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(ABC News)   John Travolta flies his private jet to Haiti, carrying the supplies the Haitians REALLY need: Scientology ministers, E-meters and all the copies of "Dianetics" they could ever want   (abcnews.go.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine  
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24860 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2010 at 1:54 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-01-26 08:17:05 PM  

gorgor: He's going to put rubber hoses up their noses.


Made me laugh.

/like Arnold Horschack
 
2010-01-26 08:26:53 PM  

Urinal Gum: They have solar bibles and scientology people heading there. Who wants to help me send Church of the Subgenius Legally Ordained Minister Kits to Haiti? Bob needs to be represented!


Instead of sending your money to Haiti, just send it to "Bob". See, he has this machine, like a weather control machine, in Dobbstown Malaysia that he's using to control time. He's accelerating time for everyone and everything so the real X-Day will come that much sooner. The thing is, the machine is fueled by money. Each dollar gets us just a picosecond closer to X-Day and he has dumptrucks delivering loads of cash every hour. If you truly care, if you just can't wait to get to the ULTIMATE PUNCHLINE TO THE JOKE THAT IS EXISTENCE then send everything you have right now.
 
2010-01-26 08:28:35 PM  
Has anyone heard from Roberto Clemente's plane yet?

/too soon?
 
2010-01-26 08:35:16 PM  
Came for the pics of Kelly Preston (Mrs. Travolta), leaving horny and unfulfilled.
 
2010-01-26 08:47:18 PM  

hardinparamedic: Nice red herring and strawman there. There is no false distinction - to say that religion is inherently bad because it's used for evil purposes would also be to ignore that there are multifactoral reasons and manipulations of multiple belief systems, both religious and non-religious, in atrocities commited throughout history: Distilling them down to religion is both an oversimplification, and an insult on their historical significance.


I, of course, didn't say anything like that.

hardinparamedic: Oh, and btw: Hitler's Germany, Stalin's Purges and Progress, and Mao's Cultural Revolutions that killed so many had a MAJOR basis in the elimination of groups of people based on their religious beliefs and heritages.


More based on nationalism and excluding people that didn't fit the nationalist mold. Hitler didn't attack Jews because of their religion, he attacked the Jews because they weren't culturally or ethnically tied to his new empire -- which made the perfect focuses of hostility, since virtually everyone else in Europe felt the same way about them.

Stalin sought to replace the practice of religion with devotion to the State. Catholics, for example, were unwelcome, since they gave some of their allegiance to the Pope. Et cetera. Later, Soviet Russia took to replacing clergy with their own puppets.

Mao developed a cult of personality around himself. Which is self-serving enough that I think we can leave it at that.

hardinparamedic: The red herring is that this was never a comment about atheism - Atheism was never even brought up here.


When the topic turns to "look at all the damage religion has done," the religious tend to fight back with Hitler, Stalin, and Mao. Those three specifically. Funny how they popped up here.

hardinparamedic: What was brought up was your opinion, that all religions are evil and bad and will cause harm to humanity, when things are not black and white like you make them seem. Your exact comment was that the catholic church had killed more people than anyone else - a blatent lie and misrepresentation of facts.


I, again, didn't say anything like that either. Bravo on your inability to read.

Specifically, I said:

Epicedion: Stop comparing penis sizes between religions and nationalistic dictators. You all killed lots of people. We know.


and

hardinparamedic: So yes, stop putting up the false distinction between the Crusades and other nationalistic atrocities. They're all the same thing. Nation X uses belief Y to justify going to kill a bunch of people in Z.


There's a big difference between saying that nations use whatever justifications they want to go kill other people, and that thing you said I said.

You're trying to draw a distinction between religious and nonreligious thinking by saying:

hardinparamedic: I hate to break this to you, but the persecution of religion and peoples for religious beliefs have killed far more people than religions have. Stalin, Hitler and Mao killed more people in a 35 year span than have died in most of the wars and disasters in history combined.


How so? Because, again, you brought up the Big Three that religious people use to prove that religion is somehow less damaging than nonreligion. It's not as subtle as you may have intended.

The real problem is not religion, and it's not nonreligion. The real problem is ambitious people convincing other people to do bad things for what they state as good reasons.
 
2010-01-26 08:48:14 PM  

Diogenes: How about "partially" lying? What do you think Co$ doctors and ministers are there to do?


Co$ can't get blood from a stone. They're all about the money and Haiti has less than none.

