If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Telegraph)   I'm coming at this with an open kimono, but we should probably touch base offline because you definitely need a bite of the reality sandwich   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 213
    More: Stupid, office workers, Plain English Campaign, reality sandwich, buzzwords, recruiters, snacks, sandwiches  
•       •       •

18029 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:52 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



213 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2010-01-08 07:04:16 AM
You're coming at this with an open kimono? You better be a hot chick or a guy about to commit seppuku.
 
2010-01-08 08:35:07 AM
I'm coming into this with an open kimono - funny, I use that phrase in sex chat rooms all the time
 
2010-01-08 08:38:28 AM
I'm a little on my knees here, so help me out. We don't want to raise the flagpole with our mouths open in the rain, you get what I'm saying. Let's stroke the puppy for a little bit and raise some fur, maybe smack the backside and see what's inside the door. Get the others on the table and let's get some hard banging on this. Stir the milk. Let's not swallow everything, though. We've gotta be selective. When we're close, we'll know. We'll pop 'em off one at a time. Something big will come from this, I can feel it. I'm gonna bend backwards to make this happen. Don't let me down.
 
2010-01-08 09:55:09 AM
I put on my kimono and wizard hat.
 
2010-01-08 10:22:40 AM
we'll find out in a few weeks that there was one office used in the study and the entire office was just farking with the reporter.
 
2010-01-08 10:27:16 AM
The first time someone offers me a "bite of the reality sandwich," I'm going to be forced to offer them a bite of something else entirely.
 
2010-01-08 10:47:15 AM
Fark-approved "Open Kimono" (new window)

Thanks, Drew!
 
2010-01-08 10:56:05 AM
"Let's run that idea up the flagpole and see if it flies"

I'm gonna "throw this against the wall and see if it sticks" but I believe they combined "...flagpole and see who salutes" and "throw this out there and see if it flies" there.
 
2010-01-08 11:24:46 AM
I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.
 
2010-01-08 11:44:09 AM
coyote1284: "Let's run that idea up the flagpole and see if it flies"

I'm gonna "throw this against the wall and see if it sticks" but I believe they combined "...flagpole and see who salutes" and "throw this out there and see if it flies" there.



I tried to get "Let's stick a knife in it and see if it screams" going, but no luck so far.
 
2010-01-08 11:55:46 AM
Pocket Ninja: I'm a little on my knees here, so help me out. We don't want to raise the flagpole with our mouths open in the rain, you get what I'm saying. Let's stroke the puppy for a little bit and raise some fur, maybe smack the backside and see what's inside the door. Get the others on the table and let's get some hard banging on this. Stir the milk. Let's not swallow everything, though. We've gotta be selective. When we're close, we'll know. We'll pop 'em off one at a time. Something big will come from this, I can feel it. I'm gonna bend backwards to make this happen. Don't let me down.

i569.photobucket.com
nice.
 
2010-01-08 11:56:08 AM
Just replace arbitrary words in your response with "smurf".
 
2010-01-08 11:56:51 AM
coyote1284: "Let's run that idea up the flagpole and see if it flies"

I'm gonna "throw this against the wall and see if it sticks" but I believe they combined "...flagpole and see who salutes" and "throw this out there and see if it flies" there.


But no one ever does.

/I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in Hell
 
2010-01-08 11:56:52 AM
For a long time I thought it was "touch face".

/Gross
//CSB
 
2010-01-08 11:59:13 AM
GIS for 'open kimono':

static.open.salon.com

/link is hot hot hot
 
2010-01-08 11:59:25 AM
BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

I thought it was pimento loaf on whole wheat.
 
2010-01-08 11:59:57 AM
BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

We learned earlier in the week that eggs are good again remember?
 
2010-01-08 12:00:40 PM
Ctrl + F "bukkake"

Phrase not found.
 
2010-01-08 12:00:54 PM
www.madmann.com
 
2010-01-08 12:01:14 PM
The good ol' US of A could use this advice, now if you'll excuse me, I have some low hanging fruit that needs taken care of.
 
