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(   Crying child in the backseat is just as distracting as talking on a mobile phone. Hands-free and vibration alert babies expected to hit market soon   ( divider line
    More: Interesting  
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39 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2003 at 9:33 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

246 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-04-01 09:15:29 AM  
I love when the inventive and capitalistwise nature of Oceania tries and simplifies everything in our lives into a homoginized Jetsonsesque existance...

Sometimes,... aw hell, MOST times screaming offspring canbe unsimpwise placated. Once they're geared for a screaming sunomi there is little in Gods green earth that can thwart such an event (short of a blowdart gun loaded with thorazine.)

Special note to all the prepubecent &/or barren FARKers who will begin their one dimensional Goldsteinist rants demonizing young citizens, family units, minivans, and all things parental: I'm steeping a tepid pot of aromatwise and soothing STFU. If party workers didn't breed, your overdefensive and selfish asses wouldn't be here - for better or worse.

Hail Big Brother!
2003-04-01 09:17:52 AM  
A.T L.E.A.S.T. T.H.I.S. I.S. B.E.T.T.E.R T.H.A.N T.H.A.T S.W.E.D.I.S.H F.I.L.T.E.R
2003-04-01 09:28:23 AM  
Jim Henson's Vibrating Babies?

2003-04-01 09:34:15 AM  
So the hands free vibrating moms won't be far behind, right?

2003-04-01 09:35:01 AM  

I use the Cone of Silence with my kids:

[image from too old to be available]

2003-04-01 09:36:58 AM  
When did it become OK the have one long sentence be a paragraph?
2003-04-01 09:37:39 AM  
Actually vibrating babies would be an excellent invention. Just imagine the money you could save. Strap the little bastard to your easy chair, instant massage! Sit the little shiat on your kitchen counter, cordless mixer!

I'm still waiting for the ones with glow-in-the-dark skin. Or how about interchangable faces. That way if the little bastard is but ugly, I just push on the top of his skull, release the face, and snap a new one into place!
2003-04-01 09:40:24 AM  
7|-|aT'S whY 1 @1w4YS Pu7 8Abies Ign 7h3 TrU|\|C.
2003-04-01 09:40:38 AM  
Ze sound uff a baby kryingkt ist de most annoyingkt sound efer.
2003-04-01 09:41:03 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

JohnnyChair, the premiere name in automobile safety seats.
2003-04-01 09:42:30 AM  
To paraphrase Bump>/b>, "you noa playa da game, you noa maka da rules".

Ten fer.
2003-04-01 09:42:32 AM  
How dangerous is a nagging wife?
2003-04-01 09:43:48 AM  
"Why dewn't ewe stwop en ask vor directions?"
2003-04-01 09:43:54 AM  
I'm sorry but a screamingkt baby vould be about a million times more distractingkt dan a mobile phone. Maybe I'm just veird, or maybe I just hafe more kommon sense dan Joe Sixpack, but usingkt a kellphone has nefer affected mein drifingkt skills. I just don't get it. If I get into heafy traffic, I start nicht hearingkt vhat's goingkt on on ze cellphone. I don't take mein attention from ze road.
2003-04-01 09:44:08 AM  
Wow. What a statistically valid survey.

