Was this article written by a second grader? Appalling grammatical errors, and horrible sentence structure. My eyes started to bleed after the first paragraph.

mike.thesauce: from the comments section.
"Public safety should take precedence over individual rights. We have a duty to help the offender, but we have a far greater duty to protect people from him."

- Tony, Hullbridge Essex, 26/12/2009 14:47

/care to guess why this statement scares the shiat out of me?
//also as someone who grew up in foster care, i've known personally, kids like this. the only thing i've ever seen done that was effective in the least was a lifetime booking in the padded cell hotel.
/slashies.

Kids like to be sexually molested? Nice use of commas foster boy.

NobleHam: This kid was probably severely abused when he was younger. He needs help, not imprisonment.

I doubt if a history of abuse is this kid's only problem. I imagine we're talking about someone with problems from birth; chemical imbalance, brain damage, missing chromosome, something like that.

Panty Sniffer: Kids like to be sexually molested? Nice use of commas foster boy

If you understood what was trying to be communicated to you, the communicator was effective
(sometimes context helps more than syntax)

Bah, next thing you know he'll be going to Hogwarts.

/Dumbledore, you fool!

Epsilon: NobleHam: This kid was probably severely abused when he was younger. He needs help, not imprisonment.

I doubt if a history of abuse is this kid's only problem. I imagine we're talking about someone with problems from birth; chemical imbalance, brain damage, missing chromosome, something like that.

I wonder where his parents are.

The easy solution would be for the social workers to place the child in the school that their own children (or the children of their supervisors if they have none of their own) attend and then have their kids befriend this boy.

Epsilon: chemical imbalance, brain damage, missing chromosome, something like that

that would explain his homosexuality !!!
(increase sarcasm meters to maximum)

Quantum Apostrophe: face to face, and back to back, you see and feel my ...

How do you trade flesh for fantasy, anyway?

Cut it's farking throat and dump it in landfill.

Face to face
and back to back
you see and feel
my sex attack

I know what a sex attacker would be here in the US but this the UK we are talking about. You can get arrested there for shouting mean things at someone. What sort of attacks are we talking about? Flipping skirts or Lord of the Flies like sexual assaults?

fusillade762: How do you trade flesh for fantasy, anyway?

never had a second date ?

Slartibartfaster: Panty Sniffer: Kids like to be sexually molested? Nice use of commas foster boy

If you understood what was trying to be communicated to you, the communicator was effective
(sometimes context helps more than syntax)

Of course I knew what he was trying to say, just he said something entirely different and kind of amusing. Therefore, his error should be pointed out. And who does he think he is? e.e. cummings?

Lighten up. It's the holidays!

mekki: know what a sex attacker would be here in the US but this the UK we are talking about. You can get arrested there for shouting mean things at someone. What sort of attacks are we talking about? Flipping skirts or Lord of the Flies like sexual assaults?

you get listed as a sex offender here for public urination (behind a tree or mall etc)
pretty sure (not positive) his victims did not wear skirts

That little kid should be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan, or wherever laws are so strict that you get your hands chopped off by shoplifting, your dick chopped off by molesting people or animals, your eyes gouged out by watching porn, and your head chopped off by having western ideals.

No one still hasn't posted this?

Gonna have to side with the "kill it" camp on this one. Age 11 and already a pathological offender. All the bleeding hearts in the world won't be able to cure a freak like that, so if the council wants to save money, they ought to just euthanize it and part it out to kids who need new organs.

eddievercetti: No one still hasn't posted this?

Probably because it's an old, tired meme with barely a modicum of whatever humor it may have originally held left over that doesn't really apply to 11 year old children from another country.

Wulfhardt: Gonna have to side with the "kill it" camp

I think thats harsh

but Im down with the "keep that little shiat away from other kids" camp

Know what? If you like to sexually assault kids and the authorities put you in a position to do so, I think that should be considered permission.

Really, I mean if you put the fox in the the chicken coop, what the hell do you think is gonna happen?

Now I see Quantam Apostrophe beat me to the Billy Idol reference. I'll just slink back to TFD now.

Control_this: But prison rape's still funny, right? Yee haw.

