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(MSNBC)   TSA agents discover the difficulty of conventional security measures on Santa's elves. "It was like a puzzle finding all the bells on each elf. My hands were covered in elf glitter after just the first pat-down"   (msnbc.msn.com) divider line 124
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5772 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2009 at 10:03 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-12-23 07:41:08 PM  
In reading the article, it's actually quite remarkable and socially refreshing to consider the great lengths that we (as collective adults) go to in order to make the lore of Santa Claus that much more mystical and memorable for kids. 'Flying' them around in planes and decking out an airplane hanger as the North Pole? Pretty farking cool if you ask me.
 
2009-12-23 07:52:03 PM  
It's nice that they're willing to go to these extremes for the kids, but in truth, most TSA screeners couldn't find their ass with both hands and a search warrant.
 
2009-12-23 09:46:53 PM  
Elf Glitter.
 
2009-12-23 10:05:08 PM  
What's white sticky and glitters???



Elf cum.
 
2009-12-23 10:08:31 PM  
When I read this headline, the first thing that came to mind was Rule 34.

I think that's my sign to back away slowly from the internet for awhile.
 
2009-12-23 10:10:28 PM  
They're searching Santa's Elves for weapons and contraband, during a Fantasy Flight for disabled kids ESPECIALLY CHARTERED so these kids think they're going to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????????
 
2009-12-23 10:10:56 PM  
zoomradio.cl

Some elves frighten me.
 
2009-12-23 10:12:44 PM  
Gyrfalcon: They're searching Santa's Elves for weapons and contraband, during a Fantasy Flight for disabled kids ESPECIALLY CHARTERED so these kids think they're going to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????????


It's not the agents it's the dumb ass managment.

/fark Larry Carrol, fark ass cum sucking son of a biatch.
 
2009-12-23 10:14:37 PM  
Sometimes come home covered in glitter as well, but it is not from dealing with elves. Also their cheap perfume has a remarkable way of transferring to others.
 
2009-12-23 10:14:50 PM  
Gyrfalcon: Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

i53.photobucket.com

And don't you ever forget it.
 
2009-12-23 10:16:01 PM  
http://www.theboxset.com/images/reviewcaptures/2555capture_baddersanta10.jpg
 
2009-12-23 10:17:17 PM  
Gyrfalcon: They're searching Santa's Elves for weapons and contraband, during a Fantasy Flight for disabled kids ESPECIALLY CHARTERED so these kids think they're going to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????????


They are a "special" group of kids? Why not just put them on a bus with no windows and tell them they have arrived at the North Pole after one minute of revving the engine?
 
2009-12-23 10:18:00 PM  
img.photobucket.com

No, don't YOU ever forget, brother.
 
2009-12-23 10:18:16 PM  
TFA: Trust me - I'm an elf.

Something is very wrong with that sentence.
 
2009-12-23 10:18:19 PM  
themastermind.org

"Those TSA screener always hassle me. I wonder why?"
 
2009-12-23 10:19:33 PM  
farking elf molesters
 
2009-12-23 10:22:05 PM  
Jakevol2: No, don't YOU ever forget, brother.

Man, every time I see that photo, I get a little teary-eyed and think of this.
 
2009-12-23 10:26:20 PM  
Don't even suggest that somehow on a flight full of handicapped kids, Santa's Elves, and Alaska Airlines flight crew, that there's a non-stop first class Arab passenger carrying a box knife. The frickin' plane doesn't even leave the airport half the time.
 
2009-12-23 10:27:46 PM  
Someone please PS a pic of Santas sleigh crashing into the TransAmerica buidling.
 
2009-12-23 10:31:01 PM  
Gyrfalcon: Don't even suggest that somehow on a flight full of handicapped kids, Santa's Elves, and Alaska Airlines flight crew, that there's a non-stop first class Arab passenger carrying a box knife. The frickin' plane doesn't even leave the airport half the time.

I'm no TSA fan, but no one should get on the air side of the facility without screening.
 
2009-12-23 10:31:04 PM  
See? Remember this and give your next TSA screener his or her own cavity delving.

Or, in my case, preferably a close contact, full body pat down including any Bulk item pat down followed with a private sensitive area inspection leading to your leaving the checkpoint with my explosive 3.4 oz fluid.
 
2009-12-23 10:31:51 PM  
Knucklepopper 2009-12-23 10:22:05 PM
Jakevol2: No, don't YOU ever forget, brother.

Man, every time I see that photo, I get a little teary-eyed and think of this.


Yay! A little Hulk Hogan is good for ya :)

www.maniacworld.com

/I has a happy.
 
