FARK.com: (4880312) News: Man stabbed in chest by knife, Fark: Man goes into a diner and orders coffee with the knife in his chest

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		News: Man stabbed in chest by knife, Fark: Man goes into a diner and orders coffee with the knife in his chest (msnbc.msn.com)		60
		More: Weird, More4 News, knife, George Mirdita, apartment complex, attackers

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Asa Phelps

2009-12-22 07:11:04 PM

Knives don't stab people; People do.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-12-22 09:46:44 PM

"To come in with something stuck in your chest and order a cup of coffee, and sit down... he was mingling with the guy next to him."

You see that?

He's the friendliest and most personable stabbing victim ever.

Who says that knife guys finish last?

JerseyTim

2009-12-22 10:12:22 PM

Asa Phelps: Knives don't stab people; People do.

What about Mack?

MarshWoman

2009-12-22 10:39:52 PM

the man described his attacker as someone who was tall, was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and had a goatee.

It was Evil Empire™ Spock!

Somacandra

2009-12-22 11:21:32 PM

Not impressed.

/hotter than Brando in the 1950's

Antilope

2009-12-22 11:40:48 PM

It's getting so you can play Walmart Bingo anywhere.

cryinoutloud

2009-12-22 11:41:11 PM

If he wasn't bleeding on the counter, i don't see the problem.

The Damned

2009-12-22 11:45:09 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener:Who says that knife guys finish last?

I want to have you shot for that pun, but I also want to post that pic of the audience clapping.

I think that kind of evens it out.

Earl of Chives

2009-12-22 11:45:35 PM

Cocaine. It's one helluva a drug.

whatshisname

2009-12-22 11:47:42 PM

"Do you need a fork with that?"

wejash

2009-12-22 11:47:50 PM

So DeNiro slums it in Detroit?

Alright. I can see that.

api.ning.com

Ball Sack Obama

2009-12-22 11:47:52 PM

MarshWoman: the man described his attacker as someone who was tall, was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and had a goatee.

It was Evil Empire™ Spock!

Pussy beard...

logruszed

2009-12-22 11:51:16 PM

Good luck with that, I can't even get coffee with cubed sugar.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-12-22 11:52:59 PM

The Damned: I want to have you shot for that pun, but I also want to post that pic of the audience clapping.

I think that kind of evens it out.

Thank you kindly.

Yes, I realize that any punning about blades is a sworded affair.

ProdigalSigh

2009-12-22 11:53:27 PM

You know, for Detroit I'm a surprised at how surprised these people were.

brap

2009-12-22 11:54:24 PM

I'm so tired of being stabbed I need a cuppa joe to ouch.

*oils up, flexes*

MANLY MANHAMMER KAPOW!

*So tired. I really just need to be held.

I8B4U

2009-12-22 11:54:27 PM

"another man approached him and demanded cash. The man told police that when he refused to hand over any cash, he was attacked and stabbed"

Good thing he refused, how else was he gonna pay for his coffee?

ProdigalSigh

2009-12-22 11:54:51 PM

ProdigalSigh: You know, for Detroit I'm a surprised at how surprised these people were.

Sigh.

hillarys strap on

2009-12-22 11:55:26 PM

//approoves...

Third_Uncle_Eno

2009-12-22 11:56:26 PM

HE TOLD YOU HE WAS HARDCORE

/ dayum!

TheShavingofOccam123

2009-12-22 11:57:20 PM

He did order deknifenated though.

Vash's Apprentice

2009-12-22 11:57:29 PM

ProdigalSigh: ProdigalSigh: You know, for Detroit I'm a surprised at how surprised these people were.

Sigh.

Eh, just pretend you were doing your mafia voice.

skinink

2009-12-22 11:58:37 PM

"It kind of freaked us all out here. Then, the customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust."

Because turning your head in disgust is easier than offering your hand in helpfulness. Damn those Eight Mile diners are jaded. Didn't at least one diner try to help the guy?

LockeOak

2009-12-23 12:01:35 AM

skinink: "It kind of freaked us all out here. Then, the customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust."
Because turning your head in disgust is easier than offering your hand in helpfulness. Damn those Eight Mile diners are jaded. Didn't at least one diner try to help the guy?

Well, if he's sitting there drinking his coffee and chatting with the guy next to him while waiting for the ambulance, I'm not sure there's much to be done, other than paying for his coffee. I sure as hell wouldn't pull it out. A napkin for the blood, perhaps?

mr_larry

2009-12-23 12:03:03 AM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: "To come in with something stuck in your chest and order a cup of coffee, and sit down... he was mingling with the guy next to him."

You see that?

He's the friendliest and most personable stabbing victim ever.

Who says that knife guys finish last?

You are, and always will be, my hero.
Get back to the choppa!

WelldeadLink

2009-12-23 12:03:15 AM

When he drank the coffee, did it fountain out of his chest?

/goes back to watch the Cartoon Network.

porterm

2009-12-23 12:03:22 AM

kinda seemed like the guy didnt need any help.
he must have bought that exerciser that tough guy was selling.
a cuppa joe and im good.