Only when it involves clowns.

Pikachu attacks Sex
Pikachu uses Hyper Beam!

Slartibartfaster: I think thats harsh

but Im down with the "keep that little shiat away from other kids" camp

Given the unlikelihood that anyone would actually euthanize it and part it out, your viewpoint is probably the most practical one, anyway.

Unless you can change his DNA or brain chemistry I endorse euthanasia. There is no logical reason to keep severely dysfunctional individuals in the gene pool.

Bit'O'Gristle: Was this article written by a second grader? Appalling grammatical errors, and horrible sentence structure. My eyes started to bleed after the first paragraph.

The paragraphs all consist of one sentence. Many of the sentence/paragraphs in the article start with a conjunction. The author needs to be sex attacked by an 11 y.o.

Little Johnny & Susie


Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.

One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.

After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far...

Bit'O'Gristle: My eyes started to bleed after the first paragraph

mine too
I was just more about the child rapist being stuck in general population
not so much about da punctuation and gramma
I guess we just care about different things

GOVERNMENT run health care anyone???

p51d007: GOVERNMENT run health care anyone???

Why not? You trust them to develop the weapons you use to wage your illegal wars. Moron. You don't deserve health care. None of you. Just fade away already.

p51d007: GOVERNMENT run health care anyone???

Im in !!!
private one here sucks donkey balls

// it takes a special kind of awful to make government run ANYTHING look better

When I was 11 I sneaked up behind a girl I liked and kissed her on the cheek. I'm sure that would be more than enough to have me branded a dangerous and violent sex offender in the Nanny State today.

B A: Know why the US doesn't invade Canada? We don't want you cuz last time we tried you kicked our ass and set the whitehouse on fire

fixed that for ya

KhanFusion: Bah, next thing you know he'll be going to Hogwarts.

/Dumbledore, you fool!

Gives a hole new meaning to Slytherin...

PenguinTheRed: When I was 11 I sneaked up behind a girl I liked and kissed her on the cheek.

not positive
not enough info
but enough to guess (allege, assume, whatever) that there were two cheeks involved per victim here
not sure if it was kissing, but some parting of said cheeks might be involved

Sounds like yet another case for post-term abortion.

real_headhoncho: You_mean_Im_gonna_stay_this_color: WTF is a sex attacker?


Maybe this?

damn, that's pretty hot.

/something is wrong with me
//but still

Bit'O'Gristle: Was this article written by a second grader? Appalling grammatical errors, and horrible sentence structure. My eyes started to bleed after the first paragraph.

You may choose the comma or the and in this sentence.

Kyosuke: styckx: How do you attack sex?

You tell endless lies about it, using the word "abstinence" often.

Excellent answer.

B A: fixed that for ya

Canada kissed our ass ? and we burned Manitoba ?
was this before or after Canada kicked our ass and burned our capital ?

Entrance of Fire - August 30, 2006

Ahh, Summer. What a wonderful time of year. School is out, ...the whole world opens up ...

Unless you're an emotionally disturbed boy growing up in a group home. In that case, you're a couple of years behind other kids your age. You're just barely catching on to trends, struggling to fit into normal society, or "the outside world."

I pulled into work on a hot morning knowing that Trixie, the hot red-head and I were going to be taking a few kids to the waterslide park. Since I hadn't been into work during these last 3 days off, I didn't know exactly who it would be. I did know that we'd be packing a picnic, barbequing, watersliding and generally enjoying getting wet on a hot day.

Yolanda beckoned me to her office as I walked in the house. With her was Sam, the Birkenstock-wearing, flamboyant therapist.

"Hey Sam. Yolanda, what's up?" I was in a good mood because I knew I'd be taking the kids who'd been behaving the best for the last two weeks. This is usually how we determine who gets to go off campus.

"Hi Stokie! How you doin today?" said Yolanda. She was smiling and I knew she was exaggerating. "You sure look fresh and ready to go today. And you know what? We already packed up the van full of supplies and everything!"

"Oh no, Yolanda. What are you about to tell me?" I was laughing because we both knew very well that nothing goes as planned or smoothly in this field.

