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(wigantoday) Silly Elf and safety concerns at Santa's Grotto sees children turned away in tears   (wigantoday.net) divider line 55
More: Silly, Santa's Grotto, St. Helens, Great Grottos, Deborah Dooney, swine flu, tears, nieces  
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7031 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2009 at 1:58 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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ThatGuyGreg [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 10:47:33 AM
TFA: I've spoken to the manageress of Great Grottos and each family has been offered priority visits

Really?
 
bullwinkl [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 01:10:49 PM
So when I worked at the local discount retailer pushing carts there was this big debate about who would get to be Santa in the big $5 Polaroid ripoff scam that year. It used to be the manager, but he got transferred because it got out that he was pokin' one of the girls in the blinds and picture frames department. Anyhow, they couldn't let it be the new manager because it was a lady, and nobody liked her anyhow because she was mean. So the higher-ups wanted it still to be someone in management, but all us underlings wanted it to be the fat dude who mixed paint in the hardware department because he would've looked the part, and for 4 hours every day for a week we wouldn't have to hear that goddam machine. So anyhow, they put it to a vote, and Chad the biggest douchebag assistant manager ever won. I think that was crap. They totally rigged it. Anyhow, some kid dropped a deuce on his lap. Seriously. And it wasn't a 2 year old either...the kid was like 10. It fell out of her pant leg onto Chad's foot. Seriously, it was totally awesome. Chad cussed at the kid and got fired. Anyhow, after that there was a bidding war because the picture taker took 3 Polaroids of Chad screaming at the girl with a steamer just sitting on his shoe. That was the merriest Christmas I ever had.
 
Crazy Bacon Legs
2009-12-17 02:00:29 PM
The grandmother was crying because her precious snowflakes couldn't sit on Santa's lap?

How about being concerned for the elf with H1N1? How is his tiny family going to feel?
 
Another Government Employee
2009-12-17 02:02:51 PM
Kept telling the elf to stay out of the barn.
 
zootsuit
2009-12-17 02:02:57 PM
bullwinkl: So when I worked at the local discount retailer pushing carts there was this big debate about who would get to be Santa in the big $5 Polaroid ripoff scam that year. It used to be the manager, but he got transferred because it got out that he was pokin' one of the girls in the blinds and picture frames department. Anyhow, they couldn't let it be the new manager because it was a lady, and nobody liked her anyhow because she was mean. So the higher-ups wanted it still to be someone in management, but all us underlings wanted it to be the fat dude who mixed paint in the hardware department because he would've looked the part, and for 4 hours every day for a week we wouldn't have to hear that goddam machine. So anyhow, they put it to a vote, and Chad the biggest douchebag assistant manager ever won. I think that was crap. They totally rigged it. Anyhow, some kid dropped a deuce on his lap. Seriously. And it wasn't a 2 year old either...the kid was like 10. It fell out of her pant leg onto Chad's foot. Seriously, it was totally awesome. Chad cussed at the kid and got fired. Anyhow, after that there was a bidding war because the picture taker took 3 Polaroids of Chad screaming at the girl with a steamer just sitting on his shoe. That was the merriest Christmas I ever had.

I'll consider this story my Christmas gift from you. I lol'd.
 
Rose Red
2009-12-17 02:02:58 PM
Hey, kid- STFU and get over it. Sue somebody.
 
Lando Lincoln [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 02:03:02 PM
You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas.
 
FormlessOne
2009-12-17 02:03:08 PM
Crazy Bacon Legs: The grandmother was crying because her precious snowflakes couldn't sit on Santa's lap?

How about being concerned for the elf with H1N1? How is his tiny family going to feel?

That was my "damned if you do, damned if you don't" reaction as well. See, if one elf had it, the others probably have it as well and haven't yet shown symptoms.

Imagine the "Santa gave me swine flu" headline.
 
mortimer_ford
2009-12-17 02:03:58 PM
What a devastating article.
 
Tosoto
2009-12-17 02:04:14 PM
Next headline: "Are your children at risk of Swine Flu from Christmas gifts?"

The Holidays will KILL YOUR CHILDREN.

