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(Inverness-Courier)   EU requires fence to be erected to protect public from Loch Ness Monster   (inverness-courier.co.uk) divider line 74
    More: Stupid  
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32 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2003 at 11:13 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-04-02 06:11:23 AM  
Say cheese!

 
2003-04-02 09:23:05 AM  
I wonder if whoever came up with this idea also has a fence around his closet to keep the boogey men at bay.

I'm amazed at the number of seemingly intelligent people that believe this crap is out there. There is no Loch Ness monster, big foot aint real. Aliens don't abduct people (before aliens were common themes in public folklore, it was witches who would take you away in the night, its all a psychological trigger called "night terrors").

I guess I need one of those X-Files posters but with the caption "I don't believe".
 
2003-04-02 11:12:19 AM  
I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness fences or something?!"
 
2003-04-02 11:18:13 AM  
The monster only seems to show itself around April 1st...
 
2003-04-02 11:18:33 AM  
Uh - April Fools?

Everyone knows that Nessie is a vegitarian.
 
2003-04-02 11:19:01 AM  
Landimal: I believe aliens are human beings in the future traveling back in time to see what we were like back now...
 
2003-04-02 11:19:48 AM  
You can't fool me. The European Union is a mythical creature - no basis in reality at all.
 
2003-04-02 11:20:31 AM  
If they put a loch on the gate I swear I will picket.
 
2003-04-02 11:23:32 AM  
Nessie I won't let them do this to you. Poor little critter.
 
2003-04-02 11:24:41 AM  
Landimal - There is no Loch Ness monster

Prove it.
 
2003-04-02 11:25:57 AM  
Whenever I want to contain the monster, I just use my zipper.
 
2003-04-02 11:26:12 AM  
Say April 1st! (..and a day late at that)
 
2003-04-02 11:27:08 AM  
Sure everyone is against this fence now, but just wait for the “I TOLD YOU SO” crowd to appear after some child is carried away to almost certain death.
 
2003-04-02 11:27:53 AM  
Those Scots have a much more refined sense of humor than the Brits, say what? This is a much better joke than the bikinis in the town square one. Drams of whisky all around, barkeeper!
 
2003-04-02 11:29:36 AM  
Loch Ness Monster
 
2003-04-02 11:29:36 AM  
"Those Scots have a much more refined sense of humor than the Brits, say what?" -- Scots ARE Brits you farking idiot.
 
2003-04-02 11:31:15 AM  
try that again

Loch Ness Monster
 
2003-04-02 11:31:28 AM  
But who will separate people from the domesticated animals?

Please think of the sheep!!
 
2003-04-02 11:32:13 AM  
Wiggys not by choice

/British by law
Scottish by birth
Highlander by the Grace of God
 
2003-04-02 11:34:01 AM  
That's what Fark has been missing, we need a good English/Scot flamewar.
 
2003-04-02 11:34:32 AM  
A man once took a very famous photograph
It went in books and even lectures
He said it was a monster in the old Loch Ness
Before he died, his wife gave him a backrub:
He confessed his lie - he'd took the picture in the bathtub
Ha ha, I'm outlived by that thing, stupid things like that.

/crash test dummies
 
2003-04-02 11:35:01 AM  
Tsar -- way tae go big yin.

/Glaswegian in Texas
 
2003-04-02 11:36:09 AM  
This is what you get for letting Belgium run your country for you. Europe made more sense when they kept invading each other.
 
2003-04-02 11:38:54 AM  
Those Scots have a much more refined sense of humor than the Brits

 
2003-04-02 11:41:32 AM  
Anyone want to put the picture of this Simpsons character quote. (difficult EASY) Bonus points for the exact scene:

"Ahh back the Loch with you Nessie."


What was this character referring to?
 
2003-04-02 11:41:47 AM  
That's preposterous!
A Loch Ness Monster wouldn't even hurt a fly.
 
2003-04-02 11:42:47 AM  
Scots - the country where the men wear skirts while tossing their cabers then sit down to a bag of sheep's stomach. No wonder they have an alcohol problem and an execrable football team! The whole goddam country has a chip on its shoulder.
 
2003-04-02 11:42:57 AM  
In other news, there's still no fence around Monster Island.
 
2003-04-02 11:43:37 AM  
huhuh. You said "erected".
 
2003-04-02 11:46:22 AM  
I say we put a fence around Easter Island. Keep that damn bunny away from me!
 
2003-04-02 11:47:13 AM  
"Ahh back the Loch with you Nessie."


What was this character referring to?



Wasn't that when groundskeeper willie was watching the date tape of Selma (or Patty)?
 
