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(Fark)   Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December   (fark.com) divider line 82
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4570 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Dec 2009 at 1:21 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-12-24 12:54:49 PM
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2009. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the totalfarkers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from October, November and December of this year as voted by the Totalfarkers (yeah, I know that whoever submits an awesome headline in the last 7 days of December gets jobbed). Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs next week: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay.

There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest; 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark; or 3) the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
 
2009-12-24 12:56:25 PM
Man shoots his fiancée one day before the wedding. Whew. That was close

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4693862
 
2009-12-24 12:57:01 PM
Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729890
 
2009-12-24 12:57:43 PM
Rhode Island man hits pedestrian with car, drives for one mile with man stuck in windshield. Driver charged with leaving the scene of an accident, which is odd, since technically he took it with him

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729777
 
2009-12-24 12:58:08 PM
Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4735920
 
2009-12-24 12:58:24 PM
46-year-old English man acquires Tourette's Syndrome, baffling doctors who simply assumed he was Scottish

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4699185
 
2009-12-24 12:58:43 PM
Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284
 
2009-12-24 12:59:09 PM
Mathematicians are giving sex advice now. How hard could that be? Subtract clothes, divide legs, add penis, multiply

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4691931
 
2009-12-24 12:59:33 PM
Remote Brazilian tribe finds plane crash survivors alive, delicious

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4738684
 
2009-12-24 12:59:51 PM
The idea that a crematorium is opening next door really burns up this 74 year-old woman. Or at least it will soon enough

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4691455
 
2009-12-24 01:00:15 PM
Nebraska meatpacker recalls 33,000 pounds of beef tongue. Fondly

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4704814
 
2009-12-24 01:00:36 PM
Man has remote-controlled bowels implanted after motorcycle accident, really loses his shiat when wife changes the channel

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4777903
 
2009-12-24 01:01:01 PM
Cops who found magic mushroom grow house give up on counting them all, say it would be easier if the mushrooms would hold still and stop singing

ht http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4769041
 
2009-12-24 01:01:22 PM
Toddler falls into baptismal font. To answer the obvious question: Yes, he was saved

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4783137
 
2009-12-24 01:01:42 PM
Teen set on fire gets an apology, though a few blasts from a fire extinguisher would have been appreciated as well

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4752468
 
2009-12-24 01:02:15 PM
Danish political party admits to covering posters for opposing parties' candidates with yellow stickers shaped like penises. Nice try, but in America, we go all out and put the dicks on the actual BALLOTS

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4776831
 
2009-12-24 01:02:34 PM
Despite efforts to discourage them, Iraqi refugees keep flocking to Detroit, since living in a war-torn third world hellhole reminds them of home

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4790287
 
2009-12-24 01:02:55 PM
Group finds high levels of lead in Disney, Barbie toys, which can cause irreversible brain damage. The lead can be harmful too

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4779331
 
2009-12-24 01:03:11 PM
Celebrated trial lawyer died driving unsafe and uncrashworthy SUV on negligently designed and maintained road that one or more persons had maliciously allowed to become wet in the rain. He never had a chance

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4795806
 
2009-12-24 01:03:47 PM
"Godfather of Spam" sentenced to 51 months of meat in his can

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4796081
 
2009-12-24 01:04:09 PM
Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4787841
 
2009-12-24 01:04:27 PM
 
2009-12-24 01:04:44 PM
Female veterans finding it difficult to find acceptance after combat tours. Come on guys, they've bled for this country more than anyone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4851940
 
2009-12-24 01:05:01 PM
Houston becomes the first major US city to elect a lesbian mayor, proving that Texans can't get enough bush

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4849295
 
2009-12-24 01:05:19 PM
Boy gets trapped in gun safe at Costco. Parents required to undergo background checks, licensing, and wait 7 days before retrieving him

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4873124
 
2009-12-24 01:09:31 PM
In the world of competitive ice climbing, there is a very thin difference between Grand Master Champion and "Stuff In An Avalanche"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4848021
 
