If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Springfield News-Leader)   Dumbass tag trumps fail tag as three men use a stun gun to kidnap a man and take him 1200 miles away, only to find out they kidnapped the wrong man   (news-leader.com) divider line 39
    More: Dumbass, New Jersey, dumbass, Missouri, kidnapping, held hostage, Douglas Stangeland, convenience stores, Friday morning  
•       •       •

7794 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2010 at 6:41 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2010-01-12 03:44:03 AM
Only thing that story is missing is the woodchipper at the end.
 
2010-01-12 03:53:33 AM
Confabulat: Only thing that story is missing is the woodchipper at the end.

Obviously, you are not a golfer.
 
2010-01-12 03:55:16 AM
puffy999: Confabulat: Only thing that story is missing is the woodchipper at the end.

Obviously, you are not a golfer.


Well we was fixin' to fornicate!
 
2010-01-12 03:55:23 AM
Doug?
 
2010-01-12 03:58:09 AM
thesituationist.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-01-12 03:58:45 AM
Vernon County Sheriff Ron Peckman described the three as "bumbling idiots."

Could this be viral marketing for yet another Cohen Brothers movie??
 
2010-01-12 04:02:33 AM
cravencottagenewsround.files.wordpress.com

[THE KNAVE's house. Enter THE KNAVE, carrying parcels, and two THUGS. They fight]

BLANCHE
Whither the money, Lebowski? Faith, we are servants of Bonnie; promised by the lady good that thou in turn were good for't.

WOO
Bound in honour, we must have our bond; cursed be our tribe if we forgive thee.

BLANCHE
Let us soak him in the commode, so as to turn his head.

WOO
Aye, and see what vapourises; then he will see what is foul.

[They insert his head into the commode]

BLANCHE
What dreadful noise of waters in thine ears! Thou hast cooled thine head; think now upon drier matters.

WOO
Speak now on ducats else again we'll thee duckest; whither the money, Lebowski?

THE KNAVE
Faith, it awaits down there someplace; prithee let me glimpse again.

WOO
What, thou rash egg! Thus will we drown thine exclamations.

[They again insert his head into the commode]

BLANCHE
Trifle not with the fury of two desperate men. Long has thy wife sealed a bond with Jaques Treehorn; as blood is to blood, surely thou owest to Jaques Treehorn in recompense.

WOO
Rise, and speak wisely, man-but hark;
I see thy rug, as woven i'the Orient,
A treasure from abroad. I like it not.
I'll stain it thus; ever thus to deadbeats.

[He stains the rug]

THE KNAVE
Sir, prithee nay!

BLANCHE
Now thou seest what happens, Lebowski, when the agreements of honourable business stand compromised. If thou wouldst treat money as water, flowing as the gentle rain from heaven, why, then thou knowest water begets water; it will be a watery grave your rug, drowned in the weeping brook. Pray remember, Lebowski.

THE KNAVE
Thou err'st; no man calls me Lebowski. Yet thou art man; neither spirit damned nor wandering shadow, thou art solid flesh, man of woman born. Hear rightly, man!-for thou hast got the wrong man. I am the Knave, man; Knave in nature as in name.

BLANCHE
Thy name is Lebowski. Thy wife is Bonnie.

THE KNAVE
Zounds, man. Look at these unworthiest hands; no gaudy gold profanes my little hand. I have no honour to contain the ring. I am a bachelor in a wilderness. Behold this place; are these the towers where one may glimpse Geoffrey, the married man? Is this a court where mistresses of common sense are hid? Not for me to hang my bugle in an invisible baldric, sir; I am loath to take a wife, or she to take me until men be made of some other mettle than earth. Hark, the seat of my commode be arisen!

WOO
Search his satchel! His words are a fantastical banquet to work confusion upon his enemies. There sits eight pounds of proof within; surely he hides his treasure on his person.

BLANCHE
Villainy! Why this confounded orb, such as men use to play at ninepins; what devilry, these holes in holy trinity?

THE KNAVE
Obviously thou art not a golfer.

BLANCHE
Then thou art a man to carry ball in his sack? Thou varlet, a plague upon your house; I shall return thy orb to earth.
[He drops the ball]
Thy floor cracks in haste, sir; thou art not a man of ample foundation. Woo?

WOO
Speak, friend; I am but of droplets.

BLANCHE
Was this not a man of moneys and repute? Did not Treehorn speak of chalcedony halls, and three chests of gold, as was hard food for Midas? What think'st thou?

WOO
O undistinguish'd man! We are deceived; this man has put not money in his purse.

THE KNAVE
Weep not for grief of my own sustaining, sir. At least I am house-broken, none to break the houses of others.

WOO
If dog you are, in time you'll have your day;
Waste time, but Jaques Treehorn will you pay.

[Exeunt severally]
 
2010-01-12 05:16:32 AM


megain.smugmug.com

megain.smugmug.com

megain.smugmug.com


------------------------------------------------------------

megain.smugmug.com
/victim
 
2010-01-12 06:36:21 AM
Oznog: Could this be viral marketing for yet another Cohen Coen Brothers movie??


FTFY
 
2010-01-12 06:41:04 AM
Oznog: [THE KNAVE's house. Enter THE KNAVE, carrying parcels, and two THUGS. They fight]

......]


you win at the innernets
 
2010-01-12 06:47:57 AM
Oooops!
 
