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(NCBuy)   If you want a happy marriage, don't complain about farting   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
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70 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Apr 2003 at 6:37 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

111 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-04-07 12:23:10 AM  
Only if the old "dutch oven" is involved should complaints be made.
2003-04-07 12:27:16 AM  
Okay...that was spooky. I don't belch THAT loud. ;)
2003-04-07 12:31:31 AM  
My first marriage was killed over the "wet fart" incident.
2003-04-07 01:15:03 AM  
I never take my fiance to task for his farting, nor he for mine.

But I fart just -once- while we're having sex, and he still hasn't shut up about it a year later.
2003-04-07 01:16:49 AM  
Never complain. That way when they come home to find you've packed all your stuff and left them for someone half their age/twice their net worth the look on their face will be priceless.
2003-04-07 02:27:28 AM  
I did it once while having sex. Unfortunatly is was during foreplay and I was on the receiving end. Guess I just relaxed too much. At least she still married me.
2003-04-07 06:40:16 AM  
wow Kent, that one's a keeper
2003-04-07 06:41:34 AM  
What the hell is a butt-buzzer, and how far up do you have to insert it?
2003-04-07 06:42:49 AM  
The only time my fiancee farts is in front of me is in her sleep...
1. I never knew she could smell so bad
2. Damn funny! Nothing like a little squeaker slipping out behind you on the couch!
2003-04-07 06:45:37 AM  
farting is such a trifle in the grand scheme of coupledom that it hardly rates a mention. However when it involves me opening windows so I can breathe then that is a different story...
2003-04-07 06:50:42 AM  
I have no problem with the farting, but the slurping of food in public makes other people stare..
2003-04-07 07:00:49 AM  
I know everyone farts but if my husband(well Ex Now)ever farted whilst having sex he would have been my Ex well b4 now I can tell ya...thats just gross...yuk
2003-04-07 07:03:39 AM  
I hate it when you think it's just going to be a fart, but you let it go and it isn't.
2003-04-07 07:05:38 AM  
Well, stop doing it then :)

/Cheap & Obvious
2003-04-07 07:19:35 AM  
My husband and I fart infront of each other. If we didnt there would be a problem. It would show you aren't at ease with your partner. But every once in awhile we tease each other about it. Like sometimes I'll call him "Poopey butt" when he farts and he will call me "stinkey butt" when I do. Just a little humor to keep a spark. lol
2003-04-07 07:24:06 AM  
PinkFloyd: My wittle snuggywuffins!
Mr. PinkFloyd: Honeybunnydoodle!
PinkFloyd: Sweetiedarling poopey butt!
Mr. PinkFloyd: Wtf? Crap-ass!
2003-04-07 07:29:04 AM  
Well when Colonel Angus shows up for duty is when the missus lower GI kicks into overdriv, she warns me though. But what would happen if she didn't?
2003-04-07 07:29:26 AM  
A 'queef' does not count.
2003-04-07 07:39:30 AM  
Don't mind the occasional fart but if it's too frequent it kinda kills the passion. You want to associate your partner with sexy stuff, not stinky farts. Besides, farts shouldn't smell much if at all, if they do you have a dietary issue you should be addressing.

Farting in bed is fine. Who is gonna get out of bed into the cold just to let one go - not me. Besides, apparently you let go of 80% of your rear end emissions in your sleep, so why complain about the ones you happen to still be awake for.

And when sleeping in the spoon position, always arrange to be in front ;)
2003-04-07 07:47:09 AM  
That site should have a "Print for Refrigerator Format" link for their stories. :)
2003-04-07 07:48:12 AM  
They've got to be kidding. I suppose they say that flying yokozunas are bad for a relationship, too.
2003-04-07 07:55:51 AM  
My wife is a petite 5'2" 110 lbs. And can belch and fart like a drunken sailor on leave in Manilla. GAWD-DAMMMNNN!!

Some of the romance goes away, though, when you realize that the sewage treatment plant was built so close to the recreation area. God must have failed his civil engineering coursework.