Yolanda continued, "Sam and I were just having a little talk about Freddy..."

"Oh no, no, no..."

"And we were just realizing that he's been on the highest level of the house for exactly two weeks. He hasn't had any violence, no sexual acting out..."

"That we know of..."

"...And technically speaking, he is eligible for today's outing. So what do you think about that?"

"I think this must be the cold day in Hell that everyone talks about."

Yolanda said in her sugary sweet way, "Ha. I sure love that Stokie Jaye sense of humor. We figured you might say something like that so we thought we would send Freddy on the outing with a one-on-one."

A one-on-one is a staff member assigned to supervise and be with only one kid at all times. I liked this idea, but only slightly better.

"Okay, but who is it going to be?"

"Oh we got that covered. We got the strongest counselor in the house: you."

"Oh shiat! I walked right into that one, didn't I?" I laughed, still slightly incredulous.

I turned to Sam. "Sam, I know you want to be Freddy's advocate, but do you really want to be sending a known sexual predator on an outing where there will be hundreds of wet boys and girls in their swimsuits? I mean, don't you think there will be repercussions?"

Sam said, "What I think is that we should give Freddy the same chance that the other residents get when they make a high level. The kid hasn't been off-campus in 10 months, after all." He fiddled with his turquoise bracelet.

"Yeah, but this is the same kid who humps couch cushions and his roommate's teddy bears. The kid will stick his dick into the dryer door if you leave him alone in the laundry room."

Sam was irritated. "I know you don't agree with his masturbatory practices, but you've got to admit, you're being passive-aggressive right now."

I paused and stared at Sam. "I can't believe you just said that."

Yolanda broke the silence. "Well, anyway, you'll be Freddy's one-on-one, and Trixie can handle the other 2 boys, JD and Brian. I just know you're going to have a lovely time!"

"Okay Yolanda," I said as I now turned on my sugary facade, "And Sam, thanks for all the incredible support." Sam folded his arms and sighed.

So, resolved to my fate of hanging out with Freddy the Sexual Predator all day, we loaded up the kids and took off to the waterpark, which was about an hour away.

Since I was driving, the best place thing to do with Freddy was to have him ride shotgun. Freddy was beside himself.

"Can you believe it Stokie? I finally get to go on an outing. And I'm riding shotgun which is where the kids on the highest level rides."

"Even a blind chicken can peck a few corn."

"You're so funny, Stokie. Seriously, what does that mean? You got to admit, I am a lot better. I'll probably be graduating in a couple months. I'm probably the best kid in the house, don't you think? Are we going to be barbequing? I probably know everything there is to know about barbequing. Can I have some money? I want to go to 7-11. I go there all the time. I probably know where all the 7-11's are around here..."

It's only been 10 minutes and I already want to kill him. "Dude, you don't have any say in what we do today. I tell you what to do, not the other way around. We can't trust you, that's why you have a one-on-one. The only reason you're here is because your therapist wants to see how you do in public, to see if you've made any progress. If you start acting out on the outing, I will pack everything back up and bring you back to the house where you can spend the rest of your outing in the Quiet Room. And please don't talk to me about graduating
until you can admit your sexual acting out."

"Geez Stokie, I don't know why you have to throw everything in my face like that."

"I do it because if nobody does it, you will stay in denial."

"Well, you don't have to do it because I don't do that kind of stuff anymore. I quit acting out a long time ago and you know it."

"Freddy, it was 4 weeks ago that you were caught hanging on the broom closet door with your pants off. And that's only what we know of. 4 weeks doesn't mean you don't act out sexually anymore. That's what I mean; you're still in denial."

"I probably know how to drum to all of these songs, so I'm just going to listen to my Walkman." He was quiet until we got to the waterpark.

We paid our entrance fee and as we walked in, we passed the public bathroom and changing room. Freddy suddenly perked up, "I gotta go to the bathroom! Really bad! I'll be right back."

I said, "No problem. I'll come with you."

"Come on, Stokie! I'm 14 years old, I can go by myself. You're embarrassing me."

I said, "And let you loose in there with all those nice children and bathroom stalls? Helllllllllll no! Are you trying to get me fired? Now, we got to find a place for our picnic."

