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(The Sun)   Facebook now being blamed for breakdown of thousands of marriages each year: "The site was named in at least 20 per cent of divorce petitions in America this year"   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 168
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4807 clicks; posted to Geek » on 21 Dec 2009 at 12:06 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-12-21 02:10:25 PM
Talon: What if she tells you a really interesting story but leaves it off at a cliff-hanger at dawn? Will you give her another night to finish? Or just kill her because you see what she did there?

Well, I do hate to miss the end of a good story...
 
2009-12-21 02:17:44 PM
productivity_zero: Good thing I'm not married, because I just started a facebook account this past weekend.

I still don't understand half the shiat that goes on on that site. And, of course, I was stupid enough to think that my friends would be more insightful than "Whoohoo getting drunk again!" etc., ad nauseum.

/When do I get my lawn?


It helps if you only accept friend invites from people who are actually, you know, your friends.

img.photobucket.com
 
2009-12-21 02:22:55 PM
Wife still won't trust me since my ex poked me a few months back on FB.

Now I'm starting to think that most single women near their 30's have some sort of mental issues. You know marriage is in for a ride when your brand new pregnant wife starts acting funny after a few months and tells you how she used to be on a cocktail of various anti-psych drugs for her diagnosed mixed-mania.

And she also tells you how she doesn't need them anymore because she feels fine...yet I still seem to be dealing with several different moods in the same body and most of them hate me.

//married almost 4 years, sexless for months before that... hard to get excited and passionate for someone who hates and loves you in the same breath. ImageFap is your friend in times of need.
///I'll be damned if I have to give her 1/3rd of my income. I'm going to take this one down Capt. Ahab style. I still catch her on OKCupid chatting with people, but there is nothing I can do that doesn't end up with child-support payments. Anyone seen my balls laying around?
 
2009-12-21 02:23:46 PM
ne2d: Earguy: ne2d: Facebook? Hell, my ex-wife had nude pics on Suicide Girls and chatted all day with the guys on there.

Link?

It's a pay site.


Heh, my friend had a GF that was on that site. I think the relationship went sour because she basically wrote play-by-plays of their sex on the website.
 
2009-12-21 02:26:36 PM
xenomorpheus: Now I'm starting to think that most single women near their 30's have some sort of mental issues.

FTFY.
 
2009-12-21 02:38:38 PM
FuturePastNow: bob_ross: TFD ruined mine

I know for a FACT that TFD has broken up several marriages.


I'd love to hear the details on that. Schaudenfruede, and all.


whoviantrekkie: Talon:
//loving all these "zomg gonna fail if married before 65" comments ;P

Then you must be one of those enlightened ones who have captured imaginary force in a bottle by willing it to be so. It's not quantifiable, therefore does not exist -- it's only perception.


What the hell does that even mean? Seriously, try again - this time without the attempted snark and douchebaggery that made it completely incoherent.


palelizard: Talon: What if she tells you a really interesting story but leaves it off at a cliff-hanger at dawn? Will you give her another night to finish? Or just kill her because you see what she did there?

Well, I do hate to miss the end of a good story...


Then she's already won. I'm sorry man.
 
2009-12-21 02:44:37 PM
xenomorpheus: //married almost 4 years, sexless for months before that... hard to get excited and passionate for someone who hates and loves you in the same breath. ImageFap is your friend in times of need.
///I'll be damned if I have to give her 1/3rd of my income. I'm going to take this one down Capt. Ahab style. I still catch her on OKCupid chatting with people, but there is nothing I can do that doesn't end up with child-support payments. Anyone seen my balls laying around?


Get a lawyer... if for no better reason that the simple fact that she's probably already got one herself.
 
2009-12-21 02:48:07 PM
I'm twitfacing on my dingleberry sharktooth right now.
 
2009-12-21 02:52:35 PM
xenomorpheus: Wife still won't trust me since my ex poked me a few months back on FB.

Now I'm starting to think that most single women near their 30's have some sort of mental issues. You know marriage is in for a ride when your brand new pregnant wife starts acting funny after a few months and tells you how she used to be on a cocktail of various anti-psych drugs for her diagnosed mixed-mania.

And she also tells you how she doesn't need them anymore because she feels fine...yet I still seem to be dealing with several different moods in the same body and most of them hate me.

//married almost 4 years, sexless for months before that... hard to get excited and passionate for someone who hates and loves you in the same breath. ImageFap is your friend in times of need.
///I'll be damned if I have to give her 1/3rd of my income. I'm going to take this one down Capt. Ahab style. I still catch her on OKCupid chatting with people, but there is nothing I can do that doesn't end up with child-support payments. Anyone seen my balls laying around?