/All of them.
 
wpmulligan
2009-12-17 02:04:38 PM
A tearful grandmother ... Deborah Dooney ... six-year-old granddaughter ...Mrs Dooney, 47, said

47 years-old with a six-year-old grandchild. Stay classy, whatever part of the UK you are in!
 
portscanner
2009-12-17 02:05:19 PM
bullwinkl: So when I worked at the local discount retailer pushing carts there was this big debate about who would get to be Santa in the big $5 Polaroid ripoff scam that year. It used to be the manager, but he got transferred because it got out that he was pokin' one of the girls in the blinds and picture frames department. Anyhow, they couldn't let it be the new manager because it was a lady, and nobody liked her anyhow because she was mean. So the higher-ups wanted it still to be someone in management, but all us underlings wanted it to be the fat dude who mixed paint in the hardware department because he would've looked the part, and for 4 hours every day for a week we wouldn't have to hear that goddam machine. So anyhow, they put it to a vote, and Chad the biggest douchebag assistant manager ever won. I think that was crap. They totally rigged it. Anyhow, some kid dropped a deuce on his lap. Seriously. And it wasn't a 2 year old either...the kid was like 10. It fell out of her pant leg onto Chad's foot. Seriously, it was totally awesome. Chad cussed at the kid and got fired. Anyhow, after that there was a bidding war because the picture taker took 3 Polaroids of Chad screaming at the girl with a steamer just sitting on his shoe. That was the merriest Christmas I ever had.

Cool story bro!
 
snidepiper
2009-12-17 02:06:03 PM
What a dick. Sometimes when people call in you have to pull longer shifts.

Work is kinda like that.

That Santa is a douche for not staying and seeing those kids.
 
Angostura
2009-12-17 02:06:56 PM
I'm trying to work up some outrage over this story.....



... and....

... no, I just can't manage it.
 
Saluki222
2009-12-17 02:07:15 PM
bullwinkl: So when I worked at the local discount retailer pushing carts there was this big debate about who would get to be Santa in the big $5 Polaroid ripoff scam that year. It used to be the manager, but he got transferred because it got out that he was pokin' one of the girls in the blinds and picture frames department. Anyhow, they couldn't let it be the new manager because it was a lady, and nobody liked her anyhow because she was mean. So the higher-ups wanted it still to be someone in management, but all us underlings wanted it to be the fat dude who mixed paint in the hardware department because he would've looked the part, and for 4 hours every day for a week we wouldn't have to hear that goddam machine. So anyhow, they put it to a vote, and Chad the biggest douchebag assistant manager ever won. I think that was crap. They totally rigged it. Anyhow, some kid dropped a deuce on his lap. Seriously. And it wasn't a 2 year old either...the kid was like 10. It fell out of her pant leg onto Chad's foot. Seriously, it was totally awesome. Chad cussed at the kid and got fired. Anyhow, after that there was a bidding war because the picture taker took 3 Polaroids of Chad screaming at the girl with a steamer just sitting on his shoe. That was the merriest Christmas I ever had.



hot
 
kaykordeath
2009-12-17 02:08:30 PM
snidepiper: What a dick. Sometimes when people call in you have to pull longer shifts.

Work is kinda like that.

That Santa is a douche for not staying and seeing those kids.

Pretty much this.

Especially when the line has been backed up for over an hour. If you know someone's not making their shift for whatever reason, don't let people get on the line.
 
tinyarena
2009-12-17 02:08:47 PM
bullwinkl: So when I worked at the local discount retailer pushing carts there was this big debate about who would get to be Santa in the big $5 Polaroid ripoff scam that year. It used to be the manager, but he got transferred because it got out that he was pokin' one of the girls in the blinds and picture frames department. Anyhow, they couldn't let it be the new manager because it was a lady, and nobody liked her anyhow because she was mean. So the higher-ups wanted it still to be someone in management, but all us underlings wanted it to be the fat dude who mixed paint in the hardware department because he would've looked the part, and for 4 hours every day for a week we wouldn't have to hear that goddam machine. So anyhow, they put it to a vote, and Chad the biggest douchebag assistant manager ever won. I think that was crap. They totally rigged it. Anyhow, some kid dropped a deuce on his lap. Seriously. And it wasn't a 2 year old either...the kid was like 10. It fell out of her pant leg onto Chad's foot. Seriously, it was totally awesome. Chad cussed at the kid and got fired. Anyhow, after that there was a bidding war because the picture taker took 3 Polaroids of Chad screaming at the girl with a steamer just sitting on his shoe. That was the merriest Christmas I ever had.

Gee, you sure have led a colorful life.
What are you, like 600 years old?
 
MBooda
2009-12-17 02:10:20 PM
Hell, the little bastards will just shoot their eyes out anyway.
csos.movieset.com
 
VvonderJesus
2009-12-17 02:11:27 PM
www.idsnews.com

Should have called this elf for backup.

/hot
 
drongozone
2009-12-17 02:16:38 PM
It's the most wonderful time of the year! Hail Santa, the Deity of Commerce!
 
OSUJillyBean
2009-12-17 02:16:50 PM
Love your story Bullwinkl!

I would be pissed if my kids waited two hours to see Santa and got told "no". If you can't service that many kids, don't line them up!