Strangely it would appear they are doing this mission out of the goodness of their cold, black, greedy hearts.
 
2010-01-26 08:48:58 PM  

Epicedion: hardinparamedic: So yes, stop putting up the false distinction between the Crusades and other nationalistic atrocities. They're all the same thing. Nation X uses belief Y to justify going to kill a bunch of people in Z.


This was actually my quote, I apparently pulled it from your post.
 
2010-01-26 08:56:57 PM  
Came for the pics of Kelly Preston.

/Leaving disappointed.
 
2010-01-26 09:04:39 PM  

Fano: And the less said about Voodoo Dick, the better.



Voodoo dick, my ass!
 
2010-01-26 09:15:34 PM  

nekom:
It certainly seems to have no practical use.


Of course it has a practical use: extracting lots of money from silly people.
 
2010-01-26 09:29:15 PM  
You never hear of Tinites (new window) involved in scandals.
Hail Ebeneezer Squeezer!


mulley.net
 
2010-01-26 09:42:50 PM  
To be fair, copies of Dianetics may be handy. They're probably having a helluva time trying to bring in firewood for cooking right now.
 
2010-01-26 10:14:01 PM  
Is there no open area in Haiti? Why not have all these people biatching that they cannot land there land in Florida and offload. Set up a drop zone and drop it in. AF gets some good training in and Haiti gets some supplies.
 
2010-01-26 10:14:36 PM  
It's too bad that the article said that he was taking along "doctors and ministers from the Church of Scientology" instead of "doctors, and ministers from the Church of Scientology".
 
2010-01-26 10:16:22 PM  

jake3988: Adjective Bird Whiskey 2010-01-26 10:11:35 AM I don't get it.
=============================================

Submitter is a trolling asshole.


Now, now. Everyone knows Scientology is just ridiculous and deserves any and derision and criticism. It's just silly.

Mormons, too.
 
2010-01-26 10:45:14 PM  

Headso: Diogenes: but Co$' practice of exploiting tragedies is undeniable.

They are just following an existing template.


and that somehow absolves them of responsibility for their actions?
 
2010-01-26 10:47:01 PM  

Headso: I like to shiat on Scientology too but no point in totally lying in the headline to do it.


You are an arse-wipe: Fark headlines typically carry a themed joke, you've been here long enough to know that.

Bedsides, Scientology makes as much sense as any other "religion".
 
2010-01-26 11:34:08 PM  
Where's the attention whore signs? It's completely for the publicity for Travolta and his royal biotch wife.
 
2010-01-26 11:49:49 PM  

hardinparamedic:
I hate to break this to you, but the persecution of religion and peoples for religious beliefs have killed far more people than religions have. Stalin, Hitler and Mao killed more people in a 35 year span than have died in most of the wars and disasters in history combined.


---

That's nice.

Hitler [Godwin BTW] used the Catholic church and repeatedly said God was behind the Fazerland.
Stalin did castrate the Russian Orthodox, however, he did use it's skeletal remains in the outlying regions to spread the word of Uncle Joe.
Mao is an interesting case. Chinese spirituality is far more complex and subtle than any Western religion could ever hope to be. The Chinese government itself may take no direct stance on religion. But, they're a very spiritual people and Mao was no exception.

Thank you for playing, but I'm wearing a kilt. Therefore, your argument in invalid.

/Good day, sir.
 
2010-01-26 11:50:39 PM  

Headso: I like to shiat on Scientology too but no point in totally lying in the headline to do it.


Apparently you are completely unaware of what a Scientology Volunteer Minister is and what they do when they get to a disaster scene.

These guys are running around the hospitals giving "touch assists" and teaching people how to use Scientology techniques to "reattach their nerves".

The last thing anybody in a disaster needs is another 100 folks getting in the way at the hospitals teaching the poor and uneducated that L. Ron Hubbard had anything useful to say about religion, philosophy, medicine, or anything at all really.

Read some more stories about what's happening with the Scientology Vulture Ministers in Haiti. They are all over trying to spread Dianetics to the people.
 
2010-01-27 12:00:55 AM  
Can we as a society bring a civil suit against scientology for disturbing the peace?
 
2010-01-27 12:04:44 AM  

Snarfangel: Suede head: So... is he a gay or not? I'm confused.

I thought Tom Cruise was the gay Scientologist.


They both are queer.