Get a great lawyer and divorce her. NOW.

You sound terribly unhappy and paying child support payments is much better than living a life of quite misery.
 
2009-12-21 02:58:23 PM
Talon:
whoviantrekkie: Talon:
//loving all these "zomg gonna fail if married before 65" comments ;P

Then you must be one of those enlightened ones who have captured imaginary force in a bottle by willing it to be so. It's not quantifiable, therefore does not exist -- it's only perception.

What the hell does that even mean? Seriously, try again - this time without the attempted snark and douchebaggery that made it completely incoherent.



Okay, this time without attempting to be a philosopher:

I was being a douche because anyone that faces 50/50 odds and thinks the cynicism and pessimism of others doesn't apply to their situation really is going to hit the wall hard one day.

I was also attempting to wax on the nature of 'love' and how, at best, it's a delusion brought on by chemical reaction. And yes, I was being snarky and condescending because I think those who think they're in it are deluding themselves; as it really can have no concrete, quantifiable definition...

/take with a grain of salt, I know I'm an asshat. i probably really just resent happily married people.
//and I can attempt to justify it using Plato and Nietzsche.
 
2009-12-21 03:04:08 PM
2wolves: I had discovery done for every email account the x had. So damning to have her own words on the record about playing with her meds just to get high or how much she was drinking.

2wolves.. your methods of discovery, please describe or send via private message. Would be much appreciated.
 
2009-12-21 03:06:19 PM
alywa: early relationships (teens, early 20's) leave a lasting impression on many people

Solution: marry high school girlfriend.
 
2009-12-21 03:15:46 PM
Captain_Dammit: 2wolves.. your methods of discovery, please describe or send via private message. Would be much appreciated.

Sounds like somebody needs a lawyer.
 
2009-12-21 03:17:01 PM
This: Captain_Dammit: 2wolves.. your methods of discovery, please describe or send via private message. Would be much appreciated.

Sounds like somebody needs a lawyer.


Not yet, but never a bad idea to have an exit strategy in place.
 
2009-12-21 03:20:39 PM
Captain_Dammit: 2

2wolves.. your methods of discovery, please describe or send via private message. Would be much appreciated.


http://www.childcustody.net/11.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/yourlegalrights/ss/discovery_prose.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discovery_%28law%29

It's one of the reasons you get a good lawyer. He/She will know what to ask for in the Discovery Phase. I'm not a lawyer, not even a GED in law, but usually it is like buying computer hardware; you buy the very best you can afford at the time. My legal beagle knew the law and the judge and I did the tech terminology.
 
2009-12-21 03:23:20 PM
ne2d: Facebook? Hell, my ex-wife had nude pics on Suicide Girls and chatted all day with the guys on there.

At least she had a hobby.
 
2009-12-21 03:26:06 PM
2wolves:
It's one of the reasons you get a good lawyer. He/She will know what to ask for in the Discovery Phase. I'm not a lawyer, not even a GED in law, but usually it is like buying computer hardware; you buy the very best you can afford at the time. My legal beagle knew the law and the judge and I did the tech terminology.


Much appreciated. Thanks!
 
2009-12-21 03:27:21 PM
Captain_Dammit: Not yet, but never a bad idea to have an exit strategy in place.

Getting a lawyer doesn't necessarily mean getting a divorce right now. It would be enough to go to one and find out what you should be doing to be prepared for when the shiat hits the fan - what not to do between now and divorce-day, what to keep notes of, what to watch out for, etc.
 
2009-12-21 03:34:06 PM
Captain_Dammit:

Much appreciated. Thanks!


Bah! Don't tell anyone. I've worked hard to get my bitter curmudgeon rep on this site.
 
2009-12-21 03:35:24 PM
This: Captain_Dammit: Not yet, but never a bad idea to have an exit strategy in place.

Getting a lawyer doesn't necessarily mean getting a divorce right now. It would be enough to go to one and find out what you should be doing to be prepared for when the shiat hits the fan - what not to do between now and divorce-day, what to keep notes of, what to watch out for, etc.


There's no disputing that logic. Thanks for the advice.
 
2009-12-21 03:37:39 PM
My theory:

Time was when a man could just slip his wedding ring into his pocket and keep women's phone numbers in his locker at work, or whatever. Nowadays facebook has become the standard vehicle for social interaction. I bet I was facebook friends with about 90% of the women I've slept with.

This leaves us with one of two choices:

1) Don't put that you are married on your facebook page, which leaves your wife to wonder why you are hiding it. Or...

