Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   (Scared) Farker has agreed to get vasectomy at wife's insistence. Please share your experiences before he changes his mind   (beavercleaver.net ) divider line
    More: Advice  
•       •       •

126 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2003 at 8:56 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



427 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2003-04-10 01:29:41 PM  
my dad had one and then they had my little brother...
 
2003-04-10 01:32:39 PM  
Well, first you and the doctor get a little liquored up. After all, you want him to be relaxed, particularly because garden shears can be hard to manipulate when your hands are shaking from the Tourettes.

And don't worry if you feel him probing around in your rectum, even if you feel both his hands on your shoulders at the same time.

They do give you a cookie after it's done.
 
2003-04-10 01:33:14 PM  
Oh, so there's voting, eh?

Well, first you and the doctor get a little liquored up. After all, you want him to be relaxed, particularly because garden shears can be hard to manipulate when your hands are shaking from the Tourettes.

And don't worry if you feel him probing around in your rectum, even if you feel both his hands on your shoulders at the same time.

They do give you a cookie after it's done.
 
2003-04-10 01:36:29 PM  
That's odd, she didn't tell ME to get one.
 
2003-04-10 01:36:45 PM  
just pointing out: the link that the poster linked lists in it's reasons why not to get a vasectomy:

"You're being pressured by your partner"

hmmmm.......
 
2003-04-10 01:36:49 PM  
It's like waaaarm apple pie... being forceably pushed into an open slice in your scrotum.
 
2003-04-10 01:38:12 PM  
My experience is that performance anxiety is a lot less of an issue when you aren't having flashbacks about someone holding sharp objects against your weapon of mass penetration.
 
2003-04-10 01:38:33 PM  
just pointing out: the link that the poster linked lists in its reasons why not to get a vasectomy:

"You're being pressured by your partner"

hmmmm.......
 
2003-04-10 01:40:53 PM  
My father had one too. He sat on the edge of chairs for close to a month so that his visibly engorged 'cules could hang without touching anything... he's sage advice "Boy, your mom's not as hot as she used to be... if I knew it'd hurt like this I think I'd rather not have sex again." He's an Army Colonel with bullet wonds and a high pain threshold. I also have a 'post vasectomy' cousin in my extended family, and he's an idiot. I'd think LONG and HARD about it.
 
2003-04-10 01:42:46 PM  
My dad had one and he said it was like getting kicked in the goodies by a steeleworker...and he played pro hockey for 25 years.
 
2003-04-10 01:44:00 PM  
Well, I'm REAL glad for the advice so far... I made my appointment this morning for mine.

Pros: No more condoms, no more kids (yes, I have 2 wonderful kids already--that's enough)

Cons: Knife near the balls. Hmmm... knife near the balls. Holy Crap! KNIFE near the BALLS!

Maybe I'll call the doctor back...
 
2003-04-10 01:44:17 PM  
Relax. I got snipped about 4 years ago and had no problems. The best part of getting a vasectomy (for me anyway) was the injection of liquid valium they gave me. After that they coulda done just about anything and I wouldn't care. Liquid valium is EVIL and I want some more.

The operation itself didn't hurt at all. It hurt a little bit the next day and a significant amount the 2nd day. There was some swelling but not bad. Even at the worst, I was still able to walk the mile to and from my office without too much trouble. After that, the pain basically just stopped overnight and that was that.

One bonus of the procedure is that they request that you masturbate at least 25-30 times prior to having intercourse, to "clear the pipes" so to speak. Any operation that requires you to masturbate afterwards is OK in my book.

Anyway... I wouldn't worry about it. It's a snap, it doesn't hurt that badly, and when you're done you're done. The chance of a spontaneous reconnection is utterly remote, regardless of stories you may hear.
 
2003-04-10 01:46:43 PM  
May I ask why?
 
2003-04-10 01:48:14 PM  
BrandonSi, are you asking me?
 
2003-04-10 01:50:05 PM  
Any operation that requires you to masturbate afterwards is OK in my book.