"Actually, I don't really have to go that bad," he said. "Hey there's a good place right there," he pointed to an empty picnic table next to two moms with their 3 toddlers. "I'm probably the best at setting up picnics. Let's go."

I looked around. This was a really big park. As I scanned the area, I noticed a picnic table and barbeque stand about 300 yards away from anybody. Perfect.

The five us us trudged out there and began setting up our lunch and getting the barbeque ready.

Trixie said, "Me, Brian and JD are gonna go to the waterslides. See ya." She was wearing an oversized t-shirt and cargo shorts over her swimsuit.

I said, "Cool, have fun. Nice outfit by the way."

She said, "Wear my swimsuit in front of these guys? And be the subject of a certain someone's twisted fantasies? Helllllllll no!"

They took off for the waterslides and Freddy looked at me like a forlorn puppy.

"But...When are we going to the waterslides?"

"You know what? I'm not quite ready for this, Freddy. Let's all get settled down for a few minutes before we go out there. Tell you what, you say you're good at barbeques? Can you help me cook the hamburgers?"

"Sure! I've been barbequing for years. I always help out the other staff when they barbeque on days you're not working. See, you just dump the charcoal in, make it into a big mound and light it. Oh, I'm gonna need the matches and the lighter fluid. I do this all the time."

He reached out behind him without looking at me. When I didn't put anything into his hands, he snapped his fingers, still without looking at me.

"Freddy? Seriously, you must think I'm really dumb. You just keep trying, don't you?"

I doused the charcoal with lighter fluid and lit it. We watched as the charcoal slowly turned white.

Freddy started again, "Yeah, I always cook at home. Filet mignon, lobster, prime rib, crab legs, garlic bread, salad..."

"I think what you mean to say is that you've been to Sizzler."

"I'm probably the smartest kid in the higher school. I'll probably be skipping a grade in a couple months. I know all the planets."

"Freddy, even a broken clock tells time correctly twice a day."

"We're getting to be good buddies, aren't we? I probably have the best relationship with you out of any of the other kids. That's why we always hang out..."

I started spreading the charcoal out.

He continued, "When did you first go on a date? What did you do?"

A white charcoal fell out of the stand as I was spreading it out.

He said, "Oh, no problem. I'll get it..." And picked it up with his bare hand. "AAAAAAAARRRRHHH! Goddammit! It farking burns! Owwwwww! shiat, Stokie, why didn't you tell me it was hot? Your outings farking suck! I got a third degree burn, maybe four! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!"

I stood there and stared at him calmly as he screamed. Inside I was roaring with laughter. I said, "There's ice in the cooler, I'm sure you know what to do with it. Sit down a while. The others are coming back and we'll eat. Then we'll go to the waterslides."

Lunch was uneventful, as all the kids were hungry while a whimpering Freddy iced his burnt hand.

At long last it was time to go watersliding. There is a long path up to the top of the waterslides. The five of us walked up together and about halfway up I stopped. I turned to the kids. "See where we are right now? If you look up and down, you can see everything. From the line to the slides to the pool where you land. Freddy, I'm talking to you. I'm going to stand right here and watch your every move. If you dare talk to one kid who is younger
than you, we're going home. Stick with Trixie and the other kids."

They walked up to the top and to Freddy's credit, he didn't talk to anybody but Trixie. JD was first to go down. He was just as happy as a clam, which was nice to see. As he splashed down, he slowly got out of the pool and stopped right next to the female lifeguard. He seemed unable to move as he stared wide-eyed at her chest.

Brian was next. I watched as he entered one of the tunnels, but only his mat came out the other end. Suddenly, he emerged from the tunnel, stood up and somehow started high-stepping down the waterslide, chubby belly and boy-boobies flopping the whole time. He dove into the next tunnel.

Next Freddy, who slid normally, and then came Trixie. Trixie walked past JD, who was still mesmerized. As they came walking by me, Trixie said, "How do you like JD's pacifier?"

I asked Brian what he thought he was doing, running down the waterslide.

He said, "I fell off my mat. What the hell was I supposed to do." I let it go.

