Obviously he did it wrong.

what_now: I cannot imagine how awkward and bad sex between two virgins would be.


Wasn't for me, thankfully.

Kliffoth: what_now: I cannot imagine how awkward and bad sex between two virgins would be.


Wasn't for me, thankfully.

I imagine the golden retriever has had sex plenty of times before you two met.

/keed

RoxtarRyan: I imagine the golden retriever has had sex plenty of times before you two met.fark you man, you better be kidding!


It was a Labrador

Confabulat: Wow, they can't even say nice things about sex even when God blesses it.

That's something.


Gotta keep that squeaky clean image so Disney keeps writing their checks.

Kliffoth: RoxtarRyan: I imagine the golden retriever has had sex plenty of times before you two met.fark you man, you better be kidding!


It was a Labrador

Heh.. you got lucky. Mine was a labradoodle.

what_now: I cannot imagine how awkward and bad sex between two virgins would be.

It's as awkward and bad as something really awkward and really bad.

what_now: LOL!! Funny story, he wouldn't show me how sexxy teim worked until after I turned 18.



"You see I don't, I don't work with any exact boundaries of the law because I wasn't consulted when the god damn laws were made. No, instead nameless, faceless politicians, the so called protectors of the moral majority decide what is right and what is wrong. I mean come on. I govern my life around my own personal code of ethics, and I suggest that you do the same. That way if, within the constructs of my own morality, I were to do something that is considered illegal, so be it. I feel no guilt whatsoever and furthermore, if I were to buckle under the social weight of the system by adhering to laws that I do not truly believe in then I would be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuality. So in sense, by having sex with Natasha, I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers fought and died for, right?"

"You know how I know he's gay?"

His dick tastes like shiat?

Virginity is overrated.

davin: Obviously he did it wrong.

Came to say this.

/oh god!

davin: Obviously he did it wrong.


/approves

For the Jonas Tools, sex was something that's so sinful and so forbidden that when it finally happened, of course it's going to be disappointing.

*shivers at the memory of sex between two virgins* Worst minute and a half (being generous) of my life AND I bled afterwards. What the hell?

So 44 posts in, and nobody realized that this article is Borowitz satire. Or nobody cared.

My first time alone was waaay better than my first time with someone. And even then I did it wrong.

/we need more useful sex ed for teens

If I ever get to have sex, it'll probably be disappointing.

But for an entirely different reason than this douchenozzle's.

otnemem32420: what_now: I cannot imagine how awkward and bad sex between two virgins would be.

It's very awkward and very bad.

On top of this, he gets to have sex with his wife. Ooh. Big thrill.

My money says he'll be cheating on her within a year, just out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.

More lives ruined by abstinence.

I have to say the United States would be much better if more people were getting laid. It's healthy and fun. The benefits outway the negatives. As long as there is some safety involved go for it. Obviously Jonas did it wrong. "That's it" Even Jesus is doing a face palm dive after that comment.

I will say that my first attempt I was with someone more experienced but even then, it was horribly akward and nothing actually ended up happening

Second attempt me and the girl were both COMPLETELY wasted and I hardly remember any of it but I do remember doing it right

Now with my girlfriend, each time is great and I love the foreplay more than the actual act of sex... is that weird? lol

My point being... this douche doesn't know what he's talking about, especially if his first time is his first time even ejaculating. It takes multiple tries to figure out the mechanics of sex when you do it to yourself and even moreso when you're with another person.

Me thinks he'll change his tune quickly when he can actually enjoy it rather than having all the stress/nervousness of the 'first time'

/Cool story Jonas