Y'know, they should advise that after any surgery. Appendectomy, bypass, teeth cleaning. Hell, even regular checkups.
 
2003-04-10 02:04:32 PM  
Im am sory, but LET US not call it a "vasectomy " anymore. Yoiu are getting neutored, like my dog got spaid. Be well and I know Doctor X he was a family friend and the first to get chopped on radio.
 
2003-04-10 02:06:01 PM  
I like my body parts just as they are. Have you considered asking her to get her tubes tied? Make a pact with her, if she does it, so will you. Tell her she has to go first, then keep putting off scheduling your appointment....
 
2003-04-10 02:06:38 PM  
Don't do it, IT'S A TRAP!
First they give you lots of sex...
Then they start cutting you off...
Then your wallet is in their hands...
Then your not allowed to hang with the guys...
But they are allowed to have "girly nights"...
Then they want more "cuddly time" and no sex...
Then your pride is out the window and your ring shopping...
Then you get married, have no money, no sex and watching
Dr. Phil with her because "you don't understand her"...
Then your having little basturds running around...
THEN your getting your balls snipped because the stupid
biznatch is too lazy to pop a pill or get on depo....
Then your divorced, no kids, 50% out of the paycheck..

DON'T DO IT...I TELL YA, ITS A TRAP!!!!!! :-)
 
2003-04-10 02:07:24 PM  
Bastard Doctor didn't give me shiat for mine. I would have killed for an injection of liquid valium. Anyway, it's not really a big deal. I had the procedure where they make a small hole in the front of the scrotum, find the tubes, snip about a centimeter of them, cauterize, then clamp four metal clamps (or maybe two..dunno) that you keep with you for the rest of your life. Wow, I'm a cyborg with steel in my balls!

The actual procedure is really not a big deal beyond the initial injection. Then you wear a jock strap and walk out of the Dr.'s office. From there its the best of both worlds: super sympathy from your wife, tylenol with Codiene, rest, and when you're able you jack off like a 15 year old. The instructions said you can have sex in six weeks or 15-20 ejaculations which ever comes first. (heh) I was a fappin' fool, and cut that down to two weeks. After the second sample they gave the green light. A few other things:

* I didn't need ice, but some do.

* Procedure on Friday, back to work monday. Nobody would have known if I didn't tell them.

* There is a little ball pain for a number of weeks, but it isn't really all that bad.

* Don't let her get on top for the first few months. She can be light as a gymnast but she will forget in the throes of the moment about your condition. Grinding is bad at this time.

* You will be able to remind her of your condition for some time afterward. Don't be afraid to call 'chronic ball pain' if you need to. It's real effective! It goes away after awhile, but she doesn't need to know that.

If you are not going to have anymore kids, this is the greatest. When she was on birth control pills, there were worries about that 3% and hormonal shiat. When she had an IUD there was horrible menstrual issues. You probably KNOW how great condoms are. Screw that. With this once you are over the surgury and recovery you are free!
 
2003-04-10 02:07:52 PM  
It'll be fine as long as the doctor uses consumate V's
 
2003-04-10 02:08:26 PM  
My dad had one some years ago. He said that it felt like a mule had gone to work on his wedding tackle but after a couple of days it was fine.

I would strongly suggest you start working the psychological angle now - make it very, very clear (even printing some of the more "horrific" messages here) that you're going to need some intense "Extra Special Bonus" TLC, if you get my drift.

I hear that nothing removes pain like a chick's mouth, applied liberally and on a regular basis. Heh.
 
2003-04-10 02:12:06 PM  
vasectomy?????, that's a little extreme, she could go on the pill or use a diaphragm. I'm married myself and I couldn't imagine making my wife go have her tubes tied as a method of birth control especially since I know I wouldn't be to willing have a vasectomy but I'm not a big fan of volentary surgery to begin with so.....
 
2003-04-10 02:25:04 PM  
Go ahead and do it. While you are there, have them cut your balls off, so your wife can carry them around in her purse while she goes shopping.
 
