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(Fark)   Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: January through March   (fark.com ) divider line
    More: Survey  
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7291 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2009 at 12:00 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



148 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2009-12-21 11:48:24 AM  
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2009. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the totalfarkers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from January, February, and March of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs next week: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay.

There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest; 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark; or 3) the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
 
2009-12-21 11:49:10 AM  
Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4142829
 
2009-12-21 11:49:34 AM  
Missouri Neo Nazis allowed to participate in Adopt a Highway program. The group may need additional help since they have requested to only pick up white trash

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4161842
 
2009-12-21 11:49:59 AM  
Octuplets doing well, breathing on their own, squirting ink

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4172671
 
2009-12-21 11:50:14 AM  
Barbie turns 50, finally accepts she will die childless and alone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4127387
 
2009-12-21 11:50:28 AM  
Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4233284
 
2009-12-21 11:50:45 AM  
Woman arrested for having dead baby in carry-on luggage. Everyone knows that carrion needs to be checked in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4137946
 
2009-12-21 11:52:39 AM  
Paraplegic fisherman survives 15 hours floating in the sea. Friends say it's good to have Bob back

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4132706
 
2009-12-21 11:52:57 AM  
Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4228845
 
2009-12-21 11:53:18 AM  
Two-year-old refuses to sleep during day, may get charged with resisting a rest

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4238953
 
2009-12-21 11:53:37 AM  
Earliest chocolate has been now dated to between A.D. 1000 and 1125, still on sale at Walgreens

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4188445
 
2009-12-21 11:53:54 AM  
Woman trapped in bathtub for 4 days. "The woman's condition was not available." Submitter's not a doctor, but I'm going to guess "wrinkly"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4131160
 
2009-12-21 11:54:09 AM  
"Cardinal Mystified by Child Sex Probe"; apparently the directions were missing from the package

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4177195
 
2009-12-21 11:54:28 AM  
Headline: Alzheimer's drugs doubles death risk. Apparently your risk of death is now 200%

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4133201
 
2009-12-21 11:54:47 AM  
Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4138365
 
2009-12-21 11:55:04 AM  
Poison kills 84 Nigerian children. Damn you Bret Michaels, damn you

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4195408
 
2009-12-21 11:55:25 AM  
Man shoots himself through the heart with nailgun to scare his fiancee, gives love a bad name

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4207495
 
2009-12-21 11:56:10 AM  
Man driving a Kia leads police on a chase exceeding 100 mph, everyone's expectations of the Kia

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4192669
 
2009-12-21 11:56:37 AM  
Two charged - in Bahama - for eating barbecued iguana. Radio....radio

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4197648
 
2009-12-21 11:56:53 AM  
Man plays electric guitar so loud that neighbor's fish jumps. It must have been a bass guitar

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4193084
 
2009-12-21 11:57:11 AM  
How to win friends and influenza people

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4191045
 
2009-12-21 11:57:27 AM  
Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284352
 
2009-12-21 11:57:45 AM  
North Andover Andover Andover man survives SUV rollover

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299893
 
2009-12-21 11:57:59 AM  
Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4247908
 
2009-12-21 11:58:15 AM  
Man who robbed gas station made no threats, displayed no gun, simply offered an apology as he fled with a fistful of cash. Authorities on the lookout for a Canadian

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4246116
 
2009-12-21 11:58:30 AM  
Prosecutor receives kidney from rival defense attorney after learning they have the same blood type: cold

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4251520
 
2009-12-21 11:58:51 AM  
Truck spills 8,000 gallons of milk after crashing into a drainage ditch. Emergency responders were emotionally detached

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4282961
 
2009-12-21 11:59:10 AM  
Man finds ten human teeth in wallet at Walmart. That's just decadent

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4246814
 
2009-12-21 11:59:27 AM  
Twittering encouraged in church. Submitter still afraid of being text-communicated

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4257885
 
2009-12-21 11:59:43 AM  
"Plane wreckage found, pilot killed." Man, why'd they kill him when they found the wreckage

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4278531
 
2009-12-21 12:00:01 PM  
Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4288622
 
2009-12-21 12:07:42 PM  
I just love this time of year on Fark. I so wish I could claim some of these.
 
2009-12-21 12:07:53 PM  
Meh. They all suck. They aren't as funny as last year's. And those weren't as funny as the year before's, which were far less funny than the previous year's, which didn't hold a candle to the ones posted the year before that. Actually, the funniest headlines came out about a year before Fark was launched. Those were hilarious. It's just just getting worse and worse and worse around here, mainly because you're ruining the place.
 
2009-12-21 12:08:52 PM  
Pocket Ninja needs a lay or hug or something. Just saying.

Also, the "at least two dead" had better win.
 
2009-12-21 12:08:56 PM  
 
2009-12-21 12:09:00 PM  
Drew promised free TotalFark for a year to anyone who has one of the semi-finalist headlines. Right? RIGHT?
 
2009-12-21 12:09:27 PM  
I'm making a statement that I'm NOT voting for ANY headline that has puns in it. Sorry, it's been WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY over-used this year...
 
2009-12-21 12:10:03 PM  
"Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate"

Nice.
 
2009-12-21 12:12:00 PM  
There's some brilliance in there for sure
 
2009-12-21 12:12:29 PM  
I don't usually vote for two on these things, but I loved the "Norma Gene" and decadent ones. Hit me JUUUUUUST right.
 
2009-12-21 12:13:32 PM  
Pretty good, no clear winner in this bunch though.
 
2009-12-21 12:13:49 PM  

Headline of the Year candidate: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff


absolute WIN!
 
2009-12-21 12:14:03 PM  

jonnypeh: I liked 'Saudi Arabia has the world's safest roads and highways'. (new window)


that's only funny once you read the article, though (or at least the actual headline). I'm pretty sure HotY is just for headlines that stand on their own as funny/awesome/freaking hilarious
 
2009-12-21 12:15:38 PM  
I did my duty, as citizen of Farkinstan, to vote on this special day. My voice was heard, I made a difference.
 
2009-12-21 12:16:30 PM  

kittyhas1000legs: that's only funny once you read the article, though (or at least the actual headline). I'm pretty sure HotY is just for headlines that stand on their own as funny/awesome/freaking hilarious


Exactly right. There are a few headlines where the story is pretty well inferred by the headline, and I try to include those. But that headline on its own isn't funny standing alone.
 
2009-12-21 12:17:55 PM  
Also liked '17 year old toples Maria Sharapova'
 
2009-12-21 12:19:09 PM  

Pocket Ninja: Meh. They all suck. They aren't as funny as last year's. And those weren't as funny as the year before's, which were far less funny than the previous year's, which didn't hold a candle to the ones posted the year before that. Actually, the funniest headlines came out about a year before Fark was launched. Those were hilarious. It's just just getting worse and worse and worse around here, mainly because you're ruining the place.


The SNL-effect.
 
2009-12-21 12:21:23 PM  
I submitted each of these with a better headline...
 
2009-12-21 12:21:27 PM  
Dickhead found in Ninja Pocket.
No cents detected.
 
2009-12-21 12:23:53 PM  
Pocket Ninja shows up lime green for a reason. If only he'd enable voting....
 
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