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(Gizmodo) Hero You're trying to watch some blue furries yiffing in glorious 3-D this weekend and someone is spoiling the romantic mood by talking? Here's what you do   (gizmodo.com) divider line 185
More: Hero, 3-D film, moviegoers, kids movies, Shrek, filmmaking, Mark Wilson, sidekick, credits  
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15191 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 18 Dec 2009 at 9:13 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



185 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-12-18 05:41:51 PM
Avoid movie theaters. It won't kill you to wait for it on DVD. And those movie-going mouth-breathing earthworms raised on corn syrup and self-esteem aren't allowed in your home.
 
2009-12-18 05:42:08 PM
I don't go to movie theatres because of the people who do all the things he wrote about. And also, because people like him go. It's a lose-lose experience and not worth my money, when things will be on DVD in a few months, either way.

/he really did come off like a giant douche.
 
2009-12-18 06:09:20 PM
I can only recall one particularly bad experience in a theatre. My bro and I went to the dollar theatre years ago to see "Waterboy," and the whole crowd was loud. The dude behind us would yell, "BOOOOOM!" every time there was a tackle. Imagine several tackles in quick succession: "BOO BOO BOO BOOOOOOOOM!" Ugh.

I once called my dad without knowing he was in a movie. He was talking all loud, and I asked him what all that background noise was. When I found out where he was, I said, "Call me later" and hung up. When he called back (after the movie) I told him never to do that again.
 
2009-12-18 06:33:00 PM
Ok, so I take The Heathens (ages 8-17) to a movie on Christmas Eve. We usually see a kids movie, so it's no problem. This year we are seeing "Avatar". Do you all think it'll be less crowded earlier in the day? Or just as crowded all day as it would be in the evening?

The kids are usually ok, but the younger 2 tend to have small bladders and with this movie, they might have questions. They whisper, but I'm worried about too much whispering.
 
2009-12-18 06:33:40 PM
I can't remember what it was, but some ridiculous wigger had his cellphone, complete with classy rington, go off at full blast.

"BEAT THE PUSSY UP...BEAT THE PUSSY UP!"

Wigger looks around completely bewildered as to where this is coming from, while everone else in the theater with decent directional hearing automatically realized it was coming from him.

"BEAT THE PUSSY UP...BEAT THE PUSSY UP!"

Slow dawning of realization comes across wigger's face, much likes the apes contemplating the monolith in 2001.

"BEAT THE PUSSY UP...BEAT THE PUSSY UP!"

Slowly pulls out his cell phone, stares at it with slack-jawed wonderment. What is this magical device producing these infectious rhythms?

"BEAT THE PUSSY UP...BEAT THE PUSSY UP!"

Wigger finally recognizes his own farking ringtone, and began farking grooving to the beat, while a huge shiat-eating grin spreads across his face.

"BEAT THE PUSSY UP...BEAT THE PUS--"

"Y'ALLO? WHO DIS?"
...
"NUFFIN' DAWG, JUS' WATCHIN' SOME MOVIE."
...
"A'IGHT. A'IGHT...
"Turn that goddamn thing of!"
"HOL' UP SOME biatch BE TALKIN' TO shiat TO ME."

The "biatch" stood up, large enough to blot out a decent section of the screen. DJ Jazzy Trevor immediately snapped his phone shut and slunk down in his seat as low as possible.
 
2009-12-18 07:05:02 PM
I don't know what the big deal is. How else is the audience supposed to realize the actor playing the cook is the same guy who was killed on "NCIS" last night? This is important information, and as many people as possible should be made aware.
 
2009-12-18 07:22:09 PM
I'll wait for the DVD. I prefer privacy.

/fap
 
2009-12-18 07:31:04 PM
This is why I'm rebuilding my home theater. I already have the popcorn machine (no oil topping, but coconut oil for popping).

www.mikepirone.com

The "Californication" clip was worth watching.
 
2009-12-18 08:11:50 PM
I'm glad we have the 'crappy' theatre on the other side of town that nobody goes to so I can go see a movie in peace.
 
2009-12-18 08:38:24 PM
August11: Avoid movie theaters. It won't kill you to wait for it on DVD.