2009-12-24 01:10:37 PM
Mexican naval forces kill drug cartel chief in apartment complex, which must have had a really, really big pool

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4862231
 
2009-12-24 01:10:56 PM
UPS truck skids on snowy road - into the path of an oncoming train. Fortunately, uniform pants were already brown

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4840668
 
2009-12-24 01:11:21 PM
Judge rules that City of Chicago can use eminent domain to relocate cemetary for O'Hare expansion. The move is expected to displace almost 1,100 potential voters

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4868842
 
2009-12-24 01:11:42 PM
Your Christmas tree should be a reflection of your family. Subby wonders what garland goes with soul-crushing criticism and recrimination

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4859105
 
2009-12-24 01:12:00 PM
Man beats wife for not helping clear snow. The joke's on her, she'll have to shovel while he's in jail

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4844166
 
2009-12-24 01:18:16 PM
 
2009-12-24 01:20:24 PM
FYI, all voting will be closed Sunday and the final thread will be held Monday.

There are still contests coming up for subtabs next week (Sports, Geek, Politics, Business and Showbiz), plus Puns/Wordplay, Parents of the Year and Dumbass of the Year
 
2009-12-24 01:22:48 PM
C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER!
 
2009-12-24 01:23:47 PM
voting
 
2009-12-24 01:24:05 PM
Jesus prepares to receive Oral

I just giggle every time I read that

//aisle seat
 
2009-12-24 01:27:45 PM
yeah, i think the jesus/oral one has had a lock on it since it was posted.
 
2009-12-24 01:31:23 PM
The Jesus/Oral one was probably the best, but I expected the Technical Virgin Islands to put in a better showing.
 
2009-12-24 01:33:55 PM
votified!
 
2009-12-24 01:35:36 PM
Boy trapped in freezer, eats own foot.
 
2009-12-24 01:36:02 PM
Voted! "Gas blowing out exit" and "Technical Virgin Islands" both earned me dirty looks from the boss, so I wish I could vote twice on those.
 
2009-12-24 01:37:50 PM
While the Jesus/Oral one should probably win, the one that makes me chuckle uncontrolably the most is the meatpacker recalls 33,000 pounds of beef tounge. Fondly.

How good a memory do you have to have to fondly recall all 33,000 pounds of tongue?
 
2009-12-24 01:49:28 PM
Predictable voting results are predictable.
 
2009-12-24 01:57:51 PM
Can I do a write-in?

Man in wheelchair surrenders after Virginia hostage sit-off
 
2009-12-24 01:59:43 PM
Love these
 
2009-12-24 02:00:32 PM
I'd vote for "technical virgin islands"... but I don't get it. I guess it's a wayhomer.

Butthead: " uhhhhhhhh huhuhuh. It says virgin."
 
2009-12-24 02:08:06 PM
Chakka: I'd vote for "technical virgin islands"... but I don't get it. I guess it's a wayhomer.

Some girls have preserved their virginity by substituting anal sex, so that they remain, in vaginal terms, a virgin.
 
2009-12-24 02:27:01 PM
sab6300: Jesus prepares to receive Oral

I think that one should get it for sure.
 
2009-12-24 02:34:36 PM
SmackLT: Some girls have preserved their virginity by substituting anal sex, so that they remain, in vaginal terms, a virgin.

Thanks for explaining it, I had written out about 17 different explanation to Chakka to be helpful, but just couldn't get it close enough to sfw for my liking.

Unfreakable

Awesome awesome job as usual.
This is one of my favorite times of year on Fark, bar none.
You rock!!

Happy holidays, thanks for the funnies Unfreakable, subbys, subby's mothers and general funny Farking Farkers..
 
2009-12-24 02:38:15 PM
Didn't vote for Oral because the joke practically wrote itself, evidenced by the number of funny headlines and comments in the threads about it.

Gas from exit got my vote and will win the whole shebang.
 
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