:40:05 PM  
Can't we just ban stuff the WWN? It's hard enough sorting through some of the crap here without it being delibrately junked up.
2003-04-14 03:40:56 PM  
Nanookanano hmm, in high school we had something similar. They were called hill sprints...those days caused all sorts of fun, light headedness, seeing flashing lights, lots of fun endorphins and painkillers.

Certainly seems like a hell of a lot better way to fry your brain than huffing paint.
2003-04-14 03:41:54 PM  

In an effort to show their readers that money contains traces of different drugs, today High Times rolled out their new magazine format and masthead:

[image from too old to be available]

2003-04-14 03:44:27 PM  
What's in our money is germs. Someone post the stats of how much TB and harmful viruses bills contain. Don't put that up your nose.
2003-04-14 03:45:22 PM  
If there's anything worst than a tabloid, it's a conservative tabloid. WWN is always going on about how the bible is pure fact and how America is the good guy. WWN is also America's version of Baghdad Bob: They've written that Osama is a goat-f*cker and Saddam is a cross-dressing queer. And here's what really get's me pissed: They've always wrote stories about conspiracy theories with more or less impartibility but once they are told about conspiracy theories about how the US might have been behind 9/11, they outright call the accusers flipping nutcases. "Flipping Nutcases"? That insult comes from people who think there's oil on the moon! Hey WWN, TAKE BUSH'S PENIS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH ALREADY!
2003-04-14 03:48:39 PM  
And actually, with how stupid kids are today (well, the ones trying to get high off of shiat) this isn't so farfetched. I think drug culture went downhill with the rise in popularity of crack. That led to speed and meth, and suddenly people didn't give a shiat about any quality control in drugs.

The end result is that you have kids who are stupid enough to burn duct tape to get "high"...which probably isn't all that much more toxic than some of the mainstream drugs they would be buying.
2003-04-14 03:49:53 PM  
Ugh....snorting $20's???

Don't they know that they only way to do coke is to snort it thru a cool hun'???
2003-04-14 03:53:25 PM  
When did Ann Coulter start writing for the Weekly World News?
2003-04-14 03:53:32 PM  
Actually Sidi speed was around long before crack. Ever heard of a yellowjacket?? White crosses?? in the 70's were popping pills way before crack was just a glimmer in a junkies eyes.
2003-04-14 03:53:40 PM  
2003-04-14 03:54:22 PM  
Dammit, I just tried this, and I accidently snorted a dime up my nose, now I can't get it out. I'm picking, but to no avail!
2003-04-14 03:54:24 PM  
Ever seen what strippers do with dollar bills (besides buy crank)? I think I'll pass on the licking.
2003-04-14 03:54:55 PM  
RoguePixie I was referring to popularity. Obviously amphetamines have been around forever, but I don't think speed became a hugely popular drug until well into the 80's.
2003-04-14 03:54:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-14 03:55:49 PM  
Multi-trillionaire Scrooge McDuck died today of an overdose "dead-presidenting" his money...
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-14 03:56:31 PM  
2003-04-14 03:56:58 PM  
Although I suppose my argument would be better to just leave speed out of it, since meth is much better known for being rather...hazardous.
2003-04-14 03:57:44 PM  
Maybe that's why bank tellers get so crabby during slow days. "Willie"....that kills me. Treasury department insider is a good one too. Wouldn't want to get disciplined for letting that cat out of the bag. Go Willie...Go Willie...

/Darryl Strawberry surrenders
2003-04-14 04:03:18 PM  
So does this mean there are drugs in strippers g-strings?

Bada boom

/damn I really got nothing today why did I not drink last night.
2003-04-14 04:03:59 PM  
Reminds me of when I was in the Navy. There were three of us living in an apartment, and we needed a buzz, badly. Couldn't do coke or weed, or any of the other traditional phun pharmaceuticals.

It just so happens that we had left the coffe on all day, and there was a thick layer of burned coffee crystalized in the bottom of the pot. Well, we chipped it out of the bottom of the pot, ground some of it up for lines, and then smoked some of it.

Didn't work. You can higher by holding your breath.
2003-04-14 04:04:21 PM  
Sometimes I worry about getting bad smack on my bills. That's why I've hired batboy to test my bills before I sniff them.
2003-04-14 04:05:09 PM  
Damn! All I have is Canadian money.
2003-04-14 04:07:37 PM  
Last time they reported that kids are drinking tap water to get high, sniffing money is a new one to me.
2003-04-14 04:08:02 PM  

Acid in the eye is an old trick . . . that really works! I can still see, and it's almost thirty years later now, but your mileage may vary.

Expect to get off literally within seconds of placing your hit under your eyelid.