2003-04-07 07:58:11 AM  
Wow, this NCBuy is one damn fine news organization.
2003-04-07 07:59:02 AM  
"It's not the farting I mind, it's the gerbil-splats on the wall that drive me crazy"

/Mrs. Gere
2003-04-07 08:03:15 AM  
yeah...that was me
2003-04-07 08:07:33 AM  
My fiancee NEVER passes the gas in my presence. She would rather explode. I don't have the same hang-up. I let 'em rip when needed. She has only complained once, after a day at work when a co-worker brought in some beans & greens, followed by a few beers after work. Sweet Jesus-in-a-gas mask, what a night! I thought we would have to sell the house. Even the dog left the room after one particularly wicked smelling one escaped. I didn't think it was possible to gag a dog, but he got teary-eyed and went to the door demanding to be let out.
We have all agreed, that I cannot EVER again eat beans & greens with a side order of beer.
2003-04-07 08:13:03 AM  
The very first rule made by my girlfriend was absolutely no farting in front of her. Well the relationship has lasted 3 years but looks to be on the rocks now.

I laughed when I read the article though because I was many times a victim of the question "Do I look fat in ...?"

Have to find myself a girl I can fart infront of then :)
2003-04-07 08:13:31 AM  
When I have freckles that I didn't have before having sex,..that's where I draw the line.
2003-04-07 08:13:46 AM  
Brodie: Tell me, did you ever fart in front of her?
T.S. Quint: No, why do you ask?
Brodie: I never farted in front of Renee. Last week, I let one slip and today she dumps me.
T.S. Quint: Renee's not the shallow type. You're not insinuating...
Brodie: She was going down on me at the time.
T.S. Quint: [Retches]
Brodie: What can I say, I was feeling relaxed, when I feel relaxed I squirt.
T.S. Quint: If all she did was dump you, you got off light.
2003-04-07 08:24:25 AM  
Holding her head under the sheets while I laughed and laughed. Could be one reason I aint married no more...ya think?
2003-04-07 08:25:41 AM  
That's nothing.
After I have sex with a woman, I always take a dump on her chest.
2003-04-07 08:28:10 AM  
According to L.A.-based social psychologist Susan Perry, the happiest couples are those who don't make noise when their partner passes gas.

There are people getting paid to come up with this crap? This is why I want to run over psychologists with a monster truck. To the camps with them all. Them and the lawyers and anyone who calls themselves a "community leader."
Rat [TotalFark]
2003-04-07 08:28:40 AM  
I always blame mine on the dog, and she always blames hers on the cat...

damn, that cat can clear a room
2003-04-07 08:29:01 AM  
Burps, hiccups, belches are fine - but farts should be Contained (lol) until you are away from me!
2003-04-07 08:30:30 AM  
Necro-99:- Can I just add people who call themselves "intellectuals" to your list?
2003-04-07 08:36:35 AM  
I read that whole article to my wife. She won't believe it til she reads it in Cosmo though. Can we get someone on this?
2003-04-07 08:40:25 AM  
Honestly people have such hang-ups, it's just a function, we all do it, so who cares?

Last night after a few too many drinks my hubby wrote my initials on a wall while having a that's devotion..

Hey Ku_No_Ichi I get stared at in public because I don't slurp my noodles...
2003-04-07 08:41:45 AM  
short ones, curly ones, those that are inbetween..
long ones, straight ones, tight ones that make you lean..
*can't remember the rest of the rhyme*
but there aint nothing like a good ol' windbreaking session - and I do it on purpose.. I only have to eat certain food items to be garunteed a night of sounding like the fx in a Jean Michel Jarre concert! muhahahaha!
(or maybe the fireworks.. I dunno..!)
2003-04-07 08:42:55 AM  
My Father always said. "Son, you know its true love if you Fart and she keeps her head under the covers"
2003-04-07 08:43:39 AM  
Takogirl:- Last night after a few too many drinks my hubby wrote my initials on a wall while having a slash

I hope you checked that it was his handwriting. ;)
2003-04-07 08:44:57 AM  
It's a good thing I like camping.
2003-04-07 08:45:50 AM  
Beerstud: I just had the biggest Monkey Island flashback because of that.
2003-04-07 08:47:46 AM  
Or leave the window open.
2003-04-07 08:48:40 AM  
"Silent but violent."
2003-04-07 08:48:46 AM  
Looking at a thing in a bag???
2003-04-07 08:49:08 AM  
2003-04-07 08:49:49 AM  
2003-04-07 08:50:24 AM  
Hey Forsythe. How was the BBQ?
2003-04-07 08:56:57 AM  
I'm really getting tired of my local radio station ripping FARK off for their morning headlines. DC 101 in Washington, D.C., basically read down the FARK headlines this morning on my way to work.
2003-04-07 08:57:36 AM  
Hmm explains why my husband and I get along so good still. We let them rip in front of each other and give out compliments when they're well deserved. ;)

Only once has it happened during sex for me.. but I was 9 months pregnant at the time, so that's my excuse.. :P He hasn't at all, thankfully.
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