In before the 'Dave Barry sucks' crowd.

I am highly amused.

/I also just finished a 21 hour xbox run with only a couple fark/pee breaks, so I'm also kind of delirious.

Loved this:

"Sotomayor will eventually be confirmed, but only after undergoing the traditional Senate Judiciary Committee hazing ritual, during which she must talk for four straight days without expressing an opinion."

Yup, sounds like Congress...

Left 4 Dead 2 came out... and it's AWESOME!

Frankly that makes up for everything else.

GOOD NEWS: A lot more people were tweeting.

uhhh

The big health story in April is the rapid spread of swine flu, a dangerous new virus strain developed by the makers of Purell.

//Tinfoil hats at the ready ... go!

On a happier note for the White House, President Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize, narrowly edging out Beyoncé.

Yo Obama, I'm really happy for you, and imma let you finish...

BAD NEWS: The economy remained critically weak, with rising unemployment, a severely depressed real-estate market, the near-collapse of the domestic automobile industry and the steep decline of the dollar.

GOOD NEWS: Windows 7 sucked less than Vista.

Funny, but aren't we experiencing a GDP growth?

Dave Barry has way too much time on his hands.
But I suppose that's normal for most nursing home residents.

WFern: Funny, but aren't we experiencing a GDP growth?

We were but it got hijacked by Somali pirates.

In Dumb Ass Monkey's picture you'll notice the merchandise near Dave Barry is covered in plastic so as to protect it from errant drool coming from Dave Barry.

Not the worst thing Dave's written, but still off the mark from such classics as "Robo-Badger" or Dave Barry's Book of Bad songs.

I'm pretty sure the US created Central America. Which is why it's called Central America, and not Mexico, or South America.

I enjoy Dave Barry, despite not being 40+ in a whitewashed suburban fairyland. I'm not jumping up and down with teh lols, but they do provoke a wry smile. Something about being both slapstick and dry at the same time. Of course I prefer Leno (before his lame new show) to Letterman, so I must be some sort of cretin.

But all of these stories suddenly seem unimportant in . . .

JUNE

. . . when pop superstar Michael Jackson dies, setting off an orgy of frowny-face TV-newsperson fake somberness the likes of which has not been seen since the Princess Diana Grief-a-Palooza.

Word!

California, in a move apparently intended to evade creditors, has its name legally changed to ``South Oregon.''

this made me laugh my ass off.

The North Korean running gag fell flat (like a North Korean ICBM over the pacific,) but "hiking the Appalachian Trail" is a pretty sweet euphemism.

I miss George Carlin when I read Dave Barry.

snugglyhugs: Dave Barry is for 40-50 year olds what Andy Rooney is for 70-80 year olds.

-unfunny crap only suburban men with stable jobs could ever find amusing.

if you watch someone laugh at a Dave Barry joke, you will notice they do it with the enthusiasm and emotion of laughing at their boss's jokes... they do it because they assume they are supposed to

And here tonight, ladies and Gentlemen, we have the self elected comedy monitor. Don't laugh until he holds up the sign.

kptchris: California, in a move apparently intended to evade creditors, has its name legally changed to ``South Oregon.'

this made me laugh my ass off.

snugglyhugs found it. Said you're too old to find anything funny and did not wait until he held up the 'Laugh Now' sign.

/must go now to repent

Elated NASA scientists announce that they have discovered ice on the moon, although their excitement fades when they calculate that getting it back to Earth will cost $185 million per cube.


This is pure win. The rest of was "meh". A few chuckles, a few tired jokes that frankly, are below Dave Barry. But this one made me laugh.

Also, count my vote in favor of "hiking the appalachian trail" being the new farkism.

snugglyhugs: Dave Barry is for 40-50 year olds what Andy Rooney is for 70-80 year olds.

-unfunny crap only suburban men with stable jobs could ever find amusing.

if you watch someone laugh at a Dave Barry joke, you will notice they do it with the enthusiasm and emotion of laughing at their boss's jokes... they do it because they assume they are supposed to

Being a suburban man with a stable job, I can say that I don't much laugh at Barry, though I do find him mildly clever in a mediocre sorta way. Which is basically what I've grown to expect from him.

But I also think that Howard Stern is ear-candy for unemployed, semi-retarded douchebags though, so not a total loss.

headstone: snugglyhugs: Dave Barry is for 40-50 year olds what Andy Rooney is for 70-80 year olds.

-unfunny crap only suburban men with stable jobs could ever find amusing.

if you watch someone laugh at a Dave Barry joke, you will notice they do it with the enthusiasm and emotion of laughing at their boss's jokes... they do it because they assume they are supposed to
.
.
Was your douche a little too tart this morning?

Apparently my douche was a little too tart this morning. It wasn't that funny. There were about 3 or 4 things that made me crack a mild smile that might have been a lot funnier if they weren't carefully hidden in several paragraphs of mean spirited rambling that was the literary equivalent of a bucket full of confetti thrown on a person who just spent 3 days in a desert. *shrug* if that's what gets you there, more power to you I suppose.

headstone: Was your douche a little too tart this morning?

Thanks for the new catchphrase!

meh.

snugglyhugs: Dave Barry is for 40-50 year olds what Andy Rooney is for 70-80 year olds.

-unfunny crap only suburban men with stable jobs could ever find amusing.

if you watch someone laugh at a Dave Barry joke, you will notice they do it with the enthusiasm and emotion of laughing at their boss's jokes... they do it because they assume they are supposed to


Thank god you were here to explain to me how that funny thing I just read and enjoyed wasn't funny and I didn't enjoy it. What would the world be like without your keen powers of analysis?

What if sometime in the future people read this and actually think that the Indy 500 had 32 cars hijacked by Somali pirates? Or what if this article ends up being the only surviving piece of history for this year?