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(Fark)   Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest: Geek   (fark.com ) divider line
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6678 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2009 at 12:27 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-12-30 11:41:59 AM  
Welcome to Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest for the geek subtab. We've narrowed the field down to some of our personal favorites, and now it's your opportunity to crown the champ. These are the finalists; please do not enable voting on any of your comments or nominate additional entries.

Happy voting, and here are the nominees:
 
2009-12-30 11:42:29 AM  
Earliest dinosaur feathers were only for display, mostly to frighten the other animals on The Ark

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4146878
 
2009-12-30 11:42:48 AM  
New Emoti-Chair allows deaf people to "hear" music through their asses. Nickelback seeks cross-promotion deal

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4191258
 
2009-12-30 11:43:04 AM  
Archaeologists unearth grave of Italian woman buried with a brick in her mouth, meaning she was either a vampire or someone's mother-in-law

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4256965
 
2009-12-30 11:43:30 AM  
Pong museum to open. Once you've seen the left wall and the right wall, that's about it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4202491
 
2009-12-30 11:43:56 AM  
Scientists develop new silver nanoparticle printer ink with flexible electrical properties which may shatter previous threshold of what could be charged for printer ink

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4209056
 
2009-12-30 11:44:17 AM  
NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4230607
 
2009-12-30 11:44:32 AM  
Scientists identify the region of the brain which makes your decisions before you're even aware that they've been made, tentatively name it "The Wife's Lobe"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4300084
 
2009-12-30 11:45:05 AM  
Apple and Verizon may be in talks to produce a device that might "shake up the tech industry." Insiders say it will be called the iPerbole

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4356534
 
2009-12-30 11:45:37 AM  
Experts warn that the Internet is running out of bandw

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4360951
 
2009-12-30 11:46:14 AM  
Medical community applauds first double-hand transplant in U.S

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4368759
 
2009-12-30 11:46:44 AM  
Scientists create realistic soccer-playing robots. Bonus: video shows exactly one kick and the robots falling over 14 times, making it extremely lifelike

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4400168
 
2009-12-30 11:47:05 AM  
Astronomers are getting a close-up look at a cosmic eating machine that devours the mass equivalent of two Earths per hour and in the past has replaced Shelley Long on "Cheers"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4413945
 
2009-12-30 11:47:20 AM  
Sharks can be "cuddled like Dolphins", according to Dr Stumpy McStumperson from the institute of really bad ideas

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4422302
 
2009-12-30 11:47:39 AM  
350-year-old skeleton discovered in England. Fans gather in hopes of hearing latest rendition of Like a Virgin

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4415872
 
2009-12-30 11:48:16 AM  
Newsweek: American obesity jumps in last year. But not very high

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4423201
 
2009-12-30 11:48:38 AM  
Biggest Black Hole ever Found in Nearby Galaxy. EVERYBODY PAN..I....................C

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4435462
 
2009-12-30 11:48:53 AM  
Jehovah's Witnesses more likely to die in childbirth. Also more likely to be standing in doorway in event of earthquake

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4446393
 
2009-12-30 11:49:22 AM  
Sea turtle that lost flippers to shark attack fitted with artificial flippers so it can be attacked by shark again

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4464685
 
2009-12-30 11:49:38 AM  
Good language skills in your youth may stave off Alzheimer's later. Good news for us people who have a way with words, not so much for those of you who...um...not have way, I guess

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4498105
 
2009-12-30 11:49:52 AM  
Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4615067
 
2009-12-30 11:50:11 AM  
Researchers use YouTube to study brain injuries. Presumably by reading the user comments

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4615808
 
2009-12-30 11:50:30 AM  
Australian scientists discover 850 previously unknown species living in subterranean caves and micro-caverns, most of which are blind, pale and play World of Warcraft for up to 20 hours/day

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4663743
 
2009-12-30 11:54:00 AM  
Scientists discover first vegetarian spider, easily identified as the one shunned by other spiders and getting picked on by ants

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4693824
 
2009-12-30 11:54:20 AM  
Chemical discovered that attracts mosquitoes to humans. Submitter was going to joke that they had named it "submitters-wifeium", but realized that they really named it "nonanal", which means the same thing

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4732861
 
2009-12-30 11:54:37 AM  
Another inane and stupid study found that negative thinking improves memory. What a load of crap. IIRC, Mecklenbräuker and Hager published the same garbage in the Journal of Psychological Research, Volume 46, Number 4, December 1st 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4732861
 
