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(Salon) Amusing "Here's $50 million. Go fark something up"   (salon.com) divider line 92
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10918 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 18 Dec 2009 at 1:07 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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2009-12-18 07:55:43 AM
i don't know which trailer made me want to throw up more - this one or the one for "old dogs." when you realize what movies cost these days, it is borderline obscene that such vapid pablum gets greenlit.
 
2009-12-18 08:07:35 AM
Stars suck because they just play themselves.

Sam Elliott is close to perfection, but I'm sure he can't even save this hot mess.
 
2009-12-18 08:14:18 AM
If this review is even close to accurate (I'll never find out because I won't watch it) then this makes Hugh Grant's interview yesterday morning even more hilarious. Part of the conversation was how little Grant works and he replied with "well, yeah, I'm really picky and my agent doesn't like it because I'll only work in stuff I really like." If he keeps this crap up he won't be working much longer at all.
 
2009-12-18 08:19:03 AM
Hiro Nakamura: If this review is even close to accurate (I'll never find out because I won't watch it) then this makes Hugh Grant's interview yesterday morning even more hilarious. Part of the conversation was how little Grant works and he replied with "well, yeah, I'm really picky and my agent doesn't like it because I'll only work in stuff I really like." If he keeps this crap up he won't be working much longer at all.

He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.
 
2009-12-18 10:02:47 AM
coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

Oh, I dunno. I really liked him in that one romantic comedy where he was all charming, stammering and British.

You know the one. No, not that one...the OTHER one.
 
2009-12-18 10:05:19 AM
At which point the woman next to me cracked, "That's what Tiger said!"

That woman sounds like a HOOT!!
 
2009-12-18 10:19:11 AM
coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

i think he's bored. he was talking about retiring a while back, but i'm sure the money's irresistible.

BUT - he can be good. rent "about a boy." he's great in that.
 
2009-12-18 10:54:03 AM
lets get this out of the way first:
www.inmirror.com
//can we blame this on obama some how?
 
2009-12-18 10:57:54 AM
MaxxLarge: coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

Oh, I dunno. I really liked him in that one romantic comedy where he was all charming, stammering and British.

You know the one. No, not that one...the OTHER one.


Oh, yeah, the one where he had the goofy hair. That was good.
 
2009-12-18 10:58:55 AM
Kyosuke: Oh, yeah, the one where he had the goofy hair. That was good.

Oh, Christ...THAT one? No, that one, I HATED.
 
2009-12-18 11:25:42 AM
TFA: "I've seen more regard for humanity in the "Saw" series."

Ouch. :-)
 
2009-12-18 11:47:29 AM
Kyosuke: MaxxLarge: coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

Oh, I dunno. I really liked him in that one romantic comedy where he was all charming, stammering and British.

You know the one. No, not that one...the OTHER one.

Oh, yeah, the one where he had the goofy hair. That was good.


Is that the same one where he raises his eyebrows almost every time he talks?
 
2009-12-18 01:12:02 PM
FlashHarry: i don't know which trailer made me want to throw up more - this one or the one for "old dogs." when you realize what movies cost these days, it is borderline obscene that such vapid pablum gets greenlit.

But, see, the gorilla thinks Seth Green is its baby! Isn't that hilarious?
 
2009-12-18 01:15:15 PM
If you're concerned that Sam Elliott won't play the taciturn local marshal with a love for John Wayne movies, have I got a treat for you!

Now, that's funny.
 
2009-12-18 01:15:24 PM
Shostie: TFA: "I've seen more regard for humanity in the "Saw" series."

Ouch. :-)


That line made me giggle. Happy to see somebody pointing out the utterly loathsome attitudes these cookie-cutter Rom-Coms display. Even Michael Bay can't hold a candle to them in terms of repulsive stereotypes.
 
2009-12-18 01:15:41 PM
Quasar: FlashHarry: i don't know which trailer made me want to throw up more - this one or the one for "old dogs." when you realize what movies cost these days, it is borderline obscene that such vapid pablum gets greenlit.

But, see, the gorilla thinks Seth Green is its baby! Isn't that hilarious?


and you can say with all honesty you have never once considered seth green to be your baby?
 
2009-12-18 01:18:01 PM
I don't get Hollywood.

I mean, these movies aren't cheap - the actors, directors, etc. are all expensive to hire, as are the effects people, etc. Why do they settle for these shiatty, shiatty scripts? I mean, the guys on Colbert/Daily show have to come up with funny crap every damned day, and meanwhile they can't find writers who can put something respectable together for these big massive movie projects?

I don't get it. Is it the cocaine? Does it make them not care how they're spending their millions? Or just a terrible judge of humor?
 
