Looks like that old saying "the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree" is right on! She should have swallowed and saved the world her miserable failure.

He bought a Nissan Altima, a Rolex from a pawn shop, a $1 million home in a gated community.


I don't know why but that cracked me up.

myinternetname: I don't know why but that cracked me up

sounds pretty prudent that the only big purchase was the house.

SphericalTime: Ah, I thought this was going to be about the guy that left his wife to rot after winning the lottery and she's falling into bankruptcy.

Aka THE SMARTEST MAN ON THE PLANET.

Is this the thread where we get to fantasize what we'd do if we struck it big?

1) Open a 'what ever legal entity the lottery needed to claim the ticket' thingy. I was thinking "UFIA for Christ", "TF4Life, Inc", or such.

2) Pay off all nuclear family debts. My House. My parents house. Brother's education, etc.

3) Invest 50% in the highest rate of return money market account you can find. 1% of 1,000,000 is still 10,000. Anything other than the pick 4 and I'd be making more than I currently make.

4) "Invest" 25% into "risky" investments like mutual funds and the stockmarket where returns can be +-10%.

5) Blow 25% on what ever the hell I feel like. 17" MacbookPro. iPhone for life. New BMW. New 1080p projector.

6) TF Membership for life. Of Course.

I think the wisest thing to do when come into that kind of money is work out a deal with the company to slightly alter your name in the published winner ad, and wear a good disguise.

what, pray tell, is involved in being a truck driver's assistant? negotiating meth and hooker prices?

nubian got rolled fo his money. imagine that.

Sad story.

Ummm...it's not that hard to follow that kind of money. It's really not easy to move large amounts offshore, unless you are a connected white collar criminal. The average Joe would have the IRS up his ass with needle nose pliers if he tried to take his cash to Jamaica.

andynz81: Sad story.

Shakespeare - who had a criminal record that included arrests and prison time for burglary, battery and not paying child support - took a lump-sum payment of $16.9 million instead of annual instalments.

I'm really not that sympathetic. The guy was acquainted with lowlifes and he won the lottery - what did he expect?

darkscout: 6) TF Membership for life. Of Course.

You know, even if I did win millions of dollars, I probably still wouldn't buy a TF subscription.

/I do like the rest of your steps, though
//Pretty much mirror mine

I'm really not that sympathetic. The guy was acquainted with lowlifes and he won the lottery - what did he expect?

Hell, I hang out with you guys.

You can get paid for being a backseat driver?! I'll have a lucrative career yet. (just as soon as I win the lottery)

And never, ever release your name publicly. Get a finance guy and a lawyer. Leave town immediately...even if you have to borrow money to do it before the check comes in. Ask grandparents or aging parents for tips...they know "people".

bigpapadavid: what, pray tell, is involved in being a truck driver's assistant? negotiating meth and hooker prices?

If it was the rigs, he was probably there to load and unload cargo.

And, trust me, you can get a lot of things into one of those.

I worked at a McDonalds years back, and one of my duties was to get supplies off the trucks that came in. We'd only get a 1/3, and it was still several hundred assorted items.

I tried to find a jpeg to post here, but came up empty handed. Instead, I ask you to imagine a screenshot from the Simpsons, with Homer J. looking into a newspaper box, and inside the box is Maggie, naked, wrapped in a copy of the Springfield Shopper. The headline on the paper is "Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead".

Thank you for playing the imagination game with me today.

RB

The sheriff has a more ominous theory: Shakespeare was killed.

To die, to sleep -
No more - and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to - 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep -
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.

This guy sounds like a complete dumb fark.
He's deader than dead.

octopied: I think the wisest thing to do when come into that kind of money is work out a deal with the company to slightly alter your name in the published winner ad, and wear a good disguise.

Better than that--create a trust with a name that people don't associate with yours, and claim the winnings that way. Don't tell people you won. The problem here is, his life sounds like a mess before he won, and became a bigger mess after. If YOU are a mess, having more money won't fix it. It will make things worse.

If he had taken installments, he might have made himself less attractive to predators.

I've always feared the idea of winning the lottery. When you win a lottery, people will decide you don't deserve your winnings because you got them through luck rather than merit, and that you have little or no experience defending your fortune. So naturally you are quickly beset by people who will try all kinds of approaches to seperate you from your money, many of which will not be pleasant.

Meh..get the cash, change your name, move to a different country, sever all ties with anyone you know. Easy.

bifford: If he had taken installments, he might have made himself less attractive to predators.

