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(Fresno Bee)   Neither stun guns nor sliding glass doors nor wooden fences keep drug-crazed man from his appointed shenanigans   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

67 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Apr 2003 at 2:44 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

64 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-04-10 12:09:14 PM  
2003-04-10 12:15:15 PM  
"Shenanigans" is that like a Brew Ha-Ha?

/forgets the commercial
2003-04-10 12:18:19 PM  
"Hey Farva! What's that place you eat at with all that crazy shiat all over the walls?"
2003-04-10 12:23:54 PM  
"Alright, the next guy that says 'Shenanigans' is gonna get pistol-whipped."
2003-04-10 12:33:42 PM  
God, I love the movie Super Troopers.

2003-04-10 12:47:22 PM  
They should have shot him in the face with beanbag stungun:
2003-04-10 12:49:02 PM  
That had to have been PCP. Or "dust" to you ghetto dwellers. Ah, who am I kidding, ghetto people don't have the internet.
2003-04-10 01:25:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-10 01:56:45 PM  
"The ghetto" is a racist phrase, Bluezmasta? Funky.
2003-04-10 02:10:17 PM  
Stevarooni I was wondering the same thing. Sucks for the clan it's 30 degrees below average and raining down here. Fark em.
2003-04-10 02:42:48 PM  
No Stevarooni, but broad generalizations that "ghetto dwellers" don't have the internet just seemed to me a bit of a bigotted statement.

2003-04-10 02:49:34 PM  
Bluezmasta: Yeah, and we all know Fark is free of bigots...
2003-04-10 02:52:38 PM  

Yea but if they had Tasered him in the beanbag they wouldn't have needed three shots.
2003-04-10 02:52:45 PM  
How in the fark is "ghetto" racist? If you say it's because African-Americans reside in ghettos, you're making a generalization, you hypocrite fark.
2003-04-10 02:55:55 PM  
"That had to have been PCP. Or "dust" to you ghetto dwellers. Ah, who am I kidding, ghetto people don't have the internet."

That's why we ghetto people just break into people houses and use their computers. No monthly charges, and free food in the fridge to boot. By the way, Candypants, you just ran out of beer.

2003-04-10 02:56:10 PM  
It's headlines like this where I think of the George Carlin bit "This is the first time in history that the following words have been said together in this order." Or something like that.


Oh, and "Car Ramrod! Car Ramrod!"
2003-04-10 02:56:25 PM  
Damn I want what he's smoking! I've got some 'shrooms for the weekend though, woohoo!
2003-04-10 03:01:07 PM  
There wasn't much that could stop Carlos Cruz on Wednesday night.

That's a great lead.

The story reminds me of the Cops segment where it took ten minutes and several cops to corral a drugged-up naked guy who broke into a barber shop.

And my $.02 - 'ghetto' isn't racist, because white folks live in ghettoes, too. Classist, perhaps.
2003-04-10 03:02:29 PM  
Let's see if I can clear this up now:

- No, ghetto's not racist, and I've never heard of anyone who thinks that it is.

- Yes Bluezmasta I am very very upset that I couldn't make it to the KLAN rally. Crackers like me get off that shiat. Boo-yow.

- Furthermore Bluezmasta, I was joking about ghettos not having the internet. I understand that other humans rarely approach you using such language as you seem like the type of person who sits in the corner of a room, eyes darting nervously, convinced that "they're all out to get you", so I'm not upset. Besides, we all know Bill Gates subsidizes internet capability for lower-class neighnorhoods.
2003-04-10 03:02:41 PM  
Fark flame-geiger-counter indicates critical mass in 5, 4, 3...
2003-04-10 03:04:31 PM  
My father used to do this kind of thing when he had a few too many brews and shots of Wild Turkey.

Ah, good times, good times.
2003-04-10 03:05:46 PM  
Do you think he made a perfect outline when he went through the sliding-glass door and the fence, because he sure sounds cartoonish.
2003-04-10 03:07:19 PM  
Now, you all know, if weed was legal, instead of grabbing an 8 inch steak knife, ol' Carlos probably would have blazed his ex wife, and her boyfriend. Then when the kids were in bed, they would have had a threesome.
2003-04-10 03:07:37 PM  
Candypants: It's probably more that Bluezmasta hasn't been around long to enough to know like we do.

