If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: July through September   (fark.com) divider line 98
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

5552 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:08 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



98 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2009-12-22 02:57:21 PM
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2009. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the totalfarkers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from July, August, and September of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs next week: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay.

There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest; 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark; or 3) the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
 
2009-12-22 02:57:43 PM
Misplaced period lands man in jail, rather than the more traditional marriage

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4487112
 
2009-12-22 02:57:57 PM
Best-selling bible to be edited and re-released, will feature deleted commandments, digitally enhanced plagues, and Han casts the first stone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4610644
 
2009-12-22 02:58:10 PM
Web-based petition urges Gordon Brown to apologize for Britain's treatment of Alan Turing; Brown issues apology after finding online petition indistinguishable from real one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4630195
 
2009-12-22 02:58:28 PM
80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4651134
 
2009-12-22 02:58:40 PM
Woman's body found in machine at McDonald's food processing plant. Corporate officials ask for a moment of soylents

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4525325
 
2009-12-22 02:58:57 PM
Millions of women find sex unbearable. They can be identified by a ring on the fourth finger of the left hand

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4576216
 
2009-12-22 02:59:09 PM
Special Olympians around the world express heartfelt "Faaaannn gyuuuuu" to Eunice Kennedy Shriver

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4569656
 
2009-12-22 02:59:29 PM
B A N N E R P L A N E C R A S H E S l N D E W E Y B E A C H D E L A W A R E

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4633967
 
2009-12-22 02:59:50 PM
That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4563717
 
2009-12-22 03:00:19 PM
Gardening makes for better sex. Yeah that's right, talk dirt to me you hoe

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4587069
 
2009-12-22 03:00:39 PM
Actual headline: "Shark Attack On Porpoise Closes 2 Beaches." At least we know that the shark attack wasn't an accident

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4574412
 
2009-12-22 03:00:56 PM
India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340
 
2009-12-22 03:01:15 PM
Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4595452
 
2009-12-22 03:01:30 PM
Acupuncture helps women conceive. Wouldn't be the first time that conception involved a little prick

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4525293
 
2009-12-22 03:01:49 PM
Midgets call on the FCC to legally, most regally, reliably, certifiably, undeniably ban the word Midget

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4491385
 
2009-12-22 03:02:11 PM
Gay couple handcuffed and cited for trespassing after one kissed the other on the cheek in the Mormon temple plaza. Church officials say they've never seen such an inappropriate display in all their wives

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4503185
 
2009-12-22 03:02:36 PM
It costs $900 to haul a dead body to the morgue in Chicago - not including cab fare to the voting booth

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4484564
 
2009-12-22 03:02:55 PM
Guy tries to go fishing with dynamite, winds up getting real chummy with the fish

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4489718
 
2009-12-22 03:03:09 PM
Patronizing Tijuana hookers while on drugs may be unhealthy, according to Dr. N.S. Sherlock, of the Doy Institute

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4502482
 
2009-12-22 03:03:39 PM
Jane Roe, from Roe V. Wade, arrested in anti-abortion protest. Can this woman commit to anything?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4507239
 
2009-12-22 03:03:51 PM
One British child under the age of 12 needs hospital treatment every 48 hours for drinking too much. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4487112
 
2009-12-22 03:04:12 PM
American man pulled over for speeding in Canada explains that he thought the road signs were in miles per hour, not the hectares per hogshead or whatever the hell it is they use there

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4552159
 
2009-12-22 03:04:27 PM
Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857
 
2009-12-22 03:04:49 PM
 
2009-12-22 03:05:02 PM
Census worker found hung, with the word "fed" scrawled into his chest. Hey, at least we know he ate before he died

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4655788
 
2009-12-22 03:05:18 PM
Feet are washing ashore at Cockey Creek in Maryland. And you don't want to know what's washing up at Footy Beach

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4620400
 
2009-12-22 03:05:40 PM
The U.S. Navy is considering letting women serve on submarines. Presumably sandwiches

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4663890
 
2009-12-22 03:05:57 PM
Celebrating legalized gay marriage in Vermont, Ben & Jerry's creates new ice cream. Curiously, it does not have twice the nuts

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4633037
 
2009-12-22 03:06:17 PM
State Department releases lists of countries that use child labor, so the discerning consumer will know what labels to look for when they want the tight stitching and attention to detail that only those tiny little hands and eyes can provide

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4628173
 
2009-12-22 03:06:40 PM
Four punks try to rob 88-year-old WWII vet, accidentally open a very large can of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4653736
 
2009-12-22 03:06:56 PM
Great White terrorizes New England for second time this decade

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4620790
 
2009-12-22 03:14:00 PM
Link on first submission is incorrect.
 
2009-12-22 03:17:15 PM
My money's on "gas blowing out exit brings 69 to complete halt"
 
2009-12-22 03:18:01 PM
/usr/bin/python -c "import cat" is just brilliant
 
2009-12-22 03:18:22 PM
Celerian: Link on first submission is incorrect.

I had to cut and paste a lot of these manually, so there may be some errors in that. I'll double-check the links on whatever headlines are chosen as the top five before the final contest.
 
2009-12-22 03:18:45 PM
FYI - this is the third quarterfinal round, tomorrow will be the fourth round and then we'll do the big, final contest next Monday.
 
2009-12-22 03:20:31 PM
moogrum: My money's on "gas blowing out exit brings 69 to complete halt"

"Jesus prepares to Recieve Oral" is better.
 
2009-12-22 03:21:51 PM
Not blaming anybody, but these just weren't as funny as the ones from earlier this year.

Looking forward to the final quarterfinal round.
 
2009-12-22 03:22:09 PM
Voterific!
 
2009-12-22 03:22:15 PM
I only vote for unix related headlines.
 
2009-12-22 03:24:21 PM
I submitted this with a better headline.
 
2009-12-22 03:25:57 PM
The SoCal fire headline is brilliant. I remember laughing at it when the link was Boobiesed and thinking that it deserved to be in this contest.
 
2009-12-22 03:27:19 PM
bberg: Not blaming anybody, but these just weren't as funny as the ones from earlier this year.

The banner plane is pure farking genius.
 
2009-12-22 03:29:56 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


my favorite hoty. made me join the fark-i-verse
 
2009-12-22 03:33:38 PM
These are mostly very disappointing. January - March is the best so far. Nothing this year will top 'Two Swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing.' That should be recognized as the greatest Fark headline of all time.
 
2009-12-22 03:34:46 PM
Dancin_In_Anson: bberg: Not blaming anybody, but these just weren't as funny as the ones from earlier this year.

The banner plane is pure farking genius.


That was my favorite from this batch, the Great White one a close second.
 
2009-12-22 03:35:45 PM
PFRboy: I submitted this with a better headline.

I did it yesterday.
 
2009-12-22 03:36:38 PM
TheBigPythagoras: /usr/bin/python -c "import cat" is just brilliant

Thankyou :)
 
2009-12-22 03:39:35 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: State Department releases lists of countries that use child labor, so the discerning consumer will know what labels to look for when they want the tight stitching and attention to detail that only those tiny little hands and eyes can provide

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4628173


Going to hell for loving this one so much
 
Displayed 50 of 98 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report