2009-12-18 01:22:19 PM
coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

I saw Hugh Grant on a couple different talk shows this week and he seemed really apathetic and/or embarrassed. Apparently rightfully so.
 
2009-12-18 01:25:11 PM
This: Why do they settle for these shiatty, shiatty scripts?

Because they have nothing but contempt for their audiences and believe that the masses will plunk their money and their asses down for half-baked crap. And you know what? They're right.
 
2009-12-18 01:26:43 PM
I was always confused how Sarah Jessica Parker even started getting leading lady movie roles in the first place. On top of being fantastically ugly, she can't act her way out of paper bag. Best thing she ever did was play herself in sex and the city.

To Hugh:

You peaked in Love Actually. Now..stop it.
 
2009-12-18 01:26:46 PM
Do you ever think that one day Hugh Grant will wake up and realize the metric tons of chick flick crap he's made and suddenly kill himself out of guilt for being such a poofter?
 
2009-12-18 01:26:59 PM
ladjevic.com
FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS? Who you think you got, Chelsea Clinton?

z.about.com
Sir. If you were ask for FIFTY MILLION dollar. Would you be in building make shiat movie like that?
 
2009-12-18 01:28:34 PM
FlashHarry: i don't know which trailer made me want to throw up more - this one or the one for "old dogs."

Because he was instrumental in resurrecting John Travolta's career with Pulp Fiction, I consider Quentin Tarantino to hold final blame for all the dreck like that that's been forced upon the viewing public.
 
2009-12-18 01:29:27 PM
Ugh....my girlfriend wants to go watch this tonight. I'm not looking forward to it, I have a few hours to convince her to watch Invictus.
 
2009-12-18 01:32:35 PM
For a moment, I though I was in the Politics tab.
 
2009-12-18 01:33:52 PM
The casting and concept read like something for a movie trailer parody rather than an actual film.
 
2009-12-18 01:34:48 PM
Spookync: I was always confused how Sarah Jessica Parker even started getting leading lady movie roles in the first place. On top of being fantastically ugly, she can't act her way out of paper bag. Best thing she ever did was play herself in sex and the city.

She was hot when she was young, like in LA Story, which is presumably where she got enough of a rep to get a headline role in an HBO TV show.

She doesn't play herself. Carrie is smarter than SJP - and that's saying something. See her on an interview, and she's dumb as a post. The chicks from Gilmore Girls are the same - playing fast-talking witty women on TV, and finding out they're thoroughly thick in the head when they hit the talk-show circuit.
 
2009-12-18 01:36:05 PM
Lt. Cheese Weasel: Do you ever think that one day Hugh Grant will wake up and realize the metric tons of chick flick crap he's made and suddenly kill himself out of guilt for being such a poofter?

Eh. I'll admit I am a sucker for a good romantic comedy. The only issue I see is that the ratio of good:bad romantic comedies is woefully out of whack.
 
2009-12-18 01:39:29 PM
falcon176: FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS? Who you think you got, Chelsea Clinton?


Sir. If you were ask for FIFTY MILLION dollar. Would you be in building make shiat movie like that?


What was the budget for Rush Hour 3?
 
2009-12-18 01:42:18 PM
Quasar: Lt. Cheese Weasel: Do you ever think that one day Hugh Grant will wake up and realize the metric tons of chick flick crap he's made and suddenly kill himself out of guilt for being such a poofter?

Eh. I'll admit I am a sucker for a good romantic comedy. The only issue I see is that the ratio of good:bad romantic comedies is woefully out of whack.


I am normally not a fan of rom-coms, for a variety of reasons, but I have to admit the final scene in "Two Week's Notice" when Bullock is ordering Chinese and Grant is making comments about the size of her apartment as he stalks it cracks me up every time.

I have no idea how this comment relates to your post but this seemed like a good enough place to plunk it.
 
2009-12-18 01:45:32 PM
About a Boy was excellent.
 
2009-12-18 01:54:58 PM
Don't blame the people that make crap... blame the people that consume the crap that keep the former in business.

If I could think of a way to sell crap to stupid people for a shiatload of cash, I would do it in a heartbeat and laugh at you all from my island.
 
2009-12-18 02:01:08 PM
So its this like the middle-aged version of Gigli?
 
2009-12-18 02:04:18 PM
MaxxLarge: coco ebert: He seems like a lazy actor- picking roles he can easily just phone in.

Oh, I dunno. I really liked him in that one romantic comedy where he was all charming, stammering and British.

You know the one. No, not that one...the OTHER one.


What? Lair of the White Worm???
 
2009-12-18 02:12:25 PM
i liked it better when it was called "For richer or for Poorer"

/last thing Kirstie Alley was hot in anything
//well comparatively...
 
2009-12-18 02:15:15 PM
This: I don't get Hollywood.