2009-12-23 10:32:27 PM  
It wasn't elf glitter. That shiat has mystical properties.

It was Stripper Glitter.

Oh. waitaminit. Stripper Glitter has mystical properties too.

/mmmmmmm.... c'mere hon. rub some glitter on me. you smell like warm cookies... what is that, bourbon vanilla? yum.
 
2009-12-23 10:34:07 PM  
Eighty of Santa's elves were trying to get 60 kids from this year's "nice" list through security for Alaska Airline's secret Flight 1225 (get it?)

Um, no. I really don't.
 
2009-12-23 10:34:53 PM  
Oh, wait. I just got it. Nevermind.
 
2009-12-23 10:36:42 PM  
Wouldn't it be hilarious if this plane crashed one year?
 
2009-12-23 10:39:47 PM  
If I was that elf and some minimum wage jagoff was screwing with my bells, I'd have done one thing: Whipped it out, pissed in his face and said, "It's Christmas. Not Channukah (pronounced with the hard 'Ch-' for extra mockery). Not Kwanza. Christmas. This is America, and the only one who touches my American bells on Christmas is Mrs. Elf you son of a biatch"

And the other TSA employees would have been like, "Dear Lawdy, How far we've fallen!(They're probably black and say 'lawdy') Go ahead Sir, and have yourself a merry little Christmas (salute)." And the little sick kids' parents would give a respectful nod in my direction as I take up my position in the cabin where I can observe all of the 'passengers'.

/Internet Tough Elf
 
2009-12-23 10:41:09 PM  
I long ago learned how to deal with TSA screeners. Show up in yoga pants and flip-flops and offer to strip down to your color-coordinated bra and panties set if there's the slightest trouble with your laptop bag or whatever.

It helps to act a bit River Tam and start undressing as if it's expected before saying "But don't you have to check me?" They race you through just to avoid the kerfuffle the rubbernecking in the line behind you will cause, and they usually don't so much as glance at your male companion except to ask if you're 'on some medication' the airline should know about. Works every time.

And after eight years of dance classes as a kid, I have no trouble dropping trou and revealing my bra in an airport. Shoot, before 9/11 I once tap-danced with 17 other girls my age to some jazz 'Nutcracker' music for the holidays in something not much less revealing than underwear, and with a lot more glitter, in the same airport.

/but seriously, the TSA needs to get over itself
//what the hell kind of terrorist dresses in red and green with bells?
 
2009-12-23 10:44:00 PM  
fusillade762: Oh, wait. I just got it. Nevermind.

I almost got pissed at you for not explaining the secret code. Then I broke it in half....
/"the stupid... it burns"
 
2009-12-23 10:45:20 PM  
thelordofcheese: Wouldn't it be hilarious if this plane crashed one year?

No, that wouldn't be funny or fun or any of those things.

Listen, I like my job just the way it is. Nothing happens, nothing ever even close to happens, sans silly little druggy incidents and I'm quite happy with this.

The day you expect me to stick my hand into a live bomb bag is the day I say sayinaarah.
 
2009-12-23 10:47:06 PM  
Gyrfalcon: They're searching Santa's Elves for weapons and contraband, during a Fantasy Flight for disabled kids ESPECIALLY CHARTERED so these kids think they're going to the North Pole to see Santa Claus.

Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????????


Scoop84: Gyrfalcon: Don't even suggest that somehow on a flight full of handicapped kids, Santa's Elves, and Alaska Airlines flight crew, that there's a non-stop first class Arab passenger carrying a box knife. The frickin' plane doesn't even leave the airport half the time.

I'm no TSA fan, but no one should get on the air side of the facility without screening.



I have to respectfully disagree. If the plane doesn't actually go anywhere, why does anyone care how many metal bells get on board? What are they going to do, roll the plane to Cuba? Seriously? What do you think is going to happen?
 
2009-12-23 10:47:57 PM  
voodoowizard: fusillade762: Oh, wait. I just got it. Nevermind.

I almost got pissed at you for not explaining the secret code. Then I broke it in half....
/"the stupid... it burns"


06/12/05 never remember
 
2009-12-23 10:50:18 PM  
tonguedepressor: thelordofcheese: Wouldn't it be hilarious if this plane crashed one year?

No, that wouldn't be funny or fun or any of those things.

Listen, I like my job just the way it is. Nothing happens, nothing ever even close to happens, sans silly little druggy incidents and I'm quite happy with this.

The day you expect me to stick my hand into a live bomb bag is the day I say sayinaarah.