I watched as they went up to the slides and slid down again. I was relieved that Freddy was at least trying to behave, but under no illusions that this wouldn't affect him. And it didn't take long. He went head first on his third ride down, and as he emerged from the tunnel and whooshed past me, I noticed that he was humping his mat. I went down to the pool and told him he was done for the day.

"Aw, come on Stokie, my therapist says it's natural."

"I bet he does, Freddy."

"Well fine. In that case, I'll have to tell my lawyer about how you made me burn my hand."

"Fine," I said. "Whatever story you can come up with about that, my story about you having sex with your waterslide mat will be better."

Freddy sat out the rest of the day. It was late by the time we got back to the house and it was time for the first batch of bedtimes. I sent Freddy to bed early as well. Since Freddy can't have a roommate, we have him take his mattress and "sleep out." He makes his bed down the hallway and next to the door to the side yard. Sleeping out is a regular occurance for a sexual predator. The Night Awake will station himself at the end of the hallway so he can monitor Freddy.

After awhile, the house was quiet, kids were tired and going to bed, and Trixie and I were sitting at the kitchen counter talking. We spoke in our usual code about drinking, going to bars and partying. We were tired and punchy, ready to get the hell out. We always wound up exaggerating our drinking escapades to each other.

I said, "It would be a good night to go out and get a couple of liters of Diet Cokes. Try to relieve some of that frustration of the outing."

"I dunno, Stokie," she said. "I was just at the soda fountain on Friday. I won the soda drinking contest, like always. I ended up sleepwalking that night."

"I've heard about how much you like your Diet Cokes and we definitely need to have a contest. You heard about my escapades when we went out with Manny? My sleepwalking experience led me straight to the stage for my own performance."

The Night-Awake arrived and while he got settled in, Trixie and I went into the staff office to gather up our stuff and leave.

She said, "Dude, you think that's bad? I think back to all the Cokes I drank in college, it's a wonder I'm still around. Some of the crazy shiat we did...starting the Blue-Star Nipple Club...that's where those of us girls who have big boobies just drink topless. We'd just use a Blue Sharpie to color stars around our nipples."

Trixie has a way of keeping things interesting. I love working with her.

"Then there was the Ski Club."

"I didn't know you ski."

"I don't in the summer. The Summer Ski Club was just a drinking and streaking club. My roommates called me 'Entrepierna del fuego.' That means 'Entrance of fire.'

"How did you get that name?" I asked.

"Everyone was doing keg-stands. I was wearing a skirt with no panties. You know."

I was thinking about making up a story about how I was drinking and my cock suddenly fell out of my pants. I couldn't believe we were talking about this. Was she making a pass at me or just spilling? As I pondered this, we came out of the staff office. I heard the door near Freddy slowly open.

"Oh shiat, Trixie, is that Freddy? Now what?" We walked around the corner and into the hall. Trixie saw it first. She covered her mouth with her hand and walked away. I stood there and saw Freddy ejaculate onto the doorknob. "Hey...get....out..." he struggled to say.

I sent him to the Quiet Room. I walked into the laundry room to get cleaning materials for Freddy and latex gloves for myself. I was completely appalled and shocked. What are you supposed to say when you see something like that? The only thing I could think of was, "Hey Trixie, when you take off tonight, use the other door. This one's the new Entrance of Fire."

LesserEvil: traylor:
At least we know he was black.

No, he's not black... that's a shadow of Anakin Skywalker!!!

Quick, somebody euthanize him before he turns into Darth Vader!

Too late. (dunno, may be NSFW)

1lastcall: Bit'O'Gristle: Was this article written by a second grader? Appalling grammatical errors, and horrible sentence structure. My eyes started to bleed after the first paragraph.

You may choose the comma or the and in this sentence.

Actually, it's not a sentence at all, it's a sentence fragment. Also, by choosing both the comma and the "and" the OP did in fact choose the comma or the "and". Or != Exclusive Or

Lars The Canadian Viking: Entrance of Fire - August 30, 2006
...

Why bother copying and pasting such long winded spam when nobody's going to read it.

Learn to summarize, learn to link, or learn to stop spamming threads. Or all of the above.