Travolta's gay gym trainer Paul Baressi came out and exposed his gay affair with Travolta, after Travolta sued, there was a deal made, and Baresi changed his mind and said all that gay sex he'd been having with Travolta over the years must have been in his imagination.

Within weeks or maybe months of the gay allegations being reported, Travolta was paired off with fellow Scientologist Kelly Preston and married her.

/Not that there's anything wrong with that.
 
2010-01-27 12:08:22 AM  

scalpod: Urinal Gum: They have solar bibles and scientology people heading there. Who wants to help me send Church of the Subgenius Legally Ordained Minister Kits to Haiti? Bob needs to be represented!

Instead of sending your money to Haiti, just send it to "Bob". See, he has this machine, like a weather control machine, in Dobbstown Malaysia that he's using to control time. He's accelerating time for everyone and everything so the real X-Day will come that much sooner. The thing is, the machine is fueled by money. Each dollar gets us just a picosecond closer to X-Day and he has dumptrucks delivering loads of cash every hour. If you truly care, if you just can't wait to get to the ULTIMATE PUNCHLINE TO THE JOKE THAT IS EXISTENCE then send everything you have right now.


Oh, you need something to live on! No, sell everything you have, and take half of your money and send it to Bob. Then, with what's left over, take half of that and send it to Bob. Next, you'll want to take half of your remaining money and send it to Bob...and so on. That way, you will never run out of money!
 
2010-01-27 12:42:03 AM  
John Travolta *IS* pretty tubby these days.

I think he did bring useful supplies to the starving Haitians.
A buffet of chubby white well-fed moronic "Long Pigs" all chock full of healthy Niacin.

// Please let tomorrow's headline be "John Travolta and Scientology saves 85 Haitians from starvation by graciously volunteering to be their next meaty dinner."

// On the other hand a person does need a lot of illegal narcotics to even lower the intelligence level enough to believe anything in the Scientology scam-books. That could be toxic to a Haitian that has never eaten a person who has been snorting cocaine like a Dust Vac.
 
2010-01-27 12:50:25 AM  
Fark Trek: Did they let them land? If I were the CO, i would have turned them away as a distraction.

Nah, let them land. Then drive them out into the Haitian boonies. Abandon them.
Then donate their private jet to the Red Cross.

Congratulations. John Travolta and company are now permanent citizens of Haiti!

// Nothing says, "Colossal over-fed ego than a cocaine-junky flying down to a starving nation demolished by an earthquake than the charity of offering 'Auditing' and paper. It's like a hostile visit from the IRS on Christmas with twenty times more jackassery."
 
2010-01-27 12:52:48 AM  
DirtyOldGeek: This just in: subby is a farking idiot.

Travolta brought in 6 tons of supplies and a few Scientology corporate executives...I mean...ministers.

Good on ya John for the supplies.


Oh God, he hauled Christy Alley down there plus the toilet-paper literature?

Run for your lives Haitians!
She looks hungry!
 
2010-01-27 01:46:44 AM  

jebusfreak: Snarfangel: By giving away high-quality E-meters for free, they are going to drive all of the Haitian E-meter manufacturers out of business.

Has anyone actually read the patent for the E-meter? It's basically a machine that goes "bing," but instead of the bing, it lights up an LED.


I thought it was a resistance measuring machine at base.

Monty Python should sue Scientology though. For teh lulz, if nothing else.
 
2010-01-27 01:49:58 AM  

She comes in colors everywhere: She comes in colors everywhere: Anyone else ever think Scientology is just the sort of bet someone like Heinlein would have made with L Ron?

It would go like this:

L. Ron: Hey, Robert. I liked the way you created a whole religion in Stranger In A Strange Land. I'd like to try that.
Heinlein: Yeah, but that was fiction. There aren't any Martians or Old Ones. You can't grok someone by eating them, in real life.
L. Ron: But it would be neat to do it. I bet it would work.
Heinlein: Ten bucks says you can't do it.
L. Ron: You're on.

The more I think about this, the more it makes sense. The whole secrecy thing, learning body control, etc. It's Church of All Worlds with different phlebotinum.


Do the Scientologists have giant sex orgies and practice cannibalism? If not they are infinitely inferior to the religion of Stranger and a Strange Land.

However, the idea that Scientology was started on a bet is an old one. It's usually between Hubbard and Heinlein or. . . Asimov I think. Supposedly Stranger in a Strange Land was Heinlein's try. I doubt it's true, though I do think Hubbard used it as a get rich scheme and eventually bought into his own hype.
 