2003-04-10 02:50:33 PM  
Why would you want to get your balls all chopped up just because your wife tells you to. Fark that. Two words: tubal ligation. If she's got her heart set on surgical sterility, let HER go under the knife. Be like a liberated woman and don't let someone else tell you what to do with your body.
 
2003-04-10 02:53:17 PM  
No, SubCow, so she can carry them around as a purse while she goes shopping!
 
2003-04-10 02:54:06 PM  
SuburbanCowboy gets my vote.
 
2003-04-10 03:03:13 PM  
If the reason youre doing it is because of pressure from your wife, dont do it.
 
2003-04-10 03:05:09 PM  
Don't you folks ever get tired of your knuckles getting all scraped up?

The pluses far outweigh the minuses in my book. A couple days of pain, a small chunk of change, against masturbation prescribed by a doctor, worry-free (or much more worry free than before) sex, no condoms, no daddy chance, AND a shot of liquid valium that was the best drug experience of my life? I'd get a vasectomy once per week if I could.

It's easier, safer, less expensive, and more effective, for both of you, for the male to get a vasectomy than for the female to get a ligation. Whipped jokes may abound, but while they're making jokes you're going to be having more and better sex. Good trade.
 
2003-04-10 03:13:06 PM  
In my book it's one less way for you to get caught cheating.
 
2003-04-10 03:16:48 PM  
BlueMustangGrrrl: my dad had one and then they had my little brother...

Make that your little half-brother.
 
2003-04-10 03:19:33 PM  
Had the snip a few months ago.

One ball was fine no problems no pain - nothing.

The other however felt as if it was put in a vice and cranked on for hours. It was the one the doctor kept letting "slip" out of his hand. "ooooops!"
That ball felt bad for three weeks.

Now I romp on the wife much more frequently, wherever we want. No need to find a condom or worry about another child.

Worth it, but could be a tough few weeks.

Good luck.

Do it wuss.....
 
2003-04-10 03:21:25 PM  
hey what about her getting an i.u.d.? failure rate is only 1%, while the pill is 3%. i just had one put in less than an hour ago, no kidding. no hormones to whack me out, small chance of pregnancy, no condoms, no pills.... it was kind of uncomfortable but you can keep it in for ten years.
 
2003-04-10 03:30:04 PM  
You go Chromag! Now, just to give all you knuckle scrapers something else to talk about, remember this little diversion where I spoke of one of my co-workers suddenly announcing him getting a sex change operation? Well here is an update: (s)he has decided to go for the ultimate vasectomy for this whole thing. I have met with him as her, and despite knowing him for ten years, he makes a pretty convincing woman. Will be even more so after the transformation.

Anyway, we now return you to the discussion about vasectomy, which is the sure cure for not having to worry about 'accidents', raging hormonal biatchyness, future child support, dangerous tubal surgery, and condoms. Worry free sex is the best sex. If your wife ever leaves you are free to fark everything that comes your way without having to worry about birth control. Here's a scenario: wife leaves, so you go dating. You find a girl, fark with the usual assumptions about the female doing the birth control, then the girl comes to you saying she's pregnant and its yours. Bzzzzt! Sorry sweetie, can't possibly be me and here is why. The door is to your left. Please don't let it smack into your expanding ass on your way out.
 
2003-04-10 03:38:47 PM  
Good for you! We all need to help control the human population.

I got one back in '95. Didn't hurt a bit during the operation... spent the time talking to the doc about Michigan football. The strangest part was when he cauterized, and you see a little puff of smoke curl up from between your legs. Weird.

The next two days, the package was a bit sore and swollen, but not as bad as I expected, by a long shot.

It's wonderful not to have to worry about birth control, let me tell ya! A caring, sympathetic partner is a must for post-op care; you can even milk it a bit if you want... make it sound worse than it actually is, and you'll get major sympathy points. :-)

Another great thing... with my employee health insurance, it only cost me $10. Woot!

Best of luck to you and "yours."
 
