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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-04 11:16:18 AM, edited 2010-01-04 11:49:49 AM (147 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

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24913 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jan 2010 at 1:33 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



by Unfreakable

At the end of every December we like to recap some of our favorite headlines from the year and let Fark vote on their favorites. In a year where most of the news wasn't positive, it was refreshing to see that Fark's legion of submitters stepped up and made us laugh when we arguably needed it most.

The following are the Top 20 headlines of 2009 as voted on by you. I've listed the quarterfinals threads after the winners if you'd like to check them out again. Here are the favorites as voted by Fark for last year:


The Top Twenty Headlines of 2009:

20: Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4735920


19: That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4563717


18. India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340


17: Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729890


16: Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4595452


15: One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4320734


14: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606


13: Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4138365


12: Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4787841


11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299493


10: Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4247908


9: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764


8: Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4233284


7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284352


5: 80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4651134


4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4228845


3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


2: Jesus prepares to receive Oral

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4856608


1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284
· · ·

147 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2010-01-04 12:12:37 AM  
Here are all of your 2009 winners and runners-up:

Headline of the Year: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt
(submitter: dugitman)

Runner-up: Jesus prepares to receive Oral
(submitter: Olmy's Jart)


Sports tab Headline of the Year: 17 year old toples Maria Sharapova
(submitter: Goldeneye007)

Runner-up: Lions players no longer allowed to talk to media. Would use public relations website, but can't string three Ws together for the URL
(submitter: Dr.Fey)


Geek tab Headline of the Year: Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists
(submitter: crimsin23)

Runner-up: Newsweek: American obesity jumps in last year. But not very high
(submitter: Nexus of the Crisis)

Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze
(submitter: dailystab)

Runner-up: Michael Jackson's autopsy underway. Coroner struggling with first question: "Race: __________"
(submitter: GooberMcFly)


Politics tab Headline of the Year: Newest Obama appointee's office raided by FBI. Left finally comes to terms that Obama is not Jesus. Jesus could actually build a cabinet
(submitter: Shryke)

Runner-up: "Clinton Lays Out Broad Asian Agenda". This headline makes sense no matter how you arrange the words
(submitter: meuchler696)


Business tab Headline of the Year: Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges
(submitter: already disturbed)

Runner-up: With pullout of multiple partners, Virgin may lose status
(submitter: RoyBatty)

Pun/Wordplay Headline of the Year: Man decides to go bungee jumping, thinks there's nothing wrong with the cord. Frayed knot.
(submitter: Tufflaw)

Runner-up: New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches
(submitter: DammitIForgotMyLogin)


Congratulations to the winners, and to all of the submitters that make us laugh and make every day a little more bearable. Kudos to you all.
 
2010-01-04 12:13:10 AM  
Here were the voting threads, in case you missed them:

Headline of the Year: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4890992

Headline of the Year - Sports: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4893384

Headline of the Year - Geek: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4894882

Headline of the Year - Showbiz: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4893157

Headline of the Year - Politics: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4895246

Headline of the Year - Business: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4895171

Headline of the Year - Wordplay/Puns: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4897665
 
2010-01-04 01:07:31 AM  
 
2010-01-04 12:15:18 PM  
Congrats to everyone, and thanks for all the laughs
 
2010-01-04 12:16:17 PM  
Congrats to all; I'm still laughing at these.

And Unfreakable, you did a heckuva job
 
2010-01-04 12:19:03 PM  

The English Major: Congrats to all; I'm still laughing at these.

And Unfreakable, you did a heckuva job


The submitters are the stars. I'm just the handyman guy that builds the stage for them once a year.
 
2010-01-04 12:24:35 PM  
I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.
 
2010-01-04 12:30:19 PM  
Somehow I missed this one:

Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze

I salute you dailystab, for I now have to wipe Pepsi off not only the monitor but the wall as well. Funniest thing I've read in months.
 
2010-01-04 12:43:36 PM  
1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284


Congrats dugitman on headline of the year!
 
2010-01-04 12:48:03 PM  

costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.


Yeah, that one was my favorite as well. Congrats to all the witty submitters!
 
2010-01-04 12:48:25 PM  

chicken_little: Congrats dugitman on headline of the year!


