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(Fark)   Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: April through June   (fark.com) divider line 93
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6139 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2009 at 6:51 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2009-12-21 06:37:55 PM
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2009. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the totalfarkers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from April, May, and June of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs next week: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay.

There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest; 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark; or 3) the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
 
2009-12-21 06:38:36 PM
Adolf Hitler's family won't see any money from the sale of his paintings, since their past efforts raised a little furor

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4360381
 
2009-12-21 06:38:54 PM
Bristol Palin graduates from high school, despite failing Trig

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4392032
 
2009-12-21 06:39:09 PM
One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4320734
 
2009-12-21 06:39:30 PM
Stephen Hawking rushed to hospital. Doctors fear he may never walk again

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4339385
 
2009-12-21 06:40:17 PM
The Pope encourages young people to use the internet, but says they have to use the same computer for the rest of their lives and they'll go to hell if they use any anti-virus software

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4399465
 
2009-12-21 06:40:41 PM
Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4402526
 
2009-12-21 06:40:56 PM
Kavya Shivashankar wins National Spelling Bee after successfully completing the "Fill In your name" portion of the application

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4414995
 
2009-12-21 06:41:14 PM
A 15-year-old girl who claimed Home Depot employees rescued her from her kidnapper later revealed the story was a hoax. Police became suspicious when she claimed she was able to find help at Home Depot

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4433915
 
2009-12-21 06:41:33 PM
Bookshops apologise for including 'The Crimes of Josef Fritzl' in their 'Gifts for Father's Day' displays; Have promised that from now on they'll keep them in best-cellars

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4458988
 
2009-12-21 06:41:50 PM
Newsweek: American obesity jumps in last year. But not very high

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4423201
 
2009-12-21 06:42:38 PM
Woman has given 25 gallons of blood during period lasting 90 years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4473305
 
2009-12-21 06:42:59 PM
Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299493
 
2009-12-21 06:43:17 PM
British weigh 'I before E' rule, seize on surfeit of exceptions, deign to let teachers' consciences be sovereign in paying it obeisance

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4460984
 
2009-12-21 06:44:08 PM
Truck rams into bookstore, leaving two dead, seven hurt, numerous spine injuries

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4304116
 
2009-12-21 06:44:30 PM
Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430
 
2009-12-21 06:44:48 PM
Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764
 
2009-12-21 06:45:16 PM
Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606
 
2009-12-21 06:45:31 PM
Sheriff's deputy hospitalized after exposure to toxic fumes in drug lab, says it was his understanding that there would be no meth

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4302862
 
2009-12-21 06:45:47 PM
Man bites off end of own penis. Police found him after receiving an anonymous tip

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4331915
 
2009-12-21 06:46:15 PM
Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4378693
 
2009-12-21 06:46:42 PM
Swine flu victim in LaGrange is still seriously ill after two weeks. Doctors would like to help her, but don't know a-how-how-how-how

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4376850
 
2009-12-21 06:47:07 PM
Math teacher dismayed to discover she can't get 17 into 37 more than twice

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4403112
 
2009-12-21 06:47:30 PM
A look inside North Korea, a nation so backward and brain dead that it makes Arkansas look like the Algonquin Round Table by comparison. Don't feel bad that you didn't understand that reference, Arkansas

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4412916
 
2009-12-21 06:47:49 PM
Honolulu's Internet vote is first in nation, says mayor-elect Rick Astley

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4405331
 
2009-12-21 06:48:09 PM
Some guy in California who had 13 expensive rabbits just reported to police he had 77 rabbits stolen. Thief spotted in truck with 200 rabbits. Police hope to recover the 42,987 rabbits by tomorrow

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4421766
 
2009-12-21 06:49:07 PM
"Victorian man diagnosed with swine flu dies." ZOMG IT CAN TIME TRAVEL111

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4464865
 
2009-12-21 06:49:25 PM
Blind and deaf man to lead Amazon expedition. As far as he knows

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4450715
 
2009-12-21 06:49:49 PM
Truck carrying a load of pigs overturns on interstate, witnesses report multiple cases of swine flew

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4466927
 
2009-12-21 06:50:18 PM
"You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4420570
 
2009-12-21 06:50:36 PM
New Zealand lawmakers are looking for cheaper ways to house their prisoners. Apparently they don't realize how close to Australia they are

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4462623
 
2009-12-21 06:53:31 PM
For those of you who missed the first contest earlier today, you can find it here:

Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March
 
2009-12-21 06:54:36 PM
Aww, I had high hopes for "Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube", and it hasn't made the cut
 
2009-12-21 06:58:55 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606


My favorite. Good job submitter.
 