Bagelox-99

2009-12-23 12:06:00 AM

OK, they tell you to take an aspirin when you feel a heart attack coming on. So if you've been knifed in the chest cavity, you should drink ya some joe asap? Renooberates the cardiovastub...the guts?

Balchinian

2009-12-23 12:06:26 AM

Dammit. Another good headline submission beaten out by a stale meme with bad grammar. That is two today. Sheesh. :)

Jeff73

2009-12-23 12:07:47 AM

FTA: "Police said the man described his attacker as someone who was tall, was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and had a goatee."

Oh yeah, that guy!

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-12-23 12:14:18 AM

mr_larry: You are, and always will be, my hero.

*bows*

Thank you kindly!

Get back to the choppa!

img707.imageshack.us

DAT'Z IT!!!

NO MOAH MISTAH KNIFE GUY!

ARHARHRHBWAHRAHRHRHGHGHEEURUGGHHGHGHARRHGHGHGH!!!!

ProdigalSigh

2009-12-23 12:15:51 AM

Jeff73: FTA: "Police said the man described his attacker as someone who was tall, was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and had a goatee."

Oh yeah, that guy!

The sweatshirt hides the ears.

4.bp.blogspot.com

lelio

2009-12-23 12:33:17 AM

It would take a knife to the chest to get me away from getting a triple no whip half caf upside down double cupped mocca extra pump and sugar in the raw at my friendly neighborhood Starbucks (tm).

/ I'm a little bit of a coffee snob

theolinc

2009-12-23 12:42:10 AM

Bray's is that good
really..

//drool

Melora Creager

2009-12-23 12:50:14 AM

Third for the Bray's. (Of course, the article says Brayz's, so I am a little confused.)

lymond01

2009-12-23 01:01:35 AM

It vas an...insignificant knife.

metametameta

2009-12-23 01:14:43 AM

I'm guessing he had a bit of padding.

/five inches would go half way through me.
//Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

deadfroghogs

2009-12-23 01:15:32 AM

UPDATE: The stabbing victim has I.D. his attacker. The attack happened at Warren and 8 Mile and it was a robbery of sorts. The attacker was identified as Marshall Mathers A.K.A. EMINEM. The victim stated that "EMINEM" approached him., then demanded that he buy his new CD, The victim replied. "Fark You!!! I've heard it. It sucks!!!" In response Mathers stab the victim it the chest with Brittany Murphy's sharpened rib bone and made off with $15.99 plus tax.

Now I Is!

2009-12-23 01:52:13 AM

Belonging to the victim.

NephilimNexus

2009-12-23 02:13:46 AM

It's good to see that Teddy Roosevelt's descendants are alive & well.

Note that Warren is adjacent to Detroit, so one measly stab wound wasn't going to slow that guy down too much.

Darwin approves.

spatulacity

2009-12-23 02:21:48 AM

That must have been one hell of a tasty coffee for a guy to get stabbed and walk a mile just to get one. Probably just a PR stunt by the restaurant to drum up business.

fishrockcarving

2009-12-23 02:49:34 AM

My evil aunt is an ER doctor, and she told me once of a guy who walked into the ER with a Chef's knife stuck in his face. A walk in. Dude got stabbed in the face. With a chef's knife. A couple orderlies holding him down, my evil aunt managed to wrench the knife out of his face, and the dude got up, snatched the knife back, and stomped out of the ER.

We live in a world where people who get stabbed in the face will visit a hospital just to remove something stuck in their face that they can use to exact a vengeance.

Yaxe

2009-12-23 04:01:42 AM

That man must have testicles the size of grapefruits.

nom nom nasty

2009-12-23 04:39:48 AM

I will bet a bucket of fried chicken, a small crack rock, and a Kanye West CD that the "victim" had this coming.

jdmac

2009-12-23 04:40:56 AM

fishrockcarving: My evil aunt is an ER doctor, and she told me once of a guy who walked into the ER with a Chef's knife stuck in his face. A walk in. Dude got stabbed in the face. With a chef's knife. A couple orderlies holding him down, my evil aunt managed to wrench the knife out of his face, and the dude got up, snatched the knife back, and stomped out of the ER.

We live in a world where people who get stabbed in the face will visit a hospital just to remove something stuck in their face that they can use to exact a vengeance.

I sleep safer knowing that. Thanks

Bacontastesgood

2009-12-23 05:14:19 AM

Royal: He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
[Royal motions to Pagoda again]
Royal: He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.

crunch-o-matic

2009-12-23 06:58:41 AM

Self-stabbing knives, when will scientists learn?

untaken_name

2009-12-23 07:09:20 AM

I just want to know how he used the knife in his chest to order coffee. That seems like a neat trick, even if it probably wouldn't come up too often.

StarshipPooper

2009-12-23 07:10:27 AM

I'll be more impressed if he was shot and went through with giving his hour long speech joking about the gun wound to everyone while bleeding profusely.

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers

2009-12-23 07:19:36 AM

untaken_name: I just want to know how he used the knife in his chest to order coffee. That seems like a neat trick, even if it probably wouldn't come up too often.

Ventriloquist?

Good morning, sir. Can I take your order?
_{I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Regular.}
Did that knife just talk?
Yeah, he really likes his coffee. He heard on Fark that Brayz is tasty.

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