2010-01-27 01:57:57 AM  
GOOD ON YOU JOHNNY
 
2010-01-27 03:22:42 AM  

snuff3r: Meh, CoS, Christians, {insert_religion}, etc. All the farking same. The leaders take advantage of followers wanting to help people in need to spread their "religion" whether they are complicit or not. Why do you think religious groups come out en-masse during times of crisis.


Can I insert a political movement or organizational agenda? Or are these things considered out of scope for the bashing at hand?

Seriously, bashing religion alone for this is a little myopic, don't you think?

Never mind, I'll go back to my own business of spreading American freedom like mayonnaise over the sandwich of the globe. Just don't ask for a side order of prosperity - I'm a selfish bastard and reserve this right unto myself. I will, however, make sure my own prosperity is built on the back of your freedom. You should be grateful, thankless vermin. My taxes paid for your freedom and my socially unwanted bled for it when you refused to adopt it. All praise and glory go to Wal-Mart and its prophet, Barry Obama. Amen.
 
2010-01-27 03:38:08 AM  

Cagey B: Religious organizations have never before used relief efforts as an opportunity to proselytize.


If they are spending their own money on providing a needed service, who cares if they are passing out a religious pamphlet with each bag of rice, or vaccine, or doctor visit, or whatever.
 
2010-01-27 09:01:58 AM  
I clicked on the article expecting to be angry, but instead I get Travolta flying a 707 stuffed to the gills with MREs and doctors (and, well, yeah, some Co$ ministers). Too much exaggeration = fail, subby.
 
2010-01-27 10:17:50 AM  
Supplies = great.
Scientology "ministers" = not so much.

If the "ministers" go down there & help pass out supplies & actually do productive work to help out, that's awesome. But if they're just going down to recruit a bunch of people for their "religion", well... that's kind of a dick move.

And you know that's what's happening.
 
2010-01-27 10:46:20 AM  
meh, like it really matters anyways, Haitians can't afford to be scientologists anyhow
 
2010-01-27 11:59:53 AM  

flamingboard: SouthParkCon: flamingboard: somebody found another set of mormon gold plates in the rubble and they're flying down their best hats to read them out of.

You really should STFU (new window) and take your idiocy elsewhere. Hate on the mormons all you want but 9 times outa 10 they are first on the scene helping with food, water and the neccesities. (new window)

woke up on the wrong side of the bible today i see.


If your town/city is hit by a disaster and some faith based relief agency shows up I'm sure you will turn in disgust and die in a corner.
 
2010-01-27 01:20:16 PM  

SouthParkCon: If your town/city is hit by a disaster and some faith based relief agency shows up I'm sure you will turn in disgust and die in a corner.


If they run around perpetrating some sort of "theraputic touch" fraud and discouraging psychological therapy in the wake of trauma, then the space they are taking up could be better utilized by someone else.
 
2010-01-27 01:42:41 PM  

atomic-age: What could they do, aside from beg for aid from other charities?


Pray to their God and assist others in any way they could, rather than relying on secular authorities to transport them to a better place?

Naaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

/late to the party, but I was MOVED to speak!
 
2010-01-27 04:29:00 PM  

Desmo: Headso: I like to shiat on Scientology too but no point in totally lying in the headline to do it.

You are an arse-wipe: Fark headlines typically carry a themed joke, you've been here long enough to know that.

Bedsides, Scientology makes as much sense as any other "religion".


All non-SubGenius "religion" is just mental illness on a global scale.
 
2010-01-27 04:30:33 PM  

Urinal Gum: scalpod: Urinal Gum: They have solar bibles and scientology people heading there. Who wants to help me send Church of the Subgenius Legally Ordained Minister Kits to Haiti? Bob needs to be represented!

Instead of sending your money to Haiti, just send it to "Bob". See, he has this machine, like a weather control machine, in Dobbstown Malaysia that he's using to control time. He's accelerating time for everyone and everything so the real X-Day will come that much sooner. The thing is, the machine is fueled by money. Each dollar gets us just a picosecond closer to X-Day and he has dumptrucks delivering loads of cash every hour. If you truly care, if you just can't wait to get to the ULTIMATE PUNCHLINE TO THE JOKE THAT IS EXISTENCE then send everything you have right now.