No, dummy, this movie is like 2012 - a movie that only should be seen in theatres. Do you have a 30' digital projection 3D screen? No. Is the plot of this movie worth watching on a lame TV? No. It's eye candy.


Gig103: This is why I'm rebuilding my home theater.

You're rebuilding your home theatre so that several months after everyone else has seen Avatar, you can watch a movie with pioneering 3D technology in 2D? Huzzah.
 
2009-12-18 09:15:31 PM
Went to see a movie last year (forgot which one it was), but it was a 10pm showing during the week (Wed/Th-ish). A mother was there in the theater, along with her screaming toddler and talking on her cell phone. The pre-previews were showing (goddamn commercials, really), so no biggie; figure I'd give her the extra couple minutes to wrap her shiat up and quiet the kid.

Eventually, the previews started... no change. Alright, they were previews for crappy movies, I let it slide.

Then, the movie started. Kid was still yelling, she was still on her cell phone. After 5 minutes of the movie started, I damn near lost it: "Get the fark out of the theater and get a goddamn baby-sitter! You can afford movies and food, get the fark off your phone and find some 16 year old kid to watch yours!"

She left, to the applause of the entire theater.

/cool story, huh?
 
2009-12-18 09:18:06 PM
Maybe it's because I live in the most unnaturally well-behaved state in the country (Iowa), but I enjoy going to movie theaters. A packed house adds to the experience.
 
2009-12-18 09:18:33 PM
What is with you Farkers and your repeated tenuous links of Avatar to furrydom? THE CHARACTERS DON'T HAVE FUR!!!
 
2009-12-18 09:20:13 PM
I saw it today. It is the most fantastic-looking movies I have ever seen. Lots of folks are complaining about the simplicity of the story, but I thought that was a plus.

If you don't see it in the theater in 3d, you will be sorry.
 
2009-12-18 09:22:13 PM
went to the midnight showing of Avatar 3D. some idiot brought a baby. what is the protocol here? strangle the crying infant or beat the crap out of the idiot parents?
 
2009-12-18 09:23:08 PM
Stopped going to the movies this past May after it became apparent that baby strollers being brought into theaters is the norm these days. Not only brought into the theater but dragged through the rows of seats to where they're sitting.
 
2009-12-18 09:24:14 PM
Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're trying to watch the movie! And if I have to tell you again, we're gonna take it outside and I'm gonna show you what it's like! You understand me? Now, shut your mouths or I'll shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me! Try me. Because I would love it!

/Costanza
 
2009-12-18 09:26:08 PM
darkvstar: went to the midnight showing of Avatar 3D. some idiot brought a baby. what is the protocol here? strangle the crying infant or beat the crap out of the idiot parents?

Either or both are acceptable.
 
2009-12-18 09:27:13 PM
darkvstar: went to the midnight showing of Avatar 3D. some idiot brought a baby. what is the protocol here? strangle the crying infant or beat the crap out of the idiot parents?

Apparently the baby had enough taste to audibly protest the two hour crapfest it was being forced to endure, thereby making it the smartest one in the room.
 
2009-12-18 09:27:32 PM
Atomic Spunk: darkvstar: went to the midnight showing of Avatar 3D. some idiot brought a baby. what is the protocol here? strangle the crying infant or beat the crap out of the idiot parents?

Either or both are acceptable.


Stay classy, Fark.
 
2009-12-18 09:29:02 PM
You guys remember Wanted's Lazarus Pit scene, right? Well, everyone in the theater seemed to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Which is why I bring up the drunks sitting two rows in front.
They. Would. Not. Shut. The. F*ck. Up.

I still hope their mothers explained to them when they stumbled home afterward the difference between a movie theater and a strip club.
 
2009-12-18 09:29:23 PM
reverbblue: Apparently the baby had enough taste to audibly protest the two hour crapfest it was being forced to endure, thereby making it the smartest one in the room.

Firstly, it was 2:42. Secondly, I'm sorry it wasn't Anchorman, Napoleon Dynamite, Wedding Crashers or some equally high-quality entertainment. Thirdly, you apparently have incredibly high standards if one of the most amazing movies ever made didn't dent your smug superiority :)
 
2009-12-18 09:29:45 PM
Sgt Otter: DJ Jazzy Trevor .