I've always feared the idea of winning the lottery. When you win a lottery, people will decide you don't deserve your winnings because you got them through luck rather than merit, and that you have little or no experience defending your fortune. So naturally you are quickly beset by people who will try all kinds of approaches to seperate you from your money, many of which will not be pleasant.

Lottery winners are usually celebrities for a year or two, esp if they're spending money like a drunken sailor. They rarely get jacked through violence, too many people around. However, almost none have any common sense (why would they buy lottery tickets if they did?) and they usually end up with ruined lives and horribly in debt. Most wish they'd never won the lottery.

Personally, I'd be fine with winning the lottery - I'd probably spend more or less the same amount on myself as before, and find someone intelligent to educate me on how to properly invest the rest. Move to some place where virtually everyone owns guns, not as snooty as a gated estate and just as safe.

octopied: I think the wisest thing to do when come into that kind of money is work out a deal with the company to slightly alter your name in the published winner ad, and wear a good disguise.

I actually know someone who did something like this. Didn't want publicity, so before he claimed the lottery prize he dyed his hair and wore glasses, and temporarily rented an apartment and used that as his address on the paperwork. He used his middle name in the news articles as his first name. It seemed to work, all of the mail and calls started going to the apartment, which he soon canceled and paid off the balance lease. It was a small price to pay, he hasn't been bother by anyone, or so he tells me.

wombatsrus: octopied: I think the wisest thing to do when come into that kind of money is work out a deal with the company to slightly alter your name in the published winner ad, and wear a good disguise.

I actually know someone who did something like this. Didn't want publicity, so before he claimed the lottery prize he dyed his hair and wore glasses, and temporarily rented an apartment and used that as his address on the paperwork. He used his middle name in the news articles as his first name. It seemed to work, all of the mail and calls started going to the apartment, which he soon canceled and paid off the balance lease. It was a small price to pay, he hasn't been bother by anyone, or so he tells me.

The UK allows winners the right to remain anonymous if they want, and they take it seriously. They even have a very senior exec at their bank who will personally open a new bank account for you, typing the details into the computer himself and depositing the cheque, so that no one will talk. They don't even reveal where in the country the winner lives.

Of course many winners are happy to go public.

/UK lottery winnings are tax free.
//And you get the entire jackpot in one payment.
///I won £10 once....

zz9:
The UK allows winners the right to remain anonymous if they want, and they take it seriously. They even have a very senior exec at their bank who will personally open a new bank account for you, typing the details into the computer himself and depositing the cheque, so that no one will talk. They don't even reveal where in the country the winner lives.

Of course many winners are happy to go public.


That is a good system. I'm not familiar with all of the U.S. state lottery laws, but I believe that they require lottery winners who win above a certain amount to go public - perhaps to "prove" that the state is actually handing out the money. I could be wrong - personally if I ever won a large sum publicity is the *last* thing I'd want.

My parents decided to use my middle name as what they called me. I also have the same first and last name as a cousin.
If I grew a beard, it would be really hard to tell in the little picture that gets posted in the paper that it is me, and not him.

I'd pay him a few thousand dollars for my amusement, errrr, his trouble.

myinternetname: He bought a Nissan Altima, a Rolex from a pawn shop, a $1 million home in a gated community.


I don't know why but that cracked me up.

Because, you know, poor people are poor for a reason. They do stupid things.

The sheriff has a more ominous theory: Shakespeare was killed Bacon.

Terryg999: myinternetname: He bought a Nissan Altima, a Rolex from a pawn shop, a $1 million home in a gated community.


I don't know why but that cracked me up.

Because, you know, poor people are poor for a reason. They do stupid things.

So buying a reasonably priced car, a heavily discounted piece of jewelry and a nice house is stupid?

Terryg999: myinternetname: He bought a Nissan Altima, a Rolex from a pawn shop, a $1 million home in a gated community.


I don't know why but that cracked me up.

Because, you know, poor people are poor for a reason. They do stupid things.

My mom knew a poor guy who won $1 million back in the 70s, when that was a lot of lottery money. He and his wife bought a couple of nice things, and sensibly saved the rest. They did o.k.

I would buy a 19 million dollar car and get drunk with the rest.

darkscout: Is this the thread where we get to fantasize what we'd do if we struck it big?

1) Open a 'what ever legal entity the lottery needed to claim the ticket' thingy. I was thinking "UFIA for Christ", "TF4Life, Inc", or such.

2) Pay off all nuclear family debts. My House. My parents house. Brother's education, etc.

3) Invest 50% in the highest rate of return money market account you can find. 1% of 1,000,000 is still 10,000. Anything other than the pick 4 and I'd be making more than I currently make.

4) "Invest" 25% into "risky" investments like mutual funds and the stockmarket where returns can be +-10%.