Oh, you need something to live on! No, sell everything you have, and take half of your money and send it to Bob. Then, with what's left over, take half of that and send it to Bob. Next, you'll want to take half of your remaining money and send it to Bob...and so on. That way, you will never run out of money!


Clearly you've had your Third Nostril opened. Now, if we can just get you back on a regular schedule for Accubeatings you'll be all set!
 
2010-01-27 05:12:41 PM  
I think CoS is the biggest scam ever(meaning I wish I'd thought of it) but I will cut Travolta some slack here. He owns a jet, he filled it full of stuff, he flew it down and dropped it off. It wouldn't surprise me if he paid for the fuel to go.

Off the top of your head how many bibles you think have been dropped in disaster areas through the years. Or priests for that matter.

/religion is always about promoting religion.
//if they are legitimate doctors I wouldn't care what line of faith they pursued if I need one.
 
2010-01-27 09:59:49 PM  

gadian: And in Haitian mythology, lo it came to pass that Saint Travolta folded his wings and landed on Haiti's shores. He brought with him the knowledge and the truth. He brought with him great prophets of infinite wisdom. He brought with him this machine that goes 'bing', but instead of going 'bing' it just lights up. Thus the country was saved. Thus the country was enlightened. Thus all suffering ended and that 30ft bull monster was vanquished. As it is written, so shall it be.


"True story!"
 
2010-01-27 11:05:09 PM  

Cid_Highwind: I clicked on the article expecting to be angry, but instead I get Travolta flying a 707 stuffed to the gills with MREs and doctors (and, well, yeah, some Co$ ministers). Too much exaggeration = fail, subby.


Guess you missed the part where Travolta's plane jumped the queue and got ahead of the 800 planes full of real aid.

It was a publicity stunt which blocked more efficient sources of aid ... nothing more.
 
2010-01-28 03:29:07 AM  

Syphilis_Smile: Did my cousin Polly lie when she told the family that L.Ron tried to kill L.Ron Jr with a coathanger? She did bear scars from that little episode, both mental and physical, for the rest of her life. Y'all nearly drove her to insanity by calling her a filthy drunk and harrassing her.. You, and everyone else who thinks like you, can rott in the deepest crevice of a 400-pound ghetto camel-toe.



I just noticed this post. Can you elaborate on that? Because wow.
 
2010-01-28 02:48:59 PM  

Paris1127: CtrlAltDelete: This is what they do when they get there. Seriously.


/when do the snake handlers arrive to aid the Haitians?


As soon as they can get Samuel L Jackson's flight booked.
 
2010-01-28 04:40:51 PM  

scalpod: All non-SubGenius "religion" is just mental illness on a global scale.



The pipelover heretics must be destroyed.

i47.tinypic.com
 
2010-01-28 06:16:43 PM  

Jeff73: scalpod: All non-SubGenius "religion" is just mental illness on a global scale.

The pipelover heretics must be destroyed.


You Erisians better watch yourselves, we have the death sentence in EVERY SYSTEM.
 
2010-01-28 11:37:38 PM  

Farking Canuck: It was a publicity stunt which blocked more efficient sources of aid ... nothing more.


Pfft. Blocked? You realize by the time you've all been garbling your wharrs about how much travolta sucks for having the audacity to fly down there, the "blockage" is already cleared, right?

Jesus christ you people whine too much.
 
2010-01-29 12:28:45 AM  

scalpod: You Erisians better watch yourselves, we have the death sentence in EVERY SYSTEM.



Them's words that beg a disarming. Not that I worry for we wield the impotent protonerdrage of Bob Black.
 
2010-01-29 01:27:33 AM  

Jeff73: scalpod: You Erisians better watch yourselves, we have the death sentence in EVERY SYSTEM.

Them's words that beg a disarming. Not that I worry for we wield the impotent protonerdrage of Bob Black.


While that's all news to me I'm not entirely surprised by any of it and it changes nothing. I don't get any more worked up over the accusations of your typical Deanie either. As a Discordian pope (and who ain't?) I ask you, start any good wars (or good jokes) lately?
 
2010-01-29 01:42:25 AM  

scalpod: While that's all news to me I'm not entirely surprised by any of it and it changes nothing. I don't get any more worked up over the accusations of your typical Deanie either. As a Discordian pope (and who ain't?) I ask you, start any good wars (or good jokes) lately?



Jokes yes, good or true wars is subjective though I claim yes regardless but I am biased.
 
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