Heh, thanks. Blind squirrels, nuts, etc.
Now what to do with all that prize money...

costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.


That was my favorite. Out yourself wave generating submitter, and take a bow.
 
2010-01-04 12:51:14 PM  

costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.


My favorite, too. I laugh every time I see it.
 
2010-01-04 12:51:25 PM  
tnpir: Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze

I salute you dailystab, for I now have to wipe Pepsi off not only the monitor but the wall as well. Funniest thing I've read in months.


ABSOLUTELY!! Congrats ds, that's my winner.
 
2010-01-04 12:59:40 PM  
Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?
 
2010-01-04 12:59:46 PM  
Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.
 
2010-01-04 01:18:21 PM  
submitted them all with better headlines
 
2010-01-04 01:22:22 PM  
Hey, what happened to this one? I never did see it, and I sold my soul to submit it.


Saplings from Anne Frank's tree to be planted in 10 US cities. Arbor macht tree

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4335124

/not bitter

P.S. What's worse than winning the Fark Showbiz headline of the year contest? Being the runner-up.
 
2010-01-04 01:23:37 PM  

medius: submitted them all with better headlines


well said
 
2010-01-04 01:23:44 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?


I'll pick a few of my favorites and list them in a little while. Don't want to take attention away from the winners this early in the thread. But I'll post my favorite 10 from main this year.
 
2010-01-04 01:25:22 PM  
Thanks subbys all!

/loved the wave generator
 
2010-01-04 01:26:32 PM  
Despite how often used the Detroit Lions jokes are, the ones that got to the top of the HotY are very funny.
 
2010-01-04 01:28:13 PM  
Funny headlines are why I come to fark. Seriously.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:12 PM  
Pretty sure I finished in 15th place in several categories.

I'm having a T-Shirt made right now to show how proud I am.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:39 PM  
Congrats to all the winners, and thanks again for outing me to my professors that I'm not paying attention during lectures when I snerk at your headlines.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:51 PM  
Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.
 
2010-01-04 01:30:22 PM  
I'm pleased to see that my two favorites were #1 and #2, although not in the order I would have chosen.

Congrats!!
 
2010-01-04 01:30:31 PM  
Congrats and thanks for all the laughs!
 
2010-01-04 01:30:53 PM  
Awesome. Some of my faves in there. I used to live next to 69, too...
 
2010-01-04 01:32:54 PM  

Stoj: Pretty sure I finished in 15th place in several categories.

I'm having a T-Shirt made right now to show how proud I am.


I think I went 5th, 9th, 17th and 19th

/All in the subtab ghettoes
 
2010-01-04 01:33:40 PM  
Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

This one makes me smile...
 
2010-01-04 01:34:49 PM  
My personal fave was the DIAF - I just couldn't stop laughing when I saw that. Kudos to that submitter!
 
2010-01-04 01:35:42 PM  
I still think we should have an award for the most retarded headline (because I'd, like, totally win!).
 
2010-01-04 01:36:29 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.


Oh, are you 40below's alt?
 
2010-01-04 01:37:40 PM  

the_rev: costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.

Yeah, that one was my favorite as well. Congrats to all the witty submitters!


And the Mitty Subwitters, too.

kudos to all & HNY
 
2010-01-04 01:38:06 PM  
Thanks to all the submitters who are infinitely more creative than I am. This one was my favorite wordplay headline. It took a second, but once I got I realized it was brilliant! Bravo to whoever submitted this!

'Airman facing rape charges after being booked in Middlesex for sex with middle school girl he met on Facebook'
 
2010-01-04 01:40:48 PM  
I submitted this with a better headline...
 
2010-01-04 01:41:08 PM  
Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

Nicely done. My personal fave.
 
2010-01-04 01:42:39 PM  
OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(
 
2010-01-04 01:44:09 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


Well, the suicide bomber is dead, and the person the funeral is being held for is dead. That would be two.
 
2010-01-04 01:44:30 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The suicide bomber plus the guy who they are having the funeral for.
 
2010-01-04 01:45:23 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The suicide bomber and the dead guy in the coffin :P
 
2010-01-04 01:46:55 PM  
I like the funny ones.
 
2010-01-04 01:47:17 PM  
Has anyone explained the "at least two dead" headline yet?
 