We should pump this guy full 'o dust and set him loose in Saddam's bunker tunnels.
2003-04-10 03:08:00 PM  
Someone had to do it

1 : a quarter of a city in which Jews were formerly required to live
2 : a quarter of a city in which members of a minority group live especially because of social, legal, or economic pressure
3 a : an isolated group b : a situation that resembles a ghetto especially in conferring inferior status or limiting opportunity
2003-04-10 03:09:37 PM  
AbbaDabba: I can relate. I become a completely different person entirely when blasted on Wild Turkey. It's like my own personal Jeckyll and Hyde potion.
2003-04-10 03:17:25 PM  
For Candypants:

"He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and he wouldn't feel it for hours."
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-10 03:20:46 PM  
I just came over to say, good headline.
But then I get here, and the thread has already spun out of control.
2003-04-10 03:24:37 PM  
I want to party him.
2003-04-10 03:27:21 PM  
"But his shenanigans are cruel and tragic. There evil little shenanigans..."

Super Troopers rules.
2003-04-10 03:27:57 PM  
"Appointed shenanigans"?

I applaude you sir.
2003-04-10 03:28:02 PM  
Yea but if they had Tasered him in the beanbag they wouldn't have needed three shots.

Best line all day there is coke all over my keyboard.
2003-04-10 03:39:06 PM  
Candypants, drat, you beat me to the PCP comment.

Check it, I know this girl from Baton Rouge. She did PCP one time. And then she Accused our mutual friend of being the BR serial killer, and called the police on him - at 4 a.m. The thing is, she for some reason Believes in her drugged up delusion - STILL. She won't talk to the guy. Oh and she called the police on him again, when he wanted to talk to her as friends do. Weird.
2003-04-10 03:43:55 PM  

Boy, you sure hit the nail on the head in describing me. You sure are good at labeling people without knowing a thing about them. You should work for a psychic hotline or something. If only all of us had your rare gift this world would be such a better place.
2003-04-10 03:44:18 PM  
Must be hard to snort when it gets all crammed into those ridges between the keys...

"Ridges on yo ass, pap!"
-Blue streak, almost as funny as SuperTroopers.
2003-04-10 03:46:19 PM  
I saw a girl on PCP at a rave who climbed on top of the 20 foot speaker system, tearing off all her clothes and jewelry because the aliens were coming and they would onlt take her if she was completely naked. She tore her earrings through her ears.
2003-04-10 03:46:29 PM  
I always wondered how shenanigans was spelled.

Obligatory Super Trooper's quote: "You boys wanna go to MEX EE CO?????"
2003-04-10 03:47:19 PM  
"There wasn't much that could stop Carlos Cruz on Wednesday night."

A 9mm would have stopped him.

A 12 gauge shotgun would have stopped him.

This would have stopped him:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-10 03:48:26 PM  
This is one guy who can handle his drugs! Shot with tasers, runs through doors, wooden fences, various brick-a-brack. Somebody give him the Golden Mirror award!
2003-04-10 03:50:28 PM  
You sure are good at labeling people without knowing a thing about them

Yeah, that's what us a Klan people do best.
2003-04-10 03:53:47 PM  
I gotta go home and get my broom!

and what the hell does boo-yow mean?
2003-04-10 03:54:28 PM  
Now here's a patriotic thread.
2003-04-10 03:54:56 PM  

2003-04-10 03:55:15 PM  
Sounds like one of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die
2003-04-10 03:56:46 PM  
I bet this would have stopped him:
2003-04-10 03:58:46 PM  
How about this:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-10 04:02:32 PM  
aw shucks... my trolling attempt has been foiled. You win this time Candypants, but I'll be back.

*scurries away to hide under a rock*
2003-04-10 04:05:21 PM  

that was a pretty good try.


Hope your husband or boyfriend is still safe.
2003-04-10 04:08:08 PM  
Basic math.
Stoned guy + visions + knife + children = 9mm in the chest.
2003-04-10 04:10:43 PM  
"All drugged up and running around like a deranged rhesus macaque."

Now you've gone and made him sound like Mick Jagger...
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