I mean, these movies aren't cheap - the actors, directors, etc. are all expensive to hire, as are the effects people, etc. Why do they settle for these shiatty, shiatty scripts? I mean, the guys on Colbert/Daily show have to come up with funny crap every damned day, and meanwhile they can't find writers who can put something respectable together for these big massive movie projects?

I don't get it. Is it the cocaine? Does it make them not care how they're spending their millions? Or just a terrible judge of humor?


Committee think.
 
2009-12-18 02:17:42 PM
trouzourt: lets get this out of the way first:

//can we blame this on obama some how?


So, the plot is about a trainer who spends the entire movie trying to put a bridle on a mare, who kicks and bites in return?

And it ends with the Mare going to the rendering facility?
 
2009-12-18 02:19:01 PM
What a casting catastrophe this movie is. If the whole premise of your movie is "look at the pretty people," your male lead should not be prettier than your female lead.

I'm not even one of those people who thinks SJP is too hideously ugly to make movies. But don't cast her opposite Mr. Symmetryface McDelicatefeatures.
 
2009-12-18 02:19:58 PM
Brilliant review.

I've been saying this for years: Cable TV shows have surpassed Hollywood movies.
 
2009-12-18 02:22:32 PM
its all about marketing. they don't give a crap about what is up on the screen as long as they have really great trailers that will fool just enough people to fill the seats on Friday night. After that it is direct to video.
Hugh Grant is getting old and flabby. His days as a leading man are numbered. I think he is trying to grab as much cash as he can before he sinks into the oblivion of has-been
 
2009-12-18 02:24:12 PM
This: I don't get Hollywood.

I mean, these movies aren't cheap - the actors, directors, etc. are all expensive to hire, as are the effects people, etc. Why do they settle for these shiatty, shiatty scripts? I mean, the guys on Colbert/Daily show have to come up with funny crap every damned day, and meanwhile they can't find writers who can put something respectable together for these big massive movie projects?

I don't get it. Is it the cocaine? Does it make them not care how they're spending their millions? Or just a terrible judge of humor?


Films like this are thought up by suits. They're safe money makers. Because Hugh Grant and SJP are brand names with fan bases, little money needs to be spent on marketing. Because of the stars and non-offensive content, the film can easily be sold to airlines and network TV. And crap like this always does well on DVD.
 
2009-12-18 02:24:23 PM
someonelse: What a casting catastrophe this movie is. If the whole premise of your movie is "look at the pretty people," your male lead should not be prettier than your female lead.

It's not "look at the pretty people". It's "hey, you biatches who love this romantic comedy shiat! We got your faves here! Come get it".

They grabbed the biggest male and female names in the chick-flick genre and threw a movie at them and then went back to their mountain of coke.
 
2009-12-18 02:25:39 PM
thornhill: And crap like this always does well on DVD.

I'm thinking this era is coming to an end. The shovelware at the video store seems to finally be turning people off enough that checking rottentomatoes before renting is becoming mandatory.
 
2009-12-18 02:29:43 PM
images.contactmusic.com

"We're here to fark shiat up"
 
2009-12-18 02:38:13 PM
This: thornhill: And crap like this always does well on DVD.

I'm thinking this era is coming to an end. The shovelware at the video store seems to finally be turning people off enough that checking rottentomatoes before renting is becoming mandatory.


As long as the movie has solid billing -- which this one does -- it will do well on DVD. Look at Sandra Bullock. She's the queen of two-star romantic comedies. They do solid business in the theater and gold on DVD because the people who like this crap have never heard of Netflix. Her current crapfest has been an Amazon top 100 seller for 110 days. It has a higher sales rank than Transformers 2.
 
2009-12-18 02:38:43 PM
...will be in town for the rodeo, will there be a scene involving an assassin, a bull and clowns?"

How can this movie be bad?
 
2009-12-18 02:38:53 PM
..and yet this movie will rake in all the non-Avatar cash this weekend from movie goers looking for something other than 9' tall smurfs in space.

It'll probably pull in $20 million, in distant second place, and everyone will walk away happy. (Except anyone who sees it, reads about it or thinks about it).
 
2009-12-18 02:39:28 PM
someonelse: I'm not even one of those people who thinks SJP is too hideously ugly to make movies. But don't cast her opposite Mr. Symmetryface McDelicatefeatures.

I chortled, if that's the right word for it. Nicely done.
 
2009-12-18 02:56:16 PM
I'm sure this little bite will end up in the advertisements:

...Did You Hear About the Morgans?" is as good as it gets.
Mary Elizabeth Williams, Salon.com
 
2009-12-18 03:01:40 PM
Spookync: To Hugh:

You peaked in Love Actually. Now..stop it.


Yeah he did. But, and god I hate myself for saying this, that was actually fairly decent film.
 
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