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New media trends this week, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/2 - 1/9 
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-11 2:17:11 PM, edited 2010-01-11 3:23:46 PM (34 comments) | Permalink
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4269 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jan 2010 at 3:27 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Now that the New Year's buzz is gone, we're now both feet into 2010, which will definitely be better than last year because 2009 sucked. With the new year, here are the media trends to watch for over the next couple weeks: More health care crap, including the endless babbling of the talking heads, including of course the standard discussion of 1) all of the other countries that have successfully launched universal healthcare and 2) a long list of reasons why it cannot possibly work here. Same as you've been hearing for the last three, five, twelve months, but with a slightly different news scroll at the bottom of the cable feed. Otherwise, identical. Although as time goes on, the odds actually go up of Jon Stewart having enough time to thoroughly embarrass someone the way he did to Bill Kristol.

Since everybody makes pointless New Year's resolutions to lose weight, expect to hear the usual buzz about diets and gyms. Also, since last week's Facebook updates on bra color briefly and ineffectually raised awareness of the campaign itself (I already forgot what it was raising awareness for), you can expect about 20-30 new and more annoying and even less effectual copycats to hit in the next couple weeks.

With the new year in full swing and the Headline of the Year contest wrapped up (congratulations again to the winners and nominees), it's time to clear out the old betting slips from 2009 and kick off the first Fark Betting Line of 2010. These are the items that we expect will be in this week's news. As always, feel free to post the news story you think will be in the news this coming week and handicap it appropriately.

- Obama gives the legislative branch a withering stare, clenches his jaw resolutely while the Latest Unwieldy Health Care Bill grinds forward more slowly and painfully than a kidney stone through a urethra (3:1)

- Republicans note that painful urethra damage would not be covered in the current version of the bill (4:1)

- Media notices that hey, gyms get kinda busy every January, then proceed to tell you how gyms work (6:1)

- Morning TV shows abuzz with outlandish claims from the latest diet fad (2:1)

- Doctors express concern that a surprising number of people trying out the latest dieting fad seem to be, um, sorta getting really sick (19:1)

- News shows wake up from hibernation, remind us that diet food works better if we don't eat it by the wheelbarrow (5:1)

- Bored with Afghanistan and Iraq, cable TV news spend inordinate amounts of time assessing the danger of Yemen (8:1)

- Quick-thinking entrepreneur dovetails two interests, introduces "The Yemen Diet" to sudden fame (16:1)

- Buzz dies down quickly after Americans find themselves unable to pronounce the ingredients required to participate in the Yemen Diet (9:1)

- Gilbert Arenas expresses sincere remorse about his indefinite NBA vacation (38:1)

- And twitters about his remorse from various nightclubs (14:1)

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-01-03 to Sat 2010-01-09:

img1.fark.net  Dropped cellphone causes teen to get run over by van. No word on remaining rollover minutes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man robs shoe store with a large rock. This would never happen if more people were allowed to carry concealed paper    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Feminist Mary Daly died abroad today at age 81    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Mumbai condom vending machines hit by burglars and vandals. Inconceivable    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  A female cane toad can "pump herself up to mega-size" if she wants to dissuade a male from mating with her. In the human species, we call this phenomenon "marriage"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Driving Instructor Critical After Student Crashes." What did the student expect, compliments?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Romanian woman didn't know that her husband hid $57,768 in some old footwear. Hilarity in shoes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Boy is let off with a warning after stabbing a teacher in the chest with a pencil. Teachers union insists that there be stricter punishment, No. 2 ways about it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man arrested for fondling himself at a Chicago Starbucks. Frap frap frap    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Wild turkey blamed for power outage, most bad decisions    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Arab and Jewish chefs unite to cook record hummus in hopes of creating whirled peas    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  EA Games to go ahead with new Tiger Woods game, redesigning 18 holes to look less green, more blonde    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Togo's soccer team shot at with AK-47s. One killed, three injured, the rest left writhing on the ground holding their shins    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Pete Carroll may coach the Seahawks, a team with significantly less payroll than USC    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Today marks the sixth anniversary of the landing of the Spirit rover on Mars, proving that NASA cannot even get a simple 90-day mission done on time    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  New drug treats both brain and prostate cancers simultaneously, which is good news for your boss    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Japan blubbers it needs to krill whales for research porpoises. Aussies says "cetacean needed"    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Hanes drops Charlie Sheen as spokesman, apparently nobody likes wife beaters anymore    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "The greatest moments on the Jay Leno show." LGN    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ellen DeGeneres claims to have no problem standing up to Simon Cowell, pee    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  President Obama announces that all airline passengers will be strapped to the wings of the plane to decrease security risks, feed gremlins    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The crotchbomber's visa has now been revoked, thanks to the US Department of Face Palms and Retroactive Competence    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Minnesota Republican tweets that Obama is a "Power Hungry Arrogant Black Man". Later apologizes because he's a stand-uppity guy    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Jay-Z has offered to overproduce Robbie Williams' wedding    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  George Michael rul-(♫ JITTERBUG ♫) Huh? Anyway, George Michael rules ou-(♫ JITTERBUG ♫) Stop it. George Mic-(♫ JITTERBUG ♫) I SAID, GEORGE MICHAEL RULES OUT A WHAM REUN-(♫ JITTERBUG ♫) Oh, fark it  

