Stop stealing from shiatty comedians; go for the big time and steal from the best comedians.

I'll never forget the day we lost one of the greatest one-liner comedians, Mitch Hedmond.

kmmontandon: kmmontandon: How about: Stop taking seven minutes of acting and gesticulations to tell a simple thirty-second joke. Learn from Mitch Hedmond.

Hedberg, pardon me. I'm modertaely drunk.

"My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely farks up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see."

Why in the hell would anyone write anything that encourages Dane Cook to make more of anything? Call it an unfair generalization if you must, but Dane Cook is no good at everything.

AgentOrangeDrink: Why in the hell would anyone write anything that encourages Dane Cook to make more of anything? Call it an unfair generalization if you must, but Dane Cook is no good at everything.

He was great in BSG.

/Derp

Here is my advice to Dane Cook: go away.

FTFA: We liked him way back when he was The Waffler in the underseen 'Mystery Men'

Wait, what? I didn't know that was him. Now I feel dirty, I've liked Dane Cook in two movies.

/'Waiting' being the other

He's good viewing with the sound off.

/great ass
//lousy comedian

The Dreaded Rear Admiral: Wait, what? I didn't know that was him

This always surprises nerdy Dane Cook haters. "I'm sorry to inform you that he was in a deleted scene of a movie you like. It's possible he's not the worst human being on Earth you've made him out to be in your fevered little skull."

He's the creepy 30 year old guy who hangs out with 19 year old college kids in all of us.

GoodyearPimp: The Dreaded Rear Admiral: Wait, what? I didn't know that was him

This always surprises nerdy Dane Cook haters. "I'm sorry to inform you that he was in a deleted scene of a movie you like. It's possible he's not the worst human being on Earth you've made him out to be in your fevered little skull."

I don't think that anyone really views him as the worst person on earth... number three, tops.
/after all there's always Hitler and Pol Pot

alaric3: Overdose on sleeping pills? It worked for Heath Ledger.

What's the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger jokes?

Heath Ledger jokes get old.

/ticket please.

Thats because we know he cant manage funny Subby.

I think Dane Cook his hilarious. Seriously.

What I find most amusing about Dane Cook hate is its utterly illogical level of force. It's like everyone can agree they dislike him with the same level of holy-f***itude and not one person can agree on why he deserves THAT level of hate.

redmond24: I think Dane Cook his hilarious. Seriously.

I knew CJD would be cropping up more and more.

NittLion78: What I find most amusing about Dane Cook hate is its utterly illogical level of force. It's like everyone can agree they dislike him with the same level of holy-f***itude and not one person two people can agree on why he deserves THAT level of hate.

Not that I agree with your broad premise, but it does take two to agree.

/Dane Cook is not a comedian, he's a spaz.
//If you find that funny, more power to you.

Saw Good Luck Chuck the other day...pretty funny movie.

Dane Cook used to be funny, but his style of jokes got old...and he squeezed every second out of his 15 minutes of fame.

He's like the other dude that got really big out of nowhere a couple months ago, and now he's so far gone that I can't even think of his name...he got that show on Comedy Central which was cancelled after like 2 episodes probably, he had that movie about Woodstock, and he had a cameo in The Rocker...and now he's gone.
It's not that he, or Dane Cook weren't funny...it's that the public just got sick of them.

/or I'm just drunk

I never liked him but he won me over the last couple of times he's been on Opie and Anthony.


But Louis CK is the best comic working today.

Jpeg22: Saw Good Luck Chuck the other day...pretty funny movie.

Dane Cook used to be funny, but his style of jokes got old...and he squeezed every second out of his 15 minutes of fame.

He's like the other dude that got really big out of nowhere a couple months ago, and now he's so far gone that I can't even think of his name...he got that show on Comedy Central which was cancelled after like 2 episodes probably, he had that movie about Woodstock, and he had a cameo in The Rocker...and now he's gone.
It's not that he, or Dane Cook weren't funny...it's that the public just got sick of them.

/or I'm just drunk

This.