2010-01-04 01:47:32 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: 6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


one is the person for whom the funeral is for and the other is s the bomber
 
2010-01-04 01:48:10 PM  

the_rev: Has anyone explained the "at least two dead" headline yet?


coffee went up my nose
 
2010-01-04 01:48:16 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The bomber and the guy in the coffin.

Get it?

Well?
 
2010-01-04 01:50:29 PM  
It is an honor to be a part of this community. Thank you, Drew.
 
2010-01-04 01:50:32 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


the bomber and the joke
 
2010-01-04 01:50:47 PM  
I submitted this with a funnier headline
 
2010-01-04 01:52:39 PM  
Reminds me of a fav:

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
 
2010-01-04 01:52:39 PM  
"Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?
 
2010-01-04 01:53:45 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


If you're being serious: one is the suicide bomber, and two is the guy whose funeral it was.

My favorite is also the wave generator. Much better than the top three.
 
2010-01-04 01:54:03 PM  
WOO, #13 is mine!

I think... It was a while ago.
 
2010-01-04 01:54:17 PM  

BalugaJoe: Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.


Seriously. Overall winner should get a year, and the sub-category winners six months. Give 'em something for bringing the funny.
 
2010-01-04 01:55:17 PM  
DUH! Ok thanks guys! now that you pointed out the obvious I feel stoopid! yeah LOL for the headline then!
 
2010-01-04 01:56:36 PM  

006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


imagemacros.files.wordpress.com

/hot
 
2010-01-04 01:57:09 PM  
Yay for Gas Blowing. Well done.
 
2010-01-04 01:57:16 PM  

006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


No sure if serious...
 
2010-01-04 01:58:11 PM  
7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


My favorite...I lost it and got some glances from coworkers after reading that one. Thanks, subby!
 
2010-01-04 02:02:24 PM  
Pb & J had me cracking up.
 
2010-01-04 02:03:46 PM  
3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


I'm so happy this got in. Love when being stupid bites stupid people in the ass.
 
2010-01-04 02:03:56 PM  
Should we be proud or ashamed it was won by a fart joke?
 
2010-01-04 02:04:58 PM  
I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.
 
2010-01-04 02:06:12 PM  
And a good time was had by all. Congratulations, winners ;)

i48.tinypic.com
 
2010-01-04 02:07:03 PM  

Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.


I submit 2-3 post threads, so I'm getting a kick out of this reply.
 
2010-01-04 02:07:10 PM  

Handsome B. Wonderful: Should we be proud or ashamed it was won by a fart joke?


YES
 
2010-01-04 02:10:22 PM  

Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.


Unfortunately, we seem to have an filter working in favor of memes, in the form of the modmins approving them more often.

So if anything, it's the reverse. Got a problem with that? Take it up with Drew.
 
2010-01-04 02:13:26 PM  
A good year of headlines! Congrats to all the subbies!

donstuff.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-01-04 02:16:27 PM  

MBFGeek: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.

Oh, are you 40below's alt?


Yep, I had 67,981 greenlights in Dec. alone.
 
2010-01-04 02:16:30 PM  

SuperNinjaToad: DUH! Ok thanks guys! now that you pointed out the obvious I feel stoopid! yeah LOL for the headline then!



Don't feel bad. I've been following the headline contest all along, and I just now got the one about the guy that got fired, and wished he was laid off.

I was rooting for eats shoots and leaves to win, but they're all funny. Thanks for making me laugh headline makers!
 
2010-01-04 02:18:11 PM  

3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really


I lol'd

Well done
 
2010-01-04 02:18:34 PM  
I love the NOM NOM NOM thread. Only #3? Oh well, congrats subbies!!
 
2010-01-04 02:19:23 PM  

HaywoodJablonski: Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?