(Of course I think I'm going to raise mine in a no-santa environment. More kids worry about Santa than family/Jesus/holiday spirit these days. My kid sister's wish list is over a thousand dollars! Ugh!!)
 
snidepiper
2009-12-17 02:17:27 PM
VvonderJesus: Should have called this elf for backup.

/hot

Agreed
 
Skalagrim
2009-12-17 02:18:19 PM
Elf: Boss, some people got pissed when we truned them away after they waited several hours to see santa.

Manager: You did what? This is going to make us look bad. What can we say to fix this situation.

Elf: Just tell them someone called in with swine flu. Who could complain then?
 
kidgenius
2009-12-17 02:18:33 PM
wpmulligan: A tearful grandmother ... Deborah Dooney ... six-year-old granddaughter ...Mrs Dooney, 47, said

47 years-old with a six-year-old grandchild. Stay classy, whatever part of the UK you are in!

Not sure how becoming a grandmother at 41 is unclassy. So she had her kid at 21, and her kid had a kid at around the same age. Unclassy? It's not that hard to imagine. Now, if she was a grandmother at
 
hugheric
2009-12-17 02:19:55 PM
Must be a south pole elf
 
wylkyn
2009-12-17 02:20:28 PM
snidepiper: That Santa is a douche for not staying and seeing those kids.

Wait...what do you mean "that Santa"? How many Santas do you think there are?

Sheesh.
 
kidgenius
2009-12-17 02:20:34 PM
kidgenius: wpmulligan: A tearful grandmother ... Deborah Dooney ... six-year-old granddaughter ...Mrs Dooney, 47, said

47 years-old with a six-year-old grandchild. Stay classy, whatever part of the UK you are in!

Not sure how becoming a grandmother at 41 is unclassy. So she had her kid at 21, and her kid had a kid at around the same age. Unclassy? It's not that hard to imagine. Now, if she was a grandmother at

damn html codes....less than 35, then you can call the family's classiness into question.
 
AbbeySomeone [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 02:21:25 PM
I wonder what David Sedaris would say about this?
Santaland Diaries.
 
alkhemy [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 02:29:58 PM
kidgenius: kidgenius: wpmulligan: A tearful grandmother ... Deborah Dooney ... six-year-old granddaughter ...Mrs Dooney, 47, said

47 years-old with a six-year-old grandchild. Stay classy, whatever part of the UK you are in!

Not sure how becoming a grandmother at 41 is unclassy. So she had her kid at 21, and her kid had a kid at around the same age. Unclassy? It's not that hard to imagine. Now, if she was a grandmother at

damn html codes....less than 35, then you can call the family's classiness into question.

Country singer Loretta Lynn was a grandmother at 26 - she got knocked up at 13 and so did her daughter...
 
snidepiper
2009-12-17 02:31:04 PM
Update-

Hanuka Harry filled in for Santa.

Crisis averted.
 
MBooda
2009-12-17 02:33:52 PM
alkhemy: Country singer Loretta Lynn was a grandmother at 26 - she got knocked up at 13 and so did her daughter...

There are easier ways.
farm3.static.flickr.com
 
blacksho89
2009-12-17 02:34:24 PM
I clicked a couple more links there. A man was sentenced to 4 months in jail for possessing a knife. Not using or brandishing it; the guy "looked suspicious" so the bobbies shook him down.

Another guy was caught on tape fondling women-"molesting" was the term used. He got grounded. Seriously.

WTF are you Brits thinking?
 
Dances-With-Lobster
2009-12-17 02:54:20 PM
This is part of the War on Christmas. Everyone knows no wussy "safety concern" is worth making Christian kids sad.
 
ferretman [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 03:09:58 PM
These seem appropriate....Santa Helpers!!!

i280.photobucket.com
i280.photobucket.com
media1.break.com
media.cellfish.com
www.edmacs.com
 
GreatNOD
2009-12-17 03:11:29 PM
img509.imageshack.us

I just leave this here...

/He was hung from here to here.
 
Danger Mouse
2009-12-17 03:13:29 PM
Why someone would take a child to Satan's grotto is beyond me.
 
ronaprhys
2009-12-17 03:15:13 PM
gootse?
 
gtpooh
2009-12-17 03:16:52 PM
Crazy Bacon Legs: The grandmother was crying because her precious snowflakes couldn't sit on Santa's lap?

How about being concerned for the elf with H1N1? How is his tiny family going to feel?

How about just telling the kids the truth? The only people to blame for the child's suffering are the fail parents who perpetuate this stupid myth and lie for years to keep kids from finding out. And don't give me that "it will destroy their dreams". My kids were never lied to, knew it was a game and enjoyed it immensely anyway.
 