5) Blow 25% on what ever the hell I feel like. 17" MacbookPro. iPhone for life. New BMW. New 1080p projector.

6) TF Membership for life. Of Course.

Assuming a multi-million payoff of similar amount to what this guy got, pretty much this - with the addition of having a good attorney/advisor set up a ~1mil education trust for each of my kids. And the fact that I'd pay off my mother-in-law's mortgage and MY mom can go piss in the wind.

As an aside, there was a better article about this last week in the SPTimes. There's plenty of suspicious behavior on the part of this Dee Dee chick - while I won't rule out the possibility that he's drunk on a beach in Jamaica, I won't be surprised if he's buried in the back yard or tossed in a swamp somewhere, either. If she knows where he went (which according to the SPT article, she says she knows where he went but will not reveal it because she 'promised to protect his privacy'), it's a supremely stupid move to refuse to tell the COPS so they can at least prove he's alive and her ass doesn't get prosecuted.

As much fun as you had being a supreme smart ass in the headline, after reading all the details in the article, it seems to me as if this poor unfortunate and slightly unintelligent gentleman was swindled and then murdered by a con artist with tits and a vagina.

I'm not ammused :/

More_Like_A_Stain: Terryg999: myinternetname: He bought a Nissan Altima, a Rolex from a pawn shop, a $1 million home in a gated community.


I don't know why but that cracked me up.

Because, you know, poor people are poor for a reason. They do stupid things.

So buying a reasonably priced car, a heavily discounted piece of jewelry and a nice house is stupid?

Maybe not. But if he is not dead I will bet he is broke.

The lottery it basically boils down to a tax on the poor and the stupid.

Eh there is a lesson here. You win the lotto, the first thing you do is move, throw away your phone, and tell no one where you have gone to or that you won a nickle.

EWreckedSean: Eh there is a lesson here. You win the lotto, the first thing you do is move, throw away your phone, and tell no one where you have gone to or that you won a nickle.

"My biggest fear is that my neighbor will knock on my door: 'Daniel, get out here! I just won the lottery! I'm out of here for good!' '...Have you told anybody yet?' 'No, you're the first one!' ...I don't know if you can cremate someone in a gas fireplace, but I'll find out. Feet first, I reckon."

DjangoStonereaver: Unavailable for comment.

/Better not be obscure here on Fark.

I really need to get that show on DVD.

And those leather chairs that make fart noises.

MysticSavage: DjangoStonereaver: Unavailable for comment.

/Better not be obscure here on Fark.

I really need to get that show on DVD.

And those leather chairs that make fart noises.

Great!

/Super.

darkscout: Is this the thread where we get to fantasize what we'd do if we struck it big?

1) Open a 'what ever legal entity the lottery needed to claim the ticket' thingy. I was thinking "UFIA for Christ", "TF4Life, Inc", or such.

2) Pay off all nuclear family debts. My House. My parents house. Brother's education, etc.

3) Invest 50% in the highest rate of return money market account you can find. 1% of 1,000,000 is still 10,000. Anything other than the pick 4 and I'd be making more than I currently make.

4) "Invest" 25% into "risky" investments like mutual funds and the stockmarket where returns can be +-10%.

5) Blow 25% on what ever the hell I feel like. 17" MacbookPro. iPhone for life. New BMW. New 1080p projector.

6) TF Membership for life. Of Course.



I live in Illinois, and a quick Google search shows that for Illinois lotteries, the winner's name is made public. I have an unusual name, so I think people will find me fairly quickly. I just googled my name, and the only entries for me is a domain name registration (with my name, address and phone number, oops going to have to change that) and a dean's list entry.

With that said, I would:

1. Pay off the debts of immediate family members.

2. Donate a small portion (5-10%, depending on how large the winning is) to good places. My alma mater for one, a bunch of museums, and a religious place.

3. Be completely wasteful with about 5% of the money, buying expensive computers, vacations, etc.

4. Invest the rest. 5 year Treasuries are yielding about 2.6% (new window), so I'd invest the remaining money into those. 5 years from now, the market should have recovered from this recession, and then I can invest the money in higher-yielding bonds.

"I just had an idea..."

simpsonfan:
Murder him, hide/dispose of the body: Unless he had all his winnings out in cash/gold/gems/any easily transportable materials, killer isn't going to get much.

From the article it sounds like this woman may already have got most of the money, she may have killed him to stop him going to the police.

Thunderpipes: I would buy a 19 million dollar car and get drunk with the rest.

Then go driving?

hyperflame: Invest the rest.

That's smart...

5 year Treasuries

...Never mind. Just spend it on whores.