I liked several of the nominees that made the final cut of candidates for the mainpage Headline of the Year contest, so here are my personal favorite five headlines that did not make the final cut, as well as several honorable mentions:

Top 5:

Bookshops apologise for including 'The Crimes of Josef Fritzl' in their 'Gifts for Father's Day' displays; Have promised that from now on they'll keep them in best-cellars

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4458988

Web-based petition urges Gordon Brown to apologize for Britain's treatment of Alan Turing; Brown issues apology after finding online petition indistinguishable from real one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4630195

Adolf Hitler's family won't see any money from the sale of his paintings, since their past efforts raised a little furor

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4360381

Man has remote-controlled bowels implanted after motorcycle accident, really loses his shiat when wife changes the channel

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4777903

Danish political party admits to covering posters for opposing parties' candidates with yellow stickers shaped like penises. Nice try, but in America, we go all out and put the dicks on the actual BALLOTS

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4776831

 
2010-01-04 02:19:57 PM  
Honorable mentions:

Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4142829

Barbie turns 50, finally accepts she will die childless and alone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4127387

The Pope encourages young people to use the internet, but says they have to use the same computer for the rest of their lives and they'll go to hell if they use any anti-virus software

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4399465

Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4402526

Woman has given 25 gallons of blood during period lasting 90 years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4473305

Best-selling bible to be edited and re-released, will feature deleted commandments, digitally enhanced plagues, and Han casts the first stone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4610644

B A N N E R P L A N E C R A S H E S l N D E W E Y B E A C H D E L A W A R E

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4633967

Despite efforts to discourage them, Iraqi refugees keep flocking to Detroit, since living in a war-torn third world hellhole reminds them of home

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4790287
 
2010-01-04 02:20:12 PM  

Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.


Yo dawg, I herd you don't like memes, so I put a filter in your thread so you can avoid memes while you Fark.

/did I do it right?
//I'm not good with this sort of thing
 
2010-01-04 02:24:49 PM  
Oh man, that was too much fun. I can't wait to see what turns up this year...
 
2010-01-04 02:29:09 PM  
I submitted all 20 with a better headline.
 
2010-01-04 02:42:45 PM  
I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"
 
2010-01-04 02:45:16 PM  
Congratulations GENE MASSETH!
 
2010-01-04 02:46:02 PM  

WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this


Not a pun, but clever wordplay. Lead is Pb on the periodic table.
 
2010-01-04 02:46:40 PM  

WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"


you're gunna be hissin/spittin when it sinks in.
 
2010-01-04 02:49:54 PM  

WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"


You'll be surprised to learn why it lead in the voting.
 
2010-01-04 02:51:12 PM  
I'm just glad there isn't a category for "Most Farked Up Headline". I probably could have captured the winning entry in that category for 2009.

/preview is my friend
//preview is my friend
///preview is my friend
 
2010-01-04 02:55:08 PM  

The English Major: WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"

You'll be surprised to learn why it lead in the voting.


Elemental, my dear watson.
 
2010-01-04 02:55:26 PM  
Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners
 
2010-01-04 02:57:40 PM  
img121.imageshack.us
 
2010-01-04 03:01:13 PM  
Yay! I won the Geek tab!

Thanks to all the Subbys and to Unfreakable.
 
2010-01-04 03:07:17 PM  

RminusQ: BalugaJoe: Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.

Seriously. Overall winner should get a year, and the sub-category winners six months. Give 'em something for bringing the funny.


Hear hear!
 
2010-01-04 03:07:52 PM  

sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?


We didn't have headline of the week for the music tab at the beginning of 2009. We'll almost certainly have that tab in 2010.
 
2010-01-04 03:07:54 PM  

Unfreakable: WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this

Not a pun, but clever wordplay. Lead is Pb on the periodic table.


Alas, I should have paid more attention in chemistry class.
 
2010-01-04 03:12:11 PM  
nice job sumitters

the OM NOM NOM fire one is my personal favorite
 
2010-01-04 03:14:44 PM  
yeah, not entirely satisfied with the final results. some of the runners-up were much better. as were any submitted by me.

/and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

//what does that tell you?
 
2010-01-04 03:17:36 PM  

crimsin23: Yay! I won the Geek tab!

Thanks to all the Subbys and to Unfreakable.


You magnificent bastard. That had me laughing for days.
 
2010-01-04 03:19:16 PM  
fantastic stuff
 
2010-01-04 03:19:43 PM  
Interesting, looks like the mods are censoring any critical posts.

I'll say it again, the headline winner is an embarrassment even for Fark. You all should be terribly ashamed.
 
2010-01-04 03:20:12 PM  

shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?


really?
 
