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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest 
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-04 11:16:18 AM, edited 2010-01-04 11:49:49 AM (147 comments) | Permalink
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by Unfreakable

At the end of every December we like to recap some of our favorite headlines from the year and let Fark vote on their favorites. In a year where most of the news wasn't positive, it was refreshing to see that Fark's legion of submitters stepped up and made us laugh when we arguably needed it most.

The following are the Top 20 headlines of 2009 as voted on by you. I've listed the quarterfinals threads after the winners if you'd like to check them out again. Here are the favorites as voted by Fark for last year:


The Top Twenty Headlines of 2009:

20: Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4735920


19: That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4563717


18. India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340


17: Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729890


16: Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4595452


15: One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4320734


14: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606


13: Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4138365


12: Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4787841


11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299493


10: Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4247908


9: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764


8: Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4233284


7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284352


5: 80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4651134


4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4228845


3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


2: Jesus prepares to receive Oral

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4856608


1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284

· · ·
(view entire blog)


147 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-01-04 12:12:37 AM  
Here are all of your 2009 winners and runners-up:

Headline of the Year: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt
(submitter: dugitman)

Runner-up: Jesus prepares to receive Oral
(submitter: Olmy's Jart)


Sports tab Headline of the Year: 17 year old toples Maria Sharapova
(submitter: Goldeneye007)

Runner-up: Lions players no longer allowed to talk to media. Would use public relations website, but can't string three Ws together for the URL
(submitter: Dr.Fey)


Geek tab Headline of the Year: Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists
(submitter: crimsin23)

Runner-up: Newsweek: American obesity jumps in last year. But not very high
(submitter: Nexus of the Crisis)

Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze
(submitter: dailystab)

Runner-up: Michael Jackson's autopsy underway. Coroner struggling with first question: "Race: __________"
(submitter: GooberMcFly)


Politics tab Headline of the Year: Newest Obama appointee's office raided by FBI. Left finally comes to terms that Obama is not Jesus. Jesus could actually build a cabinet
(submitter: Shryke)

Runner-up: "Clinton Lays Out Broad Asian Agenda". This headline makes sense no matter how you arrange the words
(submitter: meuchler696)


Business tab Headline of the Year: Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges
(submitter: already disturbed)

Runner-up: With pullout of multiple partners, Virgin may lose status
(submitter: RoyBatty)

Pun/Wordplay Headline of the Year: Man decides to go bungee jumping, thinks there's nothing wrong with the cord. Frayed knot.
(submitter: Tufflaw)

Runner-up: New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches
(submitter: DammitIForgotMyLogin)


Congratulations to the winners, and to all of the submitters that make us laugh and make every day a little more bearable. Kudos to you all.
 
2010-01-04 12:13:10 AM  
Here were the voting threads, in case you missed them:

Headline of the Year: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4890992

Headline of the Year - Sports: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4893384

Headline of the Year - Geek: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4894882

Headline of the Year - Showbiz: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4893157

Headline of the Year - Politics: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4895246

Headline of the Year - Business: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4895171

Headline of the Year - Wordplay/Puns: http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4897665
 
2010-01-04 01:07:31 AM  
 
2010-01-04 12:15:18 PM  
Congrats to everyone, and thanks for all the laughs
 
2010-01-04 12:16:17 PM  
Congrats to all; I'm still laughing at these.

And Unfreakable, you did a heckuva job
 
2010-01-04 12:19:03 PM  
The English Major: Congrats to all; I'm still laughing at these.

And Unfreakable, you did a heckuva job


The submitters are the stars. I'm just the handyman guy that builds the stage for them once a year.
 
2010-01-04 12:24:35 PM  
I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.
 
2010-01-04 12:30:19 PM  
Somehow I missed this one:

Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze

I salute you dailystab, for I now have to wipe Pepsi off not only the monitor but the wall as well. Funniest thing I've read in months.
 
2010-01-04 12:43:36 PM  
1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284


Congrats dugitman on headline of the year!
 
2010-01-04 12:48:03 PM  
costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.

Yeah, that one was my favorite as well. Congrats to all the witty submitters!
 
2010-01-04 12:48:25 PM  
chicken_little: Congrats dugitman on headline of the year!

Heh, thanks. Blind squirrels, nuts, etc.
Now what to do with all that prize money...

costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.

That was my favorite. Out yourself wave generating submitter, and take a bow.
 
2010-01-04 12:51:14 PM  
costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.

My favorite, too. I laugh every time I see it.
 
2010-01-04 12:51:25 PM  
tnpir: Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze

I salute you dailystab, for I now have to wipe Pepsi off not only the monitor but the wall as well. Funniest thing I've read in months.