2009-12-21 07:05:03 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel

My absolute favourite of the year.
 
2009-12-21 07:06:18 PM
Voting.
 
2009-12-21 07:13:11 PM
Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel

Aaaaahahahahahahaha
 
2009-12-21 07:26:52 PM
Beautiful beautiful submissions.
 
2009-12-21 07:38:34 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: "Victorian man diagnosed with swine flu dies." ZOMG IT CAN TIME TRAVEL111

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4464865


For some reason I crack up every time I read that one.
 
2009-12-21 07:39:46 PM
SecretAgentWoman: Headline of the Year candidate: "Victorian man diagnosed with swine flu dies." ZOMG IT CAN TIME TRAVEL111

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4464865

For some reason I crack up every time I read that one.


Me too.
 
2009-12-21 07:40:23 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764


Stellar.

Headline of the Year candidate: Swine flu victim in LaGrange is still seriously ill after two weeks. Doctors would like to help her, but don't know a-how-how-how-how

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4376850


Had me rolling. Great work all. :D

/my favourite time to be a farker
 
2009-12-21 07:40:54 PM
DammitIForgotMyLogin 2009-12-21 06:54:36 PM
Aww, I had high hopes for "Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube", and it hasn't made the cut


I concur. But was that in the time period noted in the headline? Overall, I think the gas blowing out of the exit on 69 is my favorite of the year.
 
2009-12-21 07:52:02 PM
And here are the top submittals for headline of the year!

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4774013
 
2009-12-21 07:57:00 PM
Wow that round was about 1000x better than the first one

/still wondering if they found those 846,235,087,234 rabbits
 
2009-12-21 07:57:16 PM
April through June blows January through March away on overall awesomeness. July through September better step it up.
 
2009-12-21 07:58:01 PM
Can I vote for "Fark is redesigned for kindergardners with mental retardation, now in bright colors that pisses everyone off"

Never mind.

Then: Some guy in California who had 13 expensive rabbits just reported to police he had 77 rabbits stolen. Thief spotted in truck with 200 rabbits. Police hope to recover the 42,987 rabbits by tomorrow
 
2009-12-21 07:59:40 PM
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4774013

Too soon?
 
2009-12-21 08:00:09 PM
Nice
 
2009-12-21 08:12:09 PM
Man, some of these I can't believe I missed during the preliminary voting, like the Hawking one. Good job all, none of my headlines come close.
 
2009-12-21 08:14:28 PM
Lots of great headlines in that batch
 
2009-12-21 08:18:11 PM
Theyre all so very awesome.
 
2009-12-21 08:55:02 PM
wtf is this??? they all sukz. I subitted all of theez better.
 
2009-12-21 09:00:03 PM
Great work subbys!
 
2009-12-21 09:02:31 PM
Wow, voting is pretty darned close on this one.
 
2009-12-21 10:04:32 PM
Sad thing is, IMHO, the majority of the headlines in this round beat all of them in the first round.

/just sayin'
//Great job all around tho
 
2009-12-21 10:08:15 PM
Sweet zombie Jesus, I'm glad we don't have to rank our picks.
 
2009-12-21 10:09:33 PM
Keystone Copout: Sad thing is, IMHO, the majority of the headlines in this round beat all of them in the first round.

/just sayin'
//Great job all around tho


Thought it was just me - I checked a lot more boxes on this one than the 1st.

You guys are freakin' hilarious. Thank you for all the laughs this year. :)
 
2009-12-21 10:11:11 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4378693


This must win or I have lost all faith in fark
 
2009-12-21 10:17:57 PM
Anonymous tip FTW!
 
2009-12-21 10:23:54 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: A look inside North Korea, a nation so backward and brain dead that it makes Arkansas look like the Algonquin Round Table by comparison. Don't feel bad that you didn't understand that reference, Arkansas

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4412916


Headlines like this are why I love you funny bastards. This really is the best time of the year to be a farker.
 
2009-12-21 10:30:58 PM
I still love "you picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel" as that is the kind of quality pun i expect from farkers.
 
2009-12-21 10:31:13 PM
Also thought these were much better than the ones from earlier today.
 
2009-12-21 10:38:01 PM
Superrad: April through June blows January through March away on overall awesomeness. July through September better step it up.