2) Put that you are married on your facebook page, which greatly inhibits your ability to cheat on your wife, causing you to resent being trapped in the relationship.

This model assumes that men are innately polyamorous, and that infidelity saves marriages when undetected. I am prepared to defend either position.
 
2009-12-21 03:47:40 PM
Jubeebee: It helps if you only accept friend invites from people who are actually, you know, your friends.

what a concept, I've ignored requests from a bunch of people I don't or barely know.
/I have 2 exs as "friends"
//one I see about once a month, the other I hadn't spoken to in 20 years
 
2009-12-21 03:53:26 PM
Gaseous Anomaly:

Solution: marry high school girlfriend.


Ah, but therein lies the rub. People broke up for a reason, time makes people not think about those reasons as much. In the olden days (pre-social networking), you either saw these people all the time (live in the same town, can't avoid them), and are constantly reminded why you broke up, or you never saw or heard from them again. That lack of interaction, those wondering "what ifs?"... ask anyone who didn't marry their HS sweetheart... torches are carried for lifetimes. FB has allowed for a way for those people to reconnect again... it doesn't take a genius to see where that could lead.

Take FB out of the equation. Tons of people end up hooking up with ex-spouses after divorces... it rarely works out again for a reason. It's nostalgia... remembering the good times and not the bad, and envisioning something that may have never existed in the first place.

Anyway, apparently I'm in a doomed relationship because my wife and I actually discuss these things... silly us.
 
2009-12-21 03:59:34 PM
whoviantrekkie: Okay, this time without attempting to be a philosopher:

I was being a douche because anyone that faces 50/50 odds and thinks the cynicism and pessimism of others doesn't apply to their situation really is going to hit the wall hard one day.

I was also attempting to wax on the nature of 'love' and how, at best, it's a delusion brought on by chemical reaction. And yes, I was being snarky and condescending because I think those who think they're in it are deluding themselves; as it really can have no concrete, quantifiable definition...

/take with a grain of salt, I know I'm an asshat. i probably really just resent happily married people.
//and I can attempt to justify it using Plato and Nietzsche.


First - If the 50/50 odds justify the cynics and actually spells gloom and doom to the married person such that I will hit a brick wall should I brush off the cynics off, why isn't the opposite true as well? Why won't I hit a brick wall if I brush off the optomists who spout happiness and butterflies based on those same 50/50 odds?

If 50% justifies the cynic's cynicism, why not the optimist's optimism?

You don't get this pissed when people pick "tails" in a coin toss do you? It's the same odds... so why the pressing need to cause drama by being all Gloom & Doom?



Second - you're being self contradictory. First love is a byproduct of hormones (it is - the amygdala is primarly responsible for it). Then love is some unquantifiable intangible thing that is immeasurable and therefore irrelevant.

You can measure love - brain waves, hormones, etc can all be quantified and measured. So stop being an emo hipster with the love is just a delusion QQ nonsense. Love is as real as pain, happiness, grief, anxiety, or any other emotion and can be quantified, if not now due to lack of technology, then soon enough as science progresses to a point we can identify and measure the appropriate hormones. Love is nothing special, but that doesn't mean it is not "real."
 
2009-12-21 04:02:47 PM
Talon: Then she's already won. I'm sorry man.

Dammit, I knew letting her talk was a bad idea. Maybe I just won't let her start a second tale. No, wait, fark it. I'll just kill her like all the others. I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who can't tell a whole story in one night.
 
2009-12-21 04:08:06 PM
Gaseous Anomaly:

Solution: marry high school girlfriend.

I married and divorced my high school sweetheart, so I'm getting a kick out of this particular reply.

/never getting married again
//marriage is a wonderful for thing for many people; I am not one of them
 
2009-12-21 04:09:52 PM
Not attempting to cause drama, you're the one name calling :-p I apologize if I offended you by suggesting love (like most other emotions) is only "real" in the sense that imaginary friends are "real." (They're both inside your head and easily ignorable)

You can measure the associated phenomenae...I do grant that. You can measure the hormones, electrical impulses, etc.. my point is the meaning that we give these indicators is, in essence, meaningless. I had used imprecise language.

Since you feel so strongly here, I'll agree to disagree.
Fate vs. chaos theory
potato vs. po-tah-to...etc...
 
2009-12-21 04:11:37 PM
paragraph 2: sub 'inconsequential' for 'meaningless'
 
2009-12-21 04:13:25 PM
Tommy Moo: This model assumes that men are innately polyamorous, and that infidelity saves marriages when undetected. I am prepared to defend either position.