img1.fark.net  Now you can be the best dressed lumberjack on your street: Kings of Leon have launched a clothing line    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  The cold winter has apparently not effected the orange harvest. Consumers can expect orange juice prices to fall. Where in the hell is Beeks?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The last B. Dalton's is closing. Subby toasts their memory with his Orange Julius    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  EPA proposes new smaug standards. Critics say they'll be a dragon the economy    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2010-01-11 03:32:27 PM  
Who greenlights this crap?!

/Just kidding, just kidding!
 
2010-01-11 03:34:29 PM  
Dow closes after dropping 800 in one day on news that oil is now more expensive than a house...
/or something
 
2010-01-11 03:37:56 PM  
Wow. There are some terrific headlines in this batch.

But if I have Jitterbug stuck in my head all farkin day like that time some jackass posted Starship's We Built This City lyrics, that submitter is going to pay.

/we built, we built this city
//we built, we built this city
///on rock and rollllllllllllllllllllll
 
2010-01-11 03:38:59 PM  
hey, i got one. actually, one and a half, since i'll take partial credit for "Arab and Jewish chefs unite to cook record hummus in hopes of creating whirled peas "
 
2010-01-11 03:41:18 PM  
I submitted this with a better headline.
 
2010-01-11 03:41:51 PM  
Two...I'm surprised to see my Jay-Z one on there. And a golf clap to those responsible for the Starbucks, Charlie Sheen, Rollover Minutes, and Driving instructor headlines.
 
2010-01-11 03:42:00 PM  
♫ JITTERBUG ♫
 
2010-01-11 03:43:14 PM  
1lastcall: Wow. There are some terrific headlines in this batch.

But if I have Jitterbug stuck in my head all farkin day like that time some jackass posted Starship's We Built This City lyrics, that submitter is going to pay.

/we built, we built this city
//we built, we built this city
///on rock and rollllllllllllllllllllll


puh-puh-puh-pokerface puh-puh-pokerface

/now try to get that out of your head!
//worse when it's in the voice of Cartman
 
2010-01-11 03:46:30 PM  
There will undoubtedly be continuing coverage of the latest cold snap in North America, some talk about how citrus harvests will be affected and how the regular American consumer will feel this at the grocery store, etc. Of course the harvest will be fine, but don't let that prevent you from selling your citrus futures. No word if Clarence Beeks is involved.
 
2010-01-11 03:50:46 PM  
Awesome.
 
2010-01-11 04:04:08 PM  
ultraholland: There will undoubtedly be continuing coverage of the latest cold snap in North America, some talk about how citrus harvests will be affected and how the regular American consumer will feel this at the grocery store, etc. Of course the harvest will be fine, but don't let that prevent you from selling your citrus futures. No word if Clarence Beeks is involved.

I saw a report on ruined oranges in Florida on CNN last night, so I am really getting a kick out of your reply.
 
2010-01-11 04:07:54 PM  
rFarke: Dow closes after dropping 800 in one day on news that oil is now more expensive than a house...
/or something


Residents of Detroit seen rejoicing.
 
2010-01-11 04:09:13 PM  
Yeah these ones were particularly funny. Well played, submitters.
 
2010-01-11 04:10:35 PM  
This was a pretty good crop. Good job all
 
2010-01-11 04:20:59 PM  
What about global warming? I can't fap without a global warming thread.
 
2010-01-11 04:23:06 PM  
I got one!

/frap frap frap
 
2010-01-11 04:28:50 PM  
X-Wing: I got one!

/frap frap frap


Nice.

Now, who did the rock/paper headline. THAT was pure farking genius.
 