Waiting for this one in the next round:

Special Olympians around the world express heartfelt "Faaaannn gyuuuuu" to Eunice Kennedy Shriver

...has to be the winner for '09! Just has to be.
 
2009-12-21 10:59:23 PM
I still say I got robbed!

♫ Now the man near her back is close to her crack as he raises his hand near her thigh, and the girl who is a crooner is everyone's ruiner, as he grabs her ass and everyone gets mace in their eye ♫

Enough of the pity party...good work subbys.

Next year I will be your master! BWAHAHAAAAAhackhackcoughcough
 
2009-12-21 11:03:49 PM
Eats Shoots and Leaves has got to win. That headline is SO full of win. I think its my favorite of the year (though the 'girls dorm room has peephole reversed...' from last post is pretty rad).
 
2009-12-21 11:37:13 PM
Oh god, my aids just flared up.
 
2009-12-21 11:46:59 PM
Headline of the Year candidate: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


Plugging this one. Mainly because I find it funnier than the current top three. IMO, the Dan Brown one was an especially cheap shot.
 
2009-12-22 12:25:43 AM
I concur that this round is much better than the first.

Good work!
 
2009-12-22 12:48:35 AM
Again, stating that I'm not voting for ANY headline with Puns in it this time around. Sorry, it's been used TOO MUCH this year.
 
2009-12-22 12:56:08 AM
I had tried to submit that Russian Boxer article with the headline "Best Blonde Boxer Battles Big Black Babe" but someone had already done it with something worse :(

/got nothin'
 
2009-12-22 01:32:48 AM
there isn't a"juan moore" yet, but i still LOLouded for a Tuesday morning. thx farkers.
 
2009-12-22 02:50:18 AM
I loved the LaGrange gag last year, but this time it's just rehashing it. Same with the blind guy "as far as he knows," also done last year. Hell, I got one or two redlighted this year on that same gag myself.

I guffawed at the Dan Brown shot, but yeah, it's a cheap and easy shot, and not actually clever. I felt similarly about the Home Depot one, because I really don't like them, but again it's not actually very clever.

I really like the math teacher one and the "I before E" one for cleverness, but they aren't actually that funny otherwise.

From this list, though I picked more than one, probably my favourite is the Rick Astley one.

And I agree, wordplay is getting overworked this year. A pun is truly funny when it connects on more than one level, in an elegant way. Most I've seen this year are reaching and not elegant.
 
2009-12-22 03:27:21 AM
Wow, April - June sucked
 
2009-12-22 05:53:21 AM
Gotta go with "anonymous tip," Richard

/survey says?!
 
2009-12-22 06:48:48 AM
bravo!
 
2009-12-22 07:31:17 AM
Love headline of the year.
It's the moooooost wonderful tiiiiime of the yeaaaaar
 
2009-12-22 07:57:08 AM
I never get tired of pi jokes
 
2009-12-22 08:40:10 AM
weeeee1!!!!11!11!!1!!! ELEVEN!!!!
 
2009-12-22 08:47:35 AM
fookin eejit: I never get tired of pie jokes

Mmm...pie...
 
2009-12-22 09:56:43 AM
Vote
 
2009-12-22 11:21:18 AM
Also voted. Not a bookmark in any way. No sirree.
 
2009-12-22 11:44:22 AM
Nothing will ever be better than Juan Moore.
 
2009-12-22 02:54:46 PM
Voted.
 
2009-12-22 03:32:41 PM
DesertDemonWY [TotalFark] Quote 2009-12-21 08:14:28 PM
Lots of great headlines in that batch


Who you calling a batch?!?!
 
2009-12-22 07:04:06 PM
"Pats Pass on Past Pat Pat Pass. Past Pat Pass passed pissed" wasn't even in the monthly voting poll, so I'm nominating it here.
 
2009-12-22 07:37:15 PM
Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves
Can you get better than this?
 
2009-12-22 11:21:26 PM
voted.
 
2009-12-23 01:49:50 PM
Anonymous Tip, oh lordy
 
2009-12-25 01:01:20 AM
So much good work
 
2009-12-27 12:22:53 PM
The puppy/magnets one really deserves to get into the finals.
 
2009-12-27 02:20:02 PM
voted
 
2009-12-27 02:27:49 PM
 
2009-12-27 02:39:14 PM
It's hard to choose damn you fark!
 
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