I don't make it a note to commend people very often on here. But you Sir just made my day with that term.
 
2009-12-18 09:34:35 PM
Cowboy Spencer: I saw it today. It is the most fantastic-looking movies I have ever seen. Lots of folks are complaining about the simplicity of the story, but I thought that was a plus.

If you don't see it in the theater in 3d, you will be sorry.


Agreed. It isn't Raiders of the Lost Ark or anything, but Uhura was damn hot. For a special effect.
 
2009-12-18 09:34:37 PM
Cowboy Spencer: reverbblue: Apparently the baby had enough taste to audibly protest the two hour crapfest it was being forced to endure, thereby making it the smartest one in the room.

Firstly, it was 2:42. Secondly, I'm sorry it wasn't Anchorman, Napoleon Dynamite, Wedding Crashers or some equally high-quality entertainment. Thirdly, you apparently have incredibly high standards if one of the most amazing movies ever made didn't dent your smug superiority :)


Because there's nothing smug about slapping a ":)" on the end of your post. :)
 
2009-12-18 09:35:24 PM
inkblot: Because there's nothing smug about slapping a ":)" on the end of your post. :)

Can't help it, old reflex from the days before WWW!
 
2009-12-18 09:38:15 PM
SnakeMan: What is with you Farkers and your repeated tenuous links of Avatar to furrydom? THE CHARACTERS DON'T HAVE FUR!!!

Maybe not, but they do have tails.
 
2009-12-18 10:00:28 PM
Cowboy Spencer: I saw it today. It is the most fantastic-looking movies I have ever seen. Lots of folks are complaining about the simplicity of the story, but I thought that was a plus.

If you don't see it in the theater in 3d, you will be sorry.


I'm willing to take that risk in life
 
2009-12-18 10:00:58 PM
FTA ~ "You are doing all of the shy, weak and first daters who want to enjoy a movie but not lose out on a potential post-film grope a huge favor."

Because let's be honest: if you're reading this article you're not at the movie with a date, so play vigilante and save the date of the cooler dork who is. Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah FATMAN.

This article is more pretentious than funny.
 
2009-12-18 10:02:07 PM
Sometimes I wish the social contract was an actual document that I could hand to people, after highlighting and/or bookmarking the section they are violating.
 
2009-12-18 10:03:30 PM
As a non-native resident of Baltimore, I have discovered that the stereotype about black people talking at the movies is 100% true. Even when I was dating this girl who was half-black, she would talk way too loudly and scream during scaring parts. It's genetic or something.
 
2009-12-18 10:04:16 PM
darkvstar: went to the midnight showing of Avatar 3D. some idiot brought a baby. what is the protocol here? strangle the crying infant or beat the crap out of the idiot parents?

Babies cry. They really can't help it. There is never a reason to blame the baby in that situation. Some parents are just too stupid.
 
2009-12-18 10:04:23 PM
Don't go to the movies.
 
2009-12-18 10:06:00 PM
That pic in the article made me happy as it reminded me that Rifftrax will inevitably release said riff for Avatar.

/Amazing CGI and 3D; crap story/characters.
 
2009-12-18 10:07:28 PM
Telling people to shut up doesn't work if they are stupid-ass teenagers with their stupid-ass friends, they just try to act tough and say "Haha make me!". Getting a manager and saying that you saw a group of kids sitting in the back rows holding up a camera sure is effective, though.
 
2009-12-18 10:10:53 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: As a non-native resident of Baltimore, I have discovered that the stereotype about black people talking at the movies is 100% true. Even when I was dating this girl who was half-black, she would talk way too loudly and scream during scaring parts. It's genetic or something.

Could have something to do with living in a city built out of trash and rat carcasses too. Let's not dismiss that hypothesis out of hand.
 
2009-12-18 10:15:57 PM
"one of the most amazing movies ever made"


I lol'd

/Now back to the yiff-fest
 
2009-12-18 10:19:24 PM
Who talks on their cell phones anymore? It's the serial texters that annoy the shiat outta me. When I was in Hollywood I noticed that anytime anyone wanted to text, they'd hide it. Everywhere else in the USA it's almost like the texters hold up their f'ing spotlight screens at a perfect angle to ruin the movie for the rest of the theater.