2010-01-11 04:30:42 PM  
yay, 2 for me
 
2010-01-11 04:34:26 PM  
we should have a BCS-style voting on the headlines all-year long.

just wondering if it would make it easier / harder with the end of the year stat gathering. so, for example, this week's headlines go up against next weeks in a round of voting at the end of the week.

then each month we can vote on headlines of the month. do we do this already? or does it all just happen at the end of the year because we're all to high to do anything else?

/not high...yet. ^_^
 
2010-01-11 04:38:03 PM  
CapnPlaty: 1lastcall: Wow. There are some terrific headlines in this batch.

But if I have Jitterbug stuck in my head all farkin day like that time some jackass posted Starship's We Built This City lyrics, that submitter is going to pay.

/we built, we built this city
//we built, we built this city
///on rock and rollllllllllllllllllllll

puh-puh-puh-pokerface puh-puh-pokerface

/now try to get that out of your head!
//worse when it's in the voice of Cartman


I may be the only person in the known universe who has never heard that song all the way through, though I have heard the refrain.

/Marconi plays the mamba
//Listen to the radio
///Don't you remember?
 
2010-01-11 05:02:23 PM  
major_accuracy: we should have a BCS-style voting on the headlines all-year long.

just wondering if it would make it easier / harder with the end of the year stat gathering. so, for example, this week's headlines go up against next weeks in a round of voting at the end of the week.

then each month we can vote on headlines of the month. do we do this already? or does it all just happen at the end of the year because we're all to high to do anything else?

/not high...yet. ^_^


In past years, I let the TFers have voting threads for the best threads of the month, but it tends to stack up at the end of the year (and it's hardest on me to get a lot of threads set up at once). This year, I'll be still setting up the TF voting threads, but will be doing them on an ongoing basis rather than trying to get them all done at the end of the year. I will probably also set up the quarterly voting threads on Fark's main page on an ongoing basis, too.
 
2010-01-11 05:03:12 PM  
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

do do dooo doooo do do do do dooo do do do dooo

/THAT got Jitterbug out of my head....oh shiat...
 
2010-01-11 05:10:31 PM  
major_accuracy: we should have a BCS-style voting on the headlines all-year long.

just wondering if it would make it easier / harder with the end of the year stat gathering. so, for example, this week's headlines go up against next weeks in a round of voting at the end of the week.

then each month we can vote on headlines of the month. do we do this already? or does it all just happen at the end of the year because we're all to high to do anything else?

/not high...yet. ^_^


I second this idea.
 
2010-01-11 05:32:51 PM  
I want the Voting tab for liters back.
 
2010-01-11 06:05:58 PM  
Hetfield: I want the Voting tab for liters back.

Please?

/B. Dalton's was mine
//Prouder than I probably should be
///it's the small things
 
2010-01-11 06:20:24 PM  
This was a pretty good week.
 
2010-01-11 07:44:15 PM  
JITTERBUG


/STILL CRACKING UP OVER THAT ONE
 
2010-01-11 07:46:40 PM  
I thought that this one would have made it: Link (new window)
 
2010-01-11 07:55:01 PM  
mr lawson: JITTERBUG


/STILL CRACKING UP OVER THAT ONE


I now have a mash up of Jitterbug and We Built This City going on in my head and I have for the last 4 hours.

Say you don't know me, or recognize my face Jitterbug!
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place Jitterbug!
Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight You put the boom boom into my heart!
Too many runaways eating up the night You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts


I'm thinking I should call the writers for Glee. And then a psychiatrist.
 
2010-01-11 08:20:36 PM  
JITTERBUG

That's gotta be a HOTY contestant.

Still, that commercial for the Jitterbug phone came into my head first...
 
2010-01-11 08:59:23 PM  
The Jitterbug, and the Rock/Paper one. Both were awesome. Oh, and frap frap frap.
 
2010-01-11 10:45:14 PM  
"Where in the hell is Beeks" made me chortle.

Great Joerb
 
2010-01-12 01:52:58 AM  
The cold winter has apparently not effected the orange harvest. Consumers can expect orange juice prices to fall. Where in the hell is Beeks?

wow, I'm a fool; didn't even see this was a headline.
 
2010-01-12 02:20:35 AM  
"hey, i got one. actually, one and a half, since i'll take partial credit for "Arab and Jewish chefs unite to cook record hummus in hopes of creating whirled peas "

Subby and Bobbies working together to create HOTY Candidate, a true Fark moment. There's one for the Top Ten in the first week. WELL PLAYED.
 
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