2009-12-30 11:54:56 AM  
Windows 7 is significantly more resistant to viruses and WOULD YOU LIKE BIGGER PENIS??? YOUR BULGING MANTOOL WILL CAUSE HER SCREAM

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4745669
 
2009-12-30 11:56:01 AM  
Men suddenly claim to be more religious when they're trying to get laid, proving that there truly are no atheists in fox holes

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4795913
 
2009-12-30 11:56:22 AM  
Glacier threatens capital city of Bolivia, sparking warnings that people may one day have to walk for their lives

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4822269
 
2009-12-30 11:56:45 AM  
Praying to God is like "talking to a friend." A friend who will kill you and curse your descendents if you make any other friends

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4325070
 
2009-12-30 11:57:25 AM  
Ants inhabit a "world without sex," thus demonstrating that marriage is not an entirely human construct

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4329413
 
2009-12-30 11:58:16 AM  
FYI - voting is still enabled on the other active HOY contests for:

Main (overall): Fark's 2009 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest

Sports: Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest: Sports

Showbiz: Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz
 
2009-12-30 12:03:11 PM  
i would like to say that the "geek" tab headline submissions went to the shiater once it becaime sponsored by USA Today


\that is all
 
2009-12-30 12:06:24 PM  

Kate Gosselin's Pap Smear: i would like to say that the "geek" tab headline submissions went to the shiater once it becaime sponsored by USA Today


/that is all


This. With fixed slashy.

Also, how did the following not make the list...?

EU is launching space telescopes that are so advanced they can actually detect photons (new window)
 
2009-12-30 12:07:51 PM  

gamempire: Kate Gosselin's Pap Smear: i would like to say that the "geek" tab headline submissions went to the shiater once it becaime sponsored by USA Today


/that is all

This. With fixed slashy.

Also, how did the following not make the list...?

EU is launching space telescopes that are so advanced they can actually detect photons (new window)


I can never remember which slashie to use
 
2009-12-30 12:08:59 PM  
Chemical discovered that attracts mosquitoes to humans. Submitter was going to joke that they had named it "submitters-wifeium", but realized that they really named it "nonanal", which means the same thing

OK, finally got me with that one.
 
2009-12-30 12:09:12 PM  
I may or may not have voted for 90% of these. Don't judge me.
 
2009-12-30 12:09:24 PM  

Headline of the Year candidate: Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4615067


Simple, elegant, pithy. Would read again.
 
2009-12-30 12:14:07 PM  

Kate Gosselin's Pap Smear: i would like to say that the "geek" tab headline submissions went to the shiater once it becaime sponsored by USA Today


\that is all


You're just trying to memorize all the headlines, aren't you?
 
2009-12-30 12:14:31 PM  
Hands-down, the best headline in this category (for its wit and subtlety) is the obesity one.
 
2009-12-30 12:21:05 PM  
Windows 7 is significantly more resistant to viruses and WOULD YOU LIKE BIGGER PENIS??? YOUR BULGING MANTOOL WILL CAUSE HER SCREAM.

Yep.
 
2009-12-30 12:30:23 PM  
Keystone Copout:You're just trying to memorize all the headlines, aren't you?

I must need another 16oz redbull, because I missed your joke.
 
2009-12-30 12:31:29 PM  
NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations

I don't get this one.
 
2009-12-30 12:32:27 PM  

Palmer Eldritch: NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations

I don't get this one.


It crashed is my guess.
 
2009-12-30 12:32:57 PM  

Trivia Jockey: Hands-down, the best headline in this category (for its wit and subtlety) is the obesity one.


Yep
 
2009-12-30 12:33:09 PM  
These are all so good, I can't decide.....
 
2009-12-30 12:34:05 PM  

Palmer Eldritch: NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations

I don't get this one.



It fell down.

/went splash.
 
2009-12-30 12:34:08 PM  
I think atheists in foxholes is probably the most clever, but Obesity and YouTube made me laugh more.
 
2009-12-30 12:38:16 PM  

Palmer Eldritch: NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations
I don't get this one.


The satellite crashed into the ocean.
 
2009-12-30 12:42:29 PM  

gamempire:
EU is launching space telescopes that are so advanced they can actually detect photons (new window)


I'm voting for this one too.
 
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