ABSOLUTELY!! Congrats ds, that's my winner.
 
2010-01-04 12:59:40 PM  
Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?
 
2010-01-04 12:59:46 PM  
Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.
 
2010-01-04 01:18:21 PM  
submitted them all with better headlines
 
2010-01-04 01:22:22 PM  
Hey, what happened to this one? I never did see it, and I sold my soul to submit it.


Saplings from Anne Frank's tree to be planted in 10 US cities. Arbor macht tree

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4335124

/not bitter

P.S. What's worse than winning the Fark Showbiz headline of the year contest? Being the runner-up.
 
2010-01-04 01:23:37 PM  
medius: submitted them all with better headlines

well said
 
2010-01-04 01:23:44 PM  
HaywoodJablonski: Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?

I'll pick a few of my favorites and list them in a little while. Don't want to take attention away from the winners this early in the thread. But I'll post my favorite 10 from main this year.
 
2010-01-04 01:25:22 PM  
Thanks subbys all!

/loved the wave generator
 
2010-01-04 01:26:32 PM  
Despite how often used the Detroit Lions jokes are, the ones that got to the top of the HotY are very funny.
 
2010-01-04 01:28:13 PM  
Funny headlines are why I come to fark. Seriously.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:12 PM  
Pretty sure I finished in 15th place in several categories.

I'm having a T-Shirt made right now to show how proud I am.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:39 PM  
Congrats to all the winners, and thanks again for outing me to my professors that I'm not paying attention during lectures when I snerk at your headlines.
 
2010-01-04 01:29:51 PM  
Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.
 
2010-01-04 01:30:22 PM  
I'm pleased to see that my two favorites were #1 and #2, although not in the order I would have chosen.

Congrats!!
 
2010-01-04 01:30:31 PM  
Congrats and thanks for all the laughs!
 
2010-01-04 01:30:53 PM  
Awesome. Some of my faves in there. I used to live next to 69, too...
 
2010-01-04 01:32:54 PM  
Stoj: Pretty sure I finished in 15th place in several categories.

I'm having a T-Shirt made right now to show how proud I am.


I think I went 5th, 9th, 17th and 19th

/All in the subtab ghettoes
 
2010-01-04 01:33:40 PM  
Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

This one makes me smile...
 
2010-01-04 01:34:49 PM  
My personal fave was the DIAF - I just couldn't stop laughing when I saw that. Kudos to that submitter!
 
2010-01-04 01:35:42 PM  
I still think we should have an award for the most retarded headline (because I'd, like, totally win!).
 
2010-01-04 01:36:29 PM  
Contrabulous Flabtraption: Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.

Oh, are you 40below's alt?
 
2010-01-04 01:37:40 PM  
the_rev: costermonger: I've read it many times now, but the wave generator headline still makes me giggle.

Yeah, that one was my favorite as well. Congrats to all the witty submitters!


And the Mitty Subwitters, too.

kudos to all & HNY
 
2010-01-04 01:38:06 PM  
Thanks to all the submitters who are infinitely more creative than I am. This one was my favorite wordplay headline. It took a second, but once I got I realized it was brilliant! Bravo to whoever submitted this!

'Airman facing rape charges after being booked in Middlesex for sex with middle school girl he met on Facebook'
 
2010-01-04 01:40:48 PM  
I submitted this with a better headline...
 
2010-01-04 01:41:08 PM  
Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

Nicely done. My personal fave.
 
2010-01-04 01:42:39 PM  
OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(
 
2010-01-04 01:44:09 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


Well, the suicide bomber is dead, and the person the funeral is being held for is dead. That would be two.
 
2010-01-04 01:44:30 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The suicide bomber plus the guy who they are having the funeral for.
 
2010-01-04 01:45:23 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The suicide bomber and the dead guy in the coffin :P
 
2010-01-04 01:46:55 PM  
I like the funny ones.
 
2010-01-04 01:47:17 PM  
Has anyone explained the "at least two dead" headline yet?
 
2010-01-04 01:47:32 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: 6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


one is the person for whom the funeral is for and the other is s the bomber
 
2010-01-04 01:48:10 PM  
the_rev: Has anyone explained the "at least two dead" headline yet?

coffee went up my nose
 
2010-01-04 01:48:16 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


The bomber and the guy in the coffin.

Get it?

Well?
 
2010-01-04 01:50:29 PM  
It is an honor to be a part of this community. Thank you, Drew.
 
2010-01-04 01:50:32 PM  
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


the bomber and the joke
 
2010-01-04 01:50:47 PM  
I submitted this with a funnier headline
 
2010-01-04 01:52:39 PM  
Reminds me of a fav:

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
 
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