I don't buy the innately polyamorous thing. Plenty of folks never cheat on their spouse and have successful loving marriages. And 'males are naturally profligate with their seed' doesn't count either, since plenty of mammals mate for life.

And while yes, in some very few cases, undetected infidelity may help a marriage (where the only thing missing is the sex and the cheater just can't handle not having it), in most cases, if you're looking outside your marriage for physical companionship or an emotional connection other than friendship, you probably shouldn't be married at all any more.
 
2009-12-21 04:13:30 PM
girljen: Gaseous Anomaly:

Solution: marry high school girlfriend.

I married and divorced my high school sweetheart, so I'm getting a kick out of this particular reply.

/never getting married again
//marriage is a wonderful for thing for many people; I am not one of them


You want to know why I'm still happily married after 14 years?

img190.imageshack.us
 
2009-12-21 04:15:12 PM
dittybopper: girljen: Gaseous Anomaly:

Solution: marry high school girlfriend.

I married and divorced my high school sweetheart, so I'm getting a kick out of this particular reply.

/never getting married again
//marriage is a wonderful for thing for many people; I am not one of them

You want to know why I'm still happily married after 14 years?


Take her to all the Rolling Stones concerts?
 
2009-12-21 04:21:24 PM
2wolves: Take her to all the Rolling Stones concerts?

AND don't complain when she sleeps with Keith Richards again.
 
2009-12-21 04:23:02 PM
Jubeebee: xenomorpheus: Now I'm starting to think that most single women near their 30's have some sort of mental issues.

FTFY.


I prefer the term "estrogen poisoning."
 
2009-12-21 04:24:28 PM
xiaodown: I got married at 22.. we're still happy as ever,... and snuggling on the couch with hot cider (and a bottle of some amazing Scott Harvey Zinfandel last night).

She's my best friend, and I love her dearly.


Yes, but is she homeschooled?

i232.photobucket.com
 
2009-12-21 04:24:56 PM
palelizard:
I don't buy the innately polyamorous thing. Plenty of folks never cheat on their spouse and have successful loving marriages.


That only proves some males do not act on their desires, it does not show they have no further desire for other women.


And 'males are naturally profligate with their seed' doesn't count either, since plenty of mammals mate for life.


What does that have to do with humans? You can't say one species does not "sleep around" because a different doesn't. There are monkeys who engage in prostitution, should we therefore assume that all mammals practice prostitution?



And while yes, in some very few cases, undetected infidelity may help a marriage (where the only thing missing is the sex and the cheater just can't handle not having it), in most cases, if you're looking outside your marriage for physical companionship or an emotional connection other than friendship, you probably shouldn't be married at all any more.


Is there a difference between physical attraction and emotional closeness? Can you have one without the other? If yes, why shouldn't you be able to have physical intimacy with one person while having physical and emotional intimacy with another? If that emotional intimacy is the important part, then why should the physical matter so much?

Maybe we should even reverse that. Do you watch Scrubs at all? Do you think Carla and Elliott should ask for divorces because of the emotional intimacy shared by Turk and JD?
 
2009-12-21 04:26:17 PM
whoviantrekkie: //and I can attempt to justify it using Plato and Nietzsche.

farm3.static.flickr.com

Approves
 
2009-12-21 04:28:54 PM
Telos: Is there a difference between physical attraction and emotional closeness? Can you have one without the other? If yes, why shouldn't you be able to have physical intimacy with one person while having physical and emotional intimacy with another? If that emotional intimacy is the important part, then why should the physical matter so much?

Not everyone can handle and or seperate the physicality of sex from emotion, because for many the very act is a signification of ones oath to another.

As much as I would love for everyone to share the viewpoint that sex is sex and love is love, and friendship is friendship.... its an impossibility given current societal and cultural influences.

And I sorta speak from authority on the subject
 
2009-12-21 05:06:39 PM
Telos: That only proves some males do not act on their desires, it does not show they have no further desire for other women.

Then you're going to need to define how to tell the difference, or neither assumption (yes, poly v. no, not poly) can be used as a null hypothesis.

What does that have to do with humans? You can't say one species does not "sleep around" because a different doesn't. There are monkeys who engage in prostitution, should we therefore assume that all mammals practice prostitution?

I wasn't giving a definite one way or another, simply forestalling the argument of "it's natural, this is the way animals act, humans are animals". Given there are polyamorous animals and there are animals not so, so assumptions based on mammalian behavior (given certain shared genetic heritages) can't be used to support the argument (in this case, either argument).

Is there a difference between physical attraction and emotional closeness? Can you have one without the other? If yes, why shouldn't you be able to have physical intimacy with one person while having physical and emotional intimacy with another? If that emotional intimacy is the important part, then why should the physical matter so much?