Oh, and the texters almost always sit in the "basement" rows.

Why pay so much for a movie if all you're going to do is text?
 
2009-12-18 10:21:11 PM
I once kicked a kid's box of popcorn out of his hands because he would not stop playing with the seat in front and making it sneak all throughout the first 15 minutes of the movie.

I figured my enjoyment of the film was finished anyway so went around the theatre trying to see who was making that damned noise.

Found the prick and kicked his popcorn out of his hands. It flew everywhere!

Made a quick exit before someone kicked my ass, despite the theatre being mostly empty.

Hey, what if his big ass muscular father/brother/sister was just away to the toilets?!

/felt good tho.
//also used to throw coins and sweets at people in front who talked too much.
///I'm a jerk, I know.
 
2009-12-18 10:21:59 PM
serpent_sky
I don't go to movie theatres because of the people who do all the things he wrote about.

my husband and i haven't been to a movie in a year because of those people. My husband actually hit some kid on the knee to get his attention to get him to shut up. I don't think he meant to hit him, but i guess my normally very mild mannered husband reached his limit.
 
2009-12-18 10:24:47 PM
simpsonfan: I told some stupid biatch if she didn't shut up I would break her cellphone. Too bad for her it came to that.

Same. Thankfully it was a shiatty quality cheapass phone that was being given away with cereal packets.

/she, and her gaggle of tards, sure shut up after that.
 
2009-12-18 10:25:01 PM
BalugaJoe: Don't go to the movies.

This is a movie where it's worth it to go to the movie. On the assumption it's a movie you care to watch.

Nut up and tell people to shut the fark up or get an employee to do it. On a film like Avatar, if the theatre has ANY respectability, they will do it. Most theatres have someone or a small squad in the screenings tonight for this purpose. If they don't, find a better theatre.

They were little popcorn-shoving Nazis at my theatre tonight. Fark with the theater folks at your peril. (May you all get employees like the ones I had tonight)
 
2009-12-18 10:25:36 PM
On one hand I agree with this, on the other some people take things to far.

I sneezed once and had someone tell me to shut up. How do you shut up a sneeze?! As usual the message is right but some people are too dense to make the correct choices in situations.

Oh and having a phone out at any point in time during a movie means you forfeit the right to keep said phone. If it's an enemrgency that's what 911 is for.
 
2009-12-18 10:26:37 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: As a non-native resident of Baltimore, I have discovered that the stereotype about black people talking at the movies is 100% true. Even when I was dating this girl who was half-black, she would talk way too loudly and scream during scaring parts. It's genetic or something.

Well, it's not exactly like they're the most quiet, orderly and well-behaved folks outside of the movies either, now are they?

What were you expecting?

Managed a movie theater in the south loop in Chicago for a while who's clientele was predominantly black.

I've been to quieter football games.

Civility, manners and tact?

NOT YOURS, blacks at movie theaters.
 
2009-12-18 10:29:39 PM
Came for the sweeping racial generalizations

Leaving as expected on Fark...
 
2009-12-18 10:29:57 PM
Its not considerate to talk during a movie. Agreed, but this guy sounds like arsh hole. If you hate people that much stay in your mothers basement.
 
2009-12-18 10:32:03 PM
Saw avatar today at the Imax in Georgia. Stunning.

It was 9:00 am, so everyone was sleepy and tired. Yay.
 
2009-12-18 10:34:00 PM
KingPsyz: Came for the sweeping racial generalizations

Leaving as expected on Fark...


I don't think you're using the term "generalization" correctly.

It must hurt when reality doesn't mesh with your ideology, doesn't it?
 
2009-12-18 10:36:28 PM
KingPsyz: Came for the sweeping racial generalizations

Leaving as expected on Fark...


"Furry" is not a race.
 
2009-12-18 10:39:27 PM
Everyone should get a little lcd screen and a number.

If enough people vote your number you get ejected out the roof.
 
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