TrekRat
2009-12-17 03:30:03 PM
AbbeySomeone: I wonder what David Sedaris would say about this?
Santaland Diaries.

Ahaha, Blisters!! I came for a Holidays on Ice reference and was surprised to see only one!

We've made it clear to my children that there is no Santa. Fark that shiat, I'm not waiting two hours in line so some old dude can promise my children gifts in exchange for sitting in his lap. Tell me that's not creepy.
 
RubberBabyBuggyBumpers
2009-12-17 03:32:08 PM
us.movies1.yimg.com

Does somebody need a hug?

/hotter than raccoon spit
 
Sybarite [TotalFark]
2009-12-17 03:34:10 PM
ThatGuyGreg: TFA: I've spoken to the manageress of Great Grottos and each family has been offered priority visits

Really?


Seems to be a British peculiarity. Not really any more anachronistic than people in the country who keep using the terms actress and comedienne.
 
TrekRat
2009-12-17 03:35:19 PM
gtpooh:How about just telling the kids the truth? The only people to blame for the child's suffering are the fail parents who perpetuate this stupid myth and lie for years to keep kids from finding out. And don't give me that "it will destroy their dreams". My kids were never lied to, knew it was a game and enjoyed it immensely anyway.

Right?? There was a local thing here where parents could put down all this information on a form so "Santa" could call the child. All this crap- siblings' names, pets' names, behavior the child needs to correct, good things the child does, just an insane lot of crap- just so some old dude can call a kid and spare the parents the trouble of teaching the kid to behave for the sake of being a tolerable human being. But NO, let's have "Santa" call and bribe them. That always works well. That's not even positive reinforcement. It's 100% bribery.
 
ronaprhys
2009-12-17 03:42:42 PM
TrekRat: Right?? There was a local thing here where parents could put down all this information on a form so "Santa" could call the child. All this crap- siblings' names, pets' names, behavior the child needs to correct, good things the child does, just an insane lot of crap- just so some old dude can call a kid and spare the parents the trouble of teaching the kid to behave for the sake of being a tolerable human being. But NO, let's have "Santa" call and bribe them. That always works well. That's not even positive reinforcement. It's 100% bribery.

Whatever, you damn hippy. Kids need to have this reinforced to them at a young age. That way when they learn there's no Santa, the learn to deal with disappointment at an early age. Plus, they learn to not trust anyone. What you and your ilk are doing is nothing more than making them completely unprepared for a world trying to screw them over. Your kids will end up penniless on the streets because of your poor-ass parenting skills, jackhole.

hope you're happy.
 
TrekRat
2009-12-17 03:45:15 PM
ronaprhys:Whatever, you damn hippy. Kids need to have this reinforced to them at a young age. That way when they learn there's no Santa, the learn to deal with disappointment at an early age. Plus, they learn to not trust anyone. What you and your ilk are doing is nothing more than making them completely unprepared for a world trying to screw them over. Your kids will end up penniless on the streets because of your poor-ass parenting skills, jackhole.

hope you're happy.

Well now that you put it that way...
 
Vanetia
2009-12-17 04:09:24 PM
That's nice that they're going to correct the problem by sending the kids and letter and a gift.

Really, it could have easily been avoided by cutting off the line at a certain point and not letting anyone else join it. It's really poor planning to let people keep getting in line (and wait two hours) just so you can tell them "tough titties."
 
RoBByBoy
2009-12-17 04:27:14 PM
What an actual Santa with Swine Flu may look like:

4.bp.blogspot.com
via CrappySanta.com
 
Mr.Hawk
2009-12-17 05:46:31 PM
Was it this guy?


i478.photobucket.com
 
lookouts400
2009-12-17 07:17:26 PM
Bullwinkl, I don't know how much bull was in that story, but it made me enjoy Christmas again. Just so you know, "dropped a deuce" has now entered my everyday language. Christmas will never be the same.

I know it's sad, because I don't like to see children hurt, I have three, but the way the writer of the news story kept referring to the "chief elf" and the assistant elf working so hard and an out sick elf, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop laughing. Then bullwinkl shared his tale of woe, I swear I laughed so hard, I dropped a deuce.
 
electricmayhem
2009-12-17 07:47:00 PM
Elf: *BARF*

tgip.files.wordpress.com
 
Mein Fuhrer I Can Walk
2009-12-17 07:53:08 PM
wpmulligan: A tearful grandmother ... Deborah Dooney ... six-year-old granddaughter ...Mrs Dooney, 47, said

47 years-old with a six-year-old grandchild. Stay classy, whatever part of the UK you are in!

She had a daughter at Twenty who in turn had the granddaughter at Twenty.

What is so scandalous about that?
 
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