2003-04-02 11:49:28 AM  
"Paralytic sycophants, effete betrayers of humanity, carrion-eating servile imitators, arch-cowards and collaborators, gang of women-murderers, degenerate rabble, parasitic traditionalists, playboy soldiers, conceited dandies." - East German Communist Party's approved terms of abuse for the English.

So communism wasn't all bed then. hehe
 
2003-04-02 11:50:21 AM  
bed = bad
 
2003-04-02 11:50:39 AM  
Dang right IhaveHerpes
Just waiting for someone to post the pic of Willie with that open 70s shirt, hairy chest and gold chain.

I believe Selma's exact words were "...you're looking at a free lunch boys." Then she tied her cigarette in a knot in her mouth!

COmedy gold!
 
2003-04-02 11:59:15 AM  
Wiggys not by choice

/British by law
Scottish by birth
Highlander by the Grace of God


Are trying to distinguish England from Scotland? Last I checked, they were both located on the island of Britain...making them both British. You can have your own little petty tribal distinguishments, but you both live in Britain.
 
2003-04-02 11:59:18 AM  


Scotsman on a hot date.
 
2003-04-02 12:13:45 PM  
"You can have your own little petty tribal distinguishments, but you both live in Britain."

Kind of like North America?
 
2003-04-02 12:18:36 PM  
"You can have your own little petty tribal distinguishments, but you both live in Britain."

Pretty much. Just don't tell the Canadians that. They tend to be a bit defensive.
 
2003-04-02 12:24:35 PM  
Is Sting behind this? Funny, I always thought he was the nature lover sort.

I don't know... thie lyrics to Synchronicity II always sounded sort of ominous to me, like maybe he knew something.

Of course, the song doesn't say it was Lock Ness, and Sting, Andy, and Stewart were also dressed up like a Billy Idol in the video.

Of course having been there myself, it seem sort of pointless. It would be like putting a fense around Cumberland Lake in Kentucky.

:-?


****

Synchronicity II

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Crispies
We can't hear anything at all
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all her suicides are fake
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake

Another industrial ugly morning
The factory belches filth into the sky
He walks unhindered through the picket lines today
He doesn't think to wonder why
The secretaries pout and preen like
cheap tarts in a red light street
But all he ever thinks to do is watch
And every single meeting with his so-called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
Many miles away
Something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish lake

Another working day has ended
Only the rush hour hell to face
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes
Contestants in a suicidal race
Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance
He knows that something somewhere has to break
He sees the family home now looming in the headlights
The pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache
Many miles away
There's a shadow on the door
Of a cottage on the shore
Of a dark Scottish lake
Many miles away, many miles away
 
2003-04-02 12:24:36 PM  
Since Nessie has never hurt anyone, why bother? And if people are going to be brave enough to enter into his/her waters, then...they have to deal with the consequences!
 
2003-04-02 12:25:35 PM  
Waaittt a minute...There's no Angus McCloud in North Kilt-Town!

ACH! ME RETIREMENT GREASE!
 
2003-04-02 12:27:23 PM  
Its somewhat comforting to know that beaurocrats are stupid everywhere.
 
2003-04-02 12:27:31 PM  
'tis only what god gave me ya puritan pukes!!
 
2003-04-02 12:29:51 PM  


You gave the loch ness monster three fiddy, no wonder he keeps coming around here.
 
2003-04-02 12:30:41 PM  
or the ever popular-

"Don't be sad wolfie, I was wrestlin' wolfs when you were still at your mother's teats"
 
2003-04-02 12:41:26 PM  
Unfortunately, I highly doubt that this is a belated April Fool's joke. Don't forget, the EU is regulating the height of swing sets in the UK.
 
2003-04-02 12:43:42 PM  
im up for a scots/english flamewar!

POGUE MAHONE SASSUNACH AGUS ALBA GU BRATH

On a more historically accurate note, Highland Scots, Irish, Welsh, Cornish and Manx folk are the real Brits (Bretagns aswell i suppose). Lowland Scots and English are a mix of vikings, jutes, angles, saxons, normans and god knows what else.
 
2003-04-02 12:46:47 PM  
Boobies: damit, that episode was on last night. And I didn't have to pay no tree-fitty. (actually, I like Chef's mom when she says "I just gave him tree-fitty las' week" and the father goes off on that's why he don;t go away. Heheheheh. Easily amused these days, I guess.

As for the asshats known as the EU, what do you expect from a loose conglomeration of bankrupt (or nearly bankrupt, way over-legislated soocialist states?)
 
2003-04-02 01:05:10 PM  
Redstararab
Translation please?
 
2003-04-02 01:10:13 PM  
I cant wait till we find the loch ness monster so I can have one of my very own!
 
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