The question: "Are babies as distracting as a cell phone?"
The Sample: Mothers with crying babies
The result: YES! (or, at least >50% "yes")
2003-04-01 09:45:27 AM  
1'm no7 POst|nG 4ny|~|OR3 tOd|\Y. STuP1d ph!17ERS R f|\Rk|nG 4n|\|0y|nG. Th3Y'r3 g01ng T0 dr|ve p30PlE 4W|\Y fR0|~| f4rk wit|-| ThIS kR4P.
2003-04-01 09:45:44 AM  
2003-04-01 09:46:33 AM  
ohh vheech feelter is zee svedeesh oone-a? I dun't recugneeze-a must ooff zee eccents used.
Bork Bork Bork!
2003-04-01 09:47:02 AM  
These filters own
2003-04-01 09:47:14 AM  
haha... guess I found out!
2003-04-01 09:48:11 AM  
atwhay'say evenway etterbay isway ownay erethay areway oremay TVay'say inway arscay. eeway.
2003-04-01 09:51:01 AM  
Crazy Fark Filters. Gotta love April 1st on here. Especially when a flamewar thread finally makes its way onto the front page.
2003-04-01 09:51:06 AM  
A vibrating baby is easy to get. Just strap it to a sybian.
And don't ask me how I know what a sybian is. Lets just say somehow one gains insight into such knowledge.
2003-04-01 09:51:10 AM  
In other news, legislators are now working to outlaw babies unless they are of the hands-free variety.
2003-04-01 09:51:51 AM  
2003-04-01 09:53:07 AM  
Other people's babies are hell.
2003-04-01 09:54:50 AM  
This story is about as timely as the news that Aldo Nova was seen hanging a "Baby on Board" sign in his K-car
2003-04-01 09:56:28 AM  
Other people's babies are hell.
2003-04-01 09:57:02 AM  
Thet's foonny... vhee I ves a keed, iff I sterted screemeeng in zee beckseet, my mum seemply reeched und smecked me-a in zee fece-a. Fur sume-a reesun, I deedn't screem needlessly es a cheeld. My perents used tu tell me-a thet iff I'm screemeeng, I'd better be-a bleedeeng pruffoosely. Und fur sume-a unknoon reesun, I elveys feel zee desure-a tu smeck cheeldree vhu throo tuntrooms.

Its oone-a theeng vhee a beby oor tuddler is dueeng thet coote-a screem zeey meke-a vhee zeey're-a heppy oor mekeeng nueese-a fur zee hell ooff it, boot zeey're-a oold inuoogh tu knoo better effter 3 oor 4 yeers oold. Effter thet, zeey're-a dueeng it es a meuns fur coontrul, thet's vhee zeey shuoold get smecked.

Ooff cuoorse-a, by zee teeme-a I'm a Ded, I'll get throon in preesun by zee Suceeel Serfeeces Deefisiun ooff zee Meenistry ooff Humelund Secooreety effter a teep-ooffff by my keeds.
2003-04-01 09:57:20 AM  
other people's babies are swell.
2003-04-01 09:58:05 AM  
did anyone else see the gerbil?
2003-04-01 09:58:12 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-01 09:58:38 AM  
Is thayure uh way to disable thet annoyin' chef-filter? Some people arent "chef'ed" an other are...
2003-04-01 09:59:06 AM  
This is funny - just yesterday we were driving behind a car with the mother twisting her head around every 10 seconds to look at her kid. We were both saying how dangerous she was compared to when we drive and talk on the phone - and yet our state probably (like NY already has) is going o make what we do illegal. But will they outlaw the activity of those soccer moms?????? I doubt it! I say off with your head if you can't drive and leave your stinking kid to itself! :)
2003-04-01 09:59:15 AM  
good fake hack there fark. next time try hosting the hamster image ... somewhere other than ? no, that wouldn't be subtle enough
2003-04-01 09:59:25 AM  
Never a dull April Fool's Day on good ole Fark
2003-04-01 09:59:45 AM  
God, that's annoying.
2003-04-01 10:00:31 AM  
On'e own babies are Hell too.
2003-04-01 10:01:03 AM  
other people's babies smell.
2003-04-01 10:01:52 AM  
babies smell
2003-04-01 10:02:28 AM  
Ozeer peuple's bebeees ere-a hell.
2003-04-01 10:02:56 AM  
odew peopwe's wabies awe heww
2003-04-01 10:03:19 AM  
other people's babies I sell.
2003-04-01 10:04:17 AM  
other steeple's scabies can spell

Hail Big Brother!
2003-04-01 10:06:05 AM  
A baby turtle in a shell.
2003-04-01 10:06:12 AM  
smother feeble babies well
2003-04-01 10:07:11 AM  
As big as a babys arm when I swell.
2003-04-01 10:08:08 AM  
other peoplezth babiezth melt well. Mmmh, Yeth!
2003-04-01 10:08:34 AM  
A set ooff joobbleees es fer es I coontell
2003-04-01 10:08:48 AM  
wahahhahha, fer shure, a pansy filter
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