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(Some Guy)   Activists Missing After Declaring "War on Leather" at Motorcycle Rally   (glossynews.com) divider line 140
    More: Fail, rights activists, animal rights activists, fast food restaurants, motorcycle rally, holy water, Harley-Davidson, motorcycles, Volkswagen  
•       •       •

23762 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:54 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



140 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-01-08 11:20:38 AM  
Suicide by stupidity.
 
2010-01-08 11:21:30 AM  
It would be cool if this were true
 
2010-01-08 11:36:38 AM  
It's not news, it's not-news...


Gee, that slogan sounds familiar...
 
2010-01-08 11:41:22 AM  
I'd like to read this article, but all that's opening is a blank page.
 
2010-01-08 11:43:27 AM  
Pocket Ninja: I'd like to read this article, but all that's opening is a blank page.

This is an exercise in use of the imagination.
Mine went to midgets in leather with ballgags for everybody.
 
2010-01-08 11:51:03 AM  
Is this secretly an "Onion" article.

For those who could not get the link to open:

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it...ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

"I...I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he...he didn't even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.' Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman."

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous," said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.
 
2010-01-08 11:57:03 AM  
If that's the actual article, thepostess, there's no way that's real. And I hope it's not actually from The Onion, because if it is their quality control is really slipping.
 
2010-01-08 12:02:29 PM  
The actual article, no shiat.
 
2010-01-08 12:03:51 PM  
Darwin is a biker?
 
2010-01-08 12:05:23 PM  
Is Fark still trying to bait "legitimate" news sites, or do the admins not recognize poorly-written fake news?
 
2010-01-08 12:10:10 PM  
glossynews.com

That's hot...

And that visual will cheer me the rest of the day.
 
2010-01-08 12:42:36 PM  
A bit over the top to be convincing, but otherwise a good satire. I about shiat my leather britches laughing.
 
2010-01-08 12:52:34 PM  
Now that's a "smile all day" mental image.
 
2010-01-08 01:30:07 PM  
Fark's trying to get news sites to run a fake story as straight news again?
 
2010-01-08 01:42:58 PM  
Tex Colorado the Arizona Assassin: Is Fark still trying to bait "legitimate" news sites, or do the admins not recognize poorly-written fake news?

yes?
 
2010-01-08 01:51:04 PM  
Glossy News is an accredited online satirical publication and a contributing member of HumorFeed.
 
2010-01-08 01:56:29 PM  
Reminds me of the time I got into an argument about arseless chaps at Sturgis.

Mongo: Chaps are inherently assless!

Brap: But where's the fun in that?

Mongo: Back of the bike biatch! And shut it!

Brap: But where's the fun in that? Oh no. I know that look, it's stabbing time again isn't it?
 
2010-01-08 01:57:38 PM  
Pocket Ninja: I'd like to read this article, but all that's opening is a blank page.

My employer blocks the site. Hmmmmm.
 
2010-01-08 01:58:40 PM  
Megain: Glossy News is an accredited online satirical publication and a contributing member of HumorFeed.

Thank you. I didn't think the world had actually gotten that interesting.
 
2010-01-08 01:58:45 PM  
Tex Colorado the Arizona Assassin: Is Fark still trying to bait "legitimate" news sites, or do the admins not recognize poorly-written fake news?

You're under the impression that they look past the headline and actually click on the link.
 
2010-01-08 01:59:12 PM  
The crow flies straight.
 
2010-01-08 01:59:37 PM  
Not a single actual name. I don't think I'm missing much.
 
2010-01-08 01:59:45 PM  
After reading the "article" posted here, I'm wishing it had stayed blocked from eyes.
 
2010-01-08 02:00:08 PM  
this sounds like a solid sequel to revenge of the nerds.
 
2010-01-08 02:01:28 PM  
thepostess: Is this secretly an "Onion" article.

For those who could not get the link to open


I think we already have the winner of the 2010 "Not true but we wish it were" category winner
 
2010-01-08 02:01:47 PM  
This post was written by Fuzzy Duffy
Fuzzy Duffy - who has written 15 posts on GlossyNews.com.
Fuzzy Duffy appears courtesy of www.Best-News-Site-Ever.com.