2010-01-04 03:22:25 PM  

The English Major: You magnificent bastard. That had me laughing for days.


Thank you. Just a little bit of light from me.
 
2010-01-04 03:22:49 PM  
I came for Gene Masseth

/leaving satisfied
 
2010-01-04 03:25:39 PM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

really?


Heh heh heh.

/zing
//I still thought you had a pretty solid Pb in the contest
 
2010-01-04 03:26:23 PM  

shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?


DammitIForgotMyLogin not only has at least one green a day, but also has one HOTW every week.

/Pb & J made me lol.
 
2010-01-04 03:33:23 PM  
What happened to Juan More?
 
2010-01-04 03:36:03 PM  
None of those are funny.
 
2010-01-04 03:37:07 PM  

Hans Delbrook: What happened to Juan More?


That was last year.
 
2010-01-04 03:39:57 PM  
this is why i waste my time here... awesome.
 
2010-01-04 03:42:29 PM  

Unfreakable: sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

We didn't have headline of the week for the music tab at the beginning of 2009. We'll almost certainly have that tab in 2010.


Got it, awesome, looking forward to it.

/keen on farking
//not filtered
 
2010-01-04 04:01:04 PM  

sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners


I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?
 
2010-01-04 04:04:22 PM  
FSM forgive me, I laughed for 5 minutes at this one:

Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction
 
2010-01-04 04:04:42 PM  
Awesome, my first ever HOTY appearance! Thanks for the votes :)

/Severedheadmitter
 
2010-01-04 04:05:41 PM  

artifex:
I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?


The Music tab is the pizz.
 
2010-01-04 04:06:10 PM  
I submitted all these headlines with less funny articles.
 
2010-01-04 04:10:12 PM  
Unfreakable, you did an incredible job. Thanks.
 
2010-01-04 04:11:17 PM  
darn they are all locked
I wanted to comment on some of these I missed :(
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-01-04 04:21:24 PM  
Only one submitter was in the top ten of the year measured by volume.
 
2010-01-04 04:51:53 PM  

artifex: sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners

I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?


You're a basshole.

/nothing
 
2010-01-04 04:51:53 PM  
Frayed Knot was my favorite of all.
 
2010-01-04 05:08:54 PM  
4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

I don't get it.
 
2010-01-04 05:08:55 PM  
I have to agree with whoever it was that said #2 doesn't particularly make sense until you read the article.
 
2010-01-04 05:13:44 PM  
So what do they win? They should get at least 6 months of Total Fark, or if Drew's being cheap, at least give them a damn T-shirt with their headline.
 
2010-01-04 05:15:04 PM  

20/20: 4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

I don't get it.


The only stuff left is the stuff that they couldn't loot, because it's really heavy
 
2010-01-04 05:20:10 PM  
20/20 - It's hard to loot really heavy stuff. Because it is heavy. You know. Hard to loot. Especially for lazy looters. Which most looters are. Because if you had an ethic in life you wouldn't need to loot. At least theoretically.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-01-04 05:23:14 PM  
I got "Oral" because I heard the story on the news before reading Fark. But overall I would say very funny in context but disqualified by contest rules due to needing context.

I would have submitted the predictable, understandable "God calls Oral Roberts home" had I been at my keyboard (and if nobody else had claimed it first).

Gas blowing out exit also loses something without context.
 
2010-01-04 05:27:01 PM  
reasoning, not Farkers' strong suit
 
2010-01-04 05:42:10 PM  
I lol'd!

/would lol again
//glad to read the list as I managed to miss several of those throughout the year
 
2010-01-04 05:46:15 PM  

crimsin23: DammitIForgotMyLogin not only has at least one green a day, but also has one HOTW every week.


Who did he have to bribe to get that deal? (Substitute assorted innuendos for "bribe" if necessary.)
 
2010-01-04 05:54:46 PM  
I find this very disappointing. We're better than this........well, I am.
 
2010-01-04 06:04:27 PM  

Great batch of headlines this year - good work, folks!


dugitman: Heh, thanks. Blind squirrels, nuts, etc.
Now what to do with all that prize money...


From one Headline of the Year winner to another, I'd like to give you my heartiest congratulations on a job well done - cheers!


Unfreakable: Here are all of your 2009 winners and runners-up:

I have one question for you, actually.