Huh? I never said anything about a bom.

SpiderQueenDemon: I long ago learned how to deal with TSA screeners. Show up in yoga pants and flip-flops and offer to strip down to your color-coordinated bra and panties set if there's the slightest trouble with your laptop bag or whatever.

It helps to act a bit River Tam and start undressing as if it's expected before saying "But don't you have to check me?" They race you through just to avoid the kerfuffle the rubbernecking in the line behind you will cause, and they usually don't so much as glance at your male companion except to ask if you're 'on some medication' the airline should know about. Works every time.

And after eight years of dance classes as a kid, I have no trouble dropping trou and revealing my bra in an airport. Shoot, before 9/11 I once tap-danced with 17 other girls my age to some jazz 'Nutcracker' music for the holidays in something not much less revealing than underwear, and with a lot more glitter, in the same airport.

/but seriously, the TSA needs to get over itself
//what the hell kind of terrorist dresses in red and green with bells?


No PIP, ppl.
 
2009-12-23 10:52:24 PM  
Glitter is the herpes of the Craft World.

iamatvjunkie.typepad.com
 
2009-12-23 11:00:36 PM  
What a hot elf looks like
www.lessthanmotivational.com
 
2009-12-23 11:04:13 PM  
SpiderQueenDemon: I long ago learned how to deal with TSA screeners. Show up in yoga pants and flip-flops and offer to strip down to your color-coordinated bra and panties set if there's the slightest trouble with your laptop bag or whatever.

It helps to act a bit River Tam and start undressing as if it's expected before saying "But don't you have to check me?" They race you through just to avoid the kerfuffle the rubbernecking in the line behind you will cause, and they usually don't so much as glance at your male companion except to ask if you're 'on some medication' the airline should know about. Works every time.

And after eight years of dance classes as a kid, I have no trouble dropping trou and revealing my bra in an airport. Shoot, before 9/11 I once tap-danced with 17 other girls my age to some jazz 'Nutcracker' music for the holidays in something not much less revealing than underwear, and with a lot more glitter, in the same airport.

/but seriously, the TSA needs to get over itself
//what the hell kind of terrorist dresses in red and green with bells?


i255.photobucket.com
 
2009-12-23 11:06:39 PM  
The TSA is a f*cking JOKE. I got a major attitude problem from them yesterday because I dared to have my liquids (which were in a bag!) inside my carryon. This is the same airport, and I think the exact same screener, that gave me lip a couple of years ago about a silly little tube of toothpaste. The screeners at CHO have a major god complex, and I wish to hell there was a way to complain about them.

Before anyone says it was probably me -- yes, I tend to get impatient when dealing with people like that, and when I'm dealing with silly kneejerk rules that make NOBODY safer. But that doesn't explain why I have never had problems at any other airport. I actually found ATL's screeners to be fairly pleasant.
 
2009-12-23 11:16:45 PM  
Hot elf chick thread?
 
2009-12-23 11:25:36 PM  
AntiNorm: The TSA is a f*cking JOKE. I got a major attitude problem from them yesterday because I dared to have my liquids (which were in a bag!) inside my carryon. This is the same airport, and I think the exact same screener, that gave me lip a couple of years ago about a silly little tube of toothpaste. The screeners at CHO have a major god complex, and I wish to hell there was a way to complain about them.

Before anyone says it was probably me -- yes, I tend to get impatient when dealing with people like that, and when I'm dealing with silly kneejerk rules that make NOBODY safer. But that doesn't explain why I have never had problems at any other airport. I actually found ATL's screeners to be fairly pleasant.


Dude. No biggie, you see you have to remove the baggie from the carry-on to ensure that indeed it is in a baggie. Why? I have no idea, but thats the way I'm gonna tell you when I'm commanded to look in your bag.
 
2009-12-23 11:30:03 PM  
tonguedepressor: Dude. No biggie, you see you have to remove the baggie from the carry-on to ensure that indeed it is in a baggie. Why? I have no idea, but thats the way I'm gonna tell you when I'm commanded to look in your bag.

img1.fark.net I'd rather deal with you than anybody at CHO again.
 
2009-12-23 11:35:36 PM  
AntiNorm, don't play innocent, you know precisely the way checkpoint screening is conducted and yet you rabble-rise to date.

Really, you must be in need of some kind of life because your swats at TSA are becoming more and more ho-hum.

Please feel free to explain to me how I'm way off mark.
 
