"The Hurt Locker"
Everyone else loved its "truth"
But it sucked dog balls.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: The Box

What is in the box?

What is in the farking box?!

Nothing, I would say. It contains fuzzy kittens!

Avatar

Ooh, it's so pretty.
Look at a farking picture.
The story sucks ass.

2012

Was Dragonball even in theaters or did it go straight to DVD?

Jeff Paine: Avatar

Ooh, it's so pretty.
Look at a farking picture.
The story sucks ass.

Avatar is now,
Up for seven awards,
Hugo, Nebula.

(Also, onomatopoeia is forbidden in haiku)

Transformers two
I hate so much
Fark Bay LaBoof and Toe thumbs Fox
Shouldve been Less humans and more robots

Twilight, Avatar,
and 2012 make me weep
for humanity.

6. Gamer

Waffles dipped by hand
Dance sequence, basketball game
Boobies and killin'

I dunno, that sounds like a recommendation to me.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: The All-Powerful Atheismo: 7.media.tumblr.com

HAHAHAHAHAHA


I've still got this one, made by someone-or-other, some really strange person

STAR TREK

I'd like to call it
feces with explosions but
that was Transformers

District 9.
Why? Because I know someone will be sure to argue with me and it's a good way to pass the time and distract me from my lonely existence. Also, it's my only chance to look cool and controversial since I am in no way like that in real life.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

They raped your childhood
But hey, it could've been worse
At least they used lube


Transformers 2

Robot testicles
Allow me to repeat that
Robot testicles


Invictus

Madiba Freeman
Hams it up for Oscar bait
Ooh! A rugby match


Avatar

Uncanny valley?
Nowhere to be found in here
No story either


A Christmas Carol

Be proud, Charles Dickens
They kept your story's spirit
And the stagecoach chase


Watchmen

Okay, there's blue wang
Is that all you can think of?
Nothing wrong with that...

awfulperson: Terminator Four.
Connor, Reese, in Skynet, trapped,
Why are they not dead?

"Let's kill John Connor.
But, if he comes here, we'll just
throw him 'round instead."

It wasn't good because of the horrible plot and all its holes, but it's by no means one of the worst movies of the year. Not even close.

God help me, I thought Miss March was funny. Yes, I paid money to see it, on the strength of Whitest Kids reruns on IFC.

Screw the Hiakus, I'll just say the following:

The Box is why Twilight Zone episodes shouldn't become movies, there's not much there to draw out and nothing to add to make the story better.

Kill kill kill the Twilight series. I tell my coworkers that it promotes dumbass women, necrophilia and pedophilia.

Alvin and the Chipmunks and GI Joe are prime examples of why Saturday Morning cartoons from the '80s shouldn't get live action treatments. That being said, an 18 y.o. Miley Cirus playing Jem in a Jem and the Holograms movie will get my money (if such a thing ever comes to be). And suck it haters, I liked Transformers 2.

I hate George Cloony.

Of course a Dragonball live action movie would suck. This is coming from a Dragonball Z fan. Any Dragonball fan would know this movie was going to suck ass. But it did well in overseas markets, so there will be a sequel or two.

I know I missed some movies. Too lazy to hit IMDB and see everything.

Haikus can be fun
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refridgerator!

wolvernova: awfulperson: Terminator Four.
Connor, Reese, in Skynet, trapped,
Why are they not dead?

"Let's kill John Connor.
But, if he comes here, we'll just
throw him 'round instead."

It wasn't good because of the horrible plot and all its holes, but it's by no means one of the worst movies of the year. Not even close.

Yes, yes it was. Transformers had just as terrible a plot but at least it made up for it with the action scenes. Terminator had some cool parts but the story was just so bad and confusing. It would be within the top 10 worst films of the year for me.

The Dreaded Rear Admiral: God help me, I thought Miss March was funny. Yes, I paid money to see it, on the strength of Whitest Kids reruns on IFC.

Hey man, I'm there with you. Real funny stuff. The author's haiku sounds like he didn't even watch it.

They called it "squeakuel".
Need I say anything more?
Squeakuel. Yes, squeakuel.

All you know about
haiku is wrong, dear gaijin
But I've done it too

Gamer

Shame on Mike C Hall
you should stick to Dexter, man
and Six Feet Under

wolvernova: awfulperson: Terminator Four.
Connor, Reese, in Skynet, trapped,
Why are they not dead?

"Let's kill John Connor.
But, if he comes here, we'll just
throw him 'round instead."

It wasn't good because of the horrible plot and all its holes, but it's by no means one of the worst movies of the year. Not even close.

Disagree, Calling Terminator Salvation a boring sack of shiat would be an insult to boring sacks of shiat (aka Ayn Rand novels) everywhere.

Great Janitor:The Box is why Twilight Zone episodes shouldn't become movies, there's not much there to draw out and nothing to add to make the story better.

Uhh, you know it was a short story before it was a Twilight Zone episode, right?

Transformers go BOOM!
Megan is bi; Bay is gay
Blows himself away*

*Senryū rather than true haiku

Terminator Four
Avatar was so stupid
And Transformers too

Jeff Paine: Great Janitor:The Box is why Twilight Zone episodes shouldn't become movies, there's not much there to draw out and nothing to add to make the story better.

Uhh, you know it was a short story before it was a Twilight Zone episode, right?

Yes, titled 'Button Button'. I read it in high school. Even as a short story it covered everything, needed nothing new added, couldn't be padded into a 90 minute movie.

The box, if I recall correctly, was the title of the of the Twilight Zone episode.

The same goes for an old Twilight Zone episode that was also a short story that I read in high school. I forget the name of the story, but it during the U.S. Civil War, a farmer is being hung for treason by soldiers off a bridge, everything that is needed for him to survive happens and suddenly, as he arrives home there is a sharp pain in his neck. The entire escape was fantasy as he was falling to his death. Good story, good episode, and would make a piss poor movie because it could only go for 20 minutes before getting padded with shiat that wouldn't be needed.

Uwe Boll made a Rampage movie?

Great Janitor: Jeff Paine: Great Janitor:The Box is why Twilight Zone episodes shouldn't become movies, there's not much there to draw out and nothing to add to make the story better.

Uhh, you know it was a short story before it was a Twilight Zone episode, right?

Yes, titled 'Button Button'. I read it in high school. Even as a short story it covered everything, needed nothing new added, couldn't be padded into a 90 minute movie.

The box, if I recall correctly, was the title of the of the Twilight Zone episode.

The same goes for an old Twilight Zone episode that was also a short story that I read in high school. I forget the name of the story, but it during the U.S. Civil War, a farmer is being hung for treason by soldiers off a bridge, everything that is needed for him to survive happens and suddenly, as he arrives home there is a sharp pain in his neck. The entire escape was fantasy as he was falling to his death. Good story, good episode, and would make a piss poor movie because it could only go for 20 minutes before getting padded with shiat that wouldn't be needed.


An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (new window)

Lists like these should only include films most people have heard of.

Rampage?
Street Fighter?

Great Janitor: Jeff Paine: Great Janitor:The Box is why Twilight Zone episodes shouldn't become movies, there's not much there to draw out and nothing to add to make the story better.

Uhh, you know it was a short story before it was a Twilight Zone episode, right?

Yes, titled 'Button Button'. I read it in high school. Even as a short story it covered everything, needed nothing new added, couldn't be padded into a 90 minute movie.

The box, if I recall correctly, was the title of the of the Twilight Zone episode.

No, the Twilight Zone episode was also titled Button, Button. Two different adaptations of the same story.