We know who won the Headline of the Year and Runner-Up honors from 2007-2009, but did we ever learn who won the 2006 contest?


We got the voting results for the top two headlines that year:

Floodwaters send sharks inland. So beware of... hang on a sec, there's someone at the door

Man challenges panhandler's veteran status, panhandler challenges man's unstabbed status



But I don't remember if the submitters received credit for their headlines (or even took a bow for their headlines).

Please correct me if I'm wrong.
 
2010-01-04 06:48:39 PM  
These were pretty damned funny! I also would have put "Wave Generator" higher up.

Plus recently read "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" so that one cracked me up as well.

OK, and Pb & J too, but I'll have to admit that one took me a few minutes to get.

Congrats Subbies!
 
2010-01-04 06:58:31 PM  

costas: Awesome, my first ever HOTY appearance! Thanks for the votes :)

/Severedheadmitter


well done, I laughed myself silly at that one. :D

/also the wave generator
//distraught that I missed the wordplay voting! :(
 
2010-01-04 07:03:01 PM  
I submitted all of these with better headlines..
 
2010-01-04 07:21:39 PM  
Thanks Unfreakable.

Excellent work.
 
2010-01-04 07:25:07 PM  
well played, everyone, well played!
 
2010-01-04 08:17:44 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: From one Headline of the Year winner to another, I'd like to give you my heartiest congratulations on a job well done - cheers!


Wow, thanks. Means a lot coming from (IMO)one of the funniest farkers who ever farked a fark.
 
2010-01-04 09:17:43 PM  
boingboing gave this link a nod
 
2010-01-04 09:52:36 PM  
dugitman: Wow, thanks. Means a lot coming from (IMO)one of the funniest farkers who ever farked a fark.

Much obliged, amigo, thanks a mil!

Keep on keepin' on and I'll see you around - and keep up the great work!
 
2010-01-04 09:59:15 PM  
Lots of LOLs here. There's wit in these headlines sharp enough to grate adamantium . Is it possible to have headlines of the decade?
 
2010-01-04 10:02:00 PM  
what about headline of the decade? there should be a contest for that
 
2010-01-04 11:10:05 PM  
As someone that uses 69 daily, I'm getting a kick out of the headline of the year.

/do with that what you will..
 
2010-01-04 11:20:45 PM  
Awesome job. Congrats, winners.

The " b a n n e r " one is my personal favorite.
 
2010-01-05 12:27:58 AM  
My favorite didn't make it. It was the one that went "Not News........, News........, Fark..........
 
2010-01-05 12:33:58 AM  
Congrats to all, some very funny stuff in there.
 
2010-01-05 01:12:11 AM  
I was rooting for eats shoots and leaves to win.

Multi-dimensional WIN to that headline. Not only was it a cool pun and double entendre, if you read the reply thread you'd see it was actually a REFERENCE to a grammar book. So Subby making the immediate connection between article and grammar book is levels of SubWizardry seldom seen.

But it doesn't beat Fart and Beej jokes.

"3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF""

I lol'd

Well done



Yes, they WERE!
 
2010-01-05 01:52:47 AM  
A great one from years past and still my personal favorite, the Sook Ducks headline. The wave generator is my fav this year but they're all good. Bravo subbies, looking forward to more monitor cleaning and keyboard replacing this year.
 
2010-01-05 03:41:28 AM  

006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


www.midwestroads.com
/hotlink

That's on Interstate 69.

The story was in another state entirely, but on Interstate 69, apparently something about a gas tanker rolling over or lighting up
 
2010-01-05 01:04:48 PM  
FYI: My personal fav was also the wave generator one; I still chuckle thinking about it.

/ and no, i didn't vote for myself
// too narcissistic
 
2010-01-05 05:52:06 PM  
I grinned in pride for Drew and the Fark team for getting a mention (and not a few laughs) on Bob and Tom this morning for HOTY.

/DIAF = my fave
 
2010-01-05 07:26:01 PM  

StephieN.M.: I grinned in pride for Drew and the Fark team for getting a mention (and not a few laughs) on Bob and Tom this morning for HOTY.


Awesome.
 
2010-01-06 07:59:55 AM  
lolz
 
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