2003-04-10 03:39:16 PM  
Go ahead and do it. While you are there, have them cut your balls off, so your wife can carry them around in her purse while she goes shopping.

If she was any kinda woman, she would have secured those years ago.

In any event, I have two friends who've had this done, and both had no real complaints. I also know that for a woman to get her tubes tied is a much more involved and invasive surgery, so if surgery is the way you guys have decided to go, I think it's only fair that you get something out of this deal. Negotiate well, and use your imagination; life does not often present you with opportunites such as this....
 
2003-04-10 03:59:05 PM  
Knock up her hot best friend, then see if she still cares.
 
2003-04-10 04:00:29 PM  
I had one. I don't regret it a bit. 15 minutes of discomfort for the procedure, then a week of no nookie, then you gotta drop a load in a jar. If all went well, no more rubbers, ever. It's definitely worth it if you're SURE you're done procreating.
 
2003-04-10 04:05:08 PM  
Had mine in '95. Doc prescribed a valium to be taken one hour before the procedure. Man that was cool. Now I know why they keep them under lock and key. Procedure itself was no big deal. Took about 45 minutes. My only real advice is don't get too active too soon take the whole weekend and relax and take Monday off too if you can. My biggest problem was that by Wednesday the itching of the suture areas was unbearable. Hard to concentrate in meetings when all you can think about is how much your balls itch.
 
2003-04-10 04:20:15 PM  
Bump: Applause. Man Balls.

And you get to keep them. They're a little disconnected, but they're there.
 
2003-04-10 04:21:04 PM  
Geah: Actually, these things reverse themselves frequently. Yet another reason not to bother wasting the money. Funny comment though.
 
2003-04-10 04:26:34 PM  
My husband got his vasectomy years ago, not through my nagging but through our joint desire not to have any more children. Since I had already done my part in having the baby he felt it only fair that he share in a bit of the pain. Wow, an unselfish guy who doesn't need to be pussy-whipped to do the right thing. I am lucky he's my husband.
 
2003-04-10 04:32:28 PM  
I know a guy who's girlfriend took him in to get a vasectomy, and he came home with a vagina. True story.
 
2003-04-10 05:15:27 PM  
Darth: if by "frequently", you mean, once every 1000-2000 procedures, you're correct. See here or here.

What is much more common is that the post-vasectomy male can't wait to use his newfound freedom, and does the unprotected nasty too soon. It takes between 15-30 ejaculations before the vas deferens is completely cleared of "legacy" sperm. Geah, though perhaps insensitive, is much more likely correct than you.
 
2003-04-10 05:49:43 PM  
Arcadum
neutering involves total removal of the berries, not just snipping a little tube
 
2003-04-10 05:53:31 PM  
Neutering also allows you to be called "The Nutless Wonder" by mean, insensitive women like me.
 
2003-04-10 06:01:37 PM  
Following through on Dannyspleen's initial remark, I can think of a few Farkers I'd like to see get one, just so they couldn't breed. I bet a "Sponsor a Vasectomy for the Farker of Your Choice" contest would go over well here.
 
2003-04-10 06:15:11 PM  
Siyuntz
THanks for the correction! I got a little carried away.
 
2003-04-10 06:23:48 PM  
Candypants: You've got a good point about the wife securing them years ago. Mine's got "the boys" in a jar on her night stand. At least I still get to see them on a regular basis. Say goodnight to them every night. ;)
 
2003-04-10 07:54:18 PM  
Mr. Bugdog had one. He had problems with the silk sutures the doc used and had to have it done a SECOND time.

He's a bad ass though and took his own stitches out both times. Of course, he's had half his guts taken out in four different surgeries and pulls his own staples out, too.
 
2003-04-10 09:00:26 PM  
My friend got a vasectomy because his wife said she never wanted children. She changed her mind. Now he has to go back and try to have it reversed, which I understand is rather painful.

Best bet, use birth control, there's a ton of different stuff to use out there.
 
Displayed 50 of 427 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report