2010-01-08 12:01:59 PM
AbbeySomeone: BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

I thought it was pimento loaf on whole wheat.


It is rye - oops.
 
2010-01-08 12:03:33 PM
I have a manager that is always using the phrase 'pump my brakes.' As in, "When I hear that the data isn't confirmed, that's when I start to pump my breaks on the direction we're headed."

/need to come up with a good response.
 
2010-01-08 12:04:54 PM
I still have co-workers that love to use the phrase "Tiger Team" for their little work groups.
 
2010-01-08 12:05:34 PM
J_Marshall: I have a manager that is always using the phrase 'pump my brakes.' As in, "When I hear that the data isn't confirmed, that's when I start to pump my breaks on the direction we're headed."

Im thinking of something regarding changing break pads as a euphemism for shiatting your pants and needing changed
 
2010-01-08 12:06:05 PM
someone's been watching Mad Men
 
2010-01-08 12:06:20 PM
At least it's not another sports analogy brought into business language. The worst is when our American project manager uses a term like "it's fourth and inches" with one of our German vendors. The vendor asks me to translate. It makes no sense so I spend two hours explaining how American football works. Hmmm... maybe that was the clever plan all along the manager just bought himself 2 farking hours!
 
2010-01-08 12:06:29 PM
AbbeySomeone: AbbeySomeone: BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

I thought it was pimento loaf on whole wheat.

It is rye - oops.


And that's the egg saladiest pimiento loaf I've ever seen.


J_Marshall: I have a manager that is always using the phrase 'pump my brakes.' As in, "When I hear that the data isn't confirmed, that's when I start to pump my breaks on the direction we're headed."

/need to come up with a good response.


"Bleed your frakkin' brake lines already, you're gonna get us all killed!"
 
2010-01-08 12:07:41 PM
AbbeySomeone: It is rye - oops.


That sammich has been shooped. I can tell...
 
2010-01-08 12:09:10 PM
I've never heard of a "reality sandwich", but I'm fairly certain one cannot be made without first "peeling the oinion".

/got nuthin'
 
2010-01-08 12:09:12 PM
J_MarshallI have a manager that is always using the phrase 'pump my brakes.' As in, "When I hear that the data isn't confirmed, that's when I start to pump my breaks on the direction we're headed."

/need to come up with a good response.


Maybe tell him to hit cruise control before he winds up a real crankcase.
 
2010-01-08 12:09:41 PM

coyote1284


"Let's run that idea up the flagpole and see if it flies"

I'm gonna "throw this against the wall and see if it sticks" but I believe they combined "...flagpole and see who salutes" and "throw this out there and see if it flies" there.


When the flag has been run up the pole, one is said to be "flying the flag". The usage in TFA doesn't seem like much of a stretch.
 
2010-01-08 12:09:42 PM
J_Marshall: I have a manager that is always using the phrase 'pump my brakes.' As in, "When I hear that the data isn't confirmed, that's when I start to pump my breaks on the direction we're headed."

/need to come up with a good response.


tell him to "turn into the skid and eat the wall"
 
2010-01-08 12:09:51 PM
first headline to make me aroused and hungry at the same time
 
2010-01-08 12:10:26 PM
I was going to offer a lengthy response, but I have too much on my plate right now. This calls for thinking outside of the box.
 
2010-01-08 12:11:24 PM
forresttriax: At least it's not another sports analogy brought into business language. The worst is when our American project manager uses a term like "it's fourth and inches" with one of our German vendors. The vendor asks me to translate. It makes no sense so I spend two hours explaining how American football works. Hmmm... maybe that was the clever plan all along the manager just bought himself 2 farking hours!

Couldn't you just say "It's a sports analogy that means we're very close to our goal?"
 
2010-01-08 12:11:28 PM
What an open kimono might look like, PNSFW.