2009-12-23 11:40:31 PM  
tonguedepressor, well gee, excuse me for not knowing all the little silly rules of the day. See, I use "common sense", which is an absolutely foreign concept to the TSA. The liquid ban does not improve public safety. You know that as well as I do. Neither does having to have everything in a bag, everything under 3.1415926 oz, etc. Kneejerk rules are security theater, nothing more. As a taxpayer, I'm getting really damn sick of having to pay for all this crap.

And "my" swats at the TSA? They gave me an attitude problem too, so they aren't innocent.
 
2009-12-23 11:54:35 PM  
SpiderQueenDemon: And after eight years of dance classes as a kid, I have no trouble dropping trou and revealing my bra in an airport. Shoot, before 9/11 I once tap-danced with 17 other girls my age to some jazz 'Nutcracker' music for the holidays in something not much less revealing than underwear, and with a lot more glitter, in the same airport.

Yeah... we're gonna need to have a look at you, doll.
 
2009-12-23 11:55:05 PM  
I read that as "...finding all the Ballson each elf..." That would have been a more reasonable headline.
****************************************************************************
Knucklepopper: Gyrfalcon: Let me repeat: A special flight, for a special group of kids, exclusively to fly them to an exclusive hangar so they can pretend they're going to Santa's Workshop for the day. And they're still putting the "elves" through the TSA CHECKPOINT.

i53.photobucket.com

And don't you ever forget it.


How can you stand to live like a frightened child?
I know it was a long time ago and some of us get fuzzy on the details, but none of the 9/11 hijackers were part of the little people community nor were any of them disabled children.
I really hope that post was a joke, because if it wasn't, the TERRISTS have won.
They've taken from America the things that have made it the country which we are happy to call our own.
To use the memory of the 9/11 victims to justify any outlandish insult to our freedoms is a disgusting perversion of their honor.

DIAF, douche.
 
2009-12-23 11:55:33 PM  
AntiNorm: tonguedepressor, well gee, excuse me for not knowing all the little silly rules of the day. See, I use "common sense", which is an absolutely foreign concept to the TSA. The liquid ban does not improve public safety. You know that as well as I do. Neither does having to have everything in a bag, everything under 3.1415926 oz, etc. Kneejerk rules are security theater, nothing more. As a taxpayer, I'm getting really damn sick of having to pay for all this crap.

And "my" swats at the TSA? They gave me an attitude problem too, so they aren't innocent.


ok, so don't play naive. You and I have danced the TSA Polka for 3 years now so don't tell me anything about not knowing liquids need to be baggieized.

You rabble rouse against the TSA, my income provider, and I agree with you sometimes and on some points.

Lose the naivety
 
2009-12-23 11:59:38 PM  
tonguedepressor: You and I have danced the TSA Polka for 3 years now so don't tell me anything about not knowing liquids need to be baggieized.

Baggieized, yes. Not in my carryon, no.

You rabble rouse against the TSA, my income provider, and I agree with you sometimes and on some points.

You know who else had subordinates who were just following orders?
 
2009-12-24 12:00:42 AM  
AntiNorm: tonguedepressor: You and I have danced the TSA Polka for 3 years now so don't tell me anything about not knowing liquids need to be baggieized.

Baggieized, yes. Not in my carryon, no.

You rabble rouse against the TSA, my income provider, and I agree with you sometimes and on some points.

You know who else had subordinates who were just following orders?


Santa's elves???
 
2009-12-24 12:03:05 AM  
tonguedepressor: You rabble rouse against the TSA, my income provider, and I agree with you sometimes and on some points.

I wish the farkers would call me for my "airport assessment" i've had my application in since February.
 
2009-12-24 12:04:16 AM  
"Elf glitter"

So that's what the kids are calling it these days...
 
2009-12-24 12:04:25 AM  
ratboy: How can you stand to live like a frightened child?
I know it was a long time ago and some of us get fuzzy on the details, but none of the 9/11 hijackers were part of the little people community nor were any of them disabled children.
I really hope that post was a joke, because if it wasn't, the TERRISTS have won.
They've taken from America the things that have made it the country which we are happy to call our own.
To use the memory of the 9/11 victims to justify any outlandish insult to our freedoms is a disgusting perversion of their honor.

DIAF, douche.


I won't presume to put words in the other guy's mouth, but I think the fairly obvious intent of posting that picture, as a response to a "What the hell is the TSAs problem?" type of question, is inherent in the frenzied, "ZOMG Panic!!" nature of the picture itself. Which is to say, the TSA is acting the way it does precisely because people are still living in fear over that event, which means the TERRISTS won, etc.

So you see, your objection was the result of misunderstanding the point.
 
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