2003-04-14 04:08:39 PM  
I'm having trouble getting this $20 bill in to my cyringe. Someone help. I need it nooooowwwww
2003-04-14 04:10:03 PM  
murbike- Toothpaste on a cigarette, allow it to completely dry out. Put it in front of a heater or blow dry it. You learn alot of this stuff in the State Penn!
2003-04-14 04:11:05 PM  

Try it as a suppository.

(hey....there's corn on Franklin's cheek!)
2003-04-14 04:12:54 PM  
Yeah, all my Canadian money smells of is a whiff of Tim Horton's coffee.
2003-04-14 04:14:05 PM  
Why would you try to snort extacy? You'd have to crush up the convenient pills it comes as. And no good can come of snorting heroin; we all know what happened to Mrs. Mia Wallace.
2003-04-14 04:15:13 PM  
Toothpaste on a cigarette. Hmmm. Wish I knew about that 15 years ago.

How's the buzz?
2003-04-14 04:15:42 PM  
El_Swino: Yeah, all my Canadian money smells of is a whiff of Tim Horton's coffee
mmmmmm....Tim's...betcha wanna go get one now though ;)
2003-04-14 04:18:06 PM  
2003-04-14 04:18:54 PM  

That's kinda cute, in a childhood destroying kinda way.
2003-04-14 04:20:11 PM  
There's no coke!
You heard me you dumb fark, there's no coke!
What the fark do you mean, there's no coke?
I've been up and down this ship. I've been in every farkin room!
There's gotta be coke!
There is nothing! NOTHING!

This movie rocked.
2003-04-14 04:23:12 PM  
Money is filthy. Anybody who has ever run a register will tell you that. That's why you never, never, never, never touch your face while you're running a register.

I figure every US dollar has traveled across the country under a trucker's butt.
2003-04-14 04:24:52 PM  
Step 1) Sniff a 50.
Step 2) Go to store, break the 50 for two 20s and a 10.
Step 3) Sniff the 20s and the 10;
Step 4) Go to the store, break the 20s for 10s and the 10 for 5s.
Step 5) Sniff the 10's and the 5s/
Step 6) Go to the store, break the 10s for 5s, break the 5s for 1s.
Step 7) Sniff the ones.


Step 20something) Take the ones to the store, ask for a solid 50.
2003-04-14 04:29:24 PM  
Toothpaste on a cigarette will is basically getting you high from inhaling flouride. It basically makes you feel lightheaded and thats about it. But the side affects is that you get a case of SARS and you die.
2003-04-14 04:29:25 PM  
Roast beef

Ecstacy takes a while to get up to full effect. Snorting it speeds up this process and gives a more intense rush.

so my friends tell me...
2003-04-14 04:30:07 PM  
huey dewie and louie unavailable for comment
2003-04-14 04:32:42 PM  
this is the second-greatest WWN image ever.

[image from too old to be available]

if i were one of the interns they got to pose for this pic, i'd try to cover as much of me face as possible too.
2003-04-14 04:35:23 PM  
money also is probably the most germ infested things there are. Think how often money switches hands. People have colds, diseases, they don't wipe their ass then go buy a slurpee, stuff like that. But then think of all the cash that got to strippers, maybe that's a good think. Sniff, I think I smell Bubbles and Sunshine, and wait, wait, oh christ, and someone's ass.
2003-04-14 04:40:34 PM  
...and for all this time I've been wiping my ass with 20s - if only i'd known better.

It feels good on the bum though.
2003-04-14 04:42:08 PM  
Dood, i just got a wicked buzz off my credit card.
2003-04-14 04:43:04 PM  
seein hobo's getting high offa ass pennies.
2003-04-14 04:50:03 PM  
one or two threads here have suggested to me that some people take the WWN at least a little bit seriously, so I must ask:

Does anyone here know if this still happens - I haven't been in toronto in a few years.

On a toronto talk radio show ( ), John Oakley (on the air as I write this) would have the editor of the Weekly World News on once a week or once a month - I forget.

So anyways, it was always a highlight and funny as hell - the guy talked kinda like John Waters, but a bit more, er, manly, and played it straight (no pun intended) no matter how bizarre his 'reports' might be. Anyone who heard that would know this newspaper is even more of a joke than the onion and should be appreciated as such.
2003-04-14 04:55:40 PM  
When I did ectasy (years ago, I stopped after the full realization that kids were having seizures and dying from the shiat), we used to always crush the pills and snort them, in small bumps throughout the night. We'd go through like 2 or 3 pills a piece in a night, but it kept you on a constant roll; you could always head to the bathroom if you started to come down.

Yes, it burned and left a nasty taste in your throat, especially if it was cut with too much meth (a "speedy" pill for you other druggies out there). I also knew people who stuck the pill up their ass and got high that way :-S
2003-04-14 04:59:26 PM  
anything from weekly world news shouldn't get an obvious tag
2003-04-14 06:26:17 PM  
"I also knew people who stuck the pill up their ass and got high that way."