My current aspiration is to strategically leverage a position in a turn-key and future-proof global marketplace, thereby utilizing the synergistic funtionalities inherent to a skills ecosystem that orchestrates and proceduralizes mission-critical marketecture. By incentivizing team players during deep dive endeavors and pathfinder projects, I frequently invoke a tactical paradigm shift that focuses on promulgating leading-edge methodologies. Although rallying the troops is often outsourced, a strong disintermediator can empower such a matrixed skill set, and can ramp-up the human capital, allowing the team to catch the moving train as it traverses the value stream. By garnering low-hanging fruit, I will ultimately break through the glass ceiling, and capitalize on recontextualization of robust enterprise key reinforcement areas such as recognizing the criticality of monetizing scalable fiscal metrics. Also, by mitigating show-stoppers, and focusing on the long pole in the tent, I will keep from getting behind the 8 ball. Finally, I plan to hypertask, rack and stack responsibilities, and propagate enablers who can drill down into core competencies and bird dog soft money opportunities; all while simultaneously weaving myself a golden parachute and avoiding being surplussed.
 
2010-01-08 12:11:41 PM
One recent corporate doublespeak phenomenon that absolutely drives me f*cking crazy is people saying "around" when they really mean "about."

As in "we've had several discussions around this."

Every honcho in my company started using "around" instead of "about" virtually overnight for some unknown reason.
 
2010-01-08 12:11:47 PM
BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

Reality is indeed a tough sandwich to swallow.
 
2010-01-08 12:12:59 PM
Hm. Egg salad is the secret to reality. Who knew.
 
2010-01-08 12:14:21 PM
egg salad on rye?

WTF?

has... HAS to be white bread. always, egg salad on white.
 
2010-01-08 12:14:56 PM
 
2010-01-08 12:15:02 PM
kek
 
2010-01-08 12:15:19 PM
sigdiamond2000
One recent corporate doublespeak phenomenon that absolutely drives me f*cking crazy is people saying "around" when they really mean "about."

You think that's bad. Some idiot here started eating a snickers bar with a knife and fork and now everyone's doing it!

/They just don't get the hydraulics of the situation.
 
2010-01-08 12:16:33 PM
sigdiamond2000: Every honcho in my company started using "around" instead of "about" virtually overnight for some unknown reason.

Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.
 
2010-01-08 12:16:35 PM
This article had the word "gobbledygook" in it. That is all.
 
2010-01-08 12:16:35 PM
Shakespeare's Monkey: sigdiamond2000
One recent corporate doublespeak phenomenon that absolutely drives me f*cking crazy is people saying "around" when they really mean "about."

You think that's bad. Some idiot here started eating a snickers bar with a knife and fork and now everyone's doing it!

/They just don't get the hydraulics of the situation.



Is his name George?
 
2010-01-08 12:16:38 PM
Ugh, I hate some of that crap. Though using "utilize" instead of "use" is still my biggest pet peeve in work lingo.

Though in a meeting about layoffs in my department, one of my coworkers used the phrase "right-sizing" while those of us who JUST got our notices WERE SITTING RIGHT THERE. Then again, he's always been a colossal suck-up douchebag, so I can't really be surprised.



/when my end date comes in March I will be very tempted to finally punch that asshole in the face as I leave.
 
2010-01-08 12:17:31 PM
BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

That's the most I laughed all day. Thank you.

And the last time I was in the office and went at something with an open kimono, I got three complaints and had to take a mandatory sensitivity course. My boss said they'd have fired me for sexual harassment but they're already short on programmers.
 
2010-01-08 12:18:26 PM
BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

So am I.

And by "disturbed" I mean "hungry."
 
2010-01-08 12:19:22 PM
Donald_McRonald: BKITU: I'm somehow disturbed that a "reality sandwich" is egg salad on rye.

Reality is indeed a tough sandwich to swallow.


And is likely to hang around on your thighs.
 
Displayed 50 of 213 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report