cmunic8r99: if he was alive, why would he be in a box?

Well, Prince Albert is in a can.

FTFA: "The person who wrote the advertisements...is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree."

The person in question wasn't one of these mysterious people, was he?

/hiding, before they come and get me.
//as if that would help.

Shady_Short_Busser: FTFA: "The person who wrote the advertisements...is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree."

The person in question wasn't one of these mysterious people, was he?

/hiding, before they come and get me.
//as if that would help.

After reading that link, the burn is even funnier. Twain is suggesting that this man has so selflessly dedicated his entire life to idiocy that he deserves the equivalent of an honorary ph.D in Idiotic Studies. Beautiful.

Mark Twain called me an idiot of only the 28th degree when I tried to sell him my homemade cure for runaway eyebrow hair. A man of his literary caliber deserves something better than scissors.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain

/Adieu

Man, he's all kinds of awesome.

China for some reason blocks the site. Could somebody paste it here for me?

Really, I'm Weeners this?

haddie: China for some reason blocks the site. Could somebody paste it here for me?

Transcript

Nov. 20. 1905

J. H. Todd
1212 Webster St.
San Francisco, Cal.

Dear Sir,

Your letter is an insoluble puzzle to me. The handwriting is good and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the letter and the accompanying advertisements profess to be the work of the same hand. The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your letter and your advertisements. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake, and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain

BTW, I'm in Wuxi, and it works for me.

colslax: Really, I'm Weeners this?

Yes you are.

Adieu!

colslax: Really, I'm Weeners this?

Wow, bravo me, try to say first person to include this picture to the discussion, and look what I do.

haddie: China for some reason blocks the site. Could somebody paste it here for me?

In November of 1905, an enraged Mark Twain sent this superb letter to J. H. Todd, a patent medicine salesman who had just attempted to sell bogus medicine to the author by way of a letter and leaflet delivered to his home. According to the literature Twain received (p1,p2,p3,p4), the 'medicine' in question - The Elixir of Life - could cure such ailments as meningitis (which had previously killed Twain's daughter in 1896) and diphtheria (which had also killed his 19-month-old son). Twain, himself of ill-health at the time and very recently widowed after his wife suffered heart failure, was understandably furious and dictated the following letter to his secretary, which he then signed.

Transcript

"Nov. 20. 1905

J. H. Todd
1212 Webster St.
San Francisco, Cal.

Dear Sir,

Your letter is an insoluble puzzle to me. The handwriting is good and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the letter and the accompanying advertisements profess to be the work of the same hand. The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your letter and your advertisements. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake, and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain"

Told, indeed.

M0nkeyp0x:
BTW, I'm in Wuxi, and it works for me.

I have been having a lot of trouble recently (in Guangzhou). Don't really know why, but it started maybe 1 1/2 months ago. I can't get on IMDB (for reasons completely unknown to me), my Google searches bust 60% of the time, GIS is downright impossible.

Perhaps it is because my internet was installed by some random dude who wrote down his number on a sheet of scrap paper with no company name to speak of. Either way, very frustrating.

/end threadjack

RminusQ: mamoru: Uh-oh. How long until this becomes copypasta?

/it would be both an honor and the most humiliating experience ever to get "told" by Mark Twain

It's far better than some of the previous things that have become copypasta.


RIP COPYPASTA

This link, and ones like it, are the main reason I go to FARK.

Of course, he wrote this letter the year before the FDA was created.

/Obvious

SuperCatBarf: I love Mark Twain.

Pro-tip for any students out there:

Ni@@er Jim was called Ni@@er Jim because his name was Jim and he was a ni@@er. If he was a Mexican and his name was Bjorn, his name would have been Mexican Bjorn. Tell your English teacher to fark off.

what's a niaar?

The All-Powerful Atheismo: SuperCatBarf: I love Mark Twain.

Pro-tip for any students out there:

Ni@@er Jim was called Ni@@er Jim because his name was Jim and he was a ni@@er. If he was a Mexican and his name was Bjorn, his name would have been Mexican Bjorn. Tell your English teacher to fark off.

what's a niaar?

"He said, 'The Sheriff is-a near!"

The All-Powerful Atheismo:
THE FINAL BOSS
OF THE TELEGRAPH

I want to kiss you right on the mouth for doing that, which puzzles me.

Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that we might get it on.

/you be the girl, ok?

The All-Powerful Atheismo: SuperCatBarf: I love Mark Twain.

Pro-tip for any students out there:

Ni@@er Jim was called Ni@@er Jim because his name was Jim and he was a ni@@er. If he was a Mexican and his name was Bjorn, his name would have been Mexican Bjorn. Tell your English teacher to fark off.

what's a niaar?

He said the sheriff is near.

One day I hope my epic smack-downs are displayed for all the world to marvel over.

ninjakirby: One day I hope my epic smack-downs are displayed for all the world to marvel over.

you should work on having some before you concern yourself with advertising them

Meh... Twain let him off easy.

The Sinatra letter linked at the bottom. THAT one deserves an oh, SNAP! The postscript is priceless.

Quite frankly, I don't understand why people don't spit in your eye three or four times a day (new window)

The All-Powerful Atheismo: ninjakirby: One day I hope my epic smack-downs are displayed for all the world to marvel over.

you should work on having some before you concern yourself with advertising them

Hey man, my smack-downs have been utilized as teaching material!^{(12 05:45:57 PM)}.

Course if thats what I'm remembered for in sixty years, just shoot me now.

The All-Powerful Atheismo: THE FINAL BOSS

OF THE TELEGRAPH

*hurk*

SuperCatBarf: I love Mark Twain.

Pro-tip for any students out there:

And if Jim was born south of the border he would be known as

Mexican Bjorn Ni@@er Jim

Brethren! We have a message from another world, unknown and remote. It reads: one... two... three...

Quick, someone post that "Oh Snap" flow chart, because Mr. JH Todd of 1212 Webster St. just got TOLD

For Smitty:

The All-Powerful Atheismo: THE FINAL BOSS

OF THE TELEGRAPH


For The All-Powerful Atheismo:


For Twain:



/for Sinatra:

Just because I think this is an awesome photo:


Twain in Tesla' Lab
Spring 1894

Shame on you, Mr Clemens (new window)

If you bought that bit then try the sequel
Link (new window)

There are no folds in the paper for the Twain or Sinatra letters. Were they mailed in large envelopes or never sent? This is a puzzle to me.