2010-01-12 06:52:31 AM
cdn3.sbnation.com
 
2010-01-12 06:54:44 AM
The suspects allegedly approached pet store owner Jeff Muller, 59, of Newton, N.J., outside his business there Friday morning and asked if he was Jeff Muller, Newton Police Chief John Tomasula said. When Muller said "yes," they shot him with a stun gun and bound his hands and feet, authorities said.


If three strangers with a stun gun approach you and ask if you're so and so, lie your ass off.
 
2010-01-12 06:58:17 AM
Freak: The suspects allegedly approached pet store owner Jeff Muller, 59, of Newton, N.J., outside his business there Friday morning and asked if he was Jeff Muller, Newton Police Chief John Tomasula said. When Muller said "yes," they shot him with a stun gun and bound his hands and feet, authorities said.


If three strangers with a stun gun approach you and ask if you're so and so, lie your ass off.


Or, run like hell. Either way, these are life-lessons!
 
2010-01-12 07:07:00 AM
fta Muller was in shock and had a "glazed over look about him" (...) said Lake Ozark Police Chief Mark Maples

You don't get to be Chief w/o knowing when to work in a good donut reference
 
2010-01-12 07:09:09 AM
Oznog: [Epic Shakespearean Lebowski]

Is that your own effort, or are you repeating the work of some unknown genius? Either way, my hat's off to you.
 
2010-01-12 07:12:52 AM
The kidnapped man allegedly said "I'll be your Doug."
 
2010-01-12 07:15:59 AM
theforgottenreviews.files.wordpress.com

i get to use this one for the second time in less than 18 hours.
 
Ni
2010-01-12 07:19:40 AM
If my name was Jeff Muller and I read this, I'd drop a load in my pants. Then I'd laugh hysterically.
 
2010-01-12 07:24:53 AM
puffy999: Confabulat: Only thing that story is missing is the woodchipper at the end.

Obviously, you are not a golfer.


I think it sounds more like "How many heads in the bag?"
 
#2 [TotalFark]
2010-01-12 07:27:54 AM
"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

- Woody Allen
 
2010-01-12 07:37:28 AM
I read about this in our local paper {the linky}, but I didn't hear about the wrong victim till this. What a buncha morans.
 
2010-01-12 07:48:30 AM
Vernon County Sheriff Ron Peckman described the three as "bumbling idiots."

As was the reporter who wrote that lead. Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Here you go, pal:

Three western Missouri men charged with kidnapping, authorities said Monday, after they had allegedly abducting the wrong New Jersey man and driven nearly 1,200 miles with him as a hostage before the victim was rescued by authorities.


BTW, Oznog, give credit where due for the folks who missed the epic Shakespeare Lebowski thread.

Here's the source - it's the whole film re-written a la Willy the Shakes, and it's bloody brilliant (new window)

And here's the thread from last week (new window)
 
2010-01-12 07:50:26 AM
www.recipetips.com
 
2010-01-12 07:52:40 AM
Found that man reported missing,
He wandered in his home.
It don't seem too bad if you consider
Just what he's been through.

Seems he met up with a gang of thieves,
Who mistook him for a man of means,
They locked him up then found he had no money,
So they let him go again.
 
2010-01-12 07:53:58 AM
Notabunny: fta Muller was in shock and had a "glazed over look about him" (...) said Lake Ozark Police Chief Mark Maples

You don't get to be Chief w/o knowing when to work in a good donut reference


Ahhh, my first smirk of the day. Thanks.
 
2010-01-12 08:24:59 AM
As the local newsguy just over the border from NJ in Orange County NY, I really *am* getting a kick out of this!

\WTBQ.com
\\Listen, man!
 
2010-01-12 08:33:07 AM
davidphogan: Doug?

Wrong Doug.
 
2010-01-12 09:08:21 AM
Yeah! My home town made FARK!!!!

/should I be happy about it?
 
2010-01-12 09:24:07 AM
"Three western Missouri men..."

Usually northern or southern Missourians are involved, and we can pawn it off on that part of the state we *SHOULD* have given to Iowa or Arkansas. This time Kansas is the winner!
 
2010-01-12 09:27:11 AM
Never trust a plan to man named Lonnie.
 
2010-01-12 10:30:32 AM
Who's stunned now? Huh? Who's stunned NOW!

That's it, it's gag gime.
 
2010-01-12 10:34:35 AM
Was it these guys?
barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu
 
2010-01-12 10:36:05 AM
Hey, I know that pet store. My Aunt is friends with the owner.
I was about a mile from there on Friday when they kidnapped him. That's crazy!
 
2010-01-12 10:52:15 AM
You've got the wrong man! I'm tellin ya it wasn't me!
 
2010-01-12 10:56:25 AM
Oznog: [epic Lebowski Shakespeare]

I don't care who wrote it, that is amazingly farking brilliant.
 
2010-01-12 11:16:57 AM
Epic Redneck Fail.
 
2010-01-12 11:53:41 AM
Roger Thornhill: And what the devil is all this about? Why was I brought here?
Phillip Vandamm: Games, must we?
Roger Thornhill: Not that I mind a slight case of abduction now and then, but I have tickets for the theater this evening, to a show I was looking forward to and I get, well, kind of *unreasonable* about things like that.
Phillip Vandamm: With such expert playacting, you make this very room a theater.
 
2010-01-12 12:30:33 PM
Doh!
 
Displayed 39 of 39 comments



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report