Dane Cook had a brief moment where he was popular but that can't last forever. You can turn it into a career that lasts a little while longer, but this is just normal. He got popular way too fast and now it's over.

You know Dane Cook's career is over when a Fark thread about him has less than 30 posts.

kmmontandon: How about: Stop taking seven minutes of acting and gesticulations to tell a simple thirty-second joke. Learn from Mitch Hedmond.

You see, a guy named William Shakesman once said,

"BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF WIT"

..this just means don't waste my time.

/Still love that review.

Stephen Lynch could beat him to death with his guitar.

Maybe that's just a personal fantasy.

eyehate: I was flipping through channels and caught Dane Cook proselytizing about how atheists weren't going to Heaven, but were going to reincarnate as Bibles.

And that was enough "comedy" from Mr. Cook for me.

He's filled a great niche: entertaining the most ignorant, idiotic individuals in the nation. Particularly, know-nothing youngsters, Bible thumpers, and those who think Jim Carrey would be ten times funnier if he was a huge dick on camera.

Jpeg22: He's like the other dude that got really big out of nowhere a couple months ago, and now he's so far gone that I can't even think of his name...he got that show on Comedy Central which was cancelled after like 2 episodes probably, he had that movie about Woodstock, and he had a cameo in The Rocker...and now he's gone.
It's not that he, or Dane Cook weren't funny...it's that the public just got sick of them.

Dmetri Martin? (spelling may or nay not be accurate)

He could probably have a stand-up career that could last, and be pretty lucrative, if he'd stick to writing jokes instead of worrying about his sketch pad and props and music. He can actually write jokes (sometimes), unlike Dane Cook.

I've noticed a pattern that stand-up comedians are now trying to be all-around entertainers. I mean, it didn't make Stephen Lynch a household name, so why is it going to work for some of these other people?

/I miss George Carlin...
//if I could be more capable of expressing my ideas orally, I'd attempt to fill his shoes, albeit poorly

Here is my advice to all amateurs planning to give a performance: speak up, and keep the act moving.

Gangway Fathead I never liked him but he won me over the last couple of times he's been on Opie and Anthony.


But Louis CK is the best comic working today.

This. Louis C.K. is the man.

puffy999:
He's filled a great niche: entertaining the most ignorant, idiotic individuals in the nation.

That's really important to you, isn't it? Letting everyone know that everyone not like you is stupid, I mean.

Tourney3p0 2009-12-25 08:28:13 PM
puffy999:
He's filled a great niche: entertaining the most ignorant, idiotic individuals in the nation.

That's really important to you, isn't it? Letting everyone know that everyone not like you is stupid, I mean.

Awwww, dude! You left his infantile comment about 'Bible thumpers', too.

I wonder why he didn't say 'Koran thumpers' or is that term considered bigoted.

Here's some serious stupid from the article:

"Many comedians that start getting role after role stop taking to the stage -- or at least the performances are few and far between. Guys like Michael Keaton, Steve Martin, Robin Williams, and Adam Sandler are almost strangers to the stage compared to their early days."

Three of these guys are in their 60's (Williams, Martin, Keaton) now, comparing their comedic output to a 30-somethings' seems inappropriate; and anyway Steve Martin still takes the stage regularly, albeit as a banjo player, but still. Michael Keaton is a truly bizarre comparison here, as he never had a stand up career, and I'm not just basing that on the wiki page that cites that, but from memory of never having heard of Michael Keaton as a stand-up comic in an era when I was farking infatuated with comedy clubs. He had made a name as a comic actor, sure, but not a stand-up comic (Wiki says he went from working on Mr Rogers Neighborhood to working in film, and that sounds strange enough to be true, who knows).

Also, why the fark wouldn't you want to have a career like Steve Martin's or Keaton's or Williams? Sure, they aren't nearly as funny now as they were in their 20's but fark man, those 40 years had some good shiat in there, I'd kill for the money those guys made, and still make, at the box office.