Yes, there is a difference, but they are often correlated/ associated. Yes, it is possible to have only one. I am physically attracted to Scarlet Johannsen, and have no emotional tie to her. Both physical and emotional intimacy matter, however, especially in a 'traditional' relationship.

There are some individuals who can separate the physical from the emotional entirely, and they have successful relationships based on mutual emotional intimacy while maintaining a healthy sex life outside the relationship. I think you'll agree with me that this case is not the norm. Most folks associate the two and they don't like sharing.

Maybe we should even reverse that. Do you watch Scrubs at all? Do you think Carla and Elliott should ask for divorces because of the emotional intimacy shared by Turk and JD?

Poor example. I specified friendship. No one individual should be the complete emotional and physical connection to humanity for another. Turk and JD have different emotional connection than the marriages. The women may also be friends with their guy, but the non-romantic aspect of the marriage relationships are not as strong as that between the guys.

But this supports the entire "some people can differentiate" aspect. At no point (well... except some slashfic) is JD and Turk's man-love going to blossom into a physically intimate relationship (minus some awkward moments), and their emotional relationship is never going to threaten the love they have for their wives. The women don't need to feel threatened.

And I can't believe I just wrote that much analyzing the compexities of relationships in Scrubs. I'm such a dork.
 
2009-12-21 05:08:31 PM
Of course. It is always the messenger (or the medium), never the message.

Did you know that before the phone was invented, nobody ever got divorced because they caught their spouse on the phone with a lover? It's twue! It's twue!

I wonder how many times the phone is named in divorces?

If we got rid of Facebook, phones and hotels, a lot of marriages might be saved!
 
2009-12-21 05:16:36 PM
Sarcasm Incarnate: If we got rid of Facebook, phones and hotels, a lot of marriages might be saved!

It'd be faster to just kill all the gays AND I'd still be able to download awesome ringtones.
 
2009-12-21 05:17:10 PM
I don't use Facebook, but my wife does. Is she getting some illicit cock on the side?
 
2009-12-21 05:18:28 PM
Tiger got busted by his cell. GPS, tweets, facebook eventually people will figure this stuff out. I haven't heard "Our computer caught a virus that downloaded porn" for quite a while.
 
2009-12-21 05:28:41 PM
The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I don't use Facebook, but my wife does. Is she getting some illicit cock on the side?

Yes, but it has nothing to do with Facebook, if that makes you feel better.
 
2009-12-21 05:32:18 PM
img352.imageshack.us
 
2009-12-21 06:01:54 PM
The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I don't use Facebook, but my wife does. Is she getting some illicit cock on the side?

Right up the middle, actually.
 
2009-12-21 06:10:07 PM
towatchoverme: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I don't use Facebook, but my wife does. Is she getting some illicit cock on the side?

Right up the middle, actually.


Hawt.
 
2009-12-21 06:54:44 PM
7of7: How many of those marriages never should have happened in the first place? I have countless friends who got married at 22 and will undoubtedly be divorced by 30. People get this stupid idea that get married and having children is a good idea but don't really think about what that really means.

this
/married at 18
//divorced at 24

on a related note: an old friend of mine got in touch with an ex via facebook, slept with him, and almost sparked a divorce between the man and his wife.
 
2009-12-21 07:16:17 PM
productivity_zero: Good thing I'm not married, because I just started a facebook account this past weekend.

I still don't understand half the shiat that goes on on that site. And, of course, I was stupid enough to think that my friends would be more insightful than "Whoohoo getting drunk again!" etc., ad nauseum.

/When do I get my lawn?


Learning to Ignore any and all updates from YoVille, FarmVille, MafiaWars (etc.) in your News Feed is the first thing to learn. Closely followed by turning off email notifications for everyhing.
 
2009-12-21 07:21:19 PM
NYRBill: Jubeebee: It helps if you only accept friend invites from people who are actually, you know, your friends.

what a concept, I've ignored requests from a bunch of people I don't or barely know.
/I have 2 exs as "friends"
//one I see about once a month, the other I hadn't spoken to in 20 years


Both mine live in different countries. But that's not what keeps me faithful. Being in love with my wife does that.
 
2009-12-21 07:21:43 PM
I use FB more for cheap laughs than anything else.

The idea of using it to cheat on Lady Invictus makes me feel sick to my stomach.

But who am I to judge others for their infidelities? Not every man is lucky enough to have found his Coolest Chick In The World. (BONUS: She does NOT want to get married)

/running off to Failbook to check on my IRL friends' crazy antics
 
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