Well, that settles the legitimacy issue.
 
2010-01-08 02:02:55 PM  
thepostess: Is this secretly an "Onion" article.

For those who could not get the link to open:

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it...ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

"I...I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he...he didn't even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.' Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman."

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous," said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.


you're right it does seem rather onionish
 
2010-01-08 02:03:16 PM  
doubt it's real but if it is.... AWESOME.

Correct me if I'm wrong -- but when man was just getting started on earth I'm pretty sure they used animals hides to keep from freezing to death.

Should we ignore a few hundred thousand years of necessity because some douche bag hippie has a hard on for animals?
 
2010-01-08 02:03:34 PM  
yes i wear leather, but can we all
go and piss on ted nugent now?
 
2010-01-08 02:04:09 PM  
Pocket Ninja: If that's the actual article, thepostess, there's no way that's real. And I hope it's not actually from The Onion, because if it is their quality control is really slipping.

i would think you could right something better
 
2010-01-08 02:04:43 PM  
Me in my leathers.(semi-nsfw)

SFW version.

photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net
 
2010-01-08 02:05:17 PM  
Pocket Ninja: If that's the actual article, thepostess, there's no way that's real. And I hope it's not actually from The Onion, because if it is their quality control is really slipping.

It's not The Onion, but some other satirical news site.
Link (new window)
 
2010-01-08 02:05:35 PM  
Ghastly: Me in my leathers.(semi-nsfw)

SFW version.


not falling for clicking on that link at work
 
2010-01-08 02:05:41 PM  
I wish the PETA retards would start throwing red paint at Hells Angels instead of old ladies wearing fur coats.

/Now that would be amusing.
 
2010-01-08 02:06:01 PM  
Just call me "leather daddy"
img228.exs.cx
 
2010-01-08 02:06:09 PM  
now you know why peta should never protest a biker rally


this is full of so much win. i had to stop reading it cause i fell off the couch laughing so hard.

subby you owe me a new netbook.
 
2010-01-08 02:07:00 PM  
I've seen some rallies like that:\
 
2010-01-08 02:07:04 PM  
I have one of the thickest leather jackets you ever saw, with a beautiful patina of wear. Everyone admires it. I can go around in a t-shirt all winter with this baby on. If you try to take it from me I will pee on you and/or fart on your head. That is all.
 
2010-01-08 02:07:07 PM  
This story was from The Spoof (new window), or stolen and placed there
 
2010-01-08 02:08:42 PM  
www.peakperformance.com

Were any of them wearing one of these?

/Welcome to Shenanigans, I'll be your waiter.
 
2010-01-08 02:09:35 PM  
Hey hey hey.... watch the leather man.
 
2010-01-08 02:10:27 PM  
doobiebrother: yes i wear leather, but can we all
go and piss on ted nugent now?


Too much work. Just tell him the draft's back on and he'll do it himself.
 
2010-01-08 02:10:56 PM  
www.rainbowdepot.com
 
2010-01-08 02:12:22 PM  
img1.fark.net Page missing after Fark declares war on bandwidth.
 
2010-01-08 02:13:16 PM  
Simpsons did it!!

/Artie vs. Smokers while in jail
//Squirt, squirt, squirt!
///Your lungs will thank me!
 
2010-01-08 02:14:32 PM  
Ghastly: Me in my leathers.(semi-nsfw)

SFW version.


Gawd luv yer, Ghast, but man you make it look gayer.

/without the NSFWish versionferchrisssakes.
//hey, I think I have an HJC flipfront like that.
 
2010-01-08 02:15:04 PM  
Meh. It's a well-worn cliche' and the writing isn't funny.
 
2010-01-08 02:15:29 PM  
Now if someone could get Fred Phelps and co. to try it for real...
 
2010-01-08 02:17:46 PM  
Which is really better: assless chaps, or chapless ass?
 
2010-01-08 02:17:46 PM  
F*gs!!

media.tumblr.com

/Wonder if the protesters were bike curious??
 
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