I have no idea why Dane Cook draws such a huge fanbase of dedicated and loyal followers, it's farking uncanny, I wish I could bottle that shiat and sell it.

douchebag/hater: Tourney3p0 2009-12-25 08:28:13 PM
puffy999:
He's filled a great niche: entertaining the most ignorant, idiotic individuals in the nation.

That's really important to you, isn't it? Letting everyone know that everyone not like you is stupid, I mean.

Awwww, dude! You left his infantile comment about 'Bible thumpers', too.

I wonder why he didn't say 'Koran thumpers' or is that term considered bigoted.

He probably lives in America where the Christians outnumber the Muslims by a few hundred million. Or maybe it's because you're a total f*cking moron. Hard to tell.

deadsanta: I have no idea why Dane Cook draws such a huge fanbase of dedicated and loyal followers, it's farking uncanny, I wish I could bottle that shiat and sell it.

He's eye candy to the women. Notice how his stand-up routine had him in fairly skimpy clothing and his movie career was full of romantic comedies.

The majority of Dane Dork's fanbase consists of dumb fratboys and dopey chicks. The first group think he's one of them; the second group think cute = talented.

If he looked like Patton Oswalt, most of his groupies wouldn't even know his name.

Honestly if he wants to revive his career he just needs to get a woman to assault him while he (and preferably she) is drunk. The more damage she does to his body and his property, the better.

Here's how Dane Cook can resurrect his career. Get bit by killer spiders, somehow manage to survive, and work the whole thing into his routine. However, considering Cook's tendency to fail, he'll probably just die painfully and horribly.

I got it. Stunt jumping. Motorcycle jumps over piranha and shark infested lakes. BMX ramps over canyons filled with knives and punji sticks. Long jumps over upturned lawnmowers, making sure the distance is the world record plus 5 feet.

Ah who am I kidding. He'll probably just end up becoming an indestructible flaming skulled revenant who will attention whore this new career to the fullest.

deadsanta: Here's some serious stupid from the article:

"Many comedians that start getting role after role stop taking to the stage -- or at least the performances are few and far between. Guys like Michael Keaton, Steve Martin, Robin Williams, and Adam Sandler are almost strangers to the stage compared to their early days."

Three of these guys are in their 60's (Williams, Martin, Keaton) now, comparing their comedic output to a 30-somethings' seems inappropriate; and anyway Steve Martin still takes the stage regularly, albeit as a banjo player, but still. Michael Keaton is a truly bizarre comparison here, as he never had a stand up career, and I'm not just basing that on the wiki page that cites that, but from memory of never having heard of Michael Keaton as a stand-up comic in an era when I was farking infatuated with comedy clubs. He had made a name as a comic actor, sure, but not a stand-up comic (Wiki says he went from working on Mr Rogers Neighborhood to working in film, and that sounds strange enough to be true, who knows).

Also, why the fark wouldn't you want to have a career like Steve Martin's or Keaton's or Williams? Sure, they aren't nearly as funny now as they were in their 20's but fark man, those 40 years had some good shiat in there, I'd kill for the money those guys made, and still make, at the box office.

I have no idea why Dane Cook draws such a huge fanbase of dedicated and loyal followers, it's farking uncanny, I wish I could bottle that shiat and sell it.

I have seen Michael Keaton do stand up. He was on one of those young comedians shows. He did this routine with a Bazooka Joe comic where it started with the stupid joke on the comic and expanded out in to a complex discusion on the nature of time.

therecksays:
I have seen Michael Keaton do stand up. He was on one of those young comedians shows. He did this routine with a Bazooka Joe comic where it started with the stupid joke on the comic and expanded out in to a complex discusion on the nature of time.

Is there any way to see or hear that? It sounds really interesting.

Dane Cook is funny. Sorry if you don't like him, but I can't stand Jon Stewart or Bill Hicks, so to each his own.

Jedekai: Dane Cook is funny. Sorry if you don't like him, but I can't stand Jon Stewart or Bill Hicks, so to each his own.

You're a dull boy, Billy.