Uh huh. And that's why they call you "Candypants"?
2003-04-14 06:30:07 PM  
Emperor-Jay, you do realize that you are getting worked up about a tabloid? A newspaper that makes a living on writing things that clearly aren't true? Just checking...
2003-04-14 06:32:31 PM  
Ass pennies will get you high kids.
2003-04-14 06:37:03 PM  
2003-04-14 06:38:52 PM  
"And no good can come of snorting heroin; we all know what happened to Mrs. Mia Wallace."

Yeah, she mistook the highest quality herion for cocaine. Heroin can be snorted, and is quite effective when done that way in small amounts. Not near the amounts that one would snort of cocaine. Thing is, there isn't much of a casual user when it comes to heroin.

Pretty much any drug can be snorted or put up your ass, not that I suggest that or anything.....
2003-04-14 06:46:13 PM  
Howcome the BBspot stories get the 'Satire' tag but the WWN ones get things like 'Obvious', 'Strange' ?
2003-04-14 07:02:30 PM  
If the Weekly World News says it, it's true.

Me at bank - "Yes, I would like to cash my paycheck. Could you give that back to me in all "ones"? No, I'm not going to strip clubs. I just want to sniff them all."
2003-04-14 07:04:58 PM  
"Shockingly, teens as young as 13 have been caught dead-presidenting at school, typically sniffing $1 and $5 bills."

wouldn't it be smarter to do this with big bills(i e 20's or 100's) bc dealers wouldnt exchange small bills, unless its done by computer now.
2003-04-14 07:15:14 PM  
"I also knew people who stuck the pill up their ass and got high that way"

Reminds me of the opium suppository bit in Trainspotting.... heh heh. That bit was funny.
2003-04-14 07:18:07 PM  
Tre_bumpn: Yeah, I know she thought it was coke. But I stand by my statement; no good can come of snorting heroin, or injecting it either.

Exactly how far up one's ass would one have to stick stuff so that's it's absorbed? It seems like you'd have to reach the intestines.
2003-04-14 07:50:28 PM  
<off topic sorta>

I can't believe what I just saw, I (being lazy) am doing my taxes right
now using TaxCut. I'm doing the registration process and it's got this
little survey. I think some programmer got something in at the last
minute. For the question:

"What magazines are you currently reading?"

There were only six checkboxes:

+ Wall Street Journal
+ U.S. News and World Report
+ Economist
+ Forbes
+ Time
+ Weekly World News

</off topic>
2003-04-14 08:13:24 PM  
Well, yeah, no good can come out of heroin, but one can get high easily by snorting it.

The entire intestinal tract is like one giant sponge for anything that goes through it. Drugs are actually absorbed more easily through the walls of the intestines than through the mucus membranes.
2003-04-14 08:14:47 PM  
has anyone ever done a study to see how much boobies resideu is on the average dollar?

what about butt crack residue? poontang residue?

inquiring minds want to know.
2003-04-14 08:39:31 PM  
And what does the Treasury dept do with all that smack that they wash off the bills.... hmmmm???
2003-04-14 09:54:47 PM  
i'll smoke my mary jane rolled in bills from now on. i guess the bigger the bill, the more cash the ballin cokehead had, so ill start with fifties. then move up to hundreds, and then kick myself for not just buying real drugs with the money. then ill listen to some ozzy or priest and kill myself. ...oh, wait. kurdt was my generations' famous suicide. bah. whatever.
besides. knowing my luck, the first bill id sniff woulda gone straight from the mint to some shiatty male strippers sweaty g-string. think about that when you sniff your money, losers!
2003-04-14 11:01:05 PM  
geeze that is an old one, they first ran this story in '85
I recall it fondly because people actually believed it then.
2003-04-15 12:19:15 AM  
Candypants, I don't understand the point of snorting the e. 2-3 got you through a long night... but most e lasts that long when you just pop it. Now, a bump of some crank is quite another thing.
2003-04-15 12:29:08 AM  
The better idea is just to save 20 1's and buy a 20 bag. You'll get a better high that way.

/sarcasm off (or was it ever on?)
2003-04-15 10:59:27 AM  
About the only thing you can really get from a bill is the Hershey squirts. There have indeed been studies done on what is on money. I don't remember the specifics, but the general answer: coliform bacteria, and lots of it. On just about 100% of the cash. But then that's why we've got immune systems.
2003-04-15 11:07:06 AM  
By the way, as for snorting dried up, burnt coffee? Caffiene degfrades at a fairly low temperature. In fact, espresso roast coffee actually contains less caffine than lighter roasts